A Lost Battle

by James Pwyll

A Lost Battle

As soon as word of it reached her ears, she was off, bursting out of her home at the Golden Oak and galloping as fast as her hooves could take her. Through her peripheral vision she could hear many other ponies rushing to the same destination, and her ears picked up numerous passing conversations of worry and shock. The air was thick with the feeling of dread, that something terrible had just happened, but she kept her focus as best she could, passing house after house after house. Eventually, after turning that last corner, she looked upon a mass of ponies all gathered close by to one house in particular. Taking a moment to catch her breath, she slowly moved forward. Many of those who saw her moved aside, knowing full well that one as capable as her needed to be here right now, and as she finally passed the majority of them, she finally spotted her friends. "Applejack!" she called out.

Applejack turned to see her, and she offered the smallest of smiles, but it faded as soon as it came. "Sugarcube," she said quietly.

Walking beside her, Twilight looked to each of her other friends, none of whom were looking happy, nor could she blame them for that. Her attention then turned once more to the house, and at the open door she could see Nurse Redheart, whom she'd only recently come to make the acquaintance of, standing watch. She'd occasionally glance inside the house, but for the most part she was there to keep everypony else out. Though she was terrified to ask, Twilight soon found herself doing exactly that. "Is...is it true?"

Applejack sighed, giving a small nod. "Ah hate ta say it...but yeah."

Twilight was stunned, and her ears drooped. "I heard it when I had my mail delivered, but...I couldn't believe it."

Fluttershy then looked to her, speaking for the first time today. "Where's Spike?"

Twilight grimaced at the thought of her oldest friend. "He's back at the library. I...I didn't want him seeing this."

Rarity gave a quick nod. "One can hardly blame you for that, darling. Celestia knows I wouldn't want my dear Sweetie Belle involved in this either."

Twilight looked like she wanted to say more, but it was here when there was suddenly movement from within the house. All eyes turned, and they watched as Dr Horse stepped outside. Nurse Redheart stepped aside to give him his passage out, but the mare soon looked to him, almost pleading to know what was going on. The Doctor, after having stood there in silence for a long while, looked to the aforementioned nurse, giving a slow and solemn shake of his head. Redheart too looked disheartened, but she hid it well, returning inside the house with the Doctor. Twilight, having seen that interaction, knew already what was happening, and looked even more upset than before. "So...there was nothing they could do."

Pinkie, who was uncharacteristically silent right now, looked to the rest of her friends. "I...I'm sorry, but...do we know how...how it happened?"

Applejack looked to her, mouth slightly open, as if right on the cusp of answering. But due to sheer discomfort, the words could't leave her. Eventually, and after much hesitation, she gently placed her hoof upon her own neck. Nopony there had any difficulty understanding what she meant, and looked understandably upset by the news. Twilight, looking again to the open door nearby, narrowed her eyes slightly. "I'll be honest here, I...I don't think I knew him."

Pinkie, if only a little, perked up. "Oh, Mr Jenkins? He was pretty nice. A bit quiet, but he seemed to get along with everypony okay."

Twilight kept her eyes on the door as she spoke again. "Did he...have anypony? Friends? Family?"

A deep sigh from Rarity. "I'm afraid I can't speak to his social circle, darling. As for family, well..." She looked uncomfortable here, as if what she had to say wasn't something she should be.

Looking to her, Fluttershy answered in her stead. "He had a wife, a long time ago. But she passed away. I think it was about a year or two after Rainbow and I first moved to Ponyville."

Twilight finally turned to look to her friends. "He lost his wife? That...might have contributed to this."

Pinkie seemed confused. "But...that was a super-long time ago, right?"

Twilight shook her head. "These things can build up, Pinkie. A blow like that...it can leave a mark forever." She glanced to each of her friends in turn. "I never spent any time with him myself. How has he seemed these past few years?"

Pinkie scratched the back of her head. "Well, he kinda kept to himself. Never really talked to anypony or went out for anything."

Rarity nodded to her. "Quite. I recall I've only ever spoken to him myself once in all the time I knew of him. We were waiting in line at the post office and I just happened to say 'good morning' to him." She glanced away. "He seemed...fine."

Applejack reached over, placing her hoof upon her shoulder. "He always seemed fine. Every day, whenever he was seen...he seemed fine."

Twilight closed her eyes for a time, then reopened them only to look to the door again. "He wasn't fine. Not really. He might have wanted to make things look like they were okay...but he was clearly in a bad situation."

Fluttershy stepped forward. "He...he never said anything. Didn't he know he could have help if he needed it?"

Twilight slowly looked back to her. "I was very young when I first heard about something like this happening, Fluttershy. It was back when I was living in Canterlot and one of our neighbours...ended things for themselves. I had those same questions. My Mother explained to me that, when your in a bad enough place, sometimes...asking for help can be the hardest thing in the world. That you feel so trapped by whatever problems are hurting you that...that it can feel that getting others involved isn't something you should be doing." She paused, but only briefly. "Even though...it's something you need more than ever."

Fluttershy paused here, considering those words. "I suppose...we've all had moments where it was hard to talk to another pony."

Rarity's voice chimed in. "Not like this."

All eyes turned to her, but they saw that she was looking at something else. So, they turned again, looking to what held her attention. Horror came to them when they did, for it was here when Nurse Redheart and Dr Horse finally exited the home. And they weren't alone. Between them they held a stretcher, upon which lay a pristine white sheet, and everypony here could see that there was a figure beneath that sheet, unmoving. Everypony took a step back, clearing a path so the doctor and nurse could make their way past them. Other nurses, who had been on stand-by during this, rushed to their side, helping them to move the one they now carried away. Nopony said anything, and they just watched as the unseen figure was loaded onto an open white carriage, which was then pulled by a pair of stallions at the front. The medical professionals had grim looks about them, but they accompanied the carriage all the same, and as it moved off all in the area began to disperse, though with hushed talk among them. Fluttershy, watching the carriage as long as she was willing, soon stared at the ground. "No...not like this."

Rainbow, grimacing, let out her frustrations by punching the trunk of a nearby tree, causing all her friends to look at her. As she nursed her now-bruised hoof, she grumbled under her breath. "Argh! This isn't right! He shouldn't have...he shouldn't have..."

Applejack frowned to her. "He shouldn't have what, Rainbow?"

The cyan pegasus frowned right back at her. "You know what, AJ! Jenkins, he...he just gave up! He quit!"

Rarity looked to her, aghast. "Rainbow! How could you say such a thing!"

Rainbow glanced to her scornfully. "You all know I'm right! You don't just lie down and give up like that! You fight! You fight for every moment, every breath, every new day! You don't just...you don't just..." Here, she stopped, her anger having been all but spent, and to her friends' amazement, they saw tears in her eyes. "You don't just let it all slip away." Silence fell for a time, but when it ended, and after Rainbow wiped the tear from her eye, she shook her head. "I'm...sorry. I shouldn't have said all that. I was just so...ugh, I don't know."

Taking a deep breath, Applejack, who herself was now calming down from the last few moments, stepped forward, placing her hand upon Rainbow's shoulder. "It's okay, Dash. Ah know. Yer unhappy. We all are. A day like this...it ain't good fer anypony."

Rarity too looked to Rainbow, her voice one of consolation. "You're a fighter, Rainbow. Always have been. It's not easy for a mare like you to come across a problem you couldn't just stand up to and go in head-first."

Twilight decided now was a good time for her to add her voice to the matter. "We don't know the whole story here, Rainbow. And chances are we never will. There's no telling what demons Mr Jenkins was fighting or for how long. We don't know if there was one cause or many. We don't even know if this was something he'd been planning to do for a long time...or just decided to do when he woke up this morning." She shut her eyes tightly. "All we know...is that he is sadly not the only pony who will have this be the way his story ends."

Rainbow shook her head, her voice wobbling when she spoke. "I never called him friend, but even then, it's not right. He shouldn't have gone through whatever made him do this. It's not...not fair."

Twilight took a deep breath, then exhaled. "Not...it's not."

Pinkie slowly looked at each of her friends before settling on Twilight. "Do...do you think there are others like him? Here in Ponyville?"

It was a question all of them knew had to be asked at one point or another, though hearing it brought them no joy. In response, Twilight turned, looking to the other residents of Ponyville as they walked around. Was there somepony like Jenkins among them somewhere? Looking fine but actually going through some terrible time that might drive them to seek any way out? She didn't know, and she was not so proud as to avoid saying as much to her friends. "I can't answer that, Pinkie. All we can do, all anypony can do, is to be as alert as we possibly can be. Watch those around us and see if something's wrong. We can't know for certain if we're truly seeing signs for something like this. I'm not even sure if there are truly any signs for it. But keeping vigilant and trying to step in if we think there's a problem is something we should all be prepared to do."

Her words caused a wave of agreement among her circle of friends, all of whom nodded to her, though silently. Rarity, looking in the direction the carriage had gone down, looked deep in thought for a time, and when she spoke she did so without looking to any of the other mares there. "I can't imagine his funeral will be very crowded."

Pinkie looked more unhappy than ever after hearing that. "Nopony should be alone, especially like that."

Twilight gave another firm nod. "You're right. And he won't be. We might not have known him, but we'll be there for him when that day comes."

Applejack looked to her, offering one of the only smile she'd worn today. "Ah reckon we won't be the only ones. If only to pay respect."

Twilight knew she spoke truly, as she always did, but like so much else today, that notion too failed to bring a smile to her own face. "I just wish...we could have done more."

Author's Note:

I sincerely hope that nobody reading this story has actually had to experience something as terrible as this, but know right now that it's something that will likely stay with you forever

Comments

[Autumnblazelover61]

Me reading the story like "If it’s Bon Bon or Lyra... I swear to god, if it’s Bon Bon or Lyra..."

[Scholarly-Cimmerian]

Ooh. This was a topic I didn't expect to see covered in one of your stories... but that being said, I think you did it pretty well, all things considered. Suicide is a heavy subject to cover generally, and in a setting like MLP's it can be even harder to get just right, but I think that you did a good job.

I suddenly find myself thinking of It's a Wonderful Life. How did that quote from Clarence go again? "It's amazing, isn't it? How many lives a single person can touch? And when he's gone, there's a gaping hole left behind..." I know that's not an exact quote, but it's something to that effect. Popped into my head just now, thinking about how this story covers the horrible aftermath of a suicide - the people who knew, however slightly, the deceased, and had never thought or realized that anything was wrong until it was far, far too late...

Nice story. Thank you for posting it.

[Anonomis]

Found a typo

We din't know the whole story here, Rainbow

Needs a second 'D' in 'Didn't'

[James Pwyll]

10298271 Thanks

[Uz Naimat]

Beautiful, my friend, beautiful. This story is tugging at my heartstrings, and I love it. Just... just take your upvote and leave alone to cry in a dark corner.

Well done.

[Truthseeker]

There are events that, when you witness them, never really end. Experiencing these things can lead to P.T.S.D. and act like a disease, arching from one person to another, not by germs, but by experiences. Your mind ends up focusing on the event, replaying it over and over like a song on repeat. The mind focuses on it because it does not understand it, but in trying to understand the mind travels along logical paths such as 'The only way to understand an event is to experience it yourself.' and other such dangerous thoughts.

It is a sobering thing to have to deal with and I would strongly caution anyone not to think less of a person who is struggling with understanding such things.

All that said, I think this story got its point across beautifully while dancing around any details which would detract from the message. Well done.

[Antiquarian]

To anyone reading this who may be struggling with thoughts of suicide, please know that you can be helped. Your life matters, and the world will be emptier and darker if you are gone. Even if by some twist of fate no one noticed (and it's almost certain someone would know and care), there would still be a phantom pain - an absence that no one would know the source of, but would be felt all the same. We would be diminished by the loss of you. If that wasn't true, then why is it that people willingly choose to spend their days professionally helping complete strangers to realize their own self worth? You matter. Please talk to someone who can remind you of that.

Suicide Hotline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
List of International Suicide Hotlines: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines

[GrimDarkSurvivor]

This story reminds me of a dude back in high school that everybody claimed was the happy nigga, That was until he commited suicide😢. This happened before the corona-virus outbreak. I was in 12th grade back then. Now i'm a high school graduate of 2020. I might not of known the dude all that well, heck I don't even remember his name. But what I do know is that when he hung himself, that hit everybody who did know him hard. Left em all shocked, confused and grieving for him.

Great story by the way.

[Hillbe]

One hung himself in a bathroom after a long addiction - Bye Gary
Another drunk himself to death - So long Steve
The gentle one hit at a bus stop by a drunk driver - Good night Jeff
A cop cousin one cap to the head - Kevin You?
A mentor dropping water in a forest fire "I have a flame out" - Floyd It's an adventure
Too many passed in time, We all owe a death once we're born.
Embrace the suck.

[gibbelblonk]

10298902
Stop lying. It's really fucking rude to lie to everyone's face like that.

[gaia_mission]

10300268
dude what the fuck

[Wild Stallion]

"I suppose...we've all had moment where it was hard to talk to another pony."

Should be moments not moment.

[James Pwyll]

10303715 Thanks

[Wild Stallion]

10304307
No problem!

[Antiquarian]

10300268
I'm sorry if you believe that I was lying. I truly believe what I said. I hope you find someone who helps you see the world in the way someone helped me see it.

[Pete100]

It’s just like a physical battle, sometimes you could fight and win and sometimes you could fight and lose.

[Yoshifan30]

I may not know anything about depression or anything like that but it must be very hard for anybody to go through And I had a friend like that but unfortunately he killed himself He couldn't handle what was going on he was going through a lot of emotions He said he was fine as well but I guess he were a mask behind the sadness 😔 I really wish I could help them as well

[coto616]

Taking a deep breath, Applejack, who herself was now calming down from the last few moments, stepped forward, placing her hand upon Rainbow's shoulder. "It's okay, Dash. Ah know. Yer unhappy. We all are. A day like this...it ain't good fer anypony."

i think ponis have hoofs nor hands ...

liked the story...