Applejack POV:
I was sitting in my room just letting myself slowly sink and think. How could I have been so blind as to not see that my sister was jealous of my friendship with Sunset, especially after all she had done. But what I couldn't wrap my head around was why Mac had run her off the road. As I sat on my bed letting my thoughts run wild I got a text from Fluttershy.
'Hey'
'Hey, how's sunset'
'She finally woke up, listen meet me and the other girls at Sugar Cube Corner, we need to talk'
'Alright, I'll meet you girls there'
As I sent the text, I got off from my bed and grabbed my hat as I left my room. I walked down the stairs with thoughts just flowing through my head of how it would go down. I stepped out of my house and walked to my 1966 Chevy c10, I hopped into the cab and just sat for a while still thinking. I finally turned the key in the ignition as my truck rumbled to life I let the radio play as I drove to Sugar Cube Corner.
I drove just letting the song take me away, and thinking of how badly I had screwed up. I had let the rumors, lies, and the way Sunset used to cloud my judgement. Instead of seeing who she'd become in the past three months and how badly I'd hurt my friendship with her and the other girls. I asked myself if I hadn't been so blind, would I have believed my sister and brother could do such horrible things? I realized I couldn't not even know after the evidence had been shown to me I couldn't.
As I pulled into Sugar Cube Corner, I parked next to Rarity's Mazda Miata. I let the song finish it's haunting melody as I shut off my truck. I slowly got out and headed inside to find the girls sitting at a window seat. Rarity was by the window, but she had no sense of prim and proper, Pinkie Pie was sitting across from her, her hair was dark and straight. It almost seemed like she wasn't even the same girl I had known for years, Rainbow Dash was sitting across from Rarity with a scowl on her face almost seeming like we had all turned on her, I decided to sit next to her. Mostly to make sure she couldn't run if she got the notion to do so, we just sat in silence and waited for Fluttershy to show up to talk to us about what she wanted to talk to us about, we didn't have to wait long.
The sounds of the car's muffler cackling like a wild cat on crack sounded outside.
"She's here," Rarity said depressingly.
"Let's just hope...her and Sunset can forgive us" Pinkie said dejectedly at the same time Rainbow snorted and I just looked at her. The sound ceased once more as we waited for Fluttershy to enter, as she did she looked right at us with a scowl on her face and a fire in her eyes.
"I'm glad you girls could make it" she said as she sat down in a chair at the head of the table. The shy girl we knew was gone and in her place, was someone who wanted nothing more than to rip us a new one.
"How's Sunset?" I did not want to look at Fluttershy.
"What do you care about?" Rainbow said, getting all of our attention. "Sunsets the one who framed your sister and her friends, and it's only a matter of time before"
"Oh why don't you take your ego and shove it Rainbow" a voice interrupted her from the door. All of us looked up and there was Princess Twilight walking towards us "you have some gall to take someone's name and drag it through the mud, especially when that person has worked her plot off to make sure everyone knows she's changed. But you can't see that, as soon as something goes wrong and something comes up that seems like it's bad you" she almost shouted pointing directly at Rainbow. "Choose to ignore her atonement and jump on a wagon of moronic idiots who believe lies and slander over truth and character" she finished as she sat down next to Fluttershy.
"Thank you Twilight" Fluttershy said, turning to the rest of us her eyes grew cold as she continued. "You all screwed up and it's not going to be an easy fix, you threw away not only Sunsets trust, but mine as well. You're going to have to earn it back and it's not going to be easy." She finished as me, Pinkie and Rarity looked down.
"Oh boo hoo" Rainbow said, getting angry. "Why should we care '' after Rainbow said that thunder cracked outside jumping all of us.
"Because, I managed to talk down her father and uncles from doing anything that could destroy this world" she said as lightning struck just outside the window. All of us looked outside to see four cars outside, the one we all recognized was Sunsets father's Cadillac.
"Oh yeah and what are they...gonna..do" Rainbow got out between coughs. As she pulled her hand away we all saw blood on her hand. "W..why did I cough up blood?" she said frantically.
"That would be Zaraza's doing," Twilight said, smirking. "See you girls may be the elements of harmony on this side, meaning you can help against magical mayhem, but if you can't fix this friendship problem" she said as thunder rumbled. "This world has something that mine doesnt."
"What's that?" Rarity asked, more than a little nervous.
"Wait" Pinkie said as she looked at Fluttershy. "Did you say one of her uncle's was named Zaraza?"
"I met him" I cut in. "He's a famous doctor" after I said that Pinkie went wide eyes.
"But...Zaraza means pestilence in Polish" after she said that my eyes went wide.
"My Granny Smith met with an old friend who's a famous botanist named Nälänhätä" I said looking at Pinkie as she started going pale.
"Nälänhätä is Finnish for Famine, does she have another uncle by chance?" Pinkie asked, looking scared out of her wits.
Fluttershy smiled evilly as she answered. "Yes she does, his name is Krieg" as she said that Pinkie started hyperventilating.
"Geez Pinkie" Rainbow said in anger leaving her voice for a moment. "So what if one uncle's name means Famine and the other means pestilence, what's so wrong wi.."
"Because Krieg means war and I just realized Thanatos in ancient Greece is the Greek God of Death, meaning" Pinkie interrupted Dash. As she started trying to get her breathing user control, Rarity's eyes got as big as plates as the information went into her head, she fainted. As I thought over the information given to us I realized what Pinkie was getting at.
"No" was all that I could get out as my jaw went slack and my eyes went big.
"Somebody wants to explain what's so important about those names, jeez I need to go see Mac" Rainbow said trying to get up.
"Don't you get it Rainbow" Pinkie asked. "Pestilence, Famine, War, Death." She said pleading for Rainbow to realize what we all had at that moment.
"And"Rainbow said, rolling her eyes and hands gesturing for Pinkie to make her point.
"T..t..the f..four horsemen..of t..the a.. apocalypse" she stuttered out as lightning flashed outside the window again.
"Very astute..Miss Pinkamena Diane Pie...very astute indeed" a raspy voice said behind us. We all turned to look at the voice and standing there in the door blocking any means of escape was Sunsets father and three men I could only assume were his brothers.
Rainbow Dash POV:
I had never been more scared in my life, after the revelation Pinkie just dropped. Standing at the door were four men I knew we could do nothing about. "W..what are you guys going to do to us?" I asked, letting the terror fill me.
"We've already done it, miss dash," the one wearing green said.
"Zaraza...is correct" the one in the wheelchair said, if I had to guess he was Famine and Zaraza, the one in green was Pestilence, leaving war and death the last two.
"You have a long way to go to atone for your sins" the third one said, ``I guess he's war'' I thought to myself as he continued. The road will not be easy, but you all must understand you are what is stopping the new disharmony from spreading, if me and my brothers get involved" he said smiling letting it sink in what they would do.
"So what do we do?" Rarity asked, looking nervous and dejected. "We can't just go asking for forgiveness after what ourselves and our sister's did."
"Exactly" Pinkie said, looking more dejected than Rarity. "I don't even think I could face her.
"You'll know what to do when the time is right" Thanatos started. "But for now think of your actions and the consequences they've had, and as for you Rainbow Dash '' he said smiling evilly as his and his brothers eyes glowed with color. "We'll be watching you the closest, oh and before I forget, Sunset said her hospital door is open for all of you just don't expect a warm welcome." And with that Thanatos and his brothers exited Sugar Cube Corner along with Fluttershy and Twilight leaving me and the other girls to our own thoughts and what they meant.
Love the chapter, also nice song choice
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Thanks that was the part that I had some trouble with, I find music with specific scenes helps set them better, so it took me a bit to find the right song after that it was figuring out the rest of the chapter and I'm glad you liked it
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This should be "Because Krieg means war in German"
Ok… I’m not entirely sure where to begin with this. I guess I’ll start with the negatives.
Aside from repeated grammar and formatting issues (those can be fixed up with an editing pass or two), I would have to say my biggest issue with the fic, as a whole, is the lack of substance. It feels more like the notes for a rough outline of a more complete story. Things just happen without buildup or pacing. We could use a few scenes of Thanatos and Sunset enjoying a domestic life together, seeing them get used to each other over time; or maybe Sunset growing closer to the Rainbooms, or rather failing to do so. As it is, the entire story stands as a case why we see people shouting “show, don’t tell” as if it’s informative advice.
The second issue, ironically, is the amount of unnecessary bloat and chaff throughout the fic. We really don’t need to know the exact model of everyone’s car or the specific songs they listen to. Also, the addition of more characters and call backs (eg. Nightmare Moon and the three Horsemen) might be fun, it takes focus away from the main characters and the story. I think this also adds to the impression of it being a rough outline; like a bunch of ideas thrown a the wall to see what sticks. Not a bad way to start the planning of a story, but not great on its own.
My third and final issue, which really has little to do with the writing itself, is the giant frak-off plot hole demonstrated in this chapter. Namely that, save for RD, none of the Rainbooms have done anything wrong to Sunset at this point in the story, but are still behaving as if they abandoned her after the second sleepover at Rarity’s. Sunset was run off the road while on her way to the sleep over at AJ’s. Even if we assume that this fic’s universe follows a different timeline than the comic (a safe bet), the first anon-a-miss chapter in this story begins with Shy telling Sunset to stay home, implying she was invited to the slumber party. If the girls were still on good enough terms for a sleepover, then I highly doubt they’d cast her out yet. The worst possible thing they could have done to warrant the Horsemen’s displeasure would be to have suspected Sunset of making the blog.
Thankfully, that whole plot hole can be averted by dealing with issue number one.
There is one more thing. I wouldn’t consider it a criticism, but it’s definitely not praise, so I’m just putting it here.
Why is this a Supernatural crossover? It doesn’t need to be. The concept of the Horsemen goes literally as far back as the Bible, and not one of the characters ostensibly from Supernatural share any character traits with them aside from some frivolous esthetics, and those could just be applied to new characters at one’s discretion. Making it a Supernatural “crossover” doesn’t seem to impact the story in any meaningful way, let alone add to it.
Ok. So far as what I think this does right, it boils down to, ‘I think I would REALLY love the story being told here… if it weren’t just a plot summary.’
While the conflicts aren’t wholly original, what is? This story brings in some underutilized ideas and plays them very believably when it chooses to. The best example that comes to mind is RD’s stubborn determination to believe that Sunset is to blame, evidence or no.
Most AaM fics have the big reveal and everyone breaks down in tears and despair. It’s always rubbed me as kind of emotionally rushed. You’d think there might be some incredulity, and each character displaying such to different degrees could be a source for some great drama.
I like the use of images and themes from Revelation. If the story were to skew away from the crossover angle, I think there is a lot of fun to be had there.
Alternatively, you could go the other way and pivot hard into the crossover. For example; maybe back in the Supernatural universe that fact that Death didn’t actually die has created some problem(s), and the Winchesters (because, who else?) get pulled into this world to deal it (or maybe Sunset gets pulled into theirs, or both). Chuck giggling to himself all the while.
This story has SO MUCH potential!!!
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Nah, means ‘war’ in English too. It doesn’t have a unique English definition, so it just becomes a loanword, like sushi or kiosk. Actually most words in English are actually just unedited words from other languages. It’s a bit of a rabbit hole.