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Cast-Iron Caryatid
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Cast-Iron Caryatid
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Spotted a couple of capitalization errors ("ponyville" and "tuesday", specifically), but other than that minor nitpick, this was a fun little read. Kudos!
I liked the story, although I felt like there was a bit of a tonal dissonnance between the first part of the story, it being a casual comedy about Twilight having been an alicorn all along and just kinda forgetting about it, and the latter part, about her friends seeing her as Princess Twilight which could just as well have worked if she had actually just ascended.
10460535
Thanks. Ponyville is something I miss a lot, and capitalizing days of the week is… just habit since I don't normally bother in normal use.
Nothing wrong with being an Alicorn that self-identifies as a Unicorn.
Fun little story, and a decent explanation for why Twilight doesn't seem to actually get any power-up from being turned into an Alicorn (well, aside from the "Alicorns are trash" explanation that the later seasons pushed on us.
)
10460589
There is, however, something wrong with being an alicorn, full stop.
"...the village’s little wind-sent child."
I love that so much I may just steal it. If you see it later in some of my stuff, remind me where it came from because I'm terrible about attributing things correctly.
Well certainly a diffrent take on "Twilight was an Alicorns from the Start" type stories. Though one has to wonder why the decision was made to hide Twilight's ascension untill the equivalent of he twenties. Did Celestia and her parents just decide the presser of princesshood was too much for such a young pony? Did Celestia just think Twilight needed a less "random" seeing official cause? Or that she'd be accepted as more legitimate if she "came out" after she performed a few heroic deeds first?
Hm, I don't think it particularly came off as rushed to me, no. :)
Oh that Cadence childhood bit is a cruel little thing that makes this story hurt just that little bit more. Ow.
The story could be a little longer to show more differences between Twilight as unicorn and Twilight as alicorn.
For a clearer explanation of her reaction to the opinions of her friends about her real preferences.
It feels like you're trying to tell two different separate stories here. One a light hearted joke fic about Twilight going 'whoops, I was an alicorn all along and forgot to tell you'. The second being a more serious dissection on how Twilight revealing/becoming an Alicorn had a rough adjustment period as she and her friends tried to get used to the new normal. The problem is the transition between the two feels a little rushed and shoddy.
The dissonance isn't so bad as to break the story, but it is very much distracting, at least in my opinion.
10460831
Er, what?
10462142
Sitting at the top of an obvious "natural" hierarchy. Such things are bad, and should not be justified even implicitly.
10462559
So you should just self-deny, Harrison Bergerson style? Because if so, this Twilight seems like a pretty solid example.
10462610
Well, Twilight should. And the other literally four people who fall into her category. As bad as "natural" hierarchies are, ones that privilege extremely small minorities are worse.
10462621
And ponies should go back to the unicorn-based system of celestial management, which regularly burned them out?
10462998
Celestia and Luna have made two devices, either of which lets ponies control the sun and moon without any hazard to themselves. These are first, the amulet they give to Twilight in Between Dark and Dawn, and second, the unified crown they give to Twilight in The Ending of the End. Neither is unique to her, or apparently requires all that much magic - Sunburst is explicitly better at using the amulet. Accordingly, there is no need to return to the old system, or indeed to use pony labor at all. The task can apparently be automated.
10463186
A discovery only made by alicorn practice and power. And where was that said about Sunburst?
10463900
In Between Dark and Dawn, Twilight doesn't know how the device works or how to repair it when she breaks it, so she calls on Sunburst, who does know these things, to fix it.
10463903
I guess I forgot that part. But still, I doubt he could make one.
In any case, it's undeniable that to squander the great capabilities of alicorns is not to a society's advantage. Perhaps one can say they have the right to live quietly like this, and no responsibility to use their power... but that doesn't seem like Twilight Sparkle to me.
10463920
He doesn't have to make one, it already exists. And apparently anyone can use it.
Whats up with the whole joke about clopping, is there some sort of inside joke im not getting?
10464072
Did he use it, or just help Twilight do so?
10464223
It also means masturbating
10464229
Does it matter? It's a machine, its point is to automate a task so it does not depend on the qualitatively unique labor of the person doing it.
10465621
And so is Neighsay's medallion, but I doubt a non-Unicorn can use it. And what are the Elements if not tools that depend on the qualities of the user?
In any case, it could go either way - but even if that one task can be automated, alicorns are still capable of many things ordinary ponies are not.
10464223
Haven't read the story, so I'm not sure if this applies but, in general:
"Clop" = "pony porn", "clopping" Uhm.....PG 13 version, = "using pony porn for it's intended purpose."
See, this is why you go over it in pencil first.
The tonal dissonance others mentioned is certainly there, though I feel it actually flows naturally from the opening. The comedic moment's there... but then reality ensues. And the awkwardness around the unreveal does hint at how this will fall apart soon enough. Honestly, I put more blame on Celestia than anything. If she really did just do nothing more than deliver her canon musical number, what was Twilight supposed to think once she remanifested? Would it have killed Sunbutt to take a few seconds on the Astral Plane to say "FYI, we're going to say this got you wings"?
Of course, that implies that Twilight wanted to out herself, which she clearly didn't. Again, this whole situation is Celestia's fault. She sent the journal. She set up this whole debacle. I suppose she might have had some prophetic dreams that said that the world needed Princess Twilight in the near future, but Twilight still could have gotten some input on the matter. I can hardly blame her friends for needing an adjustment period.
In all, fascinating little tale, though the real antagonist seems to have flown under most people's radar.
I don't get why others are complaining about dissonance; your works have always mixed comedy with more serious feelings. It never spills over into being just a raw comedy story, and it frankly feels true to MLP for lighthearted elements to be common regardless of the plot.
It's not like this was some super serious tragedy or anything. A misunderstanding between friends, one pony slowly getting upset, heartfelt advice from another friend, and then an apology and forgiveness? Tonally this could have been an episode of the cartoon just fine.
Oh wow, that hit me right in the feels. Send in a surgeon, somepony needs to reassemble my shattered heart.
Every single year around this time I have this problem.
That is the most eloquently I have ever read pity ice cream described. Love it.
A most enjoyable story.
10460831
I am literally the only one that liked this comment? Where my friends at?
42 dislikes.
I thought you were polite.
I am going to laugh now.
Ps. Im suprised. I am not the only to think unchecked immortals are a bad thing? Immortality...cool...if everyone gets it.
10712312
I don't think it is the agelessness that is the problem (to me at least). It is the fact that they seemingly have no morals. The best of them gambles lives as tests and thinks a kingdom almost always on the edge of destruction is cause for patting yourself on the back for doing a good job. The rest perform mind rape as if it is a perfectly natural thing to do or are so unbalanced that letting them have access to their magic is almost a crime in and of itself.
I'd give this story a like if I hadn't done that already the last time I read it.
Well structured and thought out little tale with the right amount of detail for it's length.
The tonal dissonance mentioned in other comments ... isn't that what makes this so perfectly MLP?
The show always had the superficial, light hearted nonsense part as well as implications or even verbal hints at far more serious aspects of what was going on. Fanfiction that replicates the style of the fun and heart-warming bits but doesn't "cut out" the more realistic and serious parts always has a good chance of landing in favorites folder.
I swear to God, I see that one user in every Twilight story bitching..
Ignoring that, cute story.
It does seem in character for Twilight to misinterpret her friends genuine attempt to get her to appreciate other sides of herself, well besides Applejack who was just kind of a jerk.