I attacked the enimie Natas (Satan) and killed him.
I then woke up and saw I was in a little room where it was a cabin and not at all very happy but just a bit grin. Maybe jin?
I see myself. He was gruffy. "Wow," he said, "I like the way you move."
"Do you?" I say.
"Yes, but yesterday I was fighting too, and lost the war."
Rainbow Dash was there. "Hello!"
"Hi."
Tomorrow.... We fight...
New chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What... is this comment section.
I can’t even. This is either a work of genius or a show of lunacy, probably both.
Needless to say, I’m entertained.
I see... If you read this in the style of Half life: Full life consequences, this is a very good read. The imagery on display here is very comedic and gives just enough detail to understand what the scene should look like and leaves the rest of the detail to the imagination. I believe to *fix* this fic would destroy what it is; a great example of bad writing still being able to tell a halfway humorous story.
10405356
Thank you so much!! New chapter coming out soon! Please follow me by picking up my books on amazon!
10405230
true true. Pure maddness here.
ah, I see.
He's a college drop-out
makes sense
10405465
Dw I passed!!! Top grades too!!!! You? What did you go for??
...seriously? get a editor and a proofreader. Not hating on you here, but your grammar and vocabulary and the way you write honestly, honestly just sucks. No words other than that can describe it. Take it from a guy who has a editor and proofreader. They're very useful. Even if you can't get one, use grammarly. The reason why you get this much hate and dislikes is because you don't check your stories before you upload and now since your first story got approved you get auto upload, mods won't deny your stories at all. I'm also pretty sure mods give up at this point. For GODS SAKE, GET GRAMMARLY!!!
Your story idea is interesting, but you need to get a refresher course on English.
10405538
No. I think you need to take a look at yourself because what you jusrt said is ALL WRONG. If you dont retract this message AND SOON you will be blocked from my story and told to leave me stories from now on! But do you have any suggestion for proofreaders?
Good shitpost.
Incredibly realistic bad grammar and storytelling, almost feels like it was intended to be a story.
Well done persona of a stuck-up whiney kid who thinks that they're the opitome of writing prowess, and that praise is the only possible form of comment that hold validity.
I applaud your horrid masterpiece. Can't wait to see how well you can translate your skill when you write a true, heartfelt story with good characters, pacing, and grammar.
Until then, I await your next abomination of words for me to indulge in.
I bid you adieu.
10405095
I'm sure your novel will have such gripping and luxurious prose like your writings here. Even Al-Yankovic will have to make a parody of it, it'll be so popular.
10405563
thank you!
10405560
can you haters stop coming to my story and asking me thing and telling me that i am bad and that i wil;l not be good enough? I have spent most my time in school learning how to write and you perople have NMO RIGHT to treat me like this and I honestly think that at this point most of you are very very jelopus because I am doing what I love here and I don't know why you ALL treat me like this. This story wqas boimbed from space by haters. HATERS THAT HARASS WIMEN and because of that it failed. well guess what? I'm going to finish my novel and send it out and sell it and be published and have money and a house and then marry someone becaise they will love me and not be mean to me and I'km sorry if you are angry at me BUT I DONT CARE ANYMORE AND I WANT YOU8 ASLL TO GO AWAY
10405560
and you know what? i dont want people to look at my w2riting if they just think it is a joke it is jnot a joke and people like you are the ones who make me cry. you honestly think i post this here to make you go HAHA WOW HAHA no!! I put this here because it what i love okay???
10405560
If you reply i will block YOU
10405565
No problem
I enjoy your writing, it's complex. Much like sponge tissues.
10405575
Thank you!!!
[code]PLEASE FOLLOW ME FOR UPDATES ON MY NEW STORIES!
10405570
I am offended that you are insinuating that I attacked you.
Clearly, I have only praised you for your wonderously sucessful shitpost which, might I add, does its job very well.
You even set up a persona to go along with the shitpost which really increases the immersion.
And yet you dare state that I am attempting to verbally harass you? I'll let it slide this time because I loved the quality of the lack of quality in your story.
I bid you adieu.
10405583
there is no persona what does that even mean arte you really trying to make me upset by de3nying that i am even a person? I think that is horrible, have you even read the story i think you have not and THAT IS REALLY SAD! haters like yoiu are all the same! They think im a lier and that HAH this must be a shitpost but wowoowowow It's not because i put my heart into this and you give it a downvote becuase you think it's funny.
Don't come back. Don't comment again/ I don't want to talk to you./ I wont reply to you anymore go way
Thank you for the new follower! Yep! I'd really like to thank you!
10405418
10405591
Uh...... Your welcome? That felt.... Weird. Are you sure these people ain't wrong?
10405592
aBOUT WHAT?
10405585
Okay so I'm just gonna drop the passive agressive act real quick.
You've been doing this for over 4 years. Don't you know when to quit?
Another thing; I'll bet barely anyone who read this story even knew you were a girl before reading the comments. Assumptions only lead to hate which leads to assumptions and the cycle keeps on going and going.
And as someone who has gone through the trauma of questioning my gender, don't treat it like a weapon, treat it like a comforting pillow of thought.
I'm not going to bother even trying to tell how the story could potentially be improved. Even the best writers have editors to bounce ideas off of and in return, they give criticism and feedback which helps the story grow.
Someone could post a comment praising your stories and then be disregarded as hate for including valid criticism.
I'm no longer saying this as a joke, I'm legitimately trying to help you.
Please, be nice to other and they will be nice back. Accept criticisms and your stories will rake in positivity instead of what you have now.
This is an answer to a call for help in my eyes. After this, if nothing changes, I give up.
*Sigh* If this stage is below your level, then how close to the center of the Earth do you think we are? This story has had it's fair share of haters, and you have too, I see. My suggestion is simple. Reread what was written, and ask yourself, "Is this grammar?" If the answer isn't yes, please go back through with an outside viewer. Be that a friend, relative, or spouse, have it be someone who is completely one hundred percent honest with you. This story has amazing potential, if you would just take an hour to look back and edit it. For help, there's a whole group of potential editors on the forum named Proofreaders, Editors, Authors, and Idealist, with over two hundred capable editors. From one author to another, I wish you the best of luck.
Alright, I had my fun. I'm don't think you're a troll, so I'm going to drop the facade.
Your prose goes from dopey to nonexistent. It's dry and hard, like trying to gnaw on a month old hambone.
The syntax is all over the place, much like a fish that gets caught in a boat propeller.
Your grammar is quintuply translated.
The subject matter is as deep as a children's pool
I would suggest reading until you could write a typical newspaper article, and then trying writing basic fiction.
If you are a troll, why? This is 2020, trolling went out of style 6 years ago. Go do something productive man.
10405594
You being a college dropout, and claiming to have good grammar?
10405600
The stage beneath him that's referring to lies in the Hadeopelagic-Zone.
I did not read you comment. you are not worth it. haters like you are why i write. as a women i get attacked constantly by people like you. haters. so go away.10405597
10405606
Aaaah. Okay then, no wonder they think they're ready for an upgrade.
10405602
i went to uni for writing and gardening and passed. how about you?
10405601
*I don't think you're a troll*
Can we all just appreciate that I spent a good 20 minutes or so typing a heartfelt comment meant to show that I do want the author to improve...
And then they forget to press reply?
10405621
It's sad to hear you did not pass marketing!
10405600
i don't think you relize what im dealing with here! there are many haters that come to my story just to attack me and I have to fight htem off. it wont matter how good the writing is! They will still hate me because they are evil!
10405626
I've done no marketing but I have done market gardening. Another question, are mushrooms good for plant communities or are they bad? As a gardener, this should be a simple answer.
10405614
Trying to be successful in life, having good grammer, entertaining my readers with good grammar.
10405631
market gardening? Sounds fake.
10405635
That is not answering my question.
10405634
same!!!
10405636
>22 followers
10405638
Says the one with a 1 to 46 like to dislike ratio.
10405641
Haters. Oh well!
10405642
You have a following that just wants to see the dumpster fires you write.
10405645
Yep! I have fans! You have...?
10405628
Not everyone hates you, and people who disagree with you aren't evil. Everyone will disagree with someone at some point, and while I do see the wrongs they've made, I also see your coarse and childish reactions. As I've seen you been told before, stop feeding them ammo. 76 people did not come here to target you. Those dislikes are from grammatical issue and a rushed story, not because you are just existing. Personally, I think that with enough thought and guidance, this story can be revived into a readable and immaculate piece of several thousand pieces. If you notice, one of my stories, Equestria's Ray of Hope, has 22 dislikes. This is not because grammatical issues, but rather, the way in which I portray Twilight. I am perfectly fine with the people who hate, and don't react with anything more than an answer to their hate or a quote from the story to prove they're wrong. I have dealt with many haters, online and in real life. Just because they hate, doesn't mean I have to react. A general misunderstanding of yours is taking advice as hostile, and acting as if it were. By doing so, you make yourself enemies. Once again, I urge you to use the link I sent you. You cannot move forward if you stand in one place.