Wrong Ways to Fantasize: Cadance Tries To Plan Her Daughter's Life

by Mockingbirb

Unpowered Flight

"Mom, you know how sometimes a colt and a filly can do things together that can get them in a lot of trouble?"

Cadance wasn't really paying attention. "Yes, dear?"

"Well, it turned out that colt wasn't really an alicorn at all. He'd just glued fake wings to his back to try to impress me."

Cadance blinked at her daughter. "How did you find out, dear?"

"I told him, hey, let's go to the palace and play a game that my mom and my pop used to play together. If it wasn't for this game, I never would have even had a chance to be born!"

"Dear, I think you might have given him the wrong--"

"So I led him into the palace, and up the stairs to the balcony, and I grabbed him and picked him up and threw him off the balcony. Just like dad used to do with you."

"Dear, I think...WAIT. Wasn't a DIFFERENT fantasy the one where you were a super-wrestler? How did you--"

"Aw, Mom! You know a true alicorn has earth pony strength."

Cadance frowned. "I guess that's true. But about this colt! How is he? Is he alive? Is he in the hospital? Should we send him flowers?"

Flurry Heart explained, "Mom, you know if colts get away with LYING to try to...YOU KNOW WHAT with me, we'll never hear the end of it. The Crystal Empire will be wall-to-wall scrubs. Haven't you ever met Fluttershy's brother, Zephyr Breeze?"

"I've never MET him. I've heard stories."

"Do you want the entire Crystal Empire to be six ponies deep in stallions just like him, waiting in line to try out their stupid lines on ME?"

"Ah. So, you don't want to send flowers, or a get well card, to this unfortunate colt?"

"I took pictures of him in his stupid fake alicorn wings. Both before, when he was so handsome, AND after he'd crashed and broken his stupid face. Let's make lots of prints, and give them to the newspapers. I want everypony in the world to know what happens if you--"

"Doesn't that seem a little harsh? What will ponies think? Will colts be afraid to ask you out on a date even if they're telling the truth?"

"Also, mom, I think I'm a lesbian."

Cadance sighed. "Well, if we want a real dynasty, with grandfoals, I guess Shining and I can try again..."

An elderly pony in old-fashioned clothes wandered into the room. "I can't stand for this!" he said. "Alicorns are immortal, and they eat a lot, and you are trying to fill the Crystal Empire with wall-to-wall useless royals--"

Shining's voice came from somewhere. "Cadance! Cadance!"

"What is it, Chancellor Puddinghead?" Cadance's eyes opened. She must have fallen asleep at the breakfast table again, but now she was awake.

"It's time to go to the meeting with Parliament. Also, PLEASE don't call any of the MPs 'Chancellor Puddinghead' again, when you're there."

Cadance smiled serenely. "I wouldn't dream of it."

Comments

[Eroraf86]

... What the muffins just happened?

[kaiser0kolovos]

I mean the MP does have a point, no use bringing in a bunch of useless nobles. Ponies like Fancy Pants and Fleur-de-lis seem to be an exception rather than the rule.

I feel like this Flurry Heart has been spending a lot of time with grandauntie Luna.

[Changeling404]

"Cadance's dreams are 'expecially' big and bold."???

Lol, just thought I'd say something, in case you didn't do that on purpose.

[Mockingbirb]

10791297
Ok, I just fixed the typo in the story's "Long Description." Thanks!

[Mockingbirb]

10791297

"Cadance's dreams are 'expecially' big and bold."???

I guess she's expecially expert at fantasizing about spelling errors?: twilightsmile:

[Changeling404]

10791512
I'd imagine some could be done on purpose, expecially for comedic effect or reference...
maybe even to mock something...
Isn't that right, Mockingbirb?