I've done it! I can extract other people's power! Cadence, my aunt, lied to me. She has it. She's gifted with this power as well. However, when I asked, she lied. I used my power on her and found out. She's all good and will have no recollection as to how she lost her power. It's interesting; I can extract other's power and merge it with my own. Unfortunately, I can't keep two different kinds of power together for very long. I will keep doing more research and find its' limit. For the time being, I'll be looking at others who are gifted with such power. Actually, why don't we those who are gifted with such ability the [Gifted] and the powers, I shall call them [Carisma]
---Twilight Sparkle's Journal
"So, I am not possessed?" Rarity asks.
"For the love of..." Applejack rolls her eyes: "No, Rarity, you are not possessed."
"Actually, you are blessed with a special ability!" Rainbow Dash says: "Think about it! You can accomplish what others can't!"
"Speaking of which," Sunset adds: "I think this 'Stand Power' is somehow related with Equestrian magic. Just think about it. I tried to contact Twilight, but she hasn't replied yet."
"You mean through that journal?" Applejack says: "Honestly, I don't see how this could affect our lives."
"I hope so," Sunset says: "Maybe stands and magic is the same thing, but in different forms."
"You overthink!" Rainbow pets Sunset's back: "We are awesome, that's all that matters."
"I don't feel the same way," Fluttershy mumbles: "I am the only one who can't control it."
"You are overthinking!" Rainbow puts an arm over Fluttershy's shoulder: "I'll protect you!"
"Well..." Sunset says: "It's more complicated than you think."
"I don't get it," Applejack says: "Celestia said that Fluttershy can't control her's. But Isn't she still a stand user? Why can't she see our stands?"
"Um, Rainbow?" Sunset points towards Fluttershy's shadow: "You might want to look out."
"Doesn't matter," Rainbow says after looking at Fluttershy's almost monstrous shadow: "Fluttershy won't hurt me."
"By the way, where's Pinkie?" Rarity asks: "I haven't seen her for a while."
"I thought she's using the bathroom?" Rarity says: "Perhaps I should check on her."
"She'll be fine," Sunset checks her phone: "Pinkie just texted me, saying she's temporarily trapped in your workshop. She's gonna be here soon."
"When is that music showcase thing?" Rainbow asks: "We can make it extra awesome using our powers!"
"In a week," Rarity answers: "I have made some costume for you girls."
"Actually," Sunset says: "I don't think it would be a good idea to let others know about it. They already hate me, and with all of those going on, they would think that I've brought some kind of curse upon you guys and..."
"Cut it off!" Rainbow shouts: "No one would dare to do that to you as long as I am here!"
"Rainbow's right," Applejack adds: "We are sticking together no matter what. If one of us is cursed, then the rest would share it."
"Like a cursed squad!" Pinkie shouts under the bed.
"Pinkie!" Rarity says: "What are you doing there? I thought you are in the bathroom!"
"It's a bit of a long story," Pinkie answers, moving her body outside: "After using the bathroom, I suddenly found out that the door leads to your garden, and the gate in the garden leads to..."
"So you are having trouble controlling your stand?" Sunset asks.
"Pretty much," Pinkie shrugs.
"Pinkie Pie!" Rarity says: "You need to clean yourself! Look at all those dust!"
"But I don't have my towel, and..."
"Here!" Rarity shoves a pile of clothing into Pinkie's arms, pushing her out of the room: "You are not coming back until you clean yourself!"
"Well, that was that," Rainbow says as Rarity and Pinkie go down the stairs: "So, Sunset, what's your plan?"
"What plan?" Sunset asks.
"You know, would you mind joining us? On the music showcase?" Applejack says: "Being part of our team and all?"
"Even after what I did to you guys?" Sunset looks away: "I...don't deserve it."
"Oh, Sunset," Fluttershy says: "Don't be silly. We forgive you for everything."
"Yeah!" Rainbow follows: "Besides, we are kind of on the same boat now, wouldn't you say?"
"Exactly!" Applejack says: "So, what's your decision? Sugar cube?"
"I...am so honored." Sunset slowly turns her head around, looking at Applejack, Rainbow, and Fluttershy while holding back her tears: "Thank you, girls. It means a lot."
"Sunset?" Fluttershy says: "Your journal is glowing."
"Oh, it must be Twilight!" Sunset opens the journal: "Let me see...hm, that's interesting."
"What is it?" Rainbow asks.
"So apparently, stand powers are not unheard of," Sunset says while carefully reading Twilight's message: "So according to Twilight, spirits protecting its' master are called [Potentia] in some documents, and they can only be summoned by specific individuals. Those spirits each have a special ability and will do anything the owner asks. Owners of those spirits are called [Potens], and they don't have to a unicorn. Most importantly, potens can earn their ability by absorbing a great amount of magic energy."
"So, stands are created when an individual absorbs enough magic?" Rainbow asks: "Am I right?"
"Kind of," Sunset says: "They are not created. According to Twilight, the potens gain the ability to summon those spirits after absorbing magical energies. The spirits are not created; they are summoned. However, that doesn't explain why the majority of potens are not unicorns. That's actually part of the reason why they survived in the great war against the Kingdom of Unicorn..."
"Ok, I get it!" Rainbow cuts Sunset off: "What does that have to do with us?"
"I am not sure," Sunset closes the journal: "I really hope it ends here."
So, I decided to give this a shot and... honestly, so far I'm disappointed. I'm 5 chapters in and I still don't know what any of the stands look like, several events seem to have been completely glossed over, and if not for author's notes and the story description I wouldn't even know the stands' names. 90% of the story is dialogue with little to no description of actions, emotions, expressions, or any other descriptor. That makes this read more like a bad play than a story, just two or more people talking to each other with no inflection, no body language, nothing.
Try adding more descriptions. Lets take the last sentence for an example:
This does nothing to show how Sunset feels about the situation. There's no action to her other than closing the book, which, in combination with "I am" feeling overly formal and disassociated, she feels more like a robot, a scientist writing a paper, or a victim in a state of shock.
I would use "I'm", which is more casual and natural in conversation for most people, especially among friends or in emotional situations. I would also add an emotional action or two, to help paint her feelings more clearly.
This is what I would've wrote:
This shows more emotion and action. The sigh simply seems like (imo) a natural response to such a situation, it's what I would do in any case. The frown helps show uncertainty and worry without outright stating it. Just a few changes can make that line, and many others, feel more natural.
Biggest bit of feedback: I've actually done writing like this in the past. The writing as it is now is good for a first pass, when you're writing to get all the major points on the paper, but this doesn't make a story. What I did was read through the chapter again and again, adding details to or clarifying things paragraph by paragraph each time. In one pass I'd add more description, another I'd rearrange a sentence to read better, heck, I might even add a whole other paragraph when I realize the reader might not know what something is and should know. I suggest you give that method a try. I'll slow down updates, sure, but it should increase quality quite a bit.
Also, a grammar/syntax gripe: Use a comma instead of a colon when closing text that interrupts a quote if the text in question pertains to the speaker.
I'll keep reading, to see if it gets better as you gain experience writing, I simply wished to give my feedback before I do something else for the day. Keep writing, you're bound to get better!
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Thank you for the suggestion! Things are a bit now but I will try to improve my writing a bit in the future chapters. Also, I apologize for not describing how the stands look. I honestly need to spend more time on that and other details.