Rus | Man is the warmest place to hide.
Argyle Starshine was not the first to take interest in the ways and history of old Equestria. Many scholars throughout the ages tried to compose a clear timeline of what led to the poor state of NewQuestria. These scholars, however, dwindled in number after a tragedy that befell the frontier town of Whinnypeg.
Page generated in 0.159 seconds
Total duration
741 users online
1,348,800 hits today, 2,921,617 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Nice story.
You should pay a bit more attention to grammar though. Your prose is full of things like "exitement" instead of "excitement", a bunch of lowercase I-s, and similar minor mistakes. Individually they're irrelevant, but together it makes the fic seem a bit sloppy.
Aside from that, I like the Lovecraftian atmosphere you've created with the story. The creatures are just vague enough to leave a lot to the imagination, but also unquestionably alien. The hellish symphony concept is eerie too, though I'm not sure if it's intended to reference something from the show or just something you came up with.
As for narrative-related criticism, I have two things:
- I don't really feel like we became any "smarter" by the end of the story. Compared to Lovecraft's works, which all usually have some kind of massive revelation for the protagonist, here we're left kind of in the dark. Okay so the magic has disappeared due to some likely malicious force... and? I feel your story ends at the most interesting moment, but without proper payoff.
- When is this story supposed to happen? I think it was a bit of a mistake to address the letter to Argyle, because he's only a generation older than Sunny, who lives in a clearly technologically advanced city. Stagecoaches and carriages belong in a far more 19th century-esque setting. If I were you, I'd personally drop this one part and the whole issue would resolve itself.
11067959
Thank you for your review! It warms my heart to know that someone gave my story the time of day and reviewed it.
Truth be told, Argyle's purpose was to 'root' the story in G5. In retrospect, it was kind of unneded, since the story takes place a good long while before the G5 Movie.
I'll fix the mistakes asap, thank you once again for the review.
11067959
The concept is something i came up with myself, although it could reference the fact that ponies tend to perform musical numbers and sing songs randomly.
I actually wanted to ask you a question: would a story written in the same 'style' fit in a time after the events of the movie?
11070670
Hahaha, that's brilliant, I love that idea.
Hmm, well, you have a great style and the G5 universe is so malleable currently that I don't think any kind of story is inherently unfitting. However, if you do wish to write a story like this, I hope you have a very good idea about how to approach things.
Readers can accept most everything, but only if it makes sense in-universe. While you can do almost anything with a nameless OC, like in this story, If you, say, wanted to kill off the M5 or make them turn insane from the revelations, you'd need to properly build that up, so that it doesn't feel like a cheap shock.
I'm neither really an authoritative source on anything, nor exactly an accomplished writer, but I did read my fair share of stories, so if you wanna bounce your ideas off from someone before you sit down to write it, feel free to PM me.
11070702
Thank you for answering! I don't enjoy killing off Main characters, it reminds me of stuff like 'Cupcakes' and leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Thanks for the pm offer btw
Ever since reading Background Pony, I can never get enough of fics integrating music/song into the very fabric of the world in some way. Very very underrated fic right here, well done! <3