Act 1: The Advent of Chaos
Act 1: The Advent of Chaos
Cheerilee poked her head through the curtain to where her class was putting the finishing touches on their costumes. The entire area was awash in the glue of last minute fixes and sounds of last nerves being frayed.
“Is everypony ready?”
Apple Bloom scurried up to her, breathing like she had just finished first in the Running of the Leaves.
“The Discord costume ain’t workin’!” she gasped. “His head won't stay on. Can we have like ten more minutes?”
“That should be fine. Everypony is still getting to their seats anyway.”
Apple Bloom sighed in relief and returned to her attempt at gluing Discord's head back on.
Cheerilee quickly surveyed the goings on. To her delight, for once there didn't seem to be any ponies suffering from nervous breakdowns. Well, not yet at least, and that was good enough for her. She ducked out of the curtain and turned to see Twilight coming down the aisle. She smiled widely as she greeted the unicorn. “I'm so glad you could make it!”
“Oh, I'm happy to be here.” Twilight answered. “When I heard that you were putting on a play I couldn't wait to see how it turned out. A few of your students even stopped by the library to ask me about what happened. I gave them a fully annotated bibliography of the history of Equestria to ensure complete historical accuracy. ”
“It's good to hear that you helped them out.” Cheerilee forced herself to chuckle. “I am quite proud of how much effort they've put into this, although I do believe they've taken a few liberties. You know, due to technical limitations. I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.”
“I'm sure I will,” Twilight said with a smile. "I have complete confidence in your abilities as a teacher."
"That's... good to hear." Cheerilee said. "Well, we're about to get started, so why don't you take a seat? I saved you and your friends some places up at the front.” She pointed a hoof at a cordoned-off area directly in front of the stage. “Seeing as the play is based on you.”
“Thank you.” Twilight trotted past the teacher towards the reserved seats.
Cheerilee turned back to see a few more familiar faces heading her direction.
“Rarity! Applejack! You made it!”
“Course I made it!” Applejack answered. “No way was I gonna miss my little sister. She's been talkin' about this here play all week.”
“I know just how you feel.” Rarity said. “Sweetie Belle has talked about nothing but this production ever since it was announced. She's actually going to be portraying me, so of course I had to show up.”
"Yeah, Apple Bloom's been tellin' me all about that. I can't wait to see it." Applejack smirked.
"Well, if anypony is going to be playing me, of course it would have to be her." Rarity flicked her mane, which was even more delicately coiffed than usual. "Isn't that right, Cheerilee?"
"Actually, the class did all of the casting themselves," Cheerilee answered. "I must say I think they made some rather...intriguing decisions when they distributed the roles, but really, that's the charm of these student productions."
"Well, that would certainly explain why Apple Bloom didn't end up playin' me." Applejack tapped her chin with a hoof. "It's kinda weird though. Wonder who she ended up bein'."
“You'll just have to watch the show to find out!" Cheerilee waggled a hoof excitedly. "I'm sure you'll enjoy it. They're all very— EAAHH!” She scurried out of the way as Rainbow Dash dropped out of the air next to her. The blue pony threw a foreleg around Cheerilee's haunches.
“This play is going to be sweet!” She gave Cheerilee an emphatic shake. “I can't wait to see myself kick Discord's behind!”
"Uh, Rainbow Dash..." Applejack jabbed the pegasus in the side. "You didn't kick Discord's anythin'. Why would they put that in the play?"
"Because it would be awesome, duh." She rolled her eyes. "They're a bunch of kids. You let kids write a story, and they're just gonna make it cool. And how would they make the story any cooler by having us beat the hay out of Discord?"
"Ugh, so gauche." Rarity wrinkled her nose. "Where is your sense of subtlety?"
"You mean my sense of 'boringness'?" Rainbow Dash snorted. "Whatever. I'm gonna go make sure I get a good spot. Gotta have a good view."
A moment later she was gone, buzzing towards her seat.
"Well, I guess we should head over there too," Applejack said. "C'mon, Rarity."
"We'll see you after the show, Cheerilee," Rarity said. "Tell Sweetie Belle that I wish her the best of luck."
"Of course." Cheerilee nodded.
“Um... where should I sit?” said a quiet voice. Cheerilee turned around to see Fluttershy standing behind her.
“Right up there next to Twilight! Glad you could make it! Oh, wait...” She tapped on Fluttershy's flank.. “Do you know if Pinkie Pie was planning on coming? I would hate for her to miss this.”
“She's already over there,” Fluttershy said, pointing towards the saved section of seats, where Twilight was trying and failing to keep Pinkie Pie from bouncing around on the stage.
“Oh, so she is,” Cheerilee said, only briefly confused by the fact that Pinkie had gotten past her. "Would you be so kind as to let her know that I greatly appreciate all of the props that she loaned us?"
"Okay." Fluttershy nodded. "I'll be sure to tell her."
"And can you also tell her to please stay off the stage during the performance? We can't have her trying to join the show like she did last time."
Fluttershy nodded in understanding and ambled towards the stage.
"Enjoy the show!" Cheerilee called after her.
She surveyed the seating area. Nine out of ten seats were filled; staggeringly good attendance for such a production. Now was as good a time as any to get started. They were technically already about ten minutes late, but it was a student show after all; the audience expected it to begin a bit late and had arrived accordingly. If the play had started on time, half of them would have missed the opening. She scurried back to the edge of the stage and once again poked her head into the wings. “Is everypony ready?”
“Not really.” Scootaloo turned away from the costume she was battling for just long enough to answer. “We still can't get Discord's head to stay on! Truffle Shuffle is trying to tie it together, but—”
“Well, you're going to have to figure something out, because we're starting in five minutes! Good luck! Break a leg! Not literally, of course.”
“Why did you ask if we're ready if the answer doesn't matter?”
It was too late. Cheerilee was already on the stage, quieting down the crowd and giving the introduction. Scootaloo groaned. Ready or not, the show was going to go on.
“. . . So without further ado, I present 'The Tale of Discord's Downfall'!” Cheerilee bowed ducked off the stage. As soon as she was out of sight, Truffle Shuffle ambled out, a sign reading “Act 1” draped across his flank. He paused briefly at the middle of the stage before shuffling the rest of the way across.
There were a few minutes of silence, and then the curtain slowly began to open, revealing Diamond Tiara standing in the middle of the stage. A pair of crude cardboard wings were taped to her back and she wore a rather massive rainbow colored afro wig. She took a deep breath and cleared her throat in an unnecessarily loud manner before beginning to speak.
“My, what wondrous weather we are having today! In Ponyville, which is where I am!” She waved a hoof at the backdrop, a large bedsheet with a crude facsimile of the Town Hall drawn on it in what appeared to be crayon. Satisfied that the audience understood the setting, she struck a pose. “And it's all thanks to me! Because I'm awesome!” She threw her head back and looked straight at the ceiling. “Oh no, there seems to be a—”
She was cut off as what appeared to be a blue sheet wrapped around half a dozen pillows dropped from the rafters straight onto her head. A small voice, belonging to Truffle Shuffle, echoed from offstage.
“Sorry.”
The small squeak of a rusty pulley filled the auditorium as the loose length of rope trailing from the top of the bag began to draw taut, lifting it a few inches off the ground. Diamond Tiara shook her head and readjusted the wig, which had been knocked askew. The pink pony shot a dirty glare into the side of the stage, and then at several members of the audience who were chuckling audibly. She took a few steps back and thrust a hoof in the bag's direction.
“Oh no, there seems to be a cloud made of cotton candy! I sure hope it doesn't rain or anything...” There were a few seconds of thick silence before she loudly cleared her throat. There was a hurried rustling behind the curtain. Luckily enough for Diamond Tiara, she was still looking up when a bucketful of mud dropped from the ceiling directly above her. She scurried out of the way just quickly enough to avoid most of the splatter of wet dirt. She glared into the rafters before turning back to the audience.
“Oh no! It's raining chocolate milk! I have to do something about this!” She turned around and gave the “cloud” a hefty kick. It swung a few lazy feet before drifting back into position. “Oh no! I can't get rid of it on my own! I hope my—”
“I reckon I could help, Rainbow Dath!”
Twist galloped onto the stage. Most of her head was hidden by an enormous sombrero, and a large coil of rope was draped across her back.
“—friends arrive soon to help me.” Diamond Tiara mumbled the rest of her line. “Applejack, how are you going to help me with the cloud? You can't fly.”
“I'm going to latho the cloud, thugarcube!” Twist declared as she snatched the coil of rope off of her back. With a twist of the neck, she hurled the rope at the cloud. The rope missed the cloud by a wide margin and landed on the floor with a flop. “It didn't work! We need to get more help! Maybe Twilight could do thomething! Oh look, there she ith!”
Dinky Doo emerged from offstage, her entire body spattered unevenly with purple paint.
“I'm going to use my magic to make the cloud go away!” she declared as she thrust her horn in the direction of the cloud. “Hrrrrrggggg....” The tip of her horn glowed slightly as she strained to move the cloud. Twist watched her futile efforts patiently; Diamond Tiara, not so patiently. After a long minute of watching the unicorn fail to affect the prop in any way, Diamond Tiara cleared her throat as loudly as she could manage. Dinky ceased her attempts at magic and headbutted the cloud, which swung lazily back and forth. “My spell didn't work!”
“Oh no, whatever will we do?” Diamond Tiara said.
“Maybe if our other friendth get here, we can get rid of it. I hope they get here thoon!”
“HERE I AM!”
Scootaloo charged onto the stage, going about four times faster than necessary. There was a tremendous crash as she barreled into the other ponies on the stage, knocking them into the edge of the set. There was another tremendous crash as the sole piece of scenery, a crudely painted chunk of wood that was shaped sort of like the apple tree it was supposed to represent, fell on top of her. Cheerilee poked her head out of the side stage with a concerned look on her face. The concern turned to relief as Scootaloo extricated herself from underneath the fake tree and tried to nonchalantly shove it back into position.
“Oh, Fluttershy! I'm so glad you could make it!” Dinky continued on happily, totally ignoring the fact that part of the set had been destroyed and now lay in tatters. “Could you call your animal friends and have them eat the cloud!?”
“Okay!” Scootaloo gave the tree a final shove. It began to tip over in the other direction, falling against the backdrop, where it leaned awkwardly. She spun around and shouted at the top of her tiny lungs, “Hey Angel, get out here and eat this thing!”
An enormous stuffed rabbit, roughly Scootaloo's size, was tossed out from backstage, landing under the cloud with a dull plop. Scootaloo zipped over to the toy, ducked behind it and gave it a shake.
“Sure thing, Fluttershy!” she squeaked in a helium-esque voice. She shoved the rabbit into the cloud and began to make eating sounds. “Oh no, Angel!” she said, normally this time. “It looks like there's too much for you! You'll need some help to eat it all!” She sat and waited expectantly for something to happen. For a long half-minute, nothing did. Then Diamond Tiara sighed loudly, trotted to the side of the stage an yelled into the offstage darkness.
"She said 'You'll need some help to eat it all!'”
“Ah'm coming. Ah'm coming!” The muffled voice bore a distinct accent. Then Apple Bloom bounded onto the stage. Like Diamond Tiara, she wore a large afro wig, this one pink and topped off with an umbrella hat. Her tail was held upright by a clump of a dozen helium balloons. As soon as she landed on stage she jumped up again, bouncing across the stage. Her third hop landed in the puddle of “chocolate milk”. She skidded forward, slamming into the precariously balanced tree. It fell, landing squarely on the cloud, slamming it into the stage. The other fillies stared at the wreckage. Out of all of them, only Dinky remained unphased.
“Good thinking, Pinkie Pie!” Dinky cried. Diamond Tiara's eye started to twitch. That wasn't in the script. She cleared her throat and did her best to get things back on track.
“Yeah, I totally knocked that cloud right out of the sky! Because that's what I do!” She poked weakly at the lump.
“Yay, the cloud is gone!” The ensemble gave a suspiciously coordinated cheer.
The stage went silent once again as the cast members glanced around the stage, wordlessly asking each other who had the next line. Then a shared expression of horror spread across their faces as the realized that the line wasn't being said because the speaker wasn't on the stage. This time, Apple Bloom took the prerogative.
“I wonder what Rarity would think about all this!”
Before she finished speaking, Sweetie Belle rushed out, her mane and tail dyed a deep violet and styled in enormous curls. As a matter of fact, the enormous plastic curlers were still wrapped within the hair. She cleared her throat and answered in an excessively deep and loud voice, practically shouting into the audience.
“Why, I think we ought to INFORM the great and powerful PRINCESS CELESTIA!!!”
“That thounds like a great idea!” Twist said, right on cue.
“Then let us go to Canterlot!” Dinky declared loudly. “Let's go!”
The cast attempted to vacate the stage only to find themselves crashing into each other as they headed in opposite directions. After a few seconds of struggling, five of the fillies made their way off the right side of the stage. The sixth, Apple Bloom, made a valiant attempt to follow, only to be stymied by the balloons on her tail, which were tangled in the rope that supported the cotton candy cloud.
“Uh, a little help please?”
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle rushed out of the wings and began to tug on her forelegs, slowly dragging both Apple Bloom and the cloud forward. Offstage, Diamond Tiara put a hoof to her forehead. She turned to Truffle Shuffle, who stood beside the mass of ropes and pulleys that controlled the mechanical parts of the stage.
“Close the curtain!” She hissed. "I'm getting stupider just by watching this."
“Okay.” He nodded and yanked on one of the ropes. The curtain swept across the stage just as Scootaloo and Apple Bloom gave their final tug. Mere seconds after they were hidden from view, a massive crash echoed through the theater. Murmurs of concern rippled through the audience. Truffle Shuffle trotted briskly onto the stage, bearing a sign reading “End of Act 1”. After holding it up for a few moments, he flipped it over. Words had been hastily scribbled onto the back of it in crayon.
“Due to technical difficulties, Act 2 will be delayed. Please take this opportunity to visit the concession stand."
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I gave you a thumb for the rush quote alone. Will read later however.
Glad to see this up! It was great to help out, even though there wasn't much to help with
Hope this gets some well-deserved attention. I'd elaborate further, but you already know how I feel aboutthe story.
Oh... Oh this going to be painful. So, very, painful.
I can't wait for more...
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Spike_lolface.png Want read moar!
Oh, nice bit with the Rush quote! Excellent. Can't wait 'til you get some more of this up. It certainly was a pleasure to read.
1241571>>1239988 So would you guys consider this EQD worthy, or do I need to tweak it some more?
1241756
Hard to say. I can't really comment...I've not sent anything to them, and doubt I would get accepted if I did. I guess it's like anything...it doesn't hurt to try, eh? I know I would certainly show this off myself (which I have been, heh, you're welcome) if it were my piece, so I say go for it. At worst, they say no, you get a strike and (hopefully) some good feedback that you can thus use to improve it even more.
1241793 Thanks.
I guess I'll send it sometime today. Hopefully it'll turn out well.
1241806
Good luck! I know I hope to get something up there myself, eventually.
1241756
I am not the person to ask, as I would deem all stories unworthy of EqD simply because I don't like the audience EqD brings along. Too many of them are either the type who ONLY read EqD fic or the type who think the only fic in existence is FO: E.
That said, I'm unsure what they would say of this, but I think the only thing that might keep it from getting approved is the pacing.
1242507 1241826
Well, I'll send it in and see what they say. I know the audience demographics can be a bit annoying (I have to admit I'm no fan of FO:E either; I tend to dislike Dark Fic on general principal), but I figure it's a good way to get it out there so anyone who enjoys it can find it. Also that way I get more hits.
But yeah, I'm not a huge fan of their process (Another story I sent in had only grammatical corrections on the first strike, then after the second one they mentioned a whole bunch of pacing issues that hadn't even been on the radar during the first swing
). It seems a bit too heavily based on personal preference. That said, this one is pretty much not meant for anything but entertainment, so maybe it has a chance. We'll see.
1243058
Exactly my point. I don't write to please a particular crowd so I don't want to edit a story to please whatever needs a particular few have (that said I have submitted to them once and received a good mix of encouraging and retarded feedback...)
1243058 1243080
I'll admit it's nowhere near perfect--and as you both mention, their different pre-readers vary in how they work and what they look for far too much. Sometimes they're excellent and incredibly fair, and sometimes their heavy handed or too brisk in their notes. Still though, that's just how it goes.
And, well...it's what we have to represent a place of incredibly high standards. *shrug* It's just the way it is, and part of me is glad we have a place like EqD side by side with FiMFiction itself. Like it or hate it, it's a goal to shoot for for many of us.
1243195 Yeah, there's no way of really having an ideal filtering system. If you try to actively filter out bad stuff, you run the risk of those standards being too subjective. On the other hand if you have no filter, you'll get a ton of crap. So you're right, It's good to have both EQD and Fimfiction.
All righty.
I wouldn't say great, but it is nice. I can't think of much to comment.
I wonder what the mane six thought of it.
and… and… uhhhhhhhhh 
that will work.
Probably something along the lines of
All right! So glad that you're doing this again. So far, this trainwreck is beautiful!
WRITE MORE! I really want to see Snails as Princess Celestia!
