The doors of Canterlot Palace domiciles are, on average, three hoof-widths thick. When one is required to be made, they are fashioned exclusively from old-growth heart pine, reinforced with iron bands along the hinge plate, gilded, treated with strengthening spells, and hung on anywhere from ten to fourteen separate hinges. The frames are similarly sturdy, with three distinct hardened steel strike plates, a magically welded seamless door stop, and, for strategically important doors such as those on the royal bedrooms, a set of twenty-six dead bolts on the perimeter of the door, such as might be found on a bank vault. They are, in a word, robust.
The fact, then, that a size twenty-four gold-shod hoof had just blown through the lock was a decent indication that someone important was at least a little bit angry.
“YOU SENT HIM WHERE?” The Royal Canterlot Voice was a tool. Sometimes it was the bishop’s crook, which inspired reverence and awe from all present. Sometimes, it was the parliamentarian’s gavel, which guided and admonished an unruly house of law. Right now, it was a cannon filled with grape shot.
A blue lump stirred from underneath a set of moon-speckled covers, followed by a completely incomprehensible guttural utterance as the second half of Equestria’s diarchy retreated underneath a pillow. Her efforts were entirely in vain, however, as a white hoof snatched the blankets from the bed and launched them across the room, leaving Luna exposed to the furious glare of her sister with naught but a stuffed batpony for company. Had it been in any other circumstance, it would have been sickeningly cute.
“ANSWER ME LUNA. WHERE. DID. YOU – ”
The groans of her sister had become slightly more comprehensible, coalescing into something resembling the word “what.”
“ – SEND. THE. GRIFFON. AMBASSADOR.”
Finally, at least three of Luna’s neurons had begun to fire, and she eventually comprehended at least some of what her sister was asking. “The Griffon?”
“YES.” A wall mirror shattered.
“Whither was he sent?”
“YES.” A painting fell off the wall.
“Ah. No reason for concern, dear sister. Our honored guest, as he was quite famished, asked for the whereabouts of our palace butchery. As we have no such facility, we offered the use of one of the Royal Forests for his usage in order to secure a fresh kill.”
“SISTER.”
“Yes ‘Tia?”
“WE –” A crack had begun to spread worryingly down a wall. Celestia wasn’t particularly concerned about the structural integrity of the palace, but plasterers were expensive, and the royal treasury had seemingly sprung a leak as of late. “ – We do not have any more Royal Forests. We haven’t had any in 800 years.”
Luna’s eyes flashed with glee. “Ah, but dear sister, we have managed to locate one final such property in our demesne!” With a powerful flap of her wings, Luna threw herself out of bed, making the conversation at least a little bit more respectable, even if one side of Luna’s mane was more than a little stuck to the side of her face. “Whilst it initially seemed that thou had indeed removed every one of the game Forests from the property of the crown, thou seemeth to have forgotten our most valuable property of all, the glorious rolling plains that did surround our former capital!”
Ah, yes, there was that particular plot of land. Truly, the sisters had kept the finest game lands for themselves, and, for a moment, Celestia was swept back in time, back to the glorious rolling plains and groves that the sisters had painstakingly wrought from the raw forest, back to the thrill of a hunt. Celestia hadn’t thought of her wilder days in some time, and, in retrospect, it really was an exceedingly pleasant set of memories, a set which was almost enough to distract her from the current situation at hand.
Almost.
“Luna, are you talking about the crown property around the Castle of the Two Sisters?”
“Correct, sister.”
“Luna, that’s the Everfree Forest. We haven’t sold it because we can’t.”
Luna only now remembered that the ruined castle surrounded by lethal woods she had awoken in after the Nightmare’s confrontation with the Elements was, in fact, that castle. In her defense, she had been rather indisposed at the time.
“Ah. We see the issue sister. ‘Tis most unwise to descend into such unregulated wilderness without considerable preparations.”
“Quite. Now, when does the ambassador leave? I’m sure he’ll be disappointed by the news that we have no such game land available, but I’m sure he will understand the circumstances.”
“Oh, the Ambassador has already left, sister. We believe he would have arrived in Ponyville a few hours ago.”
Celestia decided in that instant that plasterers were an acceptable expense.
“WHAT.”
Luna shrank slightly from the volume of close range Royal Canterlot Voice, but it wasn’t enough to break her stride. “Oh! But worry not sister! We sent him to rendezvous with our appointed Gamekeeper!”
“HE’S WHER – wait, what? You sent him to whom?”
“The Gamekeeper of the Royal Lands. Surely thou must know thine own warden? ‘Twas a highly prestigious position in our days, though we must admit that, judging on the state of the royal lands, it would seem the warden is not doing an exemplary job.”
“Luna, we don’t have any wardens either.”
Luna scoffed. “Dost thou take us as somepony who would do no research, sister?”
“Yes,” Celestia deadpanned.
“Then thou must be sorely mistaken. We did find not ten hours ago that one of our subjects was indeed in service to the crown as a warden, and by the personal appointment of nopony less than thine own recently ennobled pupil. Surely, this pony must be a figure of considerable repute.”
“Ah, Luna, where did you see this appointment?”
“In the ‘Official Record of Crown Lands and Gamekeepers Therein,’ sister, as is correct. Shall I summon it such that we may inspect it together?”
“No need, I know the one.” With a cacophonous “FWOOM,” a truly enormous tome fell onto the table. Celestia flipped the book over and opened the back cover, exposing the final page.
Luna pointed with a hoof. “See sister, right below Masters Watchful Eyes of Trottingham and Quiet Steps of Oxhoof? Thy student’s appointment is there. Truthfully, we have been craving the thrill of a hunt, and would really quite like to speak to– ”
Celestia could only look on in abject horror.
“– this Mistress Flutter…Shy…of Ponyville. Oh.”
The sisters locked eyes.
“Shit.”
Oh dear, Twilight did a silly.
I mean, I've always assumed that was part of Fluttershy's job. You didn't think she just acted as Ponyville's backup veterinarian, did you? Ecosystem management is as important as weather control for the average Equestrian village.
Of course, that doesn't usually include catering for carnivorous ambassadors. This probably won't end well...
(Also, seeing Forest capitalized means my brain keeps trying to switch gears and figure out what Luna plans on doing with all that green mana. )
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Like any good greenie player, she's playing nothing but 4/4s for 4 and BEAR PUNCH, obviously.
Let's see where this goes.
Sleepy Luna is perfect.
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One does not manage the Evergreen. One leaves it alone and beats it back with a stick when gets too close to your stuff.
That said, I always figured fluttershy's gig would be less manager and more diplomat. Talk to the hydra and say "yes the one pony looks tasty but if you eat it there will be 100 more with pointy sticks".
Bring the camera in close. I want to see the expression on Fluttershy's face when she realizes exactly what the Griffon ambassador wants.
...this should be good...
Although to be fair to Flutter Butter, she's used to dealing with carnivores. Let's see how she deals with a sentient one.
HAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahha..... oh this gonna be GOOD. I love it. moar plox.
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Though it does usually involve thinning out overpopulated species, vermin control, and the extermination of invasive species. And there-in lies the problem... also, I doubt Fluttershy knows how to gralloch properly.
Nitpick: you have "thine" in several places where it should be "thy." "Thy" is equivalent to "your," while "thine" is equivalent to "yours." Thus, "thy student," but "the student is thine."
10685737 Your advice is appreciated; my brain no worky good. I'll make some adjustments when I publish the next chapter.
Twilight, Princess of Friendship and Nepotism.
Oh this is gonna be fun! The fun part will ge if Fluttershy actually even knows she has a second job.
10685883 Well, she did make all of her friends the teachers of the Friendship School... despite none of them having the foggiest idea what they were doing.
Nepotism is the best! We know ALL about that in NJ! It's why 1/4 of the population works for the state in some capacity and we're $100 billion in debt!
You know...this is Flutter-"nature is so fascinating"-shy we're talking about here. It could end with her ending up traumatized for life by the experience...or it could end with that ambassador walking away with a full belly, a few more kills draped over the back for the trip home, and in awe and respect of Fluttershy's exceeding skills as game warden.
Either option should be very amusing to see play out. I'm in.
The duties of a “Royal game warden” varies a LOT depending on the culture, era and area.
So is no one questioning why twilight is embezzling from the royal treasury?
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Just consider it creative employment strategies.
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In before Fluttershy has a “Twilight moment” and asks the ambassador all kinds of uncomfortable and/or exceedingly technical questions about what it’s like to be a predator.
I am reminded of Flash Fog, where Flutters becomes a 'fog specialist' after taking a class. And uses the certification as relief.
and then a super fog hits ponyville and they need said specialist.
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At least she legitimately had the certification in question in that one, despite being worried of the contrary.
aww i still say it’s sickeningly cute!
i mean who else would you pick if trying to find the best pony to appoint as Gamekeeper of the Royal Lands? idk what the Princesses are so worried about! Twilight made the best choice as always
and yes, Rarity would be less good of a fit, though imagine the story!