• Member Since 28th Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

GaleWind


Comments ( 7 )

To say it was strange is putting it lightly. Ever since the dance, whenever he tried to talk to her, he either just missed her or one of the girls ran interference. Smolder brushed him off and Silverstream was tight-lipped, or beaked, yet giddy all the same. One time, he finally tracked her down and was going ask her to go on a picnic, only for her to burst into flames and have a very apologetic Ocellus take her place.

Man, I want to hear THAT story!

Yaks best at smashing.

Cute, funny, sexy, and full of smash. Yak sex best sex!

This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!

------ Review ------

Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-The implied Gallus x Silverstream pairing is a really nice touch to spice up the beginning.
- Yona rushes and tackles him full charge. -- tense slipping.
-luna’s moon -- a tired fanfic cliche and lack of capitalization.
-But damn if it’s not going to be worth! -- worth what?
-Sweet ending, but maybe a bit abrupt. It would have been nice to see them facing their friends after this.
-Surprisingly hot and sweet, does an excellent job of developing this ship into a clopfic.

------ Scores ------

To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 85/100
Allure: 78/100
Enticement: 80/100
Immersion: 90/100
Prose Quality: 86/100
Total Score: 419/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.

Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!

10244350
Thank you for the review! I honestly didn't think I'd do this good on my first clopfic. Maybe I'll try my hands at another one.:twilightsmile:

I'm guessing Silverstream and Gallus will have somewhere private and Smolder and Ocellus in a small closet?

This was really good and adorable. Yonbar FTW.

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