Been writing since high school. It's rare for a fandom to inspire fiction in me, and MLP:FiM has done so. So, here I am.
Twilight Sparkle is dying. Nopony can seem to find exactly what's wrong with her and not even the princesses have a cure. She grows weaker by the day and all of her friends are desperate for a cure. So desperate, that one will go to any length to save her.
Contains Twidash.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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While it was an interesting idea, you pulled it off poorly. Celestia and Luna way too out of chacter- "huh, now both my faithful student and her mare friend- who is also an element of harmony- are going to die. I think I'll leave now, good luck." Celestia would have no doubt stayed with Twilight, and I would wager that her parents and Shining Armour would be there too. The story felt rushed, but it has so much potential; I recommend that you go back and make it longer.
No hate mail from me. This was a short, yet touching story
thumbs up
1206154
Maybe one of these days when I don't break down in tears trying to type it out...
1206173 Fair enough, I cried when Spitfire died in "The Night that Never Ended."
1206209
I really would like to make this longer, but emotionally I couldn't handle it. I meant for this to be like 5-7k words, but I couldn't do it. I just... couldn't. Too many feels.
I would have considered this more tragic than sad, but I didn't really feel the emotional impact that it should have had.
Very very interesting idea. I liked it a lot
But it needed to be executed better!
Agh! I wanted to like this story so bad! Such promise!
But the ending was rushed
Your Princesses are slightly out of character. I suggest you specifically look at Luna and get her down.
I really wanted to like this! Ergh!
Rewrite pweez.
Well, if you ever do feel up to it without getting bowled over by too many feels, you really might want to think about extending it. It's a great concept: Luna needing to transform into Nightmare Moon for just a minute to work a spell, and then the Nightmare takes control for just long enough to reverse the spell, making its result tragic rather than happy. The ending reminded me of one of those twisted fairy-tales I read as a kid where the naive protagonist meddles in things they shouldn't, and find themselves meeting an unfortunate fate.
Unfortunately, I didn't feel the desired feels because the narrative felt so rushed and bare-bones. But properly given time to breathe, this story could be amazing. So just give it some thought.
1206418>>1206429
If I can ever overcome the feels, I'll definitely rewrite this. I've just been really emotional lately for some reason, and ponyfic makes me cry really easy.
mark it as a tragedy if somepony dies
Aw! How sweet.