A what-if story told by a Non-Brony after years of having it rattle loosely in his imagination. The author hopes for the understanding and help of Bronies to help edit and refine this story idea to more cohesively fit canon using the knowledge of those in the fandom who know better than himself. In short, "BRONIES, HELP!" Timing of the story within the show proper and/or comics to be decided later. Preemptive Teen Rating for medieval fantasy violence and pseudo-profanities.
After Twilight Sparkle's ascendancy to alicorn royalty, a study of the census has revealed a curious anomaly: Equestria's population was affected by missing large amount of its male population that traces back a millennia to the Lunar Exile. The only way to explain such a sharp change could only be the disappearance of those who would be eligible for draft to military service in a time of crisis. Baffled by this, Twilight and the rest of the Six Defenders of Harmony discover the existence of a lost tribe of ponies descended from the Equestrian Knights who once defended Equestria from its enemies.
But as they get to know these ponies - whose traditions and methods of defending the realm are quite different from their own - Twilight is faced with the difficult decision of whether modern Equestrian society is ready to welcome them home.
An interesting premise, I mean sure I've seen plenty of stories about the very unbalanced population of Equestria, but it usually is written to be humor, romance, or the occasional thought piece. I don't recall reading one that delves into the idea through a historical lens before.
- Best wishes.
- Amusing flavor concerning Spike's reading materials.
- I read this chapter and added it to my "read it later" list to keep tracking!
I echo the comments made by:
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Also, to answer your requested suggestions:
1. "Roll Call" not "Role Call"
2. Since you brought up the military concerns: RE: ""The missing generation of males in Equestria would've been anyone that qualified to serve if the Princesses called together an army."" (a question for consideration) Why would it would even matter if there are less stallions than mares for military purposes? Wouldn't everypony be drafted regardless of gender? (Maybe it was different 1000 years ago in Equestria, though? But if so, why?) (Since you indicated a desire for help to write close to pony-canon, the below points may be worth reviewing-->)
a. Royal Guards True, the Royal Guards apparently consist primarily of stallions but the show doesn't suggest that the mares can't make an equal showing in combat.
b. Earth Ponies Although certain stallions like Troubleshoes and Big Mac are larger than almost all mares (with the exception of the cake mare [Whoa Nelly?]), keep in mind that the strongest Earth Pony is probably a mare--Maud Pie. As far as I can recall, nothing demonstrates stallions as being better in battle than mares or My Little Pony mares as being inherently weaker in a general sense. Although certain mares like the fainting Flower Ponies are probably weaker than a generic stallion, those particular mares may just happen to be specific examples of below-average military material--the majority of mares likely are better than them.
b. Magic Size and/or gender doesn't matter with respect to unicorn and alicorn magic (although, I know of no stallion alicorns). (Note however: the unicorn-heavy Royal Guard seems to primarily consist of stallions, which is odd). And unicorn magic is pretty darn important.
c. Pegasi Pegasi military, as shown in the episode flashbacks with Flash Magnus, also seems to have no apparent difference, but someone else can probably elaborate on that better.
d. Maybe the point you were making was a focus on that the missing individuals were of 'military age', but then I wonder why only the stallions were targeted (maybe this will be revealed as a secret during the story)?
3. Also, horses and ponies are different, but I suspect you know that and are intentionally going to utilize the distinction.
Think you meant Flash Magnus, since Sentry was EQG was possible love interest for the princess ...
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Correct! (Fixed).
Hum, not sure I get why the gender ratio even matter after a thousand years, the population would have already collapse and recovered long sense then.
You might also look into actual horse barding armor parts names such as Peytrall, Shaffron, Crimet, Crupper. For strategy keep in mind that all ponies would count as cavalry(if that is not obvious enough) and that speed is always their strength. I wouldn't be surprised that ponies be able to modernize their military very quickly if need much, their equipment and battle doctrines. The pegasus are probably the most dangerous of all the three major tribes, especially the weather ponies. While Ponies like Starswirl and Twilight are very powerful they are still exceptionally rare and can't do large scale damage. That makes Weather ponies so dangerous, is that every pegasus can work together in large teams be in multiple places at once (no matter the flight skill level) to landbound adversaries is that they can turn the weather against the enemy both directly(tornado, hurricanes, thunder strikes ), but also indirectly(floods, droughts) where they can hit the enemy nations infrastructure food production and infrastructure and can easily leverage other nations in offering both aid and pain with their own food production so they would have incentive to help the ponies. if anything Equestria has probably maintained deals for centuries to foster good relations with the other nations to get them to trust and grow dependent on pony aid in their crops.
Earth pony strength is their industrious nature, they work hard and are extremely resilient (that is truth in reality, they can work all day and outlast the ridder where they would normally need several horses to get the same work done).
For what he have scene and read the Everyfree Forest(right in the hearth land of Equestria) is where most of the wild magic dangers can be found and was until season 4(thanks Discord) extremely dangerous to travel through and was still constantly growing. I would bet that most guard did their tours of services patrolling around it, and trying to limit it's spreading.
Hope this helps a little and if you are looking to commission a cover art send me a PM my way, here is a demonstration of a speedpainting video of my work.
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I agree here.
The following are some thought's as I read the description and that you want advice and how to make your story great. The short answer is consistence and having the character's action's stick in my opinion. Though every rule can be broken.
Further, you can still have the story about the clash of cultures and method's but, it read's weird with what is almost certainly a symbol for everyone
Princess Celestia is mare?
Equallly so is Luna...
They have both been portrayed as large and stout so...and if your aiming for hero male type culture thing. There is simple solution to writing female or anything you don't understand. Listen to people and how they act and talk? Hopes and dreams? Then lastly under this assumpation the easiest answer is just write any character as a well written character.
I.e hopes, dream's, aim's to reach. Maybe say Bitter Brindle likes pies and crushing skull's over enemy's?
Or, (because that is a little cliche)
Maybe they all have interpersonal problem's that may or may manifest in battle?
Also...and this is actually kind of a deal, this not about Twilight or even the mane six. What I am about to say is that Celestia and...Luna should have more then just two word's to say about these ponies. And actual feeling's that actually linger in the story...Because let's be real here...their was draft? Yes?
Consider that contray to popular belief every decision that Celestia and Luna makes (if this is even on them...regardless...) does not lead to happy happy ponyland? So, you could and in my opinion should add in a heavy influence of Celestia and Luna because it makes sense. After all who wouldnt feel disquit after having long dead choices stay with you?
Finally, I wonder what it would feel like if these same war horses still stayed 'true' to Celestia and Luna all these year's and...I wonder what rejection would bring?
A final word for the author for extra drama. Imagine a story if you will that play's with ramification's of nightmare moon that is not just to be sweeped aside (forgiven cough element's cough has power but, should she? Cough)
Now, think about that Luna want's to be forgiven. Loved even but, think of what happen's when she sees ponies like her, lost and out of time, imagine when she has what she alway's wanted. A tribe who love her? But, is it enough? What is more valuble the cultural more and norm's of the now equastria or old equastria...and this is for Luna...
Because imagine the conflict of having to dissapoint your sister after she forgave you but, for something you actually want and do not have to fight for...connection and understanding.
Then, imagine the cruel thing's a sister loving her sister would say to her younger and so easily swayed sister wanted....to...take away all her hard work. Perhap's even the hint of such a thing would be cause for anger...hmm.
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While I cannot speak for the author, I have a couple of ideas in regards to your listed points.
1) I've read numerous stories that suggest that the Royal Guard is either under a uniformity enchantment, or there's several different divisions based on tribe, gender, or other factors.
2) I was talking to an artist I follow a week or so ago and she was saying in her mind that AJ for all that she's stronger than your average gal is still going to be inherently weaker than Big Macintosh due to gender. and that ponies are as a whole stronger than your average human. Even the baby cake twins could leave a really nasty bruise if they decided to kick out at you or I.
3) In some of the more romantically inclined stories I've read due to the imbalanced population there's certain mindsets that have developed in Equestria about relationships. A mare can be interested in another mare, a stallion can have multiple mare-friends, poly- relationships in general are not as frowned upon as in our society. But strict monogamy or stallion to stallion relationships are at best curiosities to be tolerated/humored. At worst, if you're accused of being a colt-cuddler or other such terms, you either change your deviant ways or you leave town.
4) And finally, in a couple of stories, the gender divide is flipped. So Mares are the business owners, the leaders, the athletes, etc. Stallions are, at best, aides, teachers, librarians, nurses. At the worst, their very existence is to be sperm banks and nothing more, slaves to the capricious whims of their female overlords.
I'm writing a story similar to this where during the early part of Equestria history 3 tribes of earth ponies unicorns and Pegasus's united together and abandoned the three tribes to freeze to death to the windgos. And became a medieval like kingdoms on another landmass.
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- I agree; so have I. I didn't want to write an overlong response to the author (and it's not canon), so I left it out, but I agree that your mentioning it here may be useful for the author!
1. This may be true, and based on the mechanics of size it seems likely, but:
2. I'm not sure it has been demonstrated on the show that Big Mac necessarily can do more than Applejack. (Someone who is really into the show lore may be able to cite a quotation or scene in proof of or disproving).
2a. I would not be surprised, though, if Big Mac can do more than non-heroic farming mares who are the size of Applejack.
3. How many stallions have we seen that are as big as Big Mac? It seems like he may be a bit above-average and maybe even an anomaly. (For the author, maybe the lost legion were all as large as Big Mac or Troubleshoes?)
4. Once again, though, unicorn magic probably moreso decides battles than earth pony strength. That said, maybe the author could demonstrate some vital importance of earth pony strength to battle--maybe as another poster (Mix-up) suggests, play up how the unicorns have very limited magical reserves--that would be an interesting development!
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Good point about the pegasi!
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Thank you!
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I would say the Earth pony, with their industrious nature, aside from their attunement to nature and the earth are not to be be stuffed at either and could probably easily match unicorns in terms of power in very large numbers, especially in coordinating logistics, siege works, combat engineering, they can probably build static defenses fortification in record time, working non-stop for days on end if necessary; if they have time to prepare they can get a good siege work ready, the major factor is probably time and intelligence for them. Also, with their phenomenal stamina they can actually do respectable gorilla warfare in forests or very hazardous easy to hide environment and managed to wear down unicorn pure unicorn troops through attrition.
The major flaw with unicorns or combat mages is that they they need to be trained a lot in magic to become proficient warmages, which takes years to train properly with a lot of mental discipline to wheel it, and most of them probably can't hope to match the Sparkle's like Twilight Sparkle and Shining Armor and most of them are probably recruited directly from CSfGU, with Starlight being a rare exception to the rule sense. Most Battle mages are probably elite troops that can use their magic effectively in teams and individually, as mavericks, and are a very rare breed of elite troops that could probably bash any Pegasus or Earth Pony individually or in small groups. For other unicorn guards I would say they wouldn't very impressive on their own and all the armies have tricks to distract their magic focus. I could get that they can be used at sort of batteries for elite battle mages to draw magic for very large spells like illusions, magic shields and blasts, but you would just need to hit the Battle mage to make them a lot less effective. Unicorn could be useful for infiltration behind enemy lines or spying or magical traps depending on their training.
And for all of this we haven't even covered all the dirty tricks they could use
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If my memory serves me...The artist and I were having a friendly debate along the lines regarding how Twilight Sparkle was in one or two episodes shown to be OP to the point where she was able to do an entire task force's worth of hard day's farmwork in a few minutes. I vaguely recall saying something about how Twilight and AJ are both something of outliers in terms of their abilities where your average unicorns and earth ponies are concerned. She counterpointed by bringing up the thing about how in recent years there's been some argument about where trans athletes are supposed to go. In her argument, AJ might not be a fainting daisy, but she'd still be somewhat weaker than Big Mac on account of simple biology.
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Thank you all for your consideration for this virtual pilgrim in a strange new land. I didn't expect a welcome anywhere near this warm or helpful. In fact, I've been spending free time over the last few days taking into consideration all that you've suggested and pointed out, and I believe I have a much stronger idea of where this is going. Whether you continue to give canon guidance or not, know that I really appreciate this and welcome more constructive critique for the later chapters.
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You are welcome. I am interested to see what you come up with!
At the risk of too much complexity, one more thought just occurred. You may want to look into the episode that introduced Rockhoof and his membership in the Mighty Helm. He's one of the Pillars of Equestria from 1000 years ago and at the end of Season 7, he and the other Pillars arrive in modern-day Equestria.
https://mlp.fandom.com/wiki/Rockhoof
https://mlp.fandom.com/wiki/Campfire_Tales (His introduction)
Flash Magnus, who we mentioned earlier, is a stallion pegasus member of the Royal Legion of Cloudsdale from about one thousand years ago:
https://mlp.fandom.com/wiki/Flash_Magnus
Still, more buildup, not much substantial, but these dreams seems to be reaching important ponies, or at least magical ones. I wonder how these warhosres avoided tribalism between the three major tribes of ponies in their group or at least avoided letting their friendly rivalry turn very sour. I wonder if less savory ponies to the Manes Six would also be called in this, Like Chancellor Neighsay, Lightning Dust Wind, Wind Rider, Prince Blueblood, could be asked to join in to help even if they might just in the end ruin what this is supposed to be a call to arms. I wonder what was their old views on other creatures like Griffins and Minotaur, Zebras, donkeys, Kirins, Changelings, Phypogriff dragons and other such creatures seeing that they were pretty much would probably be doing warmongering or find them to only be hostile all the time, that could spell a lot of trouble and could be for a an interesting dynamic with the Mane Six trying curtail their hostilities against them, and getting them to understand it isn't was it used to be anymore.
A question you may have already considered and be planning to answer in the story: Is this 1000-year-gone pony tribe going to have a problem with Luna? It is fine either way, but their attitude may wildly differ if they disappeared before or after Luna was banished while Nightmare Moon controlled her. E.g. if their society developed for thousands of years planning contingencies to confront a Luna possessed by an entity that wanted to bathe the world in eternal darkness. (Obviously, Equestria got over that fear relatively quickly (arguably by mid-season 2 of the show, though Luna had confidence issues at least through the Tantabus episode), but who's to say these ponies would have accepted Luna's change so easily). Given that Luna's return happened after a thousand years, it seems that these ponies would have disappeared after Luna went away?
You got that characterization and point spot on.