Cherry at the Bottom

Feech

Feech #1 · Mar 17th, 2021 · 3 · ·

'"Never be friends with someone you wouldn't want to die with."'

Translated from: "Yak never friends with someone yak not want to die with."

I don't know why I always read sad Berry Punch alcoholism stories.

I was going to quibble over Berry being annoyed at bar patrons opening up to her; it's a major part of the job. But then she said she'd only been working there three months. Maybe she hasn't realized it's part and parcel of bartending. It's sad to think she seems to feel lack of friends is her main problem, but people being friendly irritates her and she shuts them out.

I know this isn't your first rodeo, so I tend to imagine you might be receptive to tiny nitpicks on grammar. Therefore, I mention this from early on, which slowed me up as I tried to understand what was happening when and to whom:
"Berry Punch had done the same thing on her birthday, over a decade ago now. The bartender poured her a whiskey coke on the house."

Normally I would say that going from "had done" to past tense in the next sentence would be fine, but in this case I still wasn't clear on who was doing what, so I had to keep reading and then go back to understand it. "The bartender had poured..." would have fixed that.

Thanks for sharing.

Bicyclette

Bicyclette #2 · Mar 17th, 2021 · 3 · ·

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Berry Punch had done the same thing on her birthday, over a decade ago now.

Neat, she is as old as me now, an extremely old person.

She couldn't remember a single thing about the bartender who served her on that fateful day so long ago.

Something neat about the anonymous circularity, here.

It only took Berry Punch fifteen seconds to put everything in the glass and start stirring. She sliced a bit of orange peel, rimmed the glass, and plopped it in the drink.

I do kinda want to see her do this with just hooves.

At least she had the common sense to keep her big mouth shut, she thought as she made another Old Fashioned.

Oof, definitely been in those situations! It's just so easy to misread a situation and project, and such a relief to narrowly avoid saying something really awkward based on that.

A cute little piece about our favorite alcoholic. One thing that strikes me, though, is that it is very independent of being set in Equestria. It could be, say, an EqG story with a word replace from mare to woman, pony to human, etc.

Decaf

Decaf #3 · Mar 17th, 2021 · 1 · ·

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10725894
Thanks for the feedback. I have added a word to the sentence. I'm happy to hear you enjoyed the story!

Decaf

Decaf #4 · Mar 17th, 2021 · 1 · ·

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10725900

One thing that strikes me, though, is that it is very independent of being set in Equestria. It could be, say, an EqG story with a word replace from mare to woman, pony to human, etc.

Yeah, I had a similar thought. It's a pet peeve of mine when fanfiction doesn't use the characters or setting of the world it's based on.

I sat on this one for a while, and ultimately decided to publish it despite this issue, even though I might be a bit of a hypocrite here. I wanted to post a story about my favorite background pony. I know that linking a work of fiction to a fandom through a background character is dubious at best, and I don't consider this to be an excuse. It's a fair criticism, and I don't hold it against anyone who has an issue with the story because of it.

Thanks for the comment. I'm happy to hear from you.

applejackofalltrades

applejackofalltrades #5 · Mar 17th, 2021 · 1 · ·

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Damn. Great job. This one hurt in a more subtle way. Ouchie, poor Berry

Not Enough Coffee

Not Enough Coffee #6 · Mar 17th, 2021 · 3 · ·

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The whiskey didn't make her okay with it. It just made her not care, which was the best she could hope for.

Good couple lines.

Once, she'd heard a yak say, "Never be friends with someone you wouldn't want to die with." A strange way of putting it, considering Berry had never met another pony she would be content to die with. Given the choice, she would much rather die alone.

I relate to this one, broski. I find it difficult to connect with anyone, and don't see myself really being that close with anyone genuinely. I just don't empathise that way.

Overall it's a somber tale told simply and effectively. You earned my upvote quite easily. I should read your other stories, as I think I'll find enjoyment with them as well.

hyreia

hyreia #7 · Mar 17th, 2021 · 2 · ·

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A perfect little melancholic slice of life starring my favorite alcoholic horse!
I liked Berry's characterization: thoughtful, but distant; an alcoholic but functional
Lots of good lines others have already quoted. I thought Berry's drink choices were excellent. I like the title's meaning.
We need more good, short stories like this: Interesting setup, interesting pay off, thoughtfulness throughout.
I'm definitely following you for more of these short stories.

Daedalus Aegle