Awkward Explanations
I nervously shuffled my hooves as I sat at one of the cozy tables on the patio out front. Work had run a lot later than expected, and by the time I clocked out I had no time at all to change out of my uniform. So there I was, sitting in public waiting to go meet some mare I had bumped into the other day and my anxiety was back in full swing. They always said that first impressions meant everything, and my first impression so far was running into her, knocking her over, and then awkwardly explaining that I was a stallion dressed in mare’s clothing for my work before hastily agreeing to meet up with her again, and then running off full speed ahead in the opposite direction.
Yeah Stardust, you’ve totally got this, I tried to convince myself. Needless to say, I didn’t have this, as much as I tried convincing myself that I did. I mean I didn’t have to do this if I didn’t want to, I could have just disappeared and avoided this part of town for the rest of my life, or just try and hide my face. I mean what were the odds of randomly running into the same pony twice in a city as big as Manehattan?.. Small… but with my luck I probably would have ran right into her the next day, which would have made matters even more awkward. No, I needed to stop being dumb and just deal with this like a stallion… even if I was dressed like a mare right now.
So I shook my head, swallowed my pride, and put on the most confident face that I could. She wasn’t going to just freak out and treat me like I was some weirdo, she didn’t even seem phased by my outfit at our first meeting… so I just had to take that as a sign that everything was going to be fine, even if that little voice in the back of my mind was freaking out left and right and telling me that it in fact, was not going to be fine.
“Miss, are you ready to order or do you need a few more minutes?”
I looked up at the waitress and shook my head, “I’m just waiting for somepony, but I’ll take a couple glasses of water and an order of hay fries if you don’t mind.”
Her eyes shot open as she heard my distinctly stallion sounding voice, “Oh my gosh, sorry sir, I—”
“ — Thought I was a mare and you’re profusely sorry, it’s fine, don’t worry about it, easy mistake” I smiled, “I’ve gotten that quite a bit the last few days. Nothing to worry about.”
She breathed a sigh of relief and nodded, “I’ll be right back with that in just a few minutes.”
“Thanks,” I smiled.
As the waitress trotted away, I caught sight of her, making me momentarily panic again. I didn’t have a chance to run off though, I was committed whether I liked it or not. She said something to the host, but I couldn’t tell what it was, only that it ended with a smile from him and a cheerful point to my table, where she made eye contact with me.
With a smile, she trotted up to my table and took the open seat, laying her saddle bags down next to her, “So, Stardust right?”
I nodded, trying my best to look cool and confident, “That’s me, and you’re Sheila?”
She nodded, “Yep.”
“Glad to see you again…” I didn’t know where to go, and I was already starting to feel like this was a bad idea.
“Me too… So…” She awkwardly started, giving me reason to start internally panicking.
“So.” I replied back, feeling my anxiety crush me again, “Have a busy morning?”
“Not really,” She shrugged, “Got some errands done and did a little running around, you know, the usual. How about you?”
“Just a lot of work, you know, the usual,” I let out a small, nervous laugh, “I gotta tell you though, I’m glad I just get to relax now.”
“I bet, you do cleaning stuff, right? That’s gotta be exhausting after a long day… or, I guess night in your case.”
“Mhmm,” I confirmed, “Over at Orange Manor.”
“Orange Manor, that’s that old house in the historic district, right?”
I nodded, “Yeah, probably the oldest building there.”
“I always thought that place was kinda interesting.”
I began to perk up a bit, feeling a little more confident and a lot less anxious. It was all going well so far, and I silently prayed that things would stay this way, “Oh believe me, it is. I’m a history nut and that place is like right out of Victorian Equestria. Probably one of the best examples of remaining architecture from that era, and it’s amazing how well preserved the inside is too!”
“Oh? Is it still stuck in the past? I went on a tour there back when I was a filly and it seemed so… old I guess? Like it hadn’t been touched in ages.”
I shook my head, “No… well, yes… kinda? It’s got all the old decor but they modernized everything else. It’s like the best of both worlds.”
“Huh, that’s actually kind of cool,” She smiled, “So what brought you there?”
“Excuse me, I’m sorry for interrupting,” the waitress from earlier interrupted, sliding a glass of water over to both of us, and an order of hay fries to me, “Now, do you already know what you’d like? Or do you need some more time to browse the menu?”
My not date shook her head, “I’ll take the fresh fruit platter with extra strawberries please” she turned to me, “How about you Starry?”
I glanced down at the menu and then back over to the two, “I’ll do that too, that sounds pretty good.”
“Oh believe me, it is,” she commented, “Diamond Diner has some of the best fruit in all of Manehattan,”
“I know right? I’ve only tried their hay burgers and fries, but you just can’t beat them.”
“That’s the secret, it’s the hole in the wall places that are the best. None of that fancy schmancy overpriced luxury bistro stuff.”
I smirked, “Oh man, you don’t need to tell me that twice. I thought I’d treat myself to a dinner at the Golden Horseshoe after starting my job and let me say, way overpriced and way under portioned.”
“Oh you poor devil, you actually ate there?” She gave me a playfully sympathetic look.
“First and last time, I’ll tell you.”
The waitress returned with our fruit plates carefully balanced on a tray on her back and slid them over to us with expert precision, “Order’s up, you two enjoy.”
“Thanks!” I cheerfully replied back.
“No problem, just give me a holler if you need anything else.”
“Will do, thanks,” Sheila replied, taking a few bites of the fresh fruit, “So Starry, how did you get into that job in the first place?”
I paused mid taste and almost dropped one of the strawberries right then and there as a wave of embarrassment flushed over me again. I let out a small cough and cleared my throat, making sure that I hadn’t spilled anything on my dress. These things were a pain to clean, and I was not going to deal with that today. I looked my companion in the eyes as I fiddled with the plate of hay fries that sat in front of me, being careful that my pristine socks weren’t messed up by the food.
Not wanting to delay the inevitable, I took a deep breath and began my unneeded explanation. “So… let’s just cut right to the chase, you’re wondering why I’m wearing a maid’s dress when I’m clearly a stallion… I can see that bewildered questioning look in your eyes, and believe me, I was in your horseshoes at one point too…”
It’s kind of a funny story though!
So here we are, right back where we started. I hope you all enjoyed this story, and thanks a ton for giving me all the feedback and comments that you did, that seriously means so much to me and I honestly can't thank you all enough. Now I know the story's over, but I hope you'll stay along for some of my other projects in the future. For now I'll mainly be working on my passion project,
and if you'd like to give it a read and maybe leave a thought or two, I'd be overjoyed! If you'd like to see a sequel or continuation of this eventually feel free to let me know and who knows, maybe we'll see some more down the line sometime.
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That was cute and nice, I thank you for it
Nice story!
What could possibly go wrong with that?
That's the spirit!
It's true!
Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.
10512887
Glad you liked it. Hope you’ll stick around for some of my other projects
That thing about Portion Control and Quality that's TOO LOW for the Price? Yeah, I've experienced that on more than one occasion. Where you don't pay for the food...you pay for the EXPERIENCE. Like having a fancy dedicated waiter, finer wine selection, etc. I remember in Hawaii we had some food made with ingredients delivered fresh from Italy...but it just wasn't THAT amazing. Like sure, culturally that's cool, but taste wise it just felt overpriced for a novel food effectively.
Now IF it's the only food in a range, or it's right in a club, I am typically willing to pay more for conveinance. Doubly so if the food is better for the price.
In terms of the chapter, I think this was a nice, calm, and sweet little chapter. I assume this was the ending, and it was a good one. I wouldn't say it's the best you could have done with your writing potential, but it feels MORE than good enough for a project that was originally supposed to be a one shot, that you expanded upon by popular demand.
The only bad thing I can truly say is...I read your Passion Project and it just didn't click with me. I'm sorry! I gave it a fair chance, but just couldn't get into it >.<
Still, I wish you all the best on getting more people to enjoy your passion project, in addition to any future projects! ^^
10514356
Restaurant complaints were low key inspired by real life stuff :p
As for the ending, I felt like I could have dragged the story on forever and built up to some big dramatic ending, but it opened with a defined ending and I wanted to write right up to that point, at least for this.
Out of curiosity, how far into the passion project did you get, and what turned you away? I’ve been trying to improve that and make it more interesting for readers. The biggest change was turning it into a full on romance story that you start to get to a few chapters in.
10514444
I'm not sure I can describe it honestly. Maybe if I could pick up to before everyone started becoming ponies it might be better. Maybe I was just having problems connecting with the character, I don't really know.
It's possible if I can get involved with the characters and understand WHO this pony is who is freaking out about their wings I might chance my mind. I've read a story where everyone changes into ponies that I really enjoyed by another author. Though for different reasons in a much different story. Which could be coloring my perception.
Again, I can't tell you anything concrete. There was nothing specifically that I could point to as "wrong" so I only have a couple of vague ideas ^^;
10515785
So it’s definitely the early chapters then? I ask this because I’ve gotten feedback that the first chapters aren’t interesting and don’t hook people very well, but the subsequent ones wind up getting them more involved with the characters. chapters 1 and 2 are probably the ones in need of the lost work
10515814
Yeah. It was on the one you linked me to and it was the first chapter that just didn't hook me.
So that could make sense. Doubly so if that's your earliest work, since that'd mean there were probably a LOT that you learned later on, that you didn't get to apply to the earliest chapters.
10516034
That first chapter is absolutely rough, chapter 2 isn't perfect either, but I promise it gets better if you go past those, which is kind of a frustrating thing because the first should definitely be the hook. I'm trying to get some help so I can rework the first chapter some more, just so it gives enough of a hook for readers to really get into it. Hopefully ultimately that'll help, because I feel like I've definitely hooked people a few chapters in, but they shouldn't have to leap over a hurdle to get hooked, if that makes sense.
10516068
Yeah. It's hard to tell people "I swear it gets better if you read two whole chapters"
Maybe I'll just skip to chapter 3. Is that where things pick up?
10516402
That's about where they really pick up. The end of "Lonesome Bat" Has some context for the rest of the story on, but it generally picks up more in "Only the Essentials". I'm actually working hard on trying to make a better introduction, just so it hooks people enough to go "Okay, we have some stuff answered now, but we'll get more of that answered as we go along, oh and also there's more character stuff coming up!"
10516420
Yes, I am certainly familiar with what you are talking about. I've read a number of books and some of them do manage to give you a hint of what's to come.
Well I'll have to try reading those to see how I like your story. Hopefully it'll be something I really enjoy ^^
10516603
I went ahead and reworked the intro of the prologue a lot to hopefully make it a little more interesting and a little more obvious where the story is going. Curious to see your thoughts on it if you wind up reading it.
10520844
When/if I do I shall let you know! I honestly haven't been doing much reading as of late, but I have kept your passion project in mind from time to time. There's just been extra stress an stuff lately >.<
10520957
Completely understandable, life has a tendency to throw a lot of curveballs especially lately. Just thought I’d let you know that there was an update to it
10520965
I'm in a Love/Hate Relationship with Grad School. Lol. An it's coming up to Final Projects time so...>.<
10521300
Oh I 100% feel you there. Had that back when I was finishing college up. Hang in there!
Allllll right! Sorry for not catching up when you posted these chapters, I just had other things going. But I must say, you have done a great job of tying everything together, in my mind I can see this as a animation video or something ya know? I mean, a lot of fanfics here would be great as a animation but this one could really do it. A few parts were kinda funny especially when you imagine them in your head, but it is a worthwhile story, I hope you do more of these great story's.
And as the original trailer for Minecraft says: the only limit is your imagination.
10666913
I'm really glad you enjoyed it. I want to write some more smaller stories eventually, but for now I'll be focusing on my current passion project: "Do Ponies on Earth have Magic Dreams?"
10903488
That's definitely something he wouldn't have thought about right away and probably would learn real fast
To the author - this fic saved in a bookshelf known as read later but didn't read it for i had to deal with an old cantankerous laptop!
1. the concept of a stallion wearing a dress is so unique
(reminds of something i've done in my own stories. i'll mentioned that one later)
Please read it's important🙂
2. Bat pony characters (in the mlp fandom) are almost non-existent!
only thing i didn't like was going to back that opening phrase Stardust said to his soon to be mare-friend.
would love one-shot (to see if the date was successful or not) first then do a sequel...if you're comfortable/able to it.
p.s: my male colt/alicorn oc dusk shine (you know the r63 name for genderbent twilight) but this one isn't a twilight sparkle clone!
the he wears dresses because they're fashionable & creative. also likes to shake up the 'status quo'
if you're interested in my writings just private message or give me a follow
11240458
I’m glad you enjoyed it, I do technically have a short sequel esq thing written out but it’s a bit different in concept to this.