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Clopficsinthecomments
I want nothing more than to bring a smile to your face with a light-hearted clopfic! If you want to bring a smile to mine, leave a comment!
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This will be an interesting adventure.
My morbid curiosity is telling me yes.
But everything else...
Everything else is telling me noooo
If Twilight's a little like what in show, well, she is or would be Element of Magic, Celestia's student or at least possible student, and brilliant spellweaver. So, considering it is The Nightmare Moon who wanter her, and what we've seen so far, Sparkle family gets some harsh and painful punishment just to show them their place and gets put somewhere to use as a motivation for Twilight to serve well. And Twilight, well, she gets the pleasure of being broken and remade into perfect servant for NMM.
Not ally, but still a better choice than soldiers simply by the virtue of rank and having the orders from HER to bring Sparkle famliy unharmed. Other than that... she sounds sadistic.
If it's not 'clopfic grimdark logic' story, NMM needs to have some kind of plan for Equestria to keep it full of subjects to rule. So yes, hope is possible. But, seeing what we see so far, this hope will be far after NMM gets out her rage, eradicates resistance and calms down enough.
10114493
Great answers and a great start!
Reminds me of After That Fateful Night, just much more grim, I do sometimes enjoy a dark fic as it breaks the repetitive feel good style that most have, after all what's life without a little variety
10114793
Thanks! Appreciate that!
10114736
This made me lol.
Fair enough.
Eh.
Yeah, so par the course, as far as I can see. Nothing wrong he—
10114862
You know you love it.
10114880
Shining Armor is a Goddamn Moron:
This story:
Airfoil Restraints:
What I love is that your characters have been getting progressively younger as your stories continue. At this rate, you'll be doing foalcon in the next six months.
They'll be taken somewhere, likely to Canterlot castle. Mom and Dad's lives will be used to torture and break Twilight. There's not a strong reason why anyone would know the Sparkles at this point; all Twilight's done in canon is briefly go super saijin to hatch spike. This opens the possibility that either Celestia or Shining have "turned" already. Additionally, I don't think Nightmare moon would just get Twilight to fuck her. She's either interested in her magic or in hurting Celestia. Therefore, I think Twilight gets corrupted and her family are tools to get that done. Shining will be involved, one idea early on was that Shining would rescue them temporarily. However, that's mentioned in one of Twilight's thoughts, so probably not. If I cheat and look at the tags, I'd say the pony getting the dick is Twilight and she'll fuck a family member. There's an incest tag which I'm guessing is either twilight raping shining or her mom post transformation.
Considering nopony's been raped yet, yes, it's a worse fate. Although, I'm guessing she's not a big part of the story, since she's lacking a lot of character details. She might get killed if there's still "resistance" around. But any rescue would be short lived. If there's a rescue it'll involve shining armor. I really doubt she'll get involved in any of the sex scenes, considering she likes to watch.
A lot of the details of the story go against canon and I think the bat army is meant to be an impossible to defeat force. Clearly there's racism against unicorns, but presumably pegasi would also be killed or offered some sort of deal. Maybe a transformation? In canon, we see rarity and rainbow dash as "bat soldiers", but I'm guessing this story is ignoring that. That said, the elements of harmony operate on deus ex machina and Nightmare moon lost to 'we're friends' at one point, so, who knows. No other canon force really makes sense, unless the unicorns and thestrals get double fucked by changelings. There's always a bigger bug.
10114891
Friggin' gravity wells out there ruining perfectly good foalcon stories...
Really enjoyed that first read, it is a really nice change to the other fics that overly are written in this "nice/happy" atmosphere. Some grimdarkness is always a welcomed change in my opinion :D Aswell i like your way of describing the anatomical differences between say Thestrals and normal pones let it be in lewd ways aswell in normal, i like your ideas there, gj. Keep up the good work!
I’ve always found docs like these extremely interesting when done right. Maybe it’s cos it’s such a contrast from MLP regular that makes fics like these work. Though their are plenty of grim dark the best ones are the ones that truly feel like the canon mlp character’s if rust into these environments. Fallout equestria is obviously the first ones that come to mind, though as resent on that’s really good if The Lie We Tell Ourselves.
As for questions the main one for me is what has made these guys so bloodthirsty for the unicorns?
From what the veteran had said they’d been enslaved and basically tortured in the ways they intend to torture Twilight’s family. But then they also go after Spike, a dragon who would be a great weapon in their cause if indoctrinated, but instead decide to eat him for the sake of it. I get the feel that’s these guys are from 1000 years ago as well, as there more barbaric nature feels completely out of date compared to Equestria’s more civilised age. Or are they from current times and have slowly been indoctrinated by propaganda of the return of NM into how much they have been expressed by the other tribes.
The next main question is how far is Luna/Nightmare Moon planning to go. Is she disgusted by what she sees, or does she encourage it. Does she plan to wipe out the other tribes, bring them into society like before but only if they obey her without question. Or does she wish for them to be nothing but slaves/pets, to be used an abused by the batponies.
Also is there anything left of the Luna she is from the show, and if she did return, could she ever forgive herself for what she’s done.
If read a lot of your other stuff and I enjoy your work, and I do love me and dark alternative universe, especially if it’s NM related, so ill stick around to see how it does. Though I am saddened how poor Spike ended, though I suppose get him out the way ASAP so he doesn’t have to endure the more horrendous shit that I imagine is coming.
Technically... 'Cannibalism' is where you feast on a being that's the same speices as you are
My point... Spike is a Dragon, and they are Ponies
10115066
O boy, went a bit overboard with this one
You did know that the cock vore guy in that /mlp/ thread was just shitposting, right?
10114891
Gravity is a fickle mistress.
10114893
Lovely comment! Definitely added to the discussion, thank you! You've got some good ideas there.
10115066
Good points, the thestral question will be addressed in upcoming chapters.
Glad you like the different flavor!
10115126
Lol, so you were there when I dropped in? I had actually written this already when I did that.
I'd wager a reunion is in order. If the Sparkle family is being dragged to some general, I'd stand to guess that Shining Armour is included in that if he's still alive. Though really, that's a question in and of itself.A question with an answer that probably points to the incest tag as it's reason.
Orders from HER, eh? This lieutenant is a timely distraction, but I really can't see her taking them anywhere better. A better question is if the general they're to be brought to is any better.
Hope's a funny thing, though. Twilight probably still has some kind of naive hope about what might happen to her family, but I hardly think it's warranted.
Definitely going to be a wrap for Night Light next chapter I believe, and we'll hear NMM doing a villain monologue.
Stoked for this story, gotta love some grimdark occasionally, and I'm definitely interested in seeing your approach!
Aaaaaaaaah you're back! You have no idea how happy I am to see this. Absolutely nothing against your usual works, but you've got a stupendously charming sense of darkness that I really missed. That mix of resentment and sadism and confidence that these bats display is just... shudders. I want to hug them until they pin me into submission and violate my body.
Speculation is hard! Usually I'm pretty good at reading foreshadowing, but you're not being very formulaic at all, here, at least not yet, so this could go anywhere. Nightmare Moon wants the Sparkles for some reason, but this is enough of an alternate universe that it seems like Twilight isn't even Celestia's personal student, let alone 'fated to become the element of magic' or something, so I wouldn't bet on that. Maybe she's just a really really big fan of Velvet's novels and needs to enslave her into constantly writing the dark queen's bad ideas and being furious when she can't salvage them!
What will actually happen - well, the tags kinda spoil this, but for at least some points - is lots and lots of rape. I seem to recall you not being into anything especially gay, so I doubt poor Night Light will get the dicking he deserves, and will just have to be jealous of his wife and daughter being pleased by batcock. Maaaaaybe if he's lucky, he'll get mind controlled into fucking one of them while they despair at their powerlessness and what it feels like to be betrayed (even if it's magically compelled) by a loved one like that, or vice versa with Twilight being the mind controlled one set upon her father... but if something like that will happen, I'd put better odds on Shining getting the starring role there.
"Is the Lieutenant an ally?" This question almost feels like a trap - I don't feel like there's a reading of the tone and contents of this chapter that sets that up as a possibility. Things are bad and they are going to get worse before there's even a possibility of them getting better, so. I mean she saved them from getting forgettably murdered and instead sentenced them to probably political enslavement, but I'm confident she only did that because of her orders and not any personal investment. Maybe there will be more twists than I'm expecting, though!
Is there any hope? There had better be plenty of hope! that's what really brings out the richness of the story, and you'e already demonstrated some of that. Without the victims having some level of investment, of life, and hope to fight and pray for a better outcome, their suffering really starts to dry up and become rote. When the story's finally over, will there be a "Good Ending", where evil is triumphed overed, though? That feels like a definite no. At least one of the Sparkles will be a probably completely broken and content sex slave, though! That sounds pretty good to me! Spike already hit the 'brutal meaningless death' quota, so it might even be more than one!
Bonus question! Will we see the rest of the mane six: I don't think so. For one they aren't tagged, and if you left the story status as complete, I doubt you have plans to update the characters as you go. For two you mentioned you've already written it all, and to go over all the cast in a situation like this would be a gigantic, so it seems unlikely for you to have prewritten that much. I don't think you'd arbitrarily pull them into a late scene all together without set up, either. I could see Applejack or Fluttershy making a small appearance to suffer later on, but something limited like that is about all I predict.
I'm really curious about how much of what the bats were talking about, with the mines and implied oppression, will be gone into. You're definitely setting things up so that Equestria isn't nearly as idyllic or civilized as the common status quo would suggest, and that Celestia and ponies at large aren't entirely innocent in this. At least on a societal scale, I mean, I'm sure very few of the Canterlotians who got raped and slaughtered deserved it.
Edited: Oh my Luna, I just reread the first paragpraph and you're totally going to pull the 'it was all a bad dream' bullshit.
One caused by Nightmare Moon, still trapped on the moon, probably, which (inadvertently?) helps inspire Twilight to research the legend of Nightmare Moon more later in her life and contributes to her defeat and Luna's return, thusly inverting the whole thing, and changing the answer to 'is there hope'. Totally fair, sure. The rest of the answers should still be valid towards the actual story, ignoring the meta-framework.
10115194
Great response, thank you!
10115267
Haha, villain dialogues are the best.
10115393
Fantastic dissertation.
Maybe my favorite yet.
Glad you're enjoying getting into the scenario!
Don't read too much into the first paragraph, I wanted it to be there as an escape ejection seat for readers... Hinting at maybe going down the road you mention, but also not doing it either... Enough of a sword of Damocles to keep savvy readers unsure if that's what will happen or if that's just another twig of hope.
Happy you caught it though.
10115182
>upcoming chapters
>story is complete
You have some explaining to do old man.
10115531
It is complete, im going to publish a new chapter every day or so. They're all written.
10115542
Chapter every day sounds good. Only thing better than fast updates is fully posted fic.
I appreciate the warning, Clops. Unfortunately I'll be letting this one go then.
Why is this marked as complete?
10115631
It was my bad, it is complete, I just haven't published all the chapters yet. A friend told me this isn't the way to use the 'complete' tag... I should only put complete once they are all published. Have updated it now.
Depends on what we're calling the 'better' fate. Is changing your mind into what basically amounts to new personality that revels in being a willing slave worse than being an actual slave for, from what we know so far, for your whole life?
For me, poison is worse. Mares who kept their mind, crackened as it may be, still have some hope to get to better owner. I really doubt that all thestrals are so needlessly cruel and contempting to unicorns or pegasi, so there is some chance of 'just' being a servant and having yourself resemblance of a normal life. Not to mention, things are changing, and who can bet that in 10-30-50 years that blatant racism, war-thophy keeping and wanton cruelty won't be outlawed?
Sure, right now there's war, conquest, victory-drunk soldiers looting and pillaging. But if NMM is smart, and I do think she is, she'll let her army have their week of fun and then clamp on it HARD. Because from what we seen - discipline drops really fast if HER orders are delayed because some colonel who wasted his supply wants to blackmail fellow ranked coleague for her own.
It is interesting that she is somehow tamer and more professional than other officer we got to see. It is to be expected that officers of the invading army have ambitions and lust abundant, but she clearly has the will to keep hers in check to actually do her work. Her resources were not used frivolously yet, she actually oversees her soldiers. Yes, she takes her fun from watching Sparkle distress and from seeing rape of conquered ponies, but this is pretty tame in comparison, and she doesn't even cause much physical harm.
Interesting that Twi got so into this, but I blame young curiosity, hormones and adrenalin. It'll be pretty disappointing to see her break so quickly. She has the potential to be second best after the ruling alicorn, and this potential didn't change just because ruling alicorn is Nightmare Moon instead of Celestia.
I command you to SMILE!
I'm terrified but gonna push onward
10115855
Great again gapaot!
Twilight was taken for a moment by the look of the colonel. In her mind, he looks just like a hero from right out of one of her books.
Unfortunately she quickly is confined with the reality that looks mean nothing.
I imagine her shame at that momentary attraction, now that she knows he is a monster, is even worse.
Loving it so far, fantastic
>What will happen next to Twilight and her family?
Either they'll be brought in front of nightmare moon, or the Lieutenant has other plans first. Whatever happens next I doubt they have a say in the matter.
>Is the Lieutenant an ally, or an even worse fate than the pillaging soldiers?
All I'm saying is based on the end of that chapter, I bet I know who the futa is...
>Is there still hope?
Well to name the obvious stuff, spike could still escape. If we're talking season 1 he's a bit more competent than Twilight at that time. Also Chrysalis probably won't take kindly to the destruction of her food supply, or Discord might get bored after a while. The other elements are presumably still alive at this point and Nightmare Moon might be daft enough to bring them together, since she seems to want Twilight Sparkle in her presence
On another level though... life is a disease with a 100% mortality rate. All we are and all we build eventually turns to dust. If life were about the destination we'd all kill ourselves.
But it's not; we are beings on an infinite journey, doomed to failure anyways, but we can run from that and enjoy what time we have, or we can face it head-on, and aim to become our best selves, so when the end comes we will have no regrets. No one can take that decision from you: whatever horrible things exist in the external world, whatever terrible wrongs befall you, you can still make the very best of your circumstances. With years of training, it is possible for a Buddhist monk to meditate in a state of perfect calm contentment even as they fall from a plane without a parachute.
Now go play One Chance if you haven't already.
>Of the poor mares being non-consensually bred this chapter who had the better fate: the mares who received the love poison, changing their minds irrevocably forever? Or the mares getting it 'raw', and going through the pain of the experience... but retaining their souls?
Depends whether you care more about free will, or suffering. I would point out though that we are the sum of our experiences, and every moment changes us forever. Traumatic experiences are just a particularly extreme case. My aunt was raped and she's never been the same; at some level how is that different? It's still a permanent, forced change in her psyche. People like to feel like they're rock-solid - a constant in a shifting world, but we just aren't. I might go as far to pose that if we are the sum of our experiences, then do free will and souls even exist?
>What did you think of the lieutenant's reaction to the colonel 'collecting' his own harem?
Ah yes, the old "throw in racism to make the baddies worse" trope. Thus far I find the villains to be rather two-dimensional and predictable. We as a species like to oversimplify and demonize the Other, but that's the same thought structure as racism if you think about it: in truth, most of the evils we experience in the modern world are from people who think they're doing the right thing; like how the US Military aims to do what's best for the country strategically, but then goes and crushes other countries to get their oil against the will of the people to achieve that aim. Like the politician who wants to be a leader of their community only to end up taking money from PACs and signing legislation into law that only benefits Monsanto. Like the businessman who has internalized what passes for economics these days and believes he is doing his best for the rest of the world by making smartphones, even though it pollutes the environment.
Feynman once said "All models are wrong, but some are useful." This certainly applies to how we conceptualize the world, developing schemas out of platonic ideals. But to have a schema we have to group things into sets and make generalizations about those sets. This greatly simplifies the complexity of interfacing with the world around us, but when we improperly attach strong emotions to schemas, then we get problems like racism, sexism, and all kinds of bigotry. It is a fundamental flaw in our psychology, and can be addressed somewhat by always questioning your schemas, like a gardener trims a bonsai tree. Introspection and meta-commentary are valuable skills.
In modern society we have this weird tendency where we admonish such people and like to pretend they don't exist anymore, but they have to keep living their lives too, no matter how terrible we think they are... Unless you're a proponent of the death penalty, in which case I recommend nitrogen. Last Week Tonight glossed over that one because they knew they didn't have a good counterargument. Cheap, effective, painless, and imperceptible if done during deep sleep.
Also I replied to the questions on the first chapter; hadn't seen that this one was posted yet
Edit: gonna have to agree with gapaot; Twilight Sparkle feeling that way is a tad unrealistic under the circumstances. Any other emotions would pale in comparison to the fear. But whatever it's fiction; maybe she got a slight shared effect from the love poison. And speaking of the love poison; IRL there are things; drugs, depression, disease - that can utterly destroy a person, but some people manage to break through. To imply there's a zero percent survival rate on anything besides life as a whole is mere fantasy. I suppose for some, it's fun to pretend though.
fuck i'm in love with the colonel
supernaturally handsome cocky huge dicked stallion, ready to torment and enslave whoever catches his interest is exactly my type, mary sues be damned. thank you so much for blessing the world with him
Mmm. The mind control of Moonie, the absolutely rough way she's handled, the wonderfully on the nose way the eyes transform, the blissful needy moans, it's good good stuff. I love the casual way he bats away his sluts, and the rough bantering interplay between him and the lieutenant.
And oh man, casual mention of using your own bastard children as future slaves? Thestral society is perfect. I kinda doubt we'll get to see him again in the course of this story, unfortunately, but I'm sure that whatever else Twilight comes across will be nearly as breathtaking.
Anyway! I gotta get out of this fog of lust, at least a little bit, if I wanna properly earn more of those points and facilitate the grand revival of Dusk Wing! So what do we have today - moralizing on the ethics and scope of mind control?
Trying to come at this with a sincere mind, and not let my fetishes bias things: I still think the love-poisoned have it best. I'm not going to assert that anyone should be honored to be placed into such a position, that each and every pony should strive to be worthy of the bliss of being able to love their master with their whole heart, to have no concerns or cares in life – even if that's the take that gets me super wet – but at worst, it's a quick death. The narrative says it directly: Moonie's soul was obliterated, and now there's a pony that's actually enjoying the situation she's trapped in. That's pragmatically a net positive, regardless of how horrifying it is.
There's a whole lot of contextual buts to that, though, of course. One of the major things is that, well, this is a full on change in status quo. This isn't a one time traumatic incident, this is a lifetime of suffering and misery, with no expectation of freedom again. Even in the unlikely scenario the Thestral army is overturned and the ponies enslaved by them are freed, the amount of lasting psychological damage would be almost as immense and require as intense therapy as a full-on magically compelled brainwashing anyway, I would think. Possibly more - the external magical nature leaves open the possibility of dispelling it, somehow.
Speaking of magic, though, there's one or two things that could really swing the atrocity back in the other direction. The existence of souls and a (positive) afterlife, that for some cruel reason being mind controlled would trap you from making it into, could certainly make it worse than just a clean death, and probably even some extended suffering. Eternity is a hard concept to think about. There's also the possibility that love poison only affects your actions and not your thoughts or perceptions, which would mean the victims aren't allieved of any of their suffering, but that requires a lot of leaps that nearly contradict the text.
The Lieutenant's reaction, hmm. I mean, I like her, a lot. I like everyone a lot! I miss that rookie from last chapter already. :( I'm not totally sure what to say - it's definitely nice to see that there's differing ideology among the thestrals. I think what stands out most and what I do appreciate is – for how often borderline-sexist and exclusively-femsub a lot of your porn gets – you include enough genuinely confident and strong ladies, too.
I'm trying to like this story so far but it's reminding me waaay to much of Fall of Equestia and the Caribou, ugh too much rape in my opinion. I was hoping for I dunno more death, fighting, destruction, and general chaos. this just seems to be focusing more on the rape that comes with conquering/pillaging a city so far. Not my cup of tea but ill stick around to see the interaction with Nightmare Moon.
To actually answer your question at the end though....the mares forced to take the love poison probably have it better off. They don't have to think about their dead family/loved ones just when they get fucked senseless next. The lieutenant seems very indifferent towards the harem/sex slaves and for someone that has direct orders from Nightmare Moon it seems odd to me that she doesn't tell the Colonel to piss off especially since NM is waiting and it's kinda implied that one shouldn't keep her waiting and the direct orders is basically a get out of jail card...for now. If she actually did tell the Colonel to piss off and they met up again later he'd probably rape her/kill her(she seems thirsty for the horse cock tho so maybe not rape?). I'm sort of confused by the lieutenant, she again, has direct orders, but is lollygagging quiet a bit. It's implied that NM will kill those that displease her (on a whim I'm guessing) so why isn't she making a B-line to Nightmare Moon? I get you're setting the scene and showing the reader what's happening in the city but it still seems odd to me
I like the backstory/premise it also reminded me of Equestria at War mod for HoI IV where you can have either Daybreaker or Nightmare Moon take over Equestria after a bit of civil war fighting.
I'm conflicted lol I went from being interested to slightly annoyed to kinda liking this story in the span of like 30 mins that it's taken me to write my response
Living creatures are obsessed with avoiding suffering; sometimes giving up control to achieve this. Anti-depressants alter the way your brain operates to avoid suffering. Alcohol and psychedelics can fundamentally change how you perceive reality. The most dangerous class of "legal" drugs are pain relievers, because the feeling is so addicting. Given that the mares presumably suffer identical terrible fates, why would they want to be in pain? It's like if you had terminal cancer, you would never choose to suffer instead of partying hard on Oxy.
So I think even the ponies themselves if given the choice would take the love poison. At least, from my hypothetical perspective of being a mare about to be raped forever, yes, gimme that Soma.
It's weird. She seems mostly concerned about the dirty inbreeding. She carries around mind control drugs herself, so she doesn't seem to mind the 'rape culture' at all. The other angle is that it is supposedly a communal pool of pussy, but the ones in charge end up breaking the rules anyway. Maybe she doesn't like rule breakers?
The love poison itself doesn't make a whole lot of sense as being a part of a soldier's kit. It's not like it's a truth serum, where you could gather intelligence with it, right? At least, you'd expect there to be something more directly useful for obtaining intelligence. Furthermore, in this scenario, why would anyone care that she used her supply of this drug? It's obviously allowed to be used. So the purpose of her 'bluff' is specifically to cause the soon to be defiled ponies to have to suffer through it instead of being an ahegao slave.
When you say I author noted that this is the more tamed chapters then shits really about to go down.
For your first question, I would go with the ones not effected by the potions to have it worse off. The old saying ignorance is bliss could not be more evident here, all those effected by said potion now have no longer have to/physically can’t worry about anything else except the wanting to bone. The hardest part about living through a horrific experience like this is having actually live with it afterwards, of which those effect can just ignore while those who aren’t will have to spend every living moment in this nightmare. However this would depend if the effects of these potions is permanent, as the Colonel intents for these mares to not only be used for breeding but also as a workforce I’d imagine he’d want to actually have them working, whether that be by lessening it effects or just out right removing it I don’t know.
Now I’ve read a couple of the other comments saying that these slaves might find “nicer” owners and that sense Nightmare is smart she’ll come down hard on her troops. But what you gotta remember is slavery was around for thousands of years before we have our modern standards of believing it to be wrong, and will probably be this way as long as she in power. And since her rule will be determined by the power the bats have there other tribes, I believe she’ll happily let them continue. After a couple hundred years of this constant Slavs my, mind control and indoctrination will keep the three tribes in check.
This would mean that those not effected by the potions will not only have to endure these torment daily, but they will also have to watch as the world they knew to slowly be turned into something unrecognisable. And yes they’ll they might get a better owner, they’ll still have to live knowing they were once free but now have to live as a slave with no hope of ever changing.
As for the second questions, I find it funny that whole she’s annoyed at the colonel for delaying her, she shows no disgust towards his actions or how he treats his harem. From how she acted last chapter it gives the impression that this is to be expected from the batponies, this is there reward after all the hardship they went through. The slaves right to punish his or her slaver comes to mind.
What is interesting though is that while she cares not about how they are treated, but that they will carry them Colonal children and ruin the bloodline, showing us them at their are some purists out there which could possibly come into play later down the timeline.
Wasn't expecting that question. On one hand, the ponies who get the poison don't have to endure anything. It all stops being negative in their minds. But the mares who still have their minds have a chance, small as it is, of escape. And that's where it gets tricky for me to decide. Of all the horrid fetishes I have, free will is definitely a big one. The chance of escape or recovery is so slim and frankly pointless in this situation that I'd hardly consider it. And that leaves having an intact mind with very few uses in this situation. These mares can still be themselves, and not sex puppets, but at what cost? Getting out of there alive doesn't seem likely in the slightest, so really the only active choice they can make is suicide. In comparison, losing oneself to escape the horrors guaranteed to be inflicted seems like the better option. That being said, I'm hardly thinking long-term here. That changes the scope entirely, and in that case, I'd definitely say keeping your mind is the better option. There are chances at something better down the line. Day one of an occupation such as this is bound to be horrible, but things can't stay in this state for very long. Enduring pain in the present to continue living in the future is the obvious choice.
I like the lieutenant. She certainly ain't good, but she's interesting. The other batponies we've seen so far have had no issue with using mares of another tribe for breeding, yet she seems to think it's a waste of good genetics? She seems a bit tamer, I'll say, then the rest. It makes sense that she'd have a better head on her shoulders then the rank and file infantry, but so far she even tamer than the other officer we've seen. I'll be honest, I don't know what to make of her save for that I like her.
Never was one too do much with comments, but I had time too kill so… may as well. Seems fun.
1: “Of the poor mares being non-consensually bred this chapter who had the better fate: the mares who received the love poison, changing their minds irrevocably forever? Or the mares getting it 'raw', and going through the pain of the experience... but retaining their souls?”
I strongly believe the latter is better. It's better to face pain and suffering as oneself than as something else. Something you are not. One can call it the ‘better’ fate to be free from the pain and misery but we know nothing of what it comes with. How aware of their fate do they stay? Is the change in full or do they just ride in the back, trapped forever? We don’t know. But neither matter. For the mares untouched by that magic life is still in their hooves. No matter how hard, no matter how brutal they are still free to decide their fate. To put a hoof down and wellcome death or, plan a getaway. The changed mares can never do this. I feel like this is something of a rambling mess, never was good at explaining things. Maybe I can get better if I keep playing along.
2: “What did you think of the lieutenant's reaction to the colonel 'collecting' his own harem?”
It's not a view all too shocking. If they as a race have lived uttalry removed from others and believe them lesser, monsters in a way, a harem of ponies is rather like dropping pants for a pig. She views it as wasteful given how powerful he is, but wants nothing to do with it as well. She does not wish to be fucked by him, nore does she think he needs to be rutting a pony. So I think it comes down to this. A waste of time. A foal takes a tone of time. To be born. To be raised. So on and so on. Make it a mix breed and you have a bigger mess to deal with. So he’s ‘wasting’ his seed, something one can mark as useful given his size and power, on useless foals that are neither bat nore pony. An unnecessary waste of time.
Neither answers are all too spectacular. But it was fun messing with em. As a fan of rather dark and fucked fics, this one seems to be on a good track! Be fun to see if there is more to it than raw shock and awe as that alone can bleed out pretty fast.
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Guys, these are all awesome comments and you're all exploring the themes that I wanted to share! I'm really lucky to have readers like you!
My presence hath been doubled! Glory to Nightmare Moon!
I don't think this is the right question, considering how twisted her idea of justice is and how mentally unstable she acts for now. I think the question is: Would Nightmare Moon break out of her raging and vengeful streak before she destroys Twilight or after?
And it's hard to guess for now. She does look punishment drunk, she's wasting perfectly good and I assume professional ponies of every position to enact no-win 'tests' that result in death that she calls justice. Yet, she does seem just as quick to punish her own soldiers if they displeasure her or disobey her orders, and from thestrals actions she always was like that with them - they are absolutely terrified of her.
I lean to the possibility that NMM will push and punish, drunk of victory and sure of the rightness of her choice, untill Twilight either breaks that confidence and somehow makes NMM confront her actions, or simply breaks just when NMM starts to actually connect and like her as an interesting change from sniveling ponies and thestral servants. Just as Twilight shapes to possible student, her will and mind give up, leaving NMM to new pain and loss of entirely her own making. Irony will be rich.
Of course, there is a possibility of student succeeding her master, as per Sith code. Twilight is brilliant, in canon she already is more powerful than Celestia, and if that brilliant mind of her throws away shackles of morality, oh, both light and darkness will tremble!
Well, if head Twilight seen is indeed Daybreaker looking, then at least that part is true. To break it down in bite-sized points:
Called her out to one on one and won?
Possible, as Celestia would be trying to reach her sister and hold herself, while Nightmare has no such qualms. Maybe seeing and understanding that there's no chance to reach out to her is what brought Daybreaker out.
Daybreaker breaking out, running and calling her armies?
Huge doubt here. Daybreaker is controlling and prideful freak, from what we had seen of her. She would call her armies, but she would also absolutely lead the charge. And if it's some kind of double personality, at least both Celestia and Daybreaker would agree that trusting ruthless and revenge-crazy Nightmare word that should she accept her defeat her ponies would be spared is absolutely stupid.
Not to mention, NMM keeps contradicting herself. She is talking about having plans for the next thousand years with Celestia, and next talks about her baring neck for killing blow (and it would be killing, as we see decapitated head didn't come alive per magical immortality mentioned earlier ). She is talking that Celestia 'killed herself with that transformation' next mentions that defeated, she managed to transform, and get out from battle with Nightmare long enough to get her army into the battle.
Liar, liar, stars on fire.
That "Twilight Sparkle shall continue your family’s descent" line pretty much ensures her father's castration or something like that. Mother... maybe just will be made into breeder for thestral progeny. Still, Sparkles have high possibility of keeping on living due to Nightmare having interest in them, and them being Twilight's family.
Shining almost certainly gets delegated to someone lower than Nightmare for breaking and remaking into soldier and symbol of regime's power.
Twilight, as I stated before, has one of the three roads. And I still find it funny that Nightmare herself admitted that Luna broke from the exile and pain, and Nightmare, more powerful, dangerous and resilient, rose from her ashes. And now she is planning to break Twilight. It looks like some self-destructive behavior, because Twilight broken and remade into something stronger would be the one to have motive, power and position to absolutely destroy her.
There's also Elements, Discord and Tirek to consider, but I have no idea if they'll even be introduced in this story. Very interested in seeing how Nightmare is as an actual ruler or would it be some kind of Arthas-like destruction of the country that ultimately breaks it into pieces and leads to her death.
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I would like to bring this up:
Unless NM put an illusion spell of some kind on the head, it seems like Celestia did become Daybreaker. It matches up with the description that when she returned, her mane was on fire, but sputtering.
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That's a fair point!