Chapter 1: The Basics
Alright, let’s start off simple. You’re not in Kansas anymore, kid. The first thing you should know is that you are on the planet Equus, probably in the country of Equestria.
For some reason the English language, written and spoken, lines up almost exactly with the Equuish language that the entire world of Equus speaks and writes. I know that can be kind of mind boggling, but that brings me to my first topic of discussion.
Section 1: Don't Think About It
Yes, you read that correctly. As much as I'd like to pass that off as a joke (and normally I would), it is for the sake of your own sanity that if you see or hear something that you just can't believe, don't think about it. You'll save yourself a lot of sleep that way. I would be a liar if I said I didn't lay awake at night thinking about some of the 'cursed image' level shit I've personally seen since I got here. I'm not sure if Jay is the same in that regard, but I somehow doubt it. I'm not sure he has the brain capacity to come up with a decent 'yo mama' joke, let alone question his own existence. Anyway, I'm getting off topic.
One of the things you absolutely need to know about this world falls under this category. Everyone and their mom knows this here except you, so I'm going to use it as an example so you don't get totally blindsided by it when it inevitably comes up in conversation. It's a bit of a doozy, so prepare yourself. Are you ready?
Equus follows the geocentric astrological model. That means not just the moon, but the sun too rotates around the planet.
Now here's the real kicker. You know those tall ponies sporting the wings and horns, aptly named Luna and Celestia? They control the celestial bodies that rotate around the planet. I'll give you three guesses as to which one drags what flying ball of death through the sky every day.
Now that that has hopefully sunken in, you see the point I'm trying to make. Sometimes, blissful ignorance is preferable.
Just don't think about it. It's healthier for you that way.
Section 2: Magic
Magic is a thing here. I'm not talking about good ol' sleight of hand either. Actual magic, like you'd read about in a fantasy novel, is real here. I have no idea if magic exists back home and we just can't access it, or if our homeworld is completely devoid of what the natives consider a basic building block required for life to form.
I'll get in depth with this topic later, but what you need to know about it for now is that it exists. If you haven't seen it yet, ask Luna to levitate something for you. You see that colorful aura surrounding the floating object and Luna's horn? That's magic. And before you ask, no. You can't perform magic. We've tried. Numerous times. It sucks, I know, but think about it this way. No other race on Equus can perform magic either, just ponies, and the majority of them can't do it in the way you just saw. Hope that makes you feel a bit better about it.
Or you could just not think about it. That works too.
Also, you should probably pick your jaw up off the floor. You're gonna let flies in.
Section 3: The Species of Equus
Once again, I'll get into this more later, but here's the rundown. Unlike Earth, where humans are the only sentient beings on the planet, Equus is home to many species that can talk back. This list includes ponies (obviously), minotaurs, gryphons, dragons, zebra, etc.
As a rule of thumb, any mythological creature you can think of probably exists here, and there's about a 50/50 shot that it can hold an intelligent conversation with you.
I think that should do it for the basic stuff. There's plenty more I could go over, but I don't want this chapter to be overly long and in depth when I'll be covering this stuff in more detail later.
Just remember. Don't think about it.
Haha! I enjoy this concept. a Survival guide.
Golden Rule 1: Do whatever you want, so long as you don't get caught.
You may have forgotten to remind the Humans to have their towels with them unless they hare given out upon one's arrival in Equestria.
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Haha, a HGTTG reference, nice.
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Celestia, I didn't steal your cake! What do you mean I have frosting on my face? Pics or it didn't happen.
This will work since I can't find a copy of the actual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy anywhere...
I'm about 90% sure you already planned for It, but one (or more) of the chapters MUST be dedicated exclussively to the concept of "It's Pinkie Pie, don't question It"
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You know? I somehow hadn't thought of that. Good suggestion.
I’m looking forward to the chapter on dealing with near death experiences.
"Ponies are essentially made of rubber. Therefore, their ideas on safety regulations tend to be a bit...lax by human standards."
No other race on Equus can perform magic either
A bit too broad a statement. I'm fairly sure Zebras have some magic, if of a subtle sort, Zecora actually says something on those lines in the "Magical Duel" episode, Gryphons can do the "standing on clouds" thing, and Dragons can do various pretty magical things with their fire. Changelings definitely have their own magic, as do Deer, but I suppose deer can be put out of bounds as a comics-only species. Sirens may or not exist anymore.
Well in overall it looks promising enough. Looking forward to see the chapter dealing with food and human need for meat.
Also cows. You can have an interesting conversation with cow.
And then you can not stop thinking about it while you eat meat...
Ehh... Maybe it is not a bad idea to not think about it.
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pics.me.me/regulated-screeching-osha-65187906.png
10115148 Or you can name the cow 'Clarice' and talk about eating its liver with fava beans and a nice chianti *gnash gnash gnash*
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I think this is one of those "some species have special abilities, but aren't actively using magic to use them" situations.
Pegasi and flight, for one, while boosted (or even enabled, considering their wingspan vs body size) by magic, is not active use of magic.
When it comes to Equestria, "Don't think about it" is good advice for the stupid and the average.
"Social Norms and Publicly Appropriate Behavior" not enough stories focus on proper/acceptable social conduct with ponies, especially since 'horse' might actually be considered an insult.
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Having a good connection with Fluttershy could help, she does have a bear friend, and bears are known to eat fish, so aquatic life might not count as sentient (haven't seen the MLP Movie yet), nor are pigs or chickens (Fluttershy and AJ respectfully have a few in pens). Chicken and pigs could still be 'smart' like how Angel Bunny is 'smart', no actual language, but intelegent enough to actively responded with ponies around them.
Which begs the question: why cows get to be so special?
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Yes, this is basically what I was going for. I couldn't think of a good way to say that, but now I don't have to. I might go back in and edit that bit to try and convey that better.
Cute story with some great potential! It does remind me of TooShyShy's Lyra's Guide To Conspiracies and Secrets in a very positive light. One error, if I may point it out:
(Missing comma)
Great work! I look forward to the next update!!
"I'm not talking about good ol' slight of hand either." Should be 'sleight'.
Interesting so far, I'mma keep reading.
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Fixed!
This looks really cool.
Faved!
It’s actually a head-canon of mine that the Number 1 (‘Un’)Official Rule of Ponyville, or mayhaps even Equestria is simply “Don’t. Question. Pinkie Pie. Don’t.” With the corollary of “If you want to maintain your Sanity, that is.”
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Equestria runs on the MST3K motto.
don 't think about it ? Pffff, immediately scrap the book. The person who wrote this clearly does not have high intelligence