Miracles
MIRACLES
DISCLAIMER: I have nothing against ICP. Don't hate them but don't like them. This story is written because I felt like it. Also this is the BEST chapter, seriously.
Several months later...
Outside of Zecora's Cottage
Much time has passed since their arrival and their impressions. Violent J and Shaggy were both ready to take on Equestria and all it had to offer. Serving as Zecora's apprentices for the past few months, they were determined that they had what it takes to be, #RealBoys.
It was the day of the concert and both Shaggy and Fat Clown were shaken up from what they experienced the day they arrived... how all of the muffins were about to assault them... how if Twilight wouldn't have come, the little pony with the bow in her head would have shanked them and pocketed the $20 bill Shaggy kept in his pocket along with chap stick for his broken lips. All three of the lyric kings were right outside Zecora's hut in the middle of the Everfree forest, discussing the evening's plan.
Both Jay and Shaggy stood there with their backs straight, looking directly in front of them and avoiding eye contact with Zecora who paced back and forth examining them carefully. It's been some time since they shaved so Shaggy formed a chinstrap which actually looks decent while fat clown grew out a survival beard like the homeless man that he is along with some weaves.
"With such few hours, till the the night, it's up to me to show you the light" said the Zebra still pacing back and forth. "Yo Jay, dis is stupid yo, wit (YES "WIT" not "WITH") all dem mares in the audience dawg, we should be millionaires in our world" whispered Shaggy over to Fat Clown. Jay licked and smacked his lips together while rubbing his hands thinking about both the money and his perverse thoughts on certain mares.
Without any warning, Zecora slapped Shaggy over the head with a near by stick, having him pay attention to her instead of focusing on his future after the concert. "Now listen here scrawny little man, here's my idea, here is my plan. I hope you all see this is a needy task, but nopony will want to see you, while you wear a hideous mask" She finished saying, pointing at Shaggy's rugged worn out face.
"BITCH this ain't no mask! Dis here is my juggalo face paint, I paint my face to be cool and liked by everyone, ain't nobody want to mess with a clown man flinging around a hatchet!" Shaggy retorted instantly while he flashed his bling. A necklace with the huge emblem representing Insane Clown Posse. The size of the necklace challenged Flava Flav's necklace.
The zebra smacked her hoof against her face and wiped down. "That right there is a cleaver, not a hatchet. That necklace isn't 'cool', it's just plain ratchet." she hissed back. Shaggy had never been told down like that before. Fat Clown had his eyes wide open and covered his mouth to prevent laughter from escaping his mouth. "Damn shags! You got yo ass SERVED! Dat there is some justice boi!"
After much talk, all three were finally on the same topic of the concert, discussing their intro, performance, and exit. Hopefully if the Princess was merciful, she would let them leave in peace, the worst thing to do is to send them to the moon... or sun. "So Shaggy and Fat Clown, let me hear what you've learned, you have only one shot, you have been warned." Zecora muttered, sitting down on a log right with her eyes closed.
Shaggy stepped up to the plate to rap first and show her just exactly how much they've learned since they've arrived. The Fat F***er whipped out some sugar cookies a hyper pink pony dropped off just the other week to "boost their stamina" is what she said. Chugging them down like the lard ass that he is, J cheered on Shaggy nonetheless. "Wait, Z-Train, who exactly is is that we is gonna be performing for? I mean like, it's been 6 months since we got here and all we've seen in 6 months is the swamps living like swamp n***as, picking for roaches and sheeeit."
Zecora smiled and replied with a smart comment. "So you say you live in swamps looking for bugs, why rap so hard about doing big drugs?" the scrawny little guy couldn't reply, he just kept on rubbing his juggalo necklace like he rubs his pecker shaft. "Straighten up and listen you two, this concert at eight is meant to be a lyrical brew, if you please the princess then you may leave, and you fatclown, snip off that weave, the audience out there are ponies and more, like griffons and some dragons and camels and boars, entertain the crowd and back home you go, entertain all and remain here no more."
Both of the clowns nodded at each other and gave each other a pewdiepie bro fist. Much like the infamous internet phenomenon that over-reacts on a webcam playing trending games, Jay and Shaggy and PDP had no talent whatsoever. "Much mother f***in wicked clown luv ma nigga!" said Jay as he whooped out two cans of Faygo under his man titties.
Zecora smiled at the two and headed inside. While brewing a new potion she began talking with herself. "My rhyming talents won't send them back, I have a more devious and forgiving attack, see, teaching them wasn't easy and it wasn't fun, I'll be sure what I taught them sends them into the sun."
Backstage of Mayor Mares stage 8:30 PM
There they were, the ponies of Equestria and all they're curiosity waiting in front of the stage for their nightly entertainment. It was said by Twilight Sparkle that the nights performance was to be spectacular and would show everyone the true meaning Juggalo (Or as she called it "Hatchet Fag Clown Love"). A custom and makeshift short tower about 3 stories high was planted near the back with Princess Celestia at the top.waiting to be amused as well.
The princess got the memo from her faithful student that these two clowns are to be executed if they do not provide the nourishment of laughter for everyone and if they fulfill this simple task, then they would be sent back home in a dimension breaking pod, designed for any species but mostly built for humans.
The reason why the invasion of humans is uncalled for and illegal is because Equestria was attacked not too long ago from a human disguised as a horse. Nobody had seen it coming until of course she foolishly revealed her name, Sarah Jessica Parker. The legends of the girl were infinite and the name is unforgettable. She was executed in the Canterlot gardens by a human guest from the city of Anor Londo, Smough. That fat jelly bastard provides everyone trouble.
The time has come nonetheless, everyone was chatting up a storm while the princess kept her hoof beside a red button that would activate the Dimension Pod right under Shaggy and Jay's feet as soon as the concert was performed. She had no intentions of really executing them, anything was entertainment for her.
How the pod worked however was a magic all on its own. Upon the click of the button, a HUGE pod that would take up the entire stage would start sprouting through the floorboards and just continue to go up. Shaggy and Jay would obviously be on the pod and as the pod continues to go up, a large tower would start to appear as well, this tower is big enough to rocket through the stratosphere and once at a high enough altitude, the pod at the top would launch off and journey to its destination . A fine creation built by Bill O'reilly.
Shaggy and Jay both wore like the whitest clothing ever, given to them by ponyville famous, Rarity. Shaggy had a baggy hoodie and track pants, attempting to look like an original thug. Jay's get up consisted of a white Hawaiian like shirt and some thrifty out-of-Goodwill shorts. If you thought Rarity was white, you've seen nothing, the clowns were walking snowmen with stupid facepaint to represent how hardcore they are.
"You're on in 5 minutes!" said the stage director nervously as he looked out at the now impatient crowed. Shaggy and Jay both stood next to the curtains nervously. Jay was sweating like a pig in a Chinese restaurant while Shaggy was sucking his thumb because he's a bitch. Zecora walked up to the two of them in a fancy tribal attire that was obviously meant to be as formal wear, didn't look half bad either.
"Well you two the time has come to stand alone, sing your hearts out and just go home!" she said cheerfully. The two of them smiled at her and began to praise her for being a great mentor. "Yo Jay... crack me open 'nother Faygo, let's drink up man!" Shaggy requested now more confident than before. Jay slid a can of some raunchy ratchet drink under his titty and cracked it open. "Here you are Shagz, let's do this man, we gots to go back for da Dark Carnival man!" he finished saying. The two of them body slammed and at last the director came backstage "You two are on! Just wait for my introduction, i'll have to set'em up first!"
Shaggy chugged the rest of the Faygo and wiped the excess of it off his mouth witch his sleeve, leaving a black smear mark across his sweater. Not because of his facepaint but because he's that dirty and doesn't bathe. Both of them whipped out their 50 cent jewelry they got from a little vending machine and put them around the necks like any other necklace would go. "Wal-Mart bling Jay, Wal-Mart bling." With that, the two both took in a deep breath and ventured out into the limelight and show everyone that they weren't just clowns from the street, they were Juggalo's and Juggalo's were demigods, as they thought. To the residents of ponyville, a Juggalo was a welfare collecting walking turd that did nothing but rap about anything that makes them sound hardcore.
After leaving their first impressions, everyone in Ponyville was convinced that B-Rad from Malibu's Most Wanted had more rapping talent that the entire Juggalo community combined and that's saying a lot "From the bu's #1, hardcore ni##a!"
Just before the two got on stage though, the audience began to talk of strange and yet interesting topics to themselves. A dear cowboy mare with the orange coat began explaining to her younger sibling of the events that would partake after the show ended. "Alrighty then Applebloom, So after the show ends we're gonna pull a Chariot move" said the green eyed mare. "A chariot? You mean we're gonna be pullin' a wagon around?" responded Applebloom.
"No you grimy little thing, like chariots, we're gonna have these here Muramasa blades I got from Shiva"
"Shiva? The one creepy guy we met in the Everfr-"
Applejack quickly slapped her jaw into Appleblooms mouth to keep her from saying anymore. "Yes, that Shiva, Shiva of the East and we're leaving it at that. A wakizashi for you since your still a filly" she finished saying, handing her sister a small little like katana. "When they begin to the back, we run right by them with the swords in our mouths and we slice them open!"
Amongst other conversations... A well known cross eyed pegasus asked her stallion friend of the future of 3D movies. "I just don't get it Doctor, why are all the movies becoming 3D all of the sudden?" The brown stallion didn't answer her question, he simply pointed at the stage and said "These two bastards are worse than Bruce Willis, the new Die Hard movie was atrocious, well anyways, let's hope they improved"
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! IF YOU LOVED THEM BEFORE, YOU'LL LOVE THEM NOW! INSANE CLOWN POSSE LIIIIIIVE!"
The announcer finished shouting and quickly retreated backstage again. Now that the two finally walked into their own demise and un-knowingly walking on their vessel home, they began spinning around and jumping like the circus monkey's that they are. "PONYVILLE! MAKE SOME NOIIIIIISE!" The crowd was surprisingly excited to see the mortal humans walk on stage.
Their hooves began to stomp the ground as all watched in both awe and disgust at their stage actions. Shaggy was moonwalking like he did on day one while doing that lame 80's move called "The Egyptian". Fat Ass the clown was pelvic thrusting into ponies faces as if though he was based as f***, thinking he could pull off the Party Boy but was zapped by a purple bolt of magic by Twilight. The bolt slapped against his fat, apparently Body fat was immune to magic, so that's a plus for the obese.
"Get on with the show!" yelled the over-energetic Pink Pony. Half her hair was flat, the other was puffy, something was obviously pissing her off. Jay and Shagz got their act together and already started to sweat, the two stood silently together and slowly the lights faded out. This show as going to be off the chain.
In the darkness, Shaggy called out to the crowd. "Now who here doesn't know what a Juggalo is?" his voice boomed through the speakers. Nobody replied except for a cocky pegasus sitting on a cloud throwing apples, hoping she gets lucky to hit on in the dark. "Griffon Shit!" the crowd began to laugh at Rainbow's uncalled for comment, even the Princesses had a small smile on their face.
"AYE YO WHO SAID DAT?! BEST YOU KNOW WE BE BUSTIN THE CAPS IN PONY ASS!" hissed back Jay.
The crowd began to laugh at them uncontrollably, they weren't being taken seriously and that was a major problem. Juggalo's had a low self-esteem but their thick skulls and low IQ shielded them from the truth. If the immense amount of put-downs continued, it was going to be a hatchet to the neck for them. Fat Clown let a tear of grease drop from his pig eyes and it landed on his cheap medallion of the Juggalo. The tear was sucked into the plastic and soon enough it began to glow a mystic sense.
Jay didn't realize it but Shaggy was standing in front of him with his back turned, telling off everyone to stop beasting and feasting on poor little round Jay. It was the power of Friendship itself that made them stand strong against everyone. The little respect they've gotten, the constant hate, they've been through it all but what makes the Juggalo's stand so strong against everyone was.... friendship and friendship is all they needed to give the crowd a god tier performance. It was all they needed to go through the hardships and cruelty of reality, they're die hard fans and much more is what told ICP to NOT stop what they're doing.
Jay wiped the tear away, but what was this he realized? It wasn't grease like thousands have told him it was, he cried just like anyone else but this tear was special, this tear was made of pride, made of nobility, Jay then realized his Juggalo facepaint began to be incandescent as the sun, the true Juggalo in him roared alive and soon, Fat Clown became Smough, the Juggalo of Dark Souls. Everyone int he crowd saw in awe at this amazing power he possesed, everyone hushed down.
Shaggy walked towards his friend with a nervous facial expression. "Yo Jay, dat you man?" he asked cautiously. His friend smiled at him and nodded, Jay did the same. "Yo dawg! It's that medallion! What's making it glow brighter than my nannies yellow busted teeth?" he asked, poking the necklace. Jay chortled and held out his hand to give his friend a brofist. Shaggy went for it but then instead of brofisting, he clenched his friends hand and whispered. "Friendship, Jay, it was Friendship..." finished saying Shaggy. Jay was bewildered and let go of his hand, "No stupid! It's magic! This is some mystic juggalo island stone right here!" as soon as he finished saying that, both of them locked eyes and smiled, followed by the two saying...
"Friendship is MAGIC!"
The entire crowd saw that the two of the greatest of friends locked in a brotherly hug and began to cheer in the pure beauty of their friendship. Since the day they arrived, they've received nothing but hate, it was time for the ponies to give them a 2nd chance at life, a 2nd chance at making them all happy! Celestia herself clapped while Luna was being entralled by The Walking Dead comics on her lap because the TV show is complete ass.
"This is it Shaggy! This is our moment of fame! It's time to not being lyrical geniuses and spout magic from our mouths, but to chant miracles towards everyone! Come on Shags! This here is what we call MIRACLES"
The crowd was silent and the stage darkened, there stood Insane Clown Posse with their backs turned and the music began to start up accompanied by a chuckle from Jay.
"We got a theory, ya see, we got a theory about magic and miracles..."
The music began to kick up and the light show started. The show as a great start, nobody had seen anything like it, it was as if the power of the soul they held powered the show itself... then the lyrics began to come on in. Celestia was waiting to be entertained, they left a great 1st impression, that's for sure. (Incoming REAL lyrics)
If magic is all we've ever known
Then it's easy to miss what really goes on
But I've seen miracles in every way
And I see miracles everyday
Oceans spanning beyond my sight
And a million stars way above em at night
We don't have to be high to look in the sky
And know that's a miracle opened wide
Look at the mountains, trees, the seven seas
And everything chilling underwater, please
It was as if after each rhyme, the two would switch off and let the other have a turn, a very nice way to have the two do something. The lyrics were raunchy but then... then it started to get out of hand. Celestia could see microscopic material coming out of the speakers as their concert continued. The concert continued and the noticed the crowd began to act... different, sick actually. After waiting long enough, the speckles coming from the speakers landed on her hoof. She couldn't tell what it was until she breathed it in. "By Fausts beard... horse s***!"
The lyrics were absolute garbage and so bad that it was actually able to change the crappy sound into harmful and lethal dusts made of 1000 Generation of Juggalo garbage, a very lethal weapon that Blood on the Dance floor is trying to develop to murder all who oppose their music.
"Music is a lot like love, it's all a feeling
And it fills the room, from the floor to the ceiling
I see miracles all around me
Stop and look around, it's all astounding
Water, fire, air and DERP
Bucking magnets, how do they work?
And I don't wanna talk to a scientist
Y'all motherf*****s lying, and getting me pissed"
It was getting progressively worse, Celestia was beginning to feel the effects of death stowed upon her. Out in the crowd she could see many trying to retreat but it was too late. It was like a famine for fresh air going on! Celestia was ready to kill them on the spot but she was too starting to be too weak. The out rims of her vision fogged up with brown specks, it was s***. She then began to cough up some of the brown particles onto her White Tiger rug that she sat on.
"The Dark Carnival is your invitation
To witness them without explanation
Take a look at this fine creation
And enjoy it better with appreciation
Crows, ghosts, the midnight coast
The wonders of the world, mysteries the most
Just open your mind, and it ain't no way
To ignore the miracles of every day"
She had no choice, to save Ponyville and Equestria itself, she did it. She gazed out to Luna, she was breathing rapidly while sweating, an infection of Juggalo-Itus, a lethal fungus disease that would grow on the lungs and soon enough explode into Faygo, a very painful death no one should endure. "FOR EQUESTRIA" she yelled and slammed her hoof on the red button.
Upon clicking on the button, she slammed her head on the ground and brown liquid foam was spewing out. Hundreds in the crowd were on the verge of death but thanks to Celestia good grace, it all ceased. The button reacted almost instantly when it was clicked. On the stage a huge beam cracked through the floorboards and started to rise up with the Dimension Pod at the very top, this was it, their ticket home! ICP was going back to planet Earth... right?
Lost in a world of their own, the two began to dance on the huge pod doing all these ratchet dance moves nobody does anymore while attempting to beat box. Higher and higher they rose until they were higher that Cloudsdale itself, these two were going out of the atmosphere, they were, BREAKING THE DIMENSION.... RIGHT?
Twilight limped over to Celestia and smiled. Celestia smiled back, seeing as how her vision was no longer a foggy brown, it was starting to become clear. "My dear student... we're saved..." she quietly said to Twilight who only smiled. Twilight then began to wonder while she coughed up the excess crap from her lungs.
"Princess Celesita..."
"What is it my faithful student?"
"You didn't send them to Earth did you?"
The princess smiled and replied with a very strong hint. "Let's just say, I hope that facepaint was their actual skin, they need a little.. tan." Master and apprentice had a jolly good laugh and continued to watch the tower rise higher and higher until the pod at the top was launched and traveled into space.
Want to see what happens to Shaggy and Violent Jay? Watch the video and skip DIRECTLY to 2:51 to see the epic conclusion of the two great friends.
The End
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1968915
Hope you like Faygo and Sun
I don't know if this is an anti-juggalo thing or what so I don't know if I should....
3101969
For some reason I had a strange urge to write something really bad but somewhat funny. Juggalo's are cool man, everyone is cool. I just like stereotyping. GTA V is a perfect example.
3250621 Okay, now I see. Hmmmm.....Maybe I should write a story with J and 2 Dope
3250652
I'll hope to see it... just watch for future stupid stories. Currently working on a really dumb one. It involves Shrek.