• Member Since 11th Mar, 2018
  • offline last seen Apr 23rd, 2023

Whirl Hoof


The fire in you feeds on your imagination. Become an inferno.

T
Source

Rainbow Dash has something she needs to ask Twilight. Something personal.

CW: Discussion of death, mortality and the end of the self. Doesn't include any actual death in-story.

(My first returning fic is featured? Thank you guys so much!)

(Art by MirroredSea.)

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 19 )

I think you covered the subject way better in this story, than I did in my own.

Very interesting take on...pondering about the end of life (for a moment I though they were gonna talk about the death of someone hehe)

Glad you are back on this crazy site hehehehe

Good story, though I usually avoid these subjects for the same reason RD had for the visit.

That being said, due to the topics of death and mentions of self harm, I recommend adding those tags and changing the rating to T as per site regulations.

10840524

I figured keeping discussion of it very vague would maybe keep it E, but I'll take your advice.

"It's, well... I was thinking about Equestria, Terra, you, me, our friends... everything, really."

The asnwer is 42. :trollestia:

"Well, the first one is easy, at least for me. it's true that in the face of reality, Terra doesn't mean much. But does that matter?"
"Huh?"
"I mean, does it matter that the universe doesn't care? Because I care.

:heart:
Nice little story, good work.

10841043

Thank you! I'm glad a 2-year inexperience got good reception.

I'm worried about what'll happen to me.

Fair warning: proceed with caution, personal existential opinion ahead. And as Twilight said, as all others, I have no factual knowledge whatsoever; I'm merely taking my best guess on the matter (which is, to put it crudely, a bunch of nonsense, tbh).

To "answer" this question, I take inspiration from the time before we were born. Like, it's the the only time we "experienced" not existing, you know? While I still think the best answer still is no answer, it is interesting to wonder about it. And whenever you wonder about nonexistence, you eventually reach the subject of what "true nothingness" means, implies and is like, and how come that we could have been nothing — just "pure" nothing — then became something, especially something self-aware. Then the next question follows: how come we "became" aware as the person we are now, and not, let's say, John from across the street, or any other individual.

But I digress, and I apologize for the slight slippery slope.

So, uh... yeah. Maybe when we die we return to that exact state we had "been" in before we were born. And maybe, mayyybe every time the universe resets, we become aware as someone else (some weird form of reincarnation this is, lol) — waiting for it wouldn't be a problem (during nonexistence) because time doesn't (shouldn't) apply then, as we didn't feel those 13 billion years pass before we were born for instance.

I guess all my ramblings still come down to a non-answer, eh? Perhaps the better way to deal with this kind of questions is not through seeking definite answers, but relish in the mystery this whole existence is and giving your own personal meaning to this enigma.

Umm....

I can give a hug if you want to :twilightsheepish:.

10841049

That entire comment is roughly what my mind was like when writing this. :rainbowlaugh:

10841054
:rainbowlaugh:

I feel you, buddy; quite the ride this whole existential thinking and pondering is. And—

*Gasp* :pinkiegasp:

How come I have forgotten to tell you I liked this story really much?

Welp, better late than never.

Thank you for writing this insightful and intriguing story. I can't help but say I enjoyed it greatly.:twilightsmile:

i don't believe twilight on discord not knowing what happens when you die.

10841332
I believe she believes that. But yeah, I doubt Discord doesn't know something on that.

"Yeah. And that doesn't bother you? Knowing that, in the end, none of our adventures matter? Stopping Nightmare Moon and the Legion and Sombra, or building the School of Friendship, or discovering that mirror world, or even us all meeting each other... it doesn't scare you, knowing that even if it'd never happened, everything else would be the same?" Rainbow fluttered her wings, casting her gaze down at the floor. "That space doesn't care about life, and we could be snuffed out without any real problems?"

Nope! I'm insignificant. so are you. you don't matter, I don't matter; the people reading this don't matter...


Go on with your life. I know I do! :pinkiecrazy:

This story depressed me. Do so many really believe that nothing matters? That all the great works that we have done, all the great minds of philosophy and science don't matter? nihilism will hunt on generation more then any other.

Star (previous poster) brings up a good point (though i won't quote him/her to spare feelings. The rest of you? You're reading comments; if you're internet literate you should know better if your feelings are so easily damaged. Way back when it was taught in school.)


At what point does "accepting mortality" become "nihilism"? Do people really need to think they are immortal to be able to just get up? Do people truly need to lie to themselves that what they do will matter for all enternity? People have called this story depressing... why? Teen? Dark? Why would this story even need such tags?

To me mortality is a universal truth; we are going to die. Our vary thoughts, ideas and concepts we leave for the next generations will die. Even our planet will die. Our sun is burning hydro and when it starts running out it'll get bigger (counter intuitive i know, but science says so) and will swallow the earth. That info? Will likely not ever matter. The scientist might be so happy that he discovered something that humanity might never need to know as its billions or trillions years from now; humanity might not live another century. I'm glad he can live.



Yet it disturbs me that something so universal as mortality would cause people to just stop trying to live. If we are truly so fragile then i guess animals truly are superior to us in all but intelligence.

And why does Twilight immediately assume that Dash wanted to kill herself? If i walked into a pony building and told them "you are going to grow old and die" would they just start slitting their throats en mass? Are they truly that weak? Does life have no value?

which brings one last question; if something doesn't matter is it worthless? I think not, but what do i know...

How uncanny that this is one of the first stories to show up to me as I come to this place.

Back in 2018, I was going through some pretty heavy emotional experiences. One night, I had a sudden flash of a thought: I could die at any moment and no one would know. This feeling haunted me through the week and resulted in an anxiety crisis, which is when I searched for a professional therapist, who's been treating me since then.

In other words, I went almost exactly what Rainbow went through here--and possibly similar to what the author themselves went through, judging by the author's notes. Except, of course, I didn't have a Twilight Sparkle to talk to in person. I had some online friends whom I talked to (perhaps incessantly for the following days), and it took many months for me to heal up my psyche, and understand that this crisis was also tied up to several bottled up feelings and memories. The thought of mortality was just the final block that sent the whole Jenga tower into collapse.

I shared all this to contextualise my opinion: this story is not depressing, it's not nihilistic. Far from that. The thoughts shared by Twilight are very much a Secular Humanist (or Ponyist?) stance on life and death, and they're the closest thing to a fully rational approach to seeing life as a meaningful thing before the Universe's indifference. The message is the opposite of "nothing matters", and if you get that impression, give the story a considerate second reading. It's not pessimistic.

I thought some elements in the story were a wee bit, teensy-weensy heavy-handed, like the jokes with Rainbow's affective preference and Twilight's fury at being awaken. The way Twilight reacted to the "potential self-harm" was a bit out of left field, but, all things considered, it's better to err one the side of caution on such matters. But ultimately, I would think MLP fanfic wasn't quite the best vehicle for discussing existential dread, but the story did a good job with it. It was clearly written with a lot of heart in it, and it does feel like the author is speaking from a personal place. This isn't just a string of sterile truisms and banal catchphrases.

It's a good, heartfelt story. Some of the humour didn't quite land for me, but it didn't distract either. I'm glad I read it (and the fact that it didn't send me into an anxiety crisis means my mental health is pretty balanced after all!).

10842538

This is exactly the sort of comment I was hoping to see. Thank you for being so detailed and earnest with it.

I agree the "jokes" are likely overblown and forced; I have a bad habit of trying to hard with humor that isn't very clever. But I did feel some levity was necessary to establish this as a worry of a person with emotions, not some clinical essay on the "true" meaning of life or that sort.

And it was written from personal experience, even as I was in the middle of writing it, though not to the extent you've experienced. I do find it funny that this was one of the first fics you saw, considering its limited tags and attention, but I'm glad you could relate to and understand it as more than the depressive angstfest I worried it would be.

Again, thank you for commenting with something genuine and seeing the point of the story more closely to what I intended. It's nice to see someone really getting to the meat of what I wrote.

these are the kind of stories that helped me process these thoughts, having nobody to turn to at a young age, and I'm so glad to see one now
this was a nice reflection on that. thanks for the horse-words:fluttershysad:

Login or register to comment