Cloud Chaser, amid complications romantic and weather-related, tries to protect her vain, airy sister after they join the Ponyville weather team.
Content Note: Dark tag due to brief allusions to long-past injury to a foal and themes. Past alcohol use mentioned a couple of times.
Era: Pre-Season One right before the Elements of Harmony get together. (See an Index of my canon-compliant tales sorted by Season).
An entry in the Imposing Sovereigns III Competition using the prompt: [(Cloud Chaser) / (Determination)]. As required, Cloud Chaser is in a "position of power" over her minor sister, whom she is determined to take care of. To be fair, "Princess" Flitter is also demonstrating determination about improving herself and getting what she wants. 
Rainbow Dash shows determination as a leader, but she's not the focus. 
Image: See the source link on the image. (If the artist is on here (I saw an account that had been last accessed in 2013), I am glad to contact same and/or change this as necessary.)
(couldn't find a short version)
Someone else writing Flitter and Cloud Chaser!? What kind of black magic is this!?
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From the text
"syrupy pancake" Halloweeney black magic.
Very interesting snapshot of a sister-turned-guardian who doesn't know how to stop guarding, even when she's getting in her own way. Cloudchaser could probably have an enlightening conversation with Applejack in a few years.
There are a few polish issues—a few times when you use em dashes in place of commas, for example—but overall, an excellent bit of family drama as the sisters settle into the strange world at surface level. Thank you for it, and best of luck in the judging.
Howdy, hi!
I really liked the dynamic you wrote between Flitter and Cloudchaser in this. It's interesting because it also kind of plays off of their names with how Flitter, flutters about, while Cloudchaser chases after her. Anyways, I like that Flitter has a place where she can feel safe and not like she's a constant screw-up. Just a nice town that doesn't ridicule or belittle her and where she can be independent if she wants to.
I feel for Cloudchaser's struggle in this. She's always been in caregiver mode which means it's hard to recognize when she should step back and focus on herself. The perspective of seemingly always needing to watch for Flitter, to never be "off guard" is difficult. Ic an also see that she struggles to allow Flitter to be independent also for herself as I'm not so certain Cloudchaser knows how to be herself without constantly looking after Flitter.
Awesome read, and thank you for writing it ~!
This one will be tricky to comment for, as I’m highly unfamiliar with Flitter and Cloudchaser in general. I understand only a teensy bit that they are background ponies that work the weather team (That’s afaik. I may be completely wrong about that). Outside of that, I have no idea of their personalities or mannerisms in the show or their portrayal by the fandom. TLDR, I’m out of the loop when it comes to Flitter and Cloudchaser. That being said, I will give this story the benefit of the doubt.
Starting off, I was confused a little by how Flitter acted (the first scene where she was prepping for the job interview). Nothing wrong with it, it is just that an explanation did not come until half-way into the story about Flitter’s condition.. Of course, if that’s common knowledge/portrayal of Flitter, then ignore me.
Characterization is on-point though. This story takes time to introduce the characters, their mannerisms, and what makes them tick. For instance:
I especially like the depth that went into Cloudchaser. Seeing her ‘voluminous mane’ and her eyeliner, I would’ve wrote her off easily as the brashness of Rainbow with a little bit of beauty-conscientiousness of Rarity. That is not the case. Turns out she is ‘by-the-book’ and a hard worker, undoubtedly an effect of taking care of her sister.
The dynamic is carefully thought out too- Setting aside the quibble that the two sisters place Thunderlane on too high a pedestal, it is a bit of a Catch-22 when Flitter takes a liking to him and beats Cloudchaser to the punch. She cannot let her anger and jealousy fully take over her, for she needs to take care of her sister. However, Cloudchaser is acclimated to her sister having everything
handedhoofed down to her while she had to work for it, which is not ideal either.Not to mention the ending either. Good choice to end it on Cloudchaser crying in her room while the resolve goes south. Too often we are used to ‘character cries and other character comes to resolve it’ trope.
Like gasoline over a fire. There’s only so much that Flitter can do, and as mentioned by Cloudchaser, eloquence is not one of them. Worse, Cloudchaser makes that observation first, so any form of resolve goes out the window.
Unrequited love and jealousy aside, there are some moments that I enjoy too:
I think it apparent now that I’m all for the sibling shenanigans. Love how sibling dynamics work!
Also!
I see what you did there.
Overall, very good story! Takes a complicated situation and explains it thoroughly!
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Thank you for reading and for the kind comments!
Indeed!
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I have wondered what readers conclude about Flitter. Her status was intentionally left unclear, but I tried to include some hints. Below are some options--which came through when you read?:
a. Is Flitter autistic (or at least on the spectrum)? (some hints include her facial recognition issues, her avoidance of eye contact, difficulties dealing with Cloudchaser's and Rainbow's emotions, very focused on some things, some other hints that evade me at the moment, etc.) It brings up the larger question of--do the ponies have autism/understand what autism is. (I suspect readers may not have caught on to the subtleties though, which is fine since they were light to leave room for interpretation and the ponies don't really know what's going on.)
b. Was Flitter just a victim of pegasus collisions? (I've seen head collisions used to explain issues for other pegasi, so it is not my favorite explanation here.)
c. Is Flitter just slow?
d. Is Flitter just a spoiled and ditzy "valley girl"? (Admittedly, the short description plays on this.)
e. All of the above.
(Cloudchaser thinks Option B or C is true and the reaction to the collision led to a bit of Option D occurring.)
(The government thinks Option B explains everything.)
(The parents think Option C is the answer and the spoiling led to Option D.)
(The author leaves it up to readers to decide but at the moment thinks it's probably more Option A and the spoiling of D with B being possible but unlikely). Maybe if we see more of Flitter and Cloudchaser in other works, a definitive answer may emerge.
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Thank you also for reading and for the thoughtful comments!
- No worries; no need to know that background. My stories attempt to be sui generis--to stand on their own.
- Correct! They work for the Ponyville weather team. To be fair: the show seemed to portray Cloud Chaser as a bit slow on the uptake and Flitter as a bit careful. Flitter is characterized a bit in the Breezie Migration episode (and speaks a little in Winter Wrap-up), and Cloud Chaser is characterized a bit in the Hurricane Fluttershy episode--Cloud Chaser misses the point. But! Those portrayals are minuscule, so basically anything can probably be done with the characters.
RE: "Resolve it"
They're trapped in a viscous cycle. With luck they will eventually find a way out, but not yet. 
Thank you! I wanted to try for some dark realism. (In some families the situation could be resolved by a talk...that's not the case with these particular two) Cloud Chaser has a real problem and Flitter doesn't really have the experience or ability to help--which (in a darkly comic way) is exactly the opposite of what Cloud Chaser thinks is going on--Cloud Chaser knows that Flitter has problems and Cloud Chaser is frustrated that she's not able to help her sister as much as she'd like (see Flitter's evaluation by Rainbow Dash and how Cloud Chaser keeps getting in her own way).
RE:
Oh Rainbow... we know that turtle poster in your room had subliminal effects... (episode: scootaloo's book report on Rainbow Dash).
huh, this sounds a lot like a certain fimficker i know from Discord! Flitter avatar too, i think, unless it was Cloud Chaser. can't really tell
oh, hey, this is becoming a recurring theme in my SparklingTwilight reading somehow! twice is recurring, right?
haha, loved this bit of main character-itis, and how it would seem to a background pony whose world doesn't revolve around the Mane Six
ha, nice reference!
i really do like the idea of Pinkie being very systematic overall, and serious about things like jurisdictions, so this was fun. Pinkie's definitely a bad example to generalize to all earthponies from, though
haha yeah, i totally got Cherry Berry and Berry Punch confused in a (since-unpublished) fic. too many berry ponies around!
irony, nice
yeah, that scans perfectly
it struck all of them simultaneously?
as delightful as always! especially love the explanation behind "hoarseapples"
haha, knew it!
the one thing that fell short for me was Thunderlane. i know that you said he isn't supposed to be worthy of Cloud Chaser's feelings, but given how well you sold me on her complicated feelings towards her sister, that Thunderlane is a generic blah even in Cloud Chaser's own self-narration was a bit jarring.
but overall, i really loved this take on these twins, and the very interesting and mundanely tragic family dynamic. Cloud Chaser's building resentment of Flitter was only natural, with her thankless sacrifice at every turn to take care of and look after her, extending all the way back to their foalhoods, and getting nothing but wingslaps in return. and little details like
are very oof! that complicated mixture of responsibility and self-sacrifice and jealousy and resentment, and the need to be twice as analytic and observant to make up for the both of them, are all rendered beautifully in this monologue's voice. Cloud Chaser and Flitter just feel so alive and complex here, and the way it ends, with the two sisters silently side-by-side in bed, with no resolution and only a future of more-of-the-same, is just the kind of mundane indie movie ending that i love. thank you for it!
Not yet a motif! To be fair: in this one it was caused by a mistake, in the other, it was inevitable and essentially intentional.
Thank you. When I have some time, I will plan to take another look at him and keep same in mind for future pieces. I did intend Cloud Chaser's attraction to Thunderlane to be a bit juvenile (partially since she's a bit emotionally stunted herself as a result of parent issues and the need to be a mature caregiver for her sister), mostly arising from his looks and coolness rather than some more mature emotional/spiritual/values-based attraction, but I realize even a surface-level romance can benefit from being properly 'sold' to demonstrate the stakes of her competition with Flitter, so I will check again to make sure that came through!
Thank you!
Interesting story. Rainbow Dash is well characterized and likeable enough for her role.
I don't get who is who with the use of Cloud Kicker and Cloud Chaser though. I thought they were the same pony. Maybe I am missing something?
Regardless, even if Thunder Lane does go with Flitter (assuming he's worth a dam) he can take care of her.
If he isn't, then they will cross that bridge when they come to it.
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Cloud Kicker is this one--> here.
Cloud Chaser is this one--> here.
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Alright. Thanks for the clarification!