Mail Exchange
Bon Bon cursed the name of Sugar Belle as well as the name of that Celestia-damned mailmare as she hurried to the meeting spot at the edge of town. In the distance she could see the purple-maned unicorn mare and the white-coated unicorn filly both glaring at her impatiently under their saddlebags.
“You’re late!” Sugar Belle scolded in that scratchy voice of hers that somehow got more annoying every time Bon Bon heard it. “Do you know how much further I have to travel from Sweet Apple Acres to get here? How can you be the pony who's late?”
“Sorry,” Bon Bon grumbled. “Had an order that took more time than I thought.” Plus, I hate doing this, she thought, but that shouldn't have mattered. She used to be punctual to everything whether or not she liked doing them. But that part of her was starting to bend recently, with Lyra's bad influence being reinforced.
“Well now that you’re here, we can get started,” Sweetie Belle spoke up, holding a clipboard in front of her with her aura. “First order of business: We’re sending another formal letter of complaint to the Postmaster. I’ll need your signature again. Sugar Belle and I already signed it.”
She floated a pen over to Bon Bon, who took it with her teeth and signed the letter on the clipboard. Sweetie Belle took back the pen.
“I don’t see why we even bother with this,” Bon Bon grumbled. “Nothing will happen, just like last time.”
“Well, what choice do we have?” Sweetie Belle asked. “Confront her at the post office together? Don’t you remember what happened last time? We almost got run out of town!”
Bon Bon didn’t know what was more annoying: getting lectured by Sugar Belle’s scratchy voice or by a know-it-all filly.
“Yeah, everypony really loves her for some reason,” Sugar Belle said resignedly. “They think her being a mailmare is really cute and funny. They just can’t get enough of it.”
“Well, they’re not the ponies always getting their packages mixed up,” Bon Bon grumbled.
They had the same conversation every time they met. It was practically part of the protocol Sweetie Belle insisted on following for some reason, as if they were some sort of club.
“Second order of business,” Sweetie Belle intoned. “Mail exchange. Bon Bon, you’re first?”
Bon Bon opened her saddlebag and pulled out a thin book with her teeth. Sweetie Belle floated it to herself.
“I have to admit, I’m jealous,” commented Bon Bon. “I wish I was able to read Canbride in its original language. I’ve only read the Ponish translation.”
“You should really just learn to read Prench!” Sweetie Belle said brightly. “It has so many words in common with Ponish, it’s really easy to pick up.“
“You’re not the only pony to say something like that to me recently,” Bon Bon said, smiling.
Sweetie Belle idly turned the book over in front of her a couple of times before putting it in her saddlebag.
“You know, I still don’t even get why we get any of each other’s stuff. Is it because your name’s a candy? Or because your cutie mark is a candy, or something?”
“Oh, who knows what even goes on in that pegasus’s head?” Bon Bon shrugged. Hoping to change the subject: “Besides, that’s all I have this time.”
“Great,” said Sweetie Belle, automatically settling into her duty of continuing down the list. “Sugar Belle?”
“Oh, I’ve just got the cutest thing for you!” she said cheerily, pulling out three powdered mane-wigs from her bag with her aura.
“Are you and your little friends playing princess later? I’m sure I can convince Big Mac to let Applebloom have a sleepover!”
“It’s something for my theater troupe, actually,” Sweetie Belle said with a tired tone. “We’re putting on a tribe-flipped reinterpretation of Les juments savantes. I find the historical social critique to be a little on-the-nose but you can’t really expect to find unturned stones in a mid-Celestian work even if you’re reading it in the postmodernist lens.”
Sugar Belle smiled sweetly.
“Well, I hope you and your friends have fun with your little play. If it’s anything like the one you and Applebloom did that Big Mac told me all about I’m sure it’ll be just precious!“
“That was an early work!” the filly protested, flustered. “It has nothing to do with the quality of my output now!”
“Yes, and I’m sure you’ll blossom into a fine young playwright once you’re a little older!”
Sweetie Belle fumed at that, though Sugar Belle didn’t seem to notice.
“Oh, and this, too!”
Sugar Belle pulled out an ornate purple manebrush decorated with three diamonds on the handle.
“This isn’t for you but for your sister. My sister-in-law also wanted to ask if your sister could return her-”
“No!” Sweetie Belle shouted with pent-up frustration. “Like I said last time, I’m done doing stuff like this for those two! Also, you can use their names, you know!”
“Sweetie Belle!” Sugar Belle took that tone again that Sweetie Belle hated, that of talking down to a young foal. “Your sister is the one who did the breaking up this time! The least she could do is-”
“See, that’s the problem!” Her voice shifted back from being angry to tired. “You’re still taking sides because you haven’t seen all this play out between those two the exact same way ten times already.” She paused, then smiled wickedly. “Don’t worry, once you get a little older you’ll understand.”
Sugar Belle glared at her, and quietly put the manebrush back into her bag.
Know-it-all brat, thought Sugar Belle.
Empty-headed fillystine, thought Sweetie Belle.
Bon Bon admitted to herself that she was entertained enough by the exchange that putting up with Sugar Belle was well worth it. But it was up to her to move the process along again.
“Sweetie Belle?”
“Oh, right, my turn,” she said with considerably less stick-to-it-iveness than she had had at the start of the process. “I’ve got a lot of stuff this time.”
She started off with something that was all the rage among young foals these days, or rather, among parents buying toys for their young foals: a stuffed doll of Princess Twilight Sparkle, wings and horn and all. Sweetie Belle turned to Sugar Belle.
“Is this meant to be a birthday gift for Applebloom? I think she’s getting too old for this kind of thing.”
“That’s for me, actually,” Bon Bon said meekly. “It’s for Lyra. She… collects them now.”
“Oh, how fun!” Sugar Belle sparked, jumping at the chance to say something nice to the grumpy Earth pony. “Lyra’s such a free spirit! It must be nice being married to somepony who’s so in touch with her inner foal.”
“Sure, I guess you could say that,” Bon Bon half-grumbled.
“So, is it a surprise present for her or something? It’s so thoughtful of you to do that!”
“No…” Bon Bon trailed off, wishing she had lied earlier. “She just asked me to get it for her.”
The pause went on just a second longer than it should. Sweetie Belle interrupted the awkwardness.
“Well, this next one could really be for either of you. Some sort of a kitchen thermometer.”
“Oh, that one’s mine! Thank you!” Sugar Belle snatched it in mid-air with her aura. “It’s a baking thermometer for our new oven. I told Big Mac that the one we had was good enough, but he wouldn’t let himself rest until he got the bits to get us the latest and the best! It’s so nice to be with somepony who is so hardworking.“
“I wouldn’t be caught dead with that thing in my kitchen, anyway,” Bon Bon suddenly snapped. “A baking thermometer isn’t nearly accurate enough to tell the sugar stage correctly.“
The happy expression on Sugar Belle’s face vanished. Just what is that mare’s problem? It's bad enough with that shrill accent I can't stand.
“You know, you’re a lot more disagreeable when Lyra isn’t around,” Sugar Belle said with acid in her voice, stepping towards Bon Bon. “She really is your better half.”
“At least my better half isn’t too stupid to send a Hearts and Hooves Day gift correctly!” Bon Bon snapped back, stepping towards Sugar Belle in turn. “Who even sends a pie in the mail? That’s how this whole thing got started!“
"Don't you dare talk about my husband that way!" Sugar Belle glared, her horn glowing with magical energy.
Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes at just how familiar and tiring it was.
“That’s enough!” she yelled. “If I wanted to see two grown mares arguing like fillies, I’d get Rarity and Applejack back together!”
The two backed off, chastened by the filly less than half their age. But they were still staring daggers at each other.
Short-fused grouch, thought Sugar Belle.
Sweet-talking airhead, thought Bon Bon.
Sweetie Belle half-sighed, half-groaned.
“There’s only one more thing, and after this we won’t have to see each other for at least another moon. Hopefully longer this time.“
She pulled out an object that rolled out to reveal itself as an ornate riding saddle. Her face brightened, as if she was being reminded of what it was that she had been saving for last.
“It’s from this historical recreation specialty shop in Manehattan. My troupe gets props from there sometimes, but they’re really expensive.“
“That one’s mine,” Bon Bon tried to say as normally as possible, which just made her sound weirder. She took the saddle from Sweetie Belle in her mouth. She was dead inside now. Sugar Belle raised an eyebrow.
“Oh, and this came with it!” Sweetie Belle pulled out a plant-leather bridle. Bon Bon somehow died further inside as she took that in her mouth as well. She hurriedly stuffed both into her saddlebag, though in the rush she could not get them inside in a way where she could actually close the bag, thus prolonging the awkwardness as she fixed it. She looked up to see Sweetie Belle looking at her expectantly.
“So, when can I see you in it?”
“What!?” Bon Bon nearly screamed, horrified.
“In the one-mare play you’re working on!” Sweetie Belle said, excitedly. “I know you’re not part of any of the theater troupes around town, so it has to be a one-mare play in costume. Are you thinking of submitting it for Ponyville Fringe?”
“Oh!” said Bon Bon, relieved. “I mean, it’s a kind of performance, but it won’t be ready for that anything like that any time soon.” No, why in Tartarus did I word it like that? Ugh, I was so much better at lying when I was in the Agency.
“I understand! The first time showing your work to the outside world can be scary.” Sweetie Belle adopted the tone of voice she used often in the Cutie Mark Crusaders, which Bon Bon would have found intolerably condescending had she not been so embarrassed at the moment. “But sometimes all you need is just a little bit of encouragement! I could come over to your house later, and you can show it just to me. I give great notes! We could even just do a read-through if you’re not comfortable with a full performance yet.”
“No, it’s really okay,” Bon Bon said through gritted teeth. “Thanks for the offer, but this particular work is, uh, too personal and private for me to show it to anypony else. Ever.”
“Oh.” Sweetie Belle finally understood, and her face fell, disappointed. She did not know what what was worse: what such a high-quality prop saddle was really going to be used for, or the fact that she had not, in fact, found a new friend who shared her love and excitement for the theatrical arts.
Meddlesome filly, thought Bon Bon.
Hopeless pervert, thought Sweetie Belle.
“So…” started Sugar Belle. “I have a lot of work I need to help Big Mac with back home…“
“Oh, right,” said Sweetie Belle, her voice tired again. “Yeah, we’re done here. Meeting is officially adjourned.” There was a pause as if she dreaded saying the next part. “Same time next moon?”
“Sure, same time next moon,” Bon Bon answered. Sugar Belle nodded.
The three very different ponies went their separate ways, looking forward to the day when they would never have to do this again.
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I wonder how long it would take Bon Bon to realize that Derpy/Ditzy Doo aka Bright Eyes knows her real name
10512369
She's counting on it, and pretty much only orders things that are potentially weird or embarrassing through that name, which only makes her dread these exchanges more
This was pretty darn funny and enjoyable for three characters standing around and talking. You did a good job making the dialogue, characterizations, and inner monologues be engaging even though there was no real action of any kind. I enjoyed it!
Wow that was something lol but very interesting but Sweetie Belle sounds pretty smart in this story but anyway so they're just basically kind of complaining about the mail ponies for delivering the wrong package again this was a pretty interaction with these three ponies
I honestly found this funny. I really enjoyed the saddle bit at the end. Sweetie Belle knows more than she let's on.
Hah.
I actually had something like that when I was in high school but it broke up when we split for college.
God damn, I don't know how I found myself reading this but I am glad I did. Good ole sweetie falling back on what she knows and chairs the meeting.
If you ever read Norris the pony's coffee this could turn into a series...
I had to pull up YT to hear sugars voice and boy you ain't wrong.
10514165
I see what you mean! It would be a good chance to see other ponies that have nothing in common but similar names interact. I definitely got a surprising amount of mileage out of what connections and possible conflicts there were.
To be fair, this all started because Big Mac addressed a package with a rebus. The issue here isn't Best Pony, it's either Ponyville's literacy rate or its familiarity with how post offices work. The best mailmare in the world can't help much when your letter's supposed to go to "The guy at the place. You'll know him when you see him."
That said, brilliant triangle of mutual scorn. Especially the background Rarijack drama and Sweetie lording her far greater experience in such matters over Sugar Belle. (Also, at this point, it's probably better if Bonbon picks up her own, ahem, props rather than have them delivered.) And I do love how Sweetie's still pursuing dramaturgy. Great stuff all around.
You start to get the idea that she's doing it on purpose because she assumes that they should hang out with one another.
10541731
....Muffin?
In the description:
"they find each other.."
Was that supposed to be a period or an ellipsis?
Short but fun. :)
10512460
...Interesting. Why specifically order that sort of thing under that name, then?
10538259
In my headcanon there's both a super-legible mail addressing system that works identically to human postal systems, and a more small-town, illegible tradition using rebuses. It's common for small businesses to use both in order to enhance the more personal feel of their relationship with their mail catalog customers. That Best Pony ends up relying on the rebuses and making mistakes is just something the whole town loves her even more for.
But then she'd have to go all the way to Manehattan, and then she'd feel guilty for not visiting her dad in Bronclyn while she's there, but she can't visit him if she's only going up to Manehattan to pick up such things because that'd be kinda weird, and
I admit my headcanon characterization of Sweetie Belle kinda got flattened to "child prodigy dramaturge" due to that one line in Forever Filly, but that's the most interesting part of her character that doesn't use the word "Rarity" anyway
Thanks!
10576074
If she switches all her orders for personal things to the Bon Bon name, she loses her loyalty discounts! And she hoped she could intercept the package at the post office before it got on the last leg but it arrived earlier than she expected.
Or IDK, there's plenty of reasons you could make up on the spot just like that one
I reached the saddle part and I internally died of embarrassment
Bruh. It's "Apple Bloom". And you once invoked your canon cop badge on me! You'll definitely have your canon cop badge taken for this.
More seriously, this was a fun little comedic romp. I love how Lyra and Sugar Belle have this rivalry going on, while Sweetie is just happy to be there. (And possibly trying to get them to be friends.) I was dying laughing at the reveal of Lyra's package. Personal and private performance, indeed. Giggity. Also love your background RariJack, which I'm guessing makes this story canonical to your other ones. Can't have enough in-story continuity, IMO. It just makes things so fun!
10658002
Noooooo just two weeks away from canon cop retirement! It was an honest mistake, I was so young all the way back then in 2020!
And yeah, breaking-up-and-getting-back-together-with-the-intensity-of-a-spinning-neutron-star-RariJack is baked deep into my canon at this point. Which is a shame because I am a super huge fan of RariJack Daily, and in my mind all of those adorable little scenes are canonical. But sometimes in life even true love isn't enough...
(After all, canonical older AppleDash has to happen somehow.)
10576074
Compromise mark: when you don't know whether to go on.
11141578
Heh. :)
10602636
...Did I miss your reply here originally? Granted, it's been a while, and maybe I just forgot about it, but I really don't remember it. Hm. Maybe it was one of those times FIMFiction doesn't give a notification for some mysterious reason, but still, sorry about that, if I did miss it.
Anyway, thanks, though. :)
"Dude! We're getting the band back together!"
sweety is much better than them. it's a pity society doesn't make everyone understand this
Wow, that's funny and entertaining for three characters standing around talking. It's classy because you did a great job of making the dialogues, characterizations, and internal monologues engaging and interesting. I still wonder how long it takes Bon Bon to realize that Ditzy Doo knows his real name. I really love funny fan stories, but I've already reread them on the regular internet. So when I'm bored, I sometimes visit the Dark Web Portal at https://deepweb.net/ to keep up to date. I hope you will not abandon your creativity and please us more often.
That was a good story.
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