Spike sipped his coffee slowly as he sat across from Twilight, glancing at her every now and then. He was used to her looking frazzled, but today she seemed even more out-of-sorts than usual. Possibly a 7.3/10 on the Twilight Freakout Scale. As happy as he would be to not get involved (read: not have more problems to clean up) he couldn't just leave his undead guardian sitting there. "What's got you so wound up, Twilight?" He asked, crossing his fingers that whatever she said would not be his problem.
"I missed the tax submission deadline!" She shouted back, scrambling to read through a table of crunched up receipts, unsorted reports, and crumpled tax forms. "With my death, and funeral, and everything... it completely slipped my mind! This is bad Spike. Really bad."
Spike blinked a few times. "So? Just don't pay them."
Twilight glared at him. "I can't do that! It doesn't matter if I'm a princess, I'll still go to Tartarus! Or the moon! Or kindergarten! The law clearly states that all creature of adult age living in Equestria have to pay their yearly taxes based on income and expenses!"
Spike took a long sip from his coffee. "Yeah, exactly. You don't have to pay them."
Twilight glanced at him in confusion... before a wide grin began to grow on her face.
Penny Pincher hammered on the castle doors, huffing to herself. She did not have time to deal with this, even if this was her job. She had better things to deal with than some annoying new princess that thought herself too good for taxes. Twilight owned property, and she made an income, and that meant she had to cough up what was due.
As she waited to be let into the castle, she glanced at her reflection in the reflective walls of the building. The uniform she wore was of the utmost quality, which was expected, considering the PRS (Pony Revenue Service) was the best funded department of the Equestrian diarchy. As they should be, considering how lackadaisical most ponies were when it came to paying their taxes on time. It was like they expected the entire country to be run on just the magic of friendship, without realizing the mountains of bits it took to maintain it. And if a sizable cut off those bits went to the hard working folks at the PRS, why that was just the icing on the cake.
Eventually, the crystalline gate began to slowly swing inwards. Adjusting her tie, Penny Pincher strode into the castle as if she already owned the place. Effectively, she did. The amount of power the PRS had was incredible. The head of the department, Mr. Bean Counter himself, was arguably more powerful than even Celestia.
Standing in the doorway to the kitchen, waiting for her, was the upstart princess herself. Penny Pincher felt a strange twinge of worry overtake her as she approached the alicorn. Most ponies trembled slightly whenever an PRS agent was in the same room as them, it was ingrained in their very DNA... but this pony was leaning nonchalantly against a wall, a small smile on her face. Perhaps the greenhorn princess was too clueless to realize just who she was dealing with. "Good morning!" The annoyance called out to her.
"Yes, yes. Good morning, indeed. My name is Penny Pincher, I'm a member of the PRS, and I am here to inquire as to the status of this year's tax payment. Considering the large amount of territory taken up by your castle, as well as your yearly stipend, a sizable sum should have been paid a week ago, and yet we have not received a single bit."
Somehow, Twilight was still standing there with the same unworried smile. "I can proudly state that there is not a single bit left that I am due to pay this season."
Penny Pincher narrowed her eyes and a sneer grew on her face. "Do you understand the severity of your actions here, Ms. Sparkle? If you do not intend to pay, you risk a lot more than just your bits."
Twilight just shook her head. "I already told you, I'm not required to pay anything. Can I help you with anything else?"
Penny Pincher just let out a somewhat animalistic growl and trotted away. She'd have to bring the higher ups for this. And muscle. A lot of muscle.
Twilight was sipping tea when she heard the hard thumping at the door for the second time this week. Sighing, she walked over and manually opened the gate, glancing out at the tax collecting mare now surrounded by an entire platoon of guards. Standing beside the mare this time, was a lanky middle aged stallion in what was quite possibly the ugliest suit Twilight had ever seen.
Penny Pincher was looking unreasonably smug, but Twilight only faced her with a look of deadpan nonchalance. The stallion beside Penny cleared his throat and stepped forward. "Ms. Sparkle, my name is Bean Counter. I'm sure you are aware of the reason for our visit today. Are you prepared to submit the requisite taxes?" His voice was dull and dreary, reminding her of the sound of fresh gravel being poured on a road.
Twilight just huffed. "Honestly, at this point it might have been less effort to just pay the late fees. But no, I will not be paying any taxes today. I would like to request the use of Quickhorn's Verification Field." She replied, a small smile appearing on her face.
Everypony had the legal right to request to testify under the effects of Quickhorn's Verification Field when interrogated by a governmental body. The spell was originally invented by a stallion who was quite certain that his wife was having an affair. It would cause a projected field to glow green or red, depending on if the last statement spoken inside it was factual truth. Quickhorn unfortunately found out his wife was not, in fact, cheating on him, but still got the divorce he wanted when the field caused his own infidelity to come to light. Poor stallion was never able to walk again, once his wife was done with him.
Bean Counter blinked in surprise, before shrugging. He spoke to one of the unicorns in the platoon of guards, motioning for them to cast the spell. A moment later, a translucent bubble surrounded all of the ponies, pulsating with a gentle white light.
Twilight smiled, stepped forward, and spoke confidently and plainly. "I do not owe the PRS any bits." The field glowed a bright green in response. The are around her instantly grew silent enough that the sound of Spike scraping burn marks off a cast iron pan in the distant kitchen could be heard.
A moment later, Penny Pincher regrew her composure. "What?!" She shouted, stomping her hoof. "How? She hasn't paid a single bit in over a year! She must have cheated the spell!" The field glowed red in response to her accusation, further angering the irate tax collector.
Bean Counter only quirked an eyebrow, speaking in his monotone. "Ms. Sparkle. Why do you believe that you do not owe any bits?"
Twilight grinned in response, pulling out a legal tome larger than one of the guards. The full Equestrian tax code, in its entirety, written in double sided, single spaced, 8pt font. "According to section 3, paragraph 2 of the code, these laws apply to all creatures of adult age living in Equestria. I am not living in Equestria anymore, so you have no authority over me"
The stallion let out a sigh. This wouldn't be the first mare who thought claiming to live in another country could prevent her from paying taxes, and certainly wouldn't be the last. "Then where, pray tell, are you living Ms. Sparkle?"
"I'm not." She replied with a smirk.
"You're not what?"
"Living." She replied, before slamming the door on him.
Penny Pincher let out a noise halfway between a startled dog and a dying foal, making a move to kick the door down and chase after her, only to be stopped by Bean Counter. "Well, I guess that's that." He spoke with a bored tone, pulling the mare away with him as she screamed at the castle.
The IRS will be back they will always be back
Some poor bastard's going to have to amend that code now. Twilight's been a lich for less than a week and she's already damning ponies to Tartarus.
You know, it occurs to me that our laws, in particular tax laws, mostly use the terms "citizen of", "residing in" and variations of those instead of "living" and it's permutations.
The only time you really see "living" is around death and will laws.
Makes you think, no?
Even the Joker pays his taxes.
They don't know she is efectibly death, and can't pay taxes, but also can't own property, have family, realize any contract nor legal documentation in the goverment, which means, the goverment officially has no obligations to her in anyway whatsoever, its like she was death.... oh yeah she is XD, the tax ponies should realize this soon :D and confiscate the casstle, bank accounts, titles, degrees, etc and sell whathever she owns, wait, whatever she used to own, because she doesn't own anything XD.
Technically, since she's legally dead she can't own anything ether.
They probably can force her to have all her possessions and bits signed over to someone else and tax that pony for them.
Twilight, you little sly thing.
I wonder, I wonder what will happen next.
so instead of paladins or hunters of undead.
It will be the army of PRS/IRS agents will be her ultimate enemy.
I think I like this Spike. He is a lot clever than he was given credit for.
I would never trust anyone/pony called penny pincher, they just sound like a scammer
or a extortionist
Ahh, those Americans and their tax jokes. They will never get old and will never be understood by any non-Americans.
11496269
I’m not American.
Just for the curiosity of anyone who happens to read this, assuming we're talking about US federal taxes, it actually is possible. There are a couple relevant credits, but the big one is the Foreign Earned Income Exclusion. Here is it straight from irs.gov:
https://www.irs.gov/individuals/international-taxpayers/foreign-earned-income-exclusion
The TL;DR version is that if you're a US citizen who doesn't set foot in the US for a minimum of 330 days in the year, you can reduce your taxable income by an amount that varies by year, but that in 2022 was $112,000. So, as long as you make less than that, your taxable income is zero.
While some people might think this too good to be true, the US is actually one of the most restrictive countries in the world about this. The US claims tax liabiltiy on its citizens regardless of where they are in the world, and the above is simply a minimum threshold for that liability. Most countries don't do this at all. For example, if you're a UK citizen and you're not resident in the country, you don't pay any taxes on foreign income at all, with no limit, and to qualify as "not resident" you only have to be physically out of the country for half the year instead of 330 days.
So, very few people have life circumstances that make it practical, but it can be done.
"Nothing is more certain than death and taxes"
... *Looks at Twilight* ...
"Except that nothing is ever certain and magic cheats...:
This does not feel like something Twilight would do, I am pretty sure she would still pay...
Then again, these are taxes we are talking about, it is hard to want to pay them.
I'm waiting for the day Twi realises the wealth of puns at her disposal.
And twilight faces her most dangerous foe yet.
Amendment 2,189 of 26 ERC, § 3;
Section III, Paragraph II of the Equestrian Tax Code is hereby amended to the following; "All citizens and residents of adult living age or state of cognizant undeath, including but not limited to lichdom, zombification, vampirism, or phantasmal incorporeality residing within the borders of Equestria shall be required to pay a portion of their annual gross income to the Crown and any local municipalities as a tax, determinable in accordance with the table found in § IV of this same Code."
Nice
11496269
Hating the IRS, or your national equivalent, is a worldwide responsibility of everyone. Not just the US. We just have even more alphabet agencies to be angry at.
What to bet the laws get changed for next year?
great chapter loved it
11496362
Bill passed ASAP.
Or "living" is legally amended to include conscious forms of undeath
11496158
They thought of everything
11496362
I will never pay taxes.
11496158
dont do this to me
aaaaaaaa
Tax evasion: committed.
Now, we need to figure out what exactly she eats.
11496162 That's exactly what I was thinking, it works both ways.
11496158
Humans are smarter than ponies. Our IRS will get the damn taxes.
11496162
She's not death she's undeath as the title says a sparkle of unlife
You do know that as a legally recognized princess of Equestria she can just say that she is like Celestia and Luna immortal and ageless (I've made this suggestion before especially if they do a official announcement of Twilight Sparkle as an undead this would be a great loophole to exploit stating that this is just her own way of becoming immortal likes Celestia and Luna that her magic made her undead to allow magic to stay in the world forever)
11497506
Wel, she is not alive either, so until there is a law about the undeath, she is efectibly death.
The Death and Taxes !
Twilight is undead! and who should heirs when she is eternal! Luna and Celestia are immortal! But not forever since only Twilightchanged her body! Say Discords relatives can interfere! HAHA
Eh, ultimately taxation is a pretty much necessary evil. The government needs money to function and carry out its tasks just like everyone else, that money has to come from somewhere, and taxes basically just take the idea that “everyone who benefits should in the name of fairness also do their part to in turn chip in” and try to turn it into practice, which in and of itself is hardly unreasonable. It’s just the implementation -- which for whatever reason seems to all but inevitably turn into an overly complicated and otherwise at least in part badly flawed mess wherever one goes and looks -- that gives them a bad name.
But I’ll get back off this soap box already.
That is that, indeed. Now, shoo shoo, get out.
I wonder if there is a law in Equestria that dictates should an owner of a property is deceased, the government may seize said land. Now that, is a cute little obstacle.
Things which mortals think are inevitable:
Death: Cheated
Taxes: Loopholed
The undead being the bad guys: Prejudiced
I wonder how some of the villains will react to an undead Twilight.
The only things sure in Equestria are Death and Taxes.
Death failed to take her, and the poor little guy is listed first. What chance, then, does Taxes have?
She'd dead and she fusses over taxes.
Priorities.
hmm factual truth? That is one hell of spell... It can be used to get answer to thing NOBODY knows... Just go fish...
11566087
I left out a bit of an explanation (To avoid bloating the chapter with needless exposition) that it only works for facts that a pony inside the field actually knows. It glowed green, as Twilight knew for a fact what she spoke. It did not glow at all, initially for Penny Pincher, as she only believed Twilight to have cheated, but didn't know that for a fact, but Twilight knew for a fact that she did not cheat the spell, making it glow red in response to Penny's words.
Even though it was accidental, becoming a lich to not pay taxes is strangely the most American thing I can think of in a world of pastel ponies
11639227
🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸I agree 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸