Equestria has frozen over, and the ponies are forced to live in underground facilities. Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy are the last of the elements of harmony. The prison like home has driven all ponies to be bitter to one another, and now there is no friendship among others. What lies beyond the Facility of Ponyville, and what has changed on the surface? The last element bearers set out to find answers.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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That catastrophe from this fanfic kinda reminds me one from a polish book, "Ice" , written by Andrew Dukay.
In this book, world freezees too, which is caused by "Februaries" (I don't know how to translate it to english), strange creatures, which freezees everything in one touch. "Februaries" "woke up" because of Tunguska meteor hit. I recomend it to you, because idea is similar, and you may catch up some ideas from it.
What's for fanfic... good, looks promising. I'll add it to "read later", and we'll see how will it develop.
While your grammar isn't horrible, I still see quite a few errors.
First of all, no two characters should ever speak in the same paragraph. If one character needs to start talking and someone else has already spoken in that paragraph, you need to start a new one first, even if that means having paragraphs that are only one sentence long. That's the most predominant error in this story.
The first sentence doesn't make much sense. It's like you started one sentence, but finished a completely different one. The other two sentences are redundant, as the information in them is all contained in the first one. At least, it would be if that sentence was organized properly.
"Crest fallen" is just one word, "crestfallen".
Most other errors are simply punctuation errors, such as "Mayors" instead of "Mayor's".
I think I'll watch it for now and see how it goes before I decide whether it's worth actually keeping on my watch list for good. Also, please get rid of that %&*$ing spambot's comment.
Well, here's the thing. I don't normally make excuses for making foul errors, but this time i feel like i need to, This was written a lot of different times, morning, noon, or even late at night on different days. So far, nothing grammatical is consistent because i felt at different lengths of energy and awareness at those times. Plus when i finished this last night, i had to go to sleep because of school, i was extremely tired for writing three stories for four hours, and i seriously could not focus my brain to edit all my mistakes, such as speaking two different characters in one paragraph. So yeah, next time i get a chapter done, i'll hold off until i am mentally able to edit and read my work in full. And nine favorites already? Damn, that's better than my first story.
Ok, so I found several mistakes. Here they are.
A few times you used the wrong to.
“Rainbow Dash chimed in from the doorway, making the too ponies in the room turn their heads. “ You want “two,” as in the number 2.
“Twilight felt a pang of hurt from her friend’s question, her too asking everyday where their lives had come too.” The second “too” should only have one “o.”
Sentences spoken by characters are supposed to end with a comma instead of a period. That happened a few times.
In your notes, you failed to capitalize most of the “I”’s. However, because this is in the notes and not the story itself, it is not too annoying. Fix it or not, you chose.
The only other mistake I notice/feel like finding again is right at the very end. The line is:
“Twilights expression hardened beofer she started moving again.”
“Beofer.”
…
Other than those mistakes, I really enjoyed this. I look forward to more.
i love it!!!
1372237
Wow...just...wow...i never even thought someone would guess that...
This was good. I like the idea. However, I have one complaint.
Please edit. Please.
"I"'s need to be capitalized. It pains me to see lowercase I's.
Commas need some work. You have too many in some sentences and not enough in others.
Oh, oh, and
makes 
I just had to do that.
Any idea when you might be continuing this?
In process of writing the fourth chapter right now, i'm about 2/3's done. Sorry for being awhile, life's been a bitch latley.