//------------------------------// // Prologue: Well, I Mean, Could Be Worse. Could Be Rarity. // Story: Fluttershy, Royal Game Warden (?) // by JimmySlimmy //------------------------------// The doors of Canterlot Palace domiciles are, on average, three hoof-widths thick. When one is required to be made, they are fashioned exclusively from old-growth heart pine, reinforced with iron bands along the hinge plate, gilded, treated with strengthening spells, and hung on anywhere from ten to fourteen separate hinges. The frames are similarly sturdy, with three distinct hardened steel strike plates, a magically welded seamless door stop, and, for strategically important doors such as those on the royal bedrooms, a set of twenty-six dead bolts on the perimeter of the door, such as might be found on a bank vault. They are, in a word, robust. The fact, then, that a size twenty-four gold-shod hoof had just blown through the lock was a decent indication that someone important was at least a little bit angry. “YOU SENT HIM WHERE?” The Royal Canterlot Voice was a tool. Sometimes it was the bishop’s crook, which inspired reverence and awe from all present. Sometimes, it was the parliamentarian’s gavel, which guided and admonished an unruly house of law. Right now, it was a cannon filled with grape shot. A blue lump stirred from underneath a set of moon-speckled covers, followed by a completely incomprehensible guttural utterance as the second half of Equestria’s diarchy retreated underneath a pillow. Her efforts were entirely in vain, however, as a white hoof snatched the blankets from the bed and launched them across the room, leaving Luna exposed to the furious glare of her sister with naught but a stuffed batpony for company. Had it been in any other circumstance, it would have been sickeningly cute. “ANSWER ME LUNA. WHERE. DID. YOU – ” The groans of her sister had become slightly more comprehensible, coalescing into something resembling the word “what.” “ – SEND. THE. GRIFFON. AMBASSADOR.” Finally, at least three of Luna’s neurons had begun to fire, and she eventually comprehended at least some of what her sister was asking. “The Griffon?” “YES.” A wall mirror shattered. “Whither was he sent?” “YES.” A painting fell off the wall. “Ah. No reason for concern, dear sister. Our honored guest, as he was quite famished, asked for the whereabouts of our palace butchery. As we have no such facility, we offered the use of one of the Royal Forests for his usage in order to secure a fresh kill.” “SISTER.” “Yes ‘Tia?” “WE –” A crack had begun to spread worryingly down a wall. Celestia wasn’t particularly concerned about the structural integrity of the palace, but plasterers were expensive, and the royal treasury had seemingly sprung a leak as of late. “ – We do not have any more Royal Forests. We haven’t had any in 800 years.” Luna’s eyes flashed with glee. “Ah, but dear sister, we have managed to locate one final such property in our demesne!” With a powerful flap of her wings, Luna threw herself out of bed, making the conversation at least a little bit more respectable, even if one side of Luna’s mane was more than a little stuck to the side of her face. “Whilst it initially seemed that thou had indeed removed every one of the game Forests from the property of the crown, thou seemeth to have forgotten our most valuable property of all, the glorious rolling plains that did surround our former capital!” Ah, yes, there was that particular plot of land. Truly, the sisters had kept the finest game lands for themselves, and, for a moment, Celestia was swept back in time, back to the glorious rolling plains and groves that the sisters had painstakingly wrought from the raw forest, back to the thrill of a hunt. Celestia hadn’t thought of her wilder days in some time, and, in retrospect, it really was an exceedingly pleasant set of memories, a set which was almost enough to distract her from the current situation at hand. Almost. “Luna, are you talking about the crown property around the Castle of the Two Sisters?” “Correct, sister.” “Luna, that’s the Everfree Forest. We haven’t sold it because we can’t.” Luna only now remembered that the ruined castle surrounded by lethal woods she had awoken in after the Nightmare’s confrontation with the Elements was, in fact, that castle. In her defense, she had been rather indisposed at the time. “Ah. We see the issue sister. ‘Tis most unwise to descend into such unregulated wilderness without considerable preparations.” “Quite. Now, when does the ambassador leave? I’m sure he’ll be disappointed by the news that we have no such game land available, but I’m sure he will understand the circumstances.” “Oh, the Ambassador has already left, sister. We believe he would have arrived in Ponyville a few hours ago.” Celestia decided in that instant that plasterers were an acceptable expense. “WHAT.” Luna shrank slightly from the volume of close range Royal Canterlot Voice, but it wasn’t enough to break her stride. “Oh! But worry not sister! We sent him to rendezvous with our appointed Gamekeeper!” “HE’S WHER – wait, what? You sent him to whom?” “The Gamekeeper of the Royal Lands. Surely thou must know thine own warden? ‘Twas a highly prestigious position in our days, though we must admit that, judging on the state of the royal lands, it would seem the warden is not doing an exemplary job.” “Luna, we don’t have any wardens either.” Luna scoffed. “Dost thou take us as somepony who would do no research, sister?” “Yes,” Celestia deadpanned. “Then thou must be sorely mistaken. We did find not ten hours ago that one of our subjects was indeed in service to the crown as a warden, and by the personal appointment of nopony less than thine own recently ennobled pupil. Surely, this pony must be a figure of considerable repute.” “Ah, Luna, where did you see this appointment?” “In the ‘Official Record of Crown Lands and Gamekeepers Therein,’ sister, as is correct. Shall I summon it such that we may inspect it together?” “No need, I know the one.” With a cacophonous “FWOOM,” a truly enormous tome fell onto the table. Celestia flipped the book over and opened the back cover, exposing the final page. Luna pointed with a hoof. “See sister, right below Masters Watchful Eyes of Trottingham and Quiet Steps of Oxhoof? Thy student’s appointment is there. Truthfully, we have been craving the thrill of a hunt, and would really quite like to speak to– ” Celestia could only look on in abject horror. “– this Mistress Flutter…Shy…of Ponyville. Oh.” The sisters locked eyes. “Shit.”