You were a normal guy. If you were being honest, you were a bit below average. You lived alone in a boring town in a crummy apartment. Didn’t even have a proper bed, just an old mattress on the floor. Regular meals were a luxury, and even then they rarely approached ‘healthy.’
As much as you wanted to improve things, your boss was a cheap bastard who took the minimum wage as more of a suggestion. The job sucked, but it was the only one you could get. Four years of college well spent.
Today, however, was a special day. Some generous soul had given you a large tip, a whopping five dollars! You’d even managed to sneak it past the living money-radar that was your boss, who would’ve claimed it as his own by divine right. Fuck that.
Being a grown, reasonable adult, you decided to spend your bounty on a cheap coffee from a gas station. For once you enjoyed your usual walk home, the caffeine making feel like something resembling a human being. You felt tingle of excitement as you take another sip. Life was looking up.
Wait. The tingle was getting stronger. What was in that coffee?
Suddenly, your vision goes blurry and the ground falls out from under you. Nausea overwhelms you as your brain hosts a house party with all your organs invited, and your lower intestines just showed up drunk. Colors and shapes danced in your vision, twisting and twirling inside of each other. You think you threw up at some point. Your precious coffee had most certainly been lost.
Eventually, you landed on the ground. Hard.
You stumbled to your feet, trying and failing to blink your eyes back to normal. As the spinning and shapes eventually faded, you noticed you were in a dimly lit room. Maybe you fell through the sidewalk into the sewer? The town’s infrastructure was old and terrible, so something like that wouldn’t have been surprising. Except when you looked up, there was no hole in the ceiling.
The main sources of light were a few torches on the wall, which probably wasn’t a standard feature in even the worst sewers. A slight glow drew your attention to your feet. You found yourself standing in the center of an intricately drawn circle, which pulsed with a faint white light. Okay then.
Then you heard the voices. Fervent whispers, coming from somewhere in the darkness. As your eyes adjusted to the dim light, you saw a group of short, hooded figures. You guessed the tallest of only came up to your waist.
Eaten by molemen. Not the way I thought I’d go, thought for sure it’d be a shootout after I shanked the boss. Oh well, still kinda cool.
“Um…Hi…?” you asked hesitantly. “Do uh…do any of you know where I am?”
After few more moments of nervous whispering, one figure slowly stepped forward. It lowered its hood…and it was a small horse. A GODDAMN horse. You stared. You blinked. You couldn’t believe what you were seeing. Was there a jailbreak at a farm somewhere?
“Here me! We have summoned you to our realm to enact our will! Soon all of Equestria shall praise our names!” it proclaimed. It went on, not even really talking to you anymore, more the crowd behind it. You weren’t paying much attention anyway, so it didn’t matter.
A horse. A TALKING. HORSE. What the hell was in that coffee? It was cheap-ass coffee, so you know you didn’t pay for something that make you trip THIS hard. Maybe someone slipped it in? It was possible, there were sickos out there that would do this to a stranger just to get a laugh.
Well you were already on this trip, so might as well go along with it. You just hoped you weren’t doing anything stupid in real life.
“Hey, ‘scuse me? Tiny horse thing?”
The horse stopped mid-sentence and turned. It looked like it forgot you were there.
Now that you got a better look at it, you noticed a few details. Firstly, it had a horn. Great, it wasn’t just a horse, but a damn unicorn. A drug-spawned unicorn. So cliché. Second, its sickly-looking grey coat was further marred by a gnarly scar that definitely hadn’t healed properly. It started under its chin and twisted to just under the horn, passing through its right eye. The milky-white iris was a stark contrast to the left’s pale green, which gleamed with a wicked intent.
“My apologies, great one. I was captivated by our success in summoning you, I forgot my manners.” It spoke in a whiney, weasel-like voice. “I will answer to ‘Father’ during our interaction.”
“…‘Father?’ Strange name.” you commented. Though on the other hand, questioning the name of your drug-trip-spawned-scarred-talking-unicorn may not be the most pressing matter.
“Ah, yes, well. I unfortunately cannot reveal my true moniker. A necessary precaution. In this business names have power, as you know.” ‘Father’ replied a snaggle-toothed grin.
“…Okay then. Whatever floats your boat. Can you at least tell me where I am? This doesn’t look any sewer I’ve ever been in. Which is a few more than I’d care to admit.”
Father blinked.
“Um, I don’t know what this ‘Sew-yer’ place is, but you are in Equestria. My followers and I-“ he motioned to the hooded figures behind him. “-summoned you here to bring about the Great Upheaval!”
‘Great Upheaval.’ That didn’t sound ominous at all. You crossed arms and sighed. This was going be a long trip. Or dream. The fact you had enough for coffee was enough to warrant suspicion on whether you’d woken up that morning at all. Either way, all you could do was ride it out.
“Uh-huh. And what might this ‘Great Upheaval’ entail, exactly?” you inquired, genuinely wanting to see where this dream/drug trip was headed.
Father grinned, which thanks to his assumedly lazy dentist, came across as rather…wicked.
“The total restructure of Equestian society! Perhaps the entire world! The princesses have had their time, but that time is done! They have lost their right to rule, now that they promote the so-called Elements of Harmony, especially Twilight Sparkle.” He spat on the floor, an action mirror by the other figures in the room. “With your aid, I shall take the reins of Equestria’s fate!”
“Um, YOU take the reins? I thought we were going to install a democratic republic?” one of the figures piped up.
Father dismissively waved a hoof.
“Fine, WE will. A slip of the tongue.”
“Just us? That sounds like an oligarchy to me.” Another figure chimed in.
“Didn’t we agree on an autocracy?”
“No no, a confederation is the way to go.”
“Personally, I voted for anarchy.”
This went on for several minutes, with the group arguing amongst themselves. Again, it seemed like they forgot you were there. Rather rude, considering they had been spawned from your unconscious/drug-addled mind.
“HEY!” you roared, and eyes (even the ones you couldn’t see) snapped to you.
“I don’t fucking care what your political views are! I just want to know WHY THE FUCK AM I HERE!?”
Father cautiously stepped forward, his voice trembling.
“W-well, we don’t have a prayer of overthrowing the princesses and the Elements ourselves.”
“They would wreck our shit.” A voice added.
Father nodded. “As I said, not a prayer. But with you, we are a force to be reckoned with!”
“And…why is that?” you asked, dumbfounded. After all if a unicorn would quote, ‘have their shit wrecked,’ by these ‘princesses’ how in the hell could you help?
Father flashed another horrific smile.
“I’m certain you could come of with something. After all a demon’s power is legendary!”
“Oh, of course, that makes…”
“Wait,
WHAT!?”
This seems really good! I'm watching this!
maby he is a demon and just was too lazy
This is going amazingly!
Hope to see the next chapter soon!
This was fun, exited to see where it goes
This will be even more hilarious he somehow not only convinces these schmucks that he’s an all powerful demon but even convinces the princesses and just the thought and the fear of him by using his powers enough to get them to surrender
you peaked my interests.
Did you mean, "Hear me"?
XD
Hey that’s pretty good!
Amusing so far. So is he in some sort of circle to keep a "demon" under control or did they stupidly try to summon a "demon" without precautions?
10229029
I also dont see any form of payment, no virgin sacrifices, no religious artifacts, not even blood. If they had been successful they would have been the first victims
Please tell me MC here has some comparative "demonic" superpowers in Ponyland. Maybe he's indestructible, magic immune, and everything feels as light as a feather to him? Classic Krypton powers that you wouldn't know you had until you were in a place where they're noticeable?
(insert World of Cardboard speech here)
Or maybe his demonic superpower is intimidation and he can just bullshit his way past anyone who questions him, like 10228634 said
I like it, keep it up.
10229148
Democratic republic super power??
Good start, keep going.
This seems like its going places, We will watch your career with great interest!
The authentic but sparingly used WTF is what sells this story in my opinion
Idea! He can make deals with others, such as to connect their Mana pools to him and cause other effects. Allowing him to slowly build up power over time. He could also steal the alicorn amulet, which because he's a "demon" it will only empower him.
Reading that synopsis, the first thing that comes to mind is DMC—
"I make a point not to go out with women who shoot me in the head!"
"Date a demon? Ha. I'm not that desperate."
...or at very least "burgle your turds".
The dream of every minimum wage worker.
10229148
I mean, just natural human Common Sense would probably be a superpower. How many issues in MLP were basically derrived entirely based upon them being lovable derps.
media1.tenor.com/images/7f4f32991a677d02172305fe793fdb73/tenor.gif?itemid=14359545
They might have botched the ritual and I have a several ideas on how that might have happened, but that depends on the magic system.
So he works for subway? Not bad, you got some good stuff here.
The average humans ability to think is more magical than anything these poor ponies could imagine. I’d say the summoning was completed perfectly.
10229377
I imagine that ponies are like super pure and the amulet and dark magic are bad because they rarely think negativity so the negative thot magic makes them go crazy. Humans that work minimum wage are gonna seriously consider murder at some point soooooo some bad thoughts are not a big deal
love this, continue it or else I'll hit you with a rotten sack of onions
“Personally, I voted for anarchy.”
Best line.
10229668
Everyone is a demon to someone. They tried to summon from another plane and they got what they got. Someone from a different plane might get a pony.
Oh dear.
They wanted a demon, and instead got a human scrub who could use Flim and Flam as doormats.
If this guy has heard of the Evil Overlord list, specifically, make the heros do all your work and let the populance give you all the credit, and Celestia Isnt a Chess Grand Master, then Equestria is screwed.
Those fools should have recruited Lyra. She'd have known instantly that they'd summoned the wrong creature.
10229994
they could have summonsed humans in the past in this world and if they got anyone with a gun or from a different Ara, it would make senses if we were Sean as demons to this world. or they are just a very bad cult that did the spell wrong i would not be surprised because when he was summoned there was no blood, how dare they summon a demon without blood sacrifice.
10230030
Description clearly states that they summon you instead of a demon. So the only reason they think that you're a demon is that's its what they wanted. They were summoning a demon, you appeared, ergo, you must be a demon, in their eyes.
10230399
when properly motivated humans are worse then demons, so they aren't wrong.
More please.
Guards, guards, guards!
you have my attention good sir, keep it up.
10229994
She'd also instantly want to become engaged.
Oh boy. I like where this is going.
Good stuff so far! Can't wait for more.
Also, I found a typo right at the end there.
"come of with something" should be "come up with something"
10230399
that is also a fare point, but to them we may have been labeled over time as demons. we might be what they consider evil. from are point of view as the human we would think they just did it wrong. To them maybe we are demons it is just a point of view thing, they summoned him with no blood, no pentagram, no dead body, just a circular marking he is standing in that might stop him from getting out if it dose i say it may be we are the demons to them if not i am wrong which is most likely butt i can have dreams
10230399
Personally I'm hoping this might be one of those marshmallow candy-land Equestrias where heck is a bad word and stealing gets you a time out. Humans, the more mischievous ones at least, would have a field day with this.
Hmm...
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Hm. You seem to have grabbed my attention. I wish to see where this goes. I imagine plenty of high jinks and misunderstandings and ponies dominated in hilarious ways! Let's see how this 'demon' summoning plays out >:)
i love this if he just nonchalant through the entire story
The comedy used with the internal strife between all ritualist surely caught my attention.
I think I will enjoy this little ride.
I wonder if he'll be like the Connecticut Yankee, and uses science to make himself omnipowerful.
At least they know the score. I'll laugh if Luna randomly belts out a "Get wrecked scrub!" if they ever get into a mob fight. Father seems appropriately sketchy so good job there. Just needs a carriage and candy to go along with his dark cloak.
10231293
This seems to be shaping up a bit like Robert Asprin's Myth Adventures. As it was revealed some time into the first book: "Demon" was slang for "dimensional traveler" .
Me: "Okay, you who suggested the democratic republic, I've got a few things to say about that. First: government salaries. Whatever you decide on, absolutely DO NOT, under any circumstances, allow them to set their own pay! If your legislative branch puts forward a law to give themselves a pay raise, make sure it can ONLY be approved by popular vote of the people. Moreover, make sure the voters also have the option of keeping their pay unchanged as well as an option for cutting their pay by the same amount they're asking for--trust me, you'll be thanking me a couple hundred years down the road for that.
"Second: term limits. It's up to you whether to allow your supreme judicial body to have lifetime appointments or not, but absolutely, you'll want to set conditions on who can be elected to the head of the executive branch as well as members of the legislative branch and limit how long they can be in office--and how many offices they can hold over their careers. Make sure they're all natural born citizens, be of a respectable age for their office, and if they are currently serving in one position, they have to resign from office BEFORE running in the election for another office, whether changing which level of the legislature they want to be in or swapping between the legislature and executive branches--trust me, you'll be thanking me for that even sooner.
"Third, your language is going to drift over time, so make sure that your idiot progeny understands just that terms like 'high crimes' mean the exact same thing as 'felonies' and 'minor crimes' mean the same thing as 'misdemeanors'. Periodically go through and update your constitution every so often with the modern language that evolves so that your people clearly understand what it says! That's another one you'll be thanking me for well into the future.
"Now.... Who was the anarchy guy, again? "
*the pony in question raises his hoof*
"Good. Thank you. Somebody, please kill him. NOW!! "
"Okay, as for the other forms of government, that's all negotiable. Have a nice day."
Lol well I'm following this looking forward to more