Kung-Fu Equestria

by Lady Umbra

The Jade Dragon Library

Leaves glided on the blowing wind, ruffling the robe of a purple mare. Her face was concealed by an oriental straw hat, protecting her from the wind's cold kiss. She walked along a path leading to a damaged building. As she walked, she could not help but imagine a narrator speaking in her mind, her voice powerful and grim, like she was narrating high fantasy.

"Legend tells of a legendary warrior whose Kung-Fu skills were the stuff of Legend", The voice in her head said. "She traveled the land in search of worthy foes."

The mare let the door slam open, revealing the various scum and villainy that such a damage establishment would host. Wolves and boars and bears watched her every move as she marched inside, set herself down at the table, and opened a book. All too soon, the boldest of the bandits stalked his way towards her, regarding her like a fresh piece of meat.

"I see you like to read," the bandit commented "How 'bout you read the book...Of My Fist!" The bandit slammed his into the table for emphasis

"The Warrior said nothing" the narrator commented. "Mostly because she had to mark her page."

Which the warrior did promptly.

"Then she shut her book," the narrator declared, as the warrior did what the narrator said. "And then she spoke.”

"Enough talk," she declared. “Let’s fight!

And with a cry for battle, the mare kicked the table at her opponents. As her horn flashed and her legs bucked like a wild stallion, sending bandits in every direction, the voice in her head grew louder with passion.

“She was so deadly and fast that her enemies would go blind… from her mastery of flash-bang spells!”

Emphasizing her point, she unleashed a blast of light from her horn. So bright that the few bandits who had been smart enough to stay back, were left scrambling for any sort of cover to their burning eyes.

“My eyes!” one of them cried.

“She’s too powerful!” another shrieked.

“And attractive…” a small voice commented. Spinning to the source, the warrior found herself gazing upon a pair of battered ponies, looking up at her as if she was the Master Celestia reborn.

“How can we repay you, kind one?” one of them asked.

The warrior turned. “There is no charge for greatness,” she declared, winking at the female of the two. “Or attractiveness.”

Some seemed to take that expression the wrong way, for the walls soon darkened with more foes. But, as her narrator was quick to point out…

“It mattered not how many foes she faced; they were no match for her mastery of the martial and magical arts!”

Indeed, foe by foe was flung aside by spells, kicks and punches. A thousand foes leaped into the air, forming the dark impression of a snarling, gaping wolf’s maw. But with a flash from her horn, the warrior sent them plummeting back to earth like rain.

“Never before had anyone been so feared, and yet so loved.”The warrior smiled as her gaze turned to the Celestia Palace, where five ponies stood in various poses.

“Even the most heroic heroes in all of Equestria, The Furious Five,” the voice breathed with a hint of awe, “Bowed in respect of this great master!”

And indeed they did. Launching from the palace and landing in front of the warrior, the mare’s heart soared as they inclined their heads in the sacred show of respect.

For… about five seconds. Then the pink one of the group bounced up with a cry of glee.

“We should totally hang out!” Master Pinkie Pie declared. “We should chat and sing songs and…” she gasped in delight. “PARTY!”

“Er…” the warrior grimaced as the pink mare danced around her. “Maybe hanging out would have to wait.” the voice in her head declared.

To her delight, an army of a thousand bandits appeared.

“After all,” the voice cried with delight, while the warrior summoned the emerald sword of heroes. “When you’re facing the ten thousand demons of demon mountain! There’s only one thing that matters!”

And as the warrior and her fellow warriors leaped to combat them, ready to find out what mattered… a new voice cut through the dream.

“Twilight! Time to get up!”

---

Twilight Sparkle bolted up with a gasp of alarm. Instead of facing the ten thousand demons of demon mountain, she was sitting in front of her reading desk, with a paper stuck to her cheek. Pulling the parchment from her face with a sigh, she gazed sadly at the words, depicting the proper techniques for Shaolin Blocking and Redirection. Rolling up the scroll with a shake of her head, Twilight pushed herself away from her stories of adventure and the techniques required to go on said adventure, and went downstairs to her actual life.

"Morning Twilight," the green dragon said from behind a stack of books and scrolls. “You sleep alright?”

“Good as usual, Spike,” Twilight replied, yawning as she lifted the stack of books from his tiny arms. “How about you?

"Alright,” Spike replied, shooting her a wry grin. “Once you passed out.”

Twilight rubbed the back of her mane sheepishly. “I, uh, wasn’t that loud, was I?”

“Twilight, you stay up every night studying Kung-Fu and its integration with magic,” Spike chastised, taking one of the scrolls from Twilight’s aura. “I’m surprised we haven’t gotten more complaints about the noise those spells make.”

"Sorry," Twilight apologized sheepishly.

“Eh, no need to apologize,” Spike replied with a grin. “Just help me get these back on their proper shelves.”

Twilight was quick to obey, and for a few moments, the only sound was of Twilight’s aura as she slotted the scrolls and books into their proper places in the library.

Yet, it didn’t take long for thoughts to overcrowd Twilight’s already large mind.

"Hey Spike,” Twilight asked curiously. “Have you ever had a dream?"

"Well…” Spike admitted, pondering the question. “Yeah, there was a time when I wanted to…” he chuckled sheepishly. “Wanted to sell comic books. Y’know, draw out my own stories of heroes and villains. Set em up against each other and sell the results, ya know?”

"And, why didn't you?" asked the unicorn.

"Well that's all it was,” Spike replied. “Just a dream."

Twilight looked down in defeat, quickly wiping the expression away when Spike glanced at her with a curious expression.

"Why do you ask?”

"I just... want more than all of this," Twilight admitted, motioning towards the entire Library. Spike followed her gaze, his reptilian brow ruffling.

"I thought you enjoyed working here,” he replied.

"I do, it's just I..." Twilight sighed, lowering her head. "Forget it,” she said, turning back to the scrolls. “I'm just speaking nonsense."

Yet Twilight couldn’t help but gaze at the scrolls of Kung-Fu. And beyond… just at the edge of one of the highest windows, Twilight could glimpse the Celestial Palace. Where the greatest heroes trained to defend Equestria.

---

In the gardens of the Celestial Palace, Master Luna Solaris sat crossed legged next to a tree as she played a soft melody on a flute. As her eyes shut, apparently lost in the music, five figures moved with in the shadows.

The first to charge was a pink mare coming from behind with a cheerful, “Surprise!”

As her cry broke the still peacefulness of the meody, four others launched for the Master; blurs of white, cyan, orange and yellow shot for the Master.

Yet even with their skill, they were not enough. Practically becoming a blur herself, Master Luna deflected their strikes, her flute turning from a simple musical instrument to an arc of pure deflection.

In seconds, the five younger masters were left panting, having surrounded the master but failing to land even a single scratch on her. Luna spun her flute and planted it into the ground like a sword.

"Well done, students,” Luna commented coldly, "If you were trying to disappoint me!"

She spun to the cyan Element of Loyalty. “Rainbow Dash, you need more ferocity,” Luna declared, eliciting a grim nod.

She spun to the white Element of Generosity. “Rarity, greater speed,” Luna demanded, eliciting a soft groan.

She spun to the yellow Element of Kindness. “Fluttershy; height,” Luna declared, eliciting a moan of sadness.

She spun to the pink Element of Joy. “Pinkie Pie… subtly,” Luna grumbled, eliciting a nervous giggle from the mare.

She spun to the orange Element of Honesty. “Applejack,” she began, before a voice cut her off.

"Master Luna!"

"What!" Luna barked, whirling on a gray pony with cross eyes, who grinned despite the flute being pointed at her like a sword.

"Master Celestia wishes to see you,” the gray pony said happily.

The cold look faded from Luna’s eyes. She turned briefly back to her students.

"I want you all in the training hall, Dismissed" Luna declared, before practically teleporting to the Moon Pool of the Celestia Palace.

Celestia was waiting for her, balanced perfectly on top of her staff as she gazed wistfully into the shimmering waters. Luna took a moment to calm herself, bowing with her fist placed into her palm.

“Master Celestia,” Luna declared. “You summoned me? Is something wrong?”

Celestia smiled softly, climbing down from her staff.

"Why must something be wrong for me to want to see my younger sister?" she asked, striding over to the dozens of candles lit around the mirror pool.

“So… nothing is wrong?” Luna asked curiously.

Celestia chuckled. “Now who said that?” Celestia asked coyly.

Luna attempted to wait patiently as Celestia carefully blew out one of the candles. Then another. Then another. Luna’s ears began to twitch with agitation. Celestia noticed her sister’s irritation, and moved to speak… before blowing out another candle.

Luna’s wings flared with her anger, and with a quick flap, she extinguished the remaining candles, plunging them into a soft darkness.

“You were saying?” Luna said, as her wings folded against her back once more.

Celestia stared at the extinguished candles, the coy grin fading from her features.

"Luna,” she began. “I wished this couldn't be happening. Especially with everything you've gone through. My fame prevented me from seeing what I was doing to you. You were imprisoned for a thousand years before I freed you at the cost of your magical ability. You've loved and lost your only son. So, with a heavy heart it pains me to tell you this...”

“Sister, please,” Luna said impatiently. “What is it?”

Celestia sighed, unable to hide the truth anymore.

“I have had a vision,” she said, turning to Luna sadly. “Tai Lung will return.”

Luna’s breath caught in her throat.

The night came back to her. The fury that had taken love. The damage to her heart that made the physical blows seem like nothing.

“Impossible!” Luna declared before she could stop herself. “He is in prison!”

Celestia shook her head in defeat. “Nothing is impossible, little sister.”

But Luna refused to listen.

"Derpy!" Luna yelled as the gray pony reappeared.

“Muffins?” she asked.

"Fly to Tartarus Prison,” Luna ordered. “Tell them to double the guard, double the weapons, double EVERYTHING! Tai Lung does NOT leave that prison!"

Luna practically screamed the last line, but Derpy simply smiled and nodded.

“Okie-dokie, Master Luna,” she declared… before promptly flying into one of the pillars. “Huh?” she commented, gazing at the pillar like it had appeared from nowhere. “I just don’t know what went wrong.” Shaking her head she flew out of the Celestia Palace and out of sight.

Celestia sighed at her sister’s impulsiveness. "One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it,” she warned.

"But Sister,” Luna protested. “We can’t just let Tai Lung march upon Ponyville and take his revenge. He’ll… He…” Luna couldn’t bring herself to say more. Couldn’t stand to refer to her old student – no, she couldn’t deny, her own son – as the monster he had become. Celestia’s softly touched Luna’s shoulder, pulling her from the bad memories.

"Your mind is like this water, Luna," Celestia said, motioning towards the rippling water of the Moon pool. “When it is agitated, it becomes difficult to see.” Celestia grinned and lowered her staff towards the pool. “But, if you allow it to settle…” she touched the pool softly, sending a soothing ripple through the agitated waters. “The answer becomes clear.”

Indeed, it did. As the water settled, Luna saw the reflection of the golden dragon above, holding the very thing that had triggered Tai Lung’s descent into madness.

"The Celestial Scroll?" Luna asked, gazing upon the scroll with a hint of resentment.

But when Celestia turned to her, her face became grim.

“Now, my dear sister,” Celestia admitted. “It is finally time.”

"But who?” Luna asked, resisting the urge to demand why her son had not been good enough. If not Tai Lung then who? she couldn’t resist thinking before saying the rest out loud; "Who is worthy to be trusted to the secret to limitless power? To become...The Celestial Warrior?"

Celestia’s grin returned.

“I don’t know,” she replied coyly..

Comments

[AstralFlare42]

Let me know if you need an OC.

[Saiyan of the North Star]

KO awesome chapter, Celestia and Luna will have to prepare their warriors to find the Chosen One for the Celestial Scroll and Twilight will be sure of who that is.

[Crimson Blade79]

Impressive adaptation but I wonder if you'll alter the story or keep it in line with the movie. I'm also interested to seeing how this world works compared to the original one.

[AstralFlare42]

Luna: What!?

[Moonlight Tome]

Sooo..... our Po in this story has shed a few hundred pounds, but the dorkiness?

..... Yeah, it's through the roof. This'll be fun.