Doctor, Doctor! Give Me the News!
Ponyville General Hospital was a surprisingly well furnished hospital, or at least surprisingly well furnished for servicing such a small town. Then again, being located so near to both the Everfree Forest, and the shenanigans constantly surrounding the element bearers, it was probably important to have a well stocked medical centre for the endless amounts of (usually non-fatal) accidents that seemed to be an everyday occurrence here.
Yet on this night, despite all the injuries and illnesses that tended to crop up in this small town, the hospital was quiet. Nurse Redheart assumed it was likely due to everypony’s mood being diminished from the recent passing of Twilight that no one felt up to getting into any of their usual trouble. She was the only medical professional still on staff tonight, the others having headed home for a strong drink and a long rest once it became apparent that tonight was going to be one of the few peaceful nights they may see.
Nurse Redheart stared out from the front desk at the empty lobby and let out a small sigh. As nice as it was to see nopony new getting hurt, this graveyard shift seemed like it was going to be a boring one. Glancing up at the clock on the wall, she huffed and looked back to her book. It was some sort of country-western romance novel that had been recommended to her by a relative, but the whole idea of a busy city stallion coming out to the country and falling in love with a mild-mannered rancher mare was a bit overdone. Still, anything was better than watching the clock for the 5 more hours until her shift ended.
Her reading was shortly interrupted by the sounds of arguing and shuffling hooves on the sidewalk outside the hospital. She looked up and smiled brightly, taking a big swig of coffee from her ever-present thermos. Finally, her night was about to get interesting.
“I told you, I feel fine!” Twilight argued, struggling against all five of her friends who were working together to drag her towards the hospital. “I just had a nap and you girls overreacted! It’s not the first time a pony has been mistaken for being dead!”
Applejack huffed and continued pulling on the rope that was lassoed around Twilight’s barrel. “And ah’ told ya’, as soon as ya’ve got a clean bill of health, ya can go back home! Ah’m not taking any chances! Woo-nelly… when did you get this strong…”
Rainbow grunted. “I don’t like hospitals either, Twi! But being a wonderbolts member-“
Rarity cleared her throat.
Rainbow shot her the stink eye. “Being a wonderbolts reserve member has taught me that you gotta get yourself checked out when you have an accident! And I dunno about anypony else, but that was one heck of an accident.”
Twilight grumbled and finally stopped struggling, causing all of her captors to suddenly fall forwards with the lack of resistance. “Alright, but right after this I’m going back to finish reading that book. There shall be no books in my library that I have not read!” She declared, stomping her hoof into the ground dramatically.
The other five girls gave each other looks of concern. “Um… should we really let her continue to read that book? She did sort of… die last time…” Fluttershy whispered softly.
“Yeah, and it was totally made out of somepony’s skin!” Pinkie agreed cheerfully, her mane once again as poofy as a poodle.
Rarity stared at Pinkie for a moment. “I’m… not even going to ask how you’re so certain of that, darling. Regardless, we’ll agree for now, and hope that by the time she gets home she’ll be tired enough that we can get her straight off to bed.”
Applejack nodded and they broke their huddle. The farmpony reached out to open the door to the hospital as the other girls stood in a semicircle behind Twilight to make sure she didn’t attempt to escape back to the library for more late-night reading.
“Hello, welcome to Ponyville General Hospital! Are you sick, injured, or dying?” Asked Nurse Redheart, her body jittery from running on nothing but caffeine for the past 12 hours, as usual.
“Uh… dead? Or not dead? Maybe?” Rainbow muttered, caught off guard by the strange greeting. Shaking her head clear of the bemusement, she pulled Twilight into view.
“I swear, you all are just being paranoid hypochondriacs.” Twilight muttered, using big words because she was a very smart horse.
“Aren’t you suppose to be dead?” Redheart inquired.
“So everypony keeps telling me.” Twilight replied tiredly.
Pinkie tutted disapprovingly. “Twilight, you just wasted your chance to say ‘the rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated!’ It’s like… the one line everypony has been waiting for you to say!”
Twilight just stared at her incredulously for a few moments, before shaking her head and walking towards the desk. “Anyways… I’m just here so that we can do a quick little test of my vitals, proving that I’m not dead, so I can go back to reading my books, and my friends who I love and cherish very much, can stop hugging me and crying every few seconds.”
Nurse Redheart stared at her for a few moments and then shrugged. “Yeah, sure, alright. I had nothing better to do anyway.”
She led Twilight away into one of the side rooms and sat her down on the hospital bed. Twilight, being the mature and reasonable pony she was, grumbled with her forelegs crossed over her chest, but Nurse Redheart wasn't fazed. There were a lot of stubborn ponies in this town, mostly those of the 'applebucking' variety, and she was used to patients not being very... well... patient. "Alright, first things first, lets check your blood pressure." The doctor whose name was Nurse (a fact that has left her estranged to her parents) cheerfully said. Twilight sighed and stuck out her foreleg, deciding that it was better to just get it over with.
Doctor Nurse Redheart expertly wrapped the plastic cuff around Twilight's upper leg and began to slowly inflate it, placing her stethoscope against an artery. After a few moments, she narrowed her eyes and tried with the other foreleg. "Interesting." She murmured, removing the cuff and placing the stethoscope directly against Twilight's chest.
"Interesting?" Twilight inquired.
"According to my measurements, your blood pressure is... 0 over 0. And your heart rate is 0 beats per minute. Congratulations, Princess. You are dead." Redheart then proceeded to empty a coffee cup into the sink, and began to fill it with a flask of something from a drawer. "And I am too sober to deal with the fact that you're a walking corpse."
Twilight and her friends quickly found themselves shuffled out of the hospital and heard the sounds of a door locking behind them, followed by the sight of a sign being stuck to the interior of the window reading 'No Doctors on Duty.' Twilight glanced down at herself and placed a hoof against her chest, trying to feel for a heartbeat. "Huh."
Her friends were mostly staring at her in silence, confusion evident on all their faces. After a moment of silence, Fluttershy spoke up. "Weren't we supposed to take Spike to the hospital too? You know... for the concussion?"
"Whoops." Pinkie Pie said unhelpfully.
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Nice
See you in another 7 to 8 months
I was hopping for a "I got better"
sure. Let's go with that
valid, valid
about right for these ponies
Reminds me of this:
https://youtu.be/HdHBS8aPdQU?t=333
Poor Redheart, the only thing worse than third-shift monotony is the stupidity that interrupts said monotony.
Glad it's going on
Redheart is the smartest person here XD
Yes.
good
Giving what town they are in, Twilight will soon find the local undead group. There has to be a few dead walking around the town.
Sparkle is unlife
Fanfic is undeath.
ITS ALIIIIIIVE!!!
Im sorry it was the perfect reference
This was absolutely worth the wait.
Good to know Twilight doesn't like the Doctor's office either. Loved the commentary on the insanity that is Ponyville life from the medical community's viewpoint. 
Can't blame Doctor Redheart for that particular reaction.
Pinkie would absolutely know about books like that.
Thanks for another great chapter!
Update pog
Just Ponyville being Ponyville Red Heart you will get used to it one day
What, you didn't check the breathing or measure for the brain activities?
11307515
Eh, had a longer sequence written with more tests, but felt it threw off the flow too much. Not supposed to be an episode of House MD. Condensed it to just that.
11312000
with a lot a piece of truth
What shenanigans will come next ?
11307515
Respirations are measured while taking blood pressure, and you don't need an EEG when you have a clinically dead individual, it just proves that they're clinically dead and not biologically dead yet.
Reports of Twilight's death were NOT exaggerated it seems. But she hasn't gotten the memo.
Well, she's dead, yet not dead. That's gonns screw with her tax status and the local census numbers.
Well this is an exceptionally realistic set of reactions. Now, if you excuse me, I am gonna push the OP into writing an another chapter.
11337301
Okey. It's like
11337309
You have no power here, mortal
Guess I'm one of the few that care about Spike
Huh. For someone who claims they don`t like writing, your stories are incredibly good.
Sucks to be him
As nursing is a brutally stressful profession, Redheart's exhaustion is very apt.
This is what happens when hospital staff learns you don't have insurance.
Cupcake