Upon a Broken Throne
"So, where did she say the Elements were?" Rainbow's voice cut through the silence. The other five froze, turning slowly to stare at her. "What? It's not like there's anything in here."
A shudder ran down Rarity's spine. "Be that as it may, darling, it's still rather..." she cast about, her hand twirling as she searched for the right word.
"Creepy?" Applejack offered. Rarity nodded.
"Girls, please." Though Twilight's voice was quiet, her tone was commanding. "Let's get the Elements of Harmony, and get out of here. I don't really want to be here any longer than we have to."
A murmur of assent ran through the group before they began slowly walking forward again. Over countless piles of rubble they stepped, each on the lookout for the throne room. Rounding another corner, Applejack let out a soft whistle, calling her friends attention. She pointed to the remains of massive double doors. The left held the echo of a painting of the sun, the crescent moon on the right was faded and peeling. The doors to the old throne room, exactly as Celestia had described.
Twilight stepped forward, raising her arms. Flexing her fingers, first her horn, then the doors were surrounded in a pale rose light. Biting down on her lip, Twilight focused on opening the doors enough for the group to slip in, without making any undue noise. After a minute of struggle, she had forced open enough of a gap to let them pass.
Panting, Twilight let her magic relax, the flow that had cast everything into pale shadows fading. "Okay... In there." Rarity slipped an arm around her unicorn friend, knowing firsthand the effects of magical exhaustion. One by one, the six girls slipped through the opening and into the throne room. A single shaft of sunlight streamed down from the hole in the roof, providing scattered and soft lighting through half the room. The far side was blanketed in darkness. Sitting perfectly in the center of the sunlight was a stone pedestal, five small spheres resting on arms around a sixth larger one, raised above the others.
It was exactly as the princess had described. Only, far less grand than they had expected. "Is that it?" Rainbow asked, folding her wings back to drop down next to the pedestal. "Are these the Elements of Harmony? They're just rocks!"
As her hand reached out to grab one, a cold voice spoke from the shadows. "Yes, and no." The six girls froze, each of them trying to pierce the darkness and see the mare who had spoken. "The Elements of Harmony, when inactive and without bearers, revert to these six orbs." The speaker scoffed. "Or rocks, as you so elegantly put it."
"Who's there? Show yerself!" Though Applejack was trying to keep her voice level and strong, the fear still seeped through.
By way of answering, gentle turquoise magic shimmered to life around a long horn before pulling itself off into a small ball. The ball slowly grew brighter until it revealed a lone figure, seated on the remains of one of the thrones. The silver and blues of her armor contrasted sharply with the inky black of her coat. Even seated, the girls could tell she was head and shoulders taller than them, equal in height only to Celestia. Her slitted turquoise eyes looked down upon them, appraising them with something just above disinterest. "Tell me, children, do any of you know who I am?" Five of the girls shook their heads, no flicker of recognition in their eyes. Twilight, rather, froze, the breath catching in her lungs as her heart began to race. The armored pony noticed this and focused in on her, her head tilting slightly. "Oh? There is some level of recognition in your eyes. Tell me, do you know my name?"
Twilight dug her teeth into her lower lip until she tasted the coppery sting of blood splash onto her tongue. That shook her out of her reprieve. "Nightmare Moon," she muttered, barely above a whisper. The other five froze at the name.
A cold chuckle echoed around the room before a sad smile filled the mare's face. "Tell me, is that the only name you know me by?"
This puzzled Twilight. Casting her mind around, she started chewing on her tongue instead. "Uhh, the Mare in the Moon?" she offered, unsure if it really counted.
Rolling her eyes, the mare shrugged. "I saw recognition, and fear, flash through all of you at the name Nightmare Moon. You know my name, but not my face." She thought for a moment. "I suppose then that there is some story, doubtless passed down through generations, perhaps kept true to the original by sweet Celestia, which paints me as a monster, no?" The six girls slowly nodded, fear slowly giving way to confusion. "Tell it to me, then." Though her voice was calm, there was no mistaking the command in it. The kind of command only royalty could give.
Pinkie spoke up, her poofy mane somewhat deflated. "The story differs from place to place, and often from family to family. The specifics change, the hows and whys, but the sentiment doesn't. Nightmare Moon, a thousand years ago, tried to overthrow Princess Celestia and bring about eternal night. Princess Celestia was unable to reason with Nightmare Moon, and so used the Elements of Harmony to imprison her within the moon. It's the story behind the Mare in the Moon." At that mention, a look of bewilderment filled Nightmare's face. "The other relevant story is about Nightmare Night, when the Nightmare is said to briefly escape her prison to seek out a meal on Equestria. She wants to eat little fillies and colts, so to avoid that the young ones dress up in costumes to hide. They then have to go around and collect candy and other sweet things to offer to the Nightmare so that they might be spared for another year."
The chuckle that echoed this time was much sadder. "My, how unfavorably history has remembered me. I suppose I did earn much of that, though." She sucked in a breath through her teeth, then shook her head. "Tell me, does the name Luna mean anything to you? To any of you?" The six mares slowly shook their heads. "I thought as much." With a deep sigh, she lifted herself from the throne and strode down the steps towards them. As she passed under the glowing orb, the wings on her back were thrown into sharp relief, confirming to the six girls that it was not a unicorn that stood before them, but an alicorn. Crossing her arms, the black alicorn strode forward, stopping at the edge of the shaft of sunlight. Her face was somber without the magelight casting harsh shadows across her.
"This was once my castle, young ones." Though she spoke softly, her words were the only thing to break the silence. "A thousand years ago, I ruled Equestria alongside my sister, before our fight. Before she banished me to my moon." A small smirk twisted the corners of her lips upwards. "I must admit, I'm unsure if I'm heartened that Celestia dares not show her face to me, or devastated that my own sister runs from me." Seeing the shocked and confused looks on the girls before her, Nightmare's smirk grew. "Yes, Celestia is my sister, though I know not if she would call me the same."
There was the briefest of pauses as Nightmare's mind began to drift to the past. A shudder ran down her as she snapped herself back to the present. "Tell me, do you know what I found upon my return?" Venom had seeped into her voice, and the six girls slowly took a step back, shaking their heads. "Nothing." She threw her arms wide, gesturing to the ruins around them. "A castle long since abandoned. There was no army of my sister's waiting to strike me down, though I know she knew exactly when I would return." It took a deep breath to calm the anger that always welled up at the thought of Celestia. "Neither were ponies gathered to celebrate the return of one of their princesses." Tears slowly dripped from the corners of her eyes, running rivers down her cheeks. "Not even my castle was here to greet me! A few stones yes, but little else! My throne lies in ruins, my home barely stands, and all of this," turning on the spot, arms thrown wide, Nightmare gestured to the remains of the castle. "All of it is surrounded by dense, wild, untamed forest. The kind that has been clearly abandoned for hundreds of years.
"I reached out shortly after finding my home in such a dismal state." A hiccough escaped Nightmare's lips as the tears streamed faster. "If this was not isolated, if Equestria had suffered without me, then my old castle, my home, falling to ruin could be excused. I could understand that. But no!" Anger welled up again within the alicorn, her ethereal mane and tail whipping about in an unseen, frenzied wind. "I touched the minds of thousands, millions even, of ponies, so many more than in my time. Equestria has thrived and grown! A short flight revealed that it is only this forest, the land that I used to roam to clear my head that has been sacrificed to this accursed wood!"
Nightmare bit her lip, taking slow, controlled breaths, bringing her emotions back under control. It did not last. "Celestia has ruled our land, my land, for a thousand years. Without me. Equestria thrives. Without me. Tia has taken care of the sun and moon. Without me." With each word, she spoke faster and faster, the thoughts spilling out of her head and her heart. "Tell me; is Equestria's economy strong?" There was murmured assent and nodding from the young girls. "Are her people safe, her boarders secure?" More nodding and affirmations. Nightmare Moon stepped forward into the sunlight, stalking towards them with every question. "Are the laws just? Are they enforced well? Do my ponies sleep soundly at night, knowing that they are safe?" The six girls took only a few steps back before fear and awe rooted them to the spot. "Are they free of undue fear and panic? Does my own moon not rise without me?!" Nightmare now stood before Twilight, towering over the group, her chest heaving with rage and pain. With every question, she had received nothing but affirmation and agreement.
"THEN TELL ME!" her hand snapped forward, grabbing Twilight by the hem of her shirt and lifting her into the air, eliciting a small squeak from the purple unicorn. Nightmare's eyes bored holes into Twilight, who only met the alicorn's gaze out of fear. "TELL ME! WHAT PURPOSE DO I SERVE!?!?"
The room fell silent after Nightmare's screamed question. Her whole body shaking, she could only keep Twilight in the air for a few more seconds before letting go. "You didn't even know I existed until recently." Her whole body shaking with anguish, Nightmare turned from the group. "Suppose I defeated my sister. Took her throne as my own, as would be my right. My ponies, the ponies of Equestria, the ponies I have sworn to protect, defend, and love, even if they will not love me, would only see me as a conqueror. Many would oppose my rule. I would be rightly hated for destroying the peace and happiness they have long enjoyed.
"Suppose instead I tried to rule alongside my sister. What role would I fill? Celestia has led Equestria to prosperity over the last millennium. She has everything taken care of, as she always has. What purpose could I possibly serve in this new world?" Her steps slow and cautious, Nightmare retreated back into her magelight. "There are no ponies clamoring for my return. There are none who wish to see me. Few who even know I exist." Reaching what remained of her old throne, Nightmare laughed. Her hand reached out and gently stroked what little still stood. "So, here I sit. A queen of nothing, upon a broken throne, amidst the ruins of a world that faded long, long ago." Turning, she fell into the chair, her head in her hands as she cried.
"Even you six are not here for me. Some of the only ponies who even know this place exists, and you don't come for me." She waved a hand at the elements. "Take what you came for. Why would I stop you? Take them. Leave." A sob racked her body before she continued. "Leave me to this emptiness. And please, if you can bring yourself to, lie to my sister. Tell her the castle was empty. I have no desire to see my sister right now. If ever again."
The magelight blinked out, returning the far side of the room to darkness, the only evidence that Nightmare was still there, or indeed had ever actually been there at all, was the quiet sobs that floated out of the black. Despite the presence of the sobbing, Twilight was still unsure if it had been real, or some kind of illusion. It had all happened so fast, with so little input from her or her friends. Slowly, keeping her guard up in case it was some kind of trick, she slipped her backpack off and opened it up. Her horn alighting, she picked up the stone orbs and placed them one by one in her bag. Once they were safely secured Twilight closed her pack and returned it to her back. "Lets go. Quickly," she whispered. She and four of her friends slowly began to back away.
Halfway back to the door, Rainbow noticed her oldest friend hadn't moved. "Flutters!" she hissed, trying to stay quiet. "Come on! You heard her, she wants to be left alone. Lets go!"
The shaking of Fluttershy's head was barely perceptible in the half light. "No," she timidly squeaked out. It went against so much of her character, forced her to stand up to so many of her fears, but Fluttershy could not, would not, leave a pony alone and feeling unwanted. That part of her burned brighter than all her fears combined. "No, I can't leave her like this."
"Flutter-"
Dash tried to call out to her friend again, wanting, hoping to convince her to turn and leave, but the buttery coated pegasus' voice cut over her. "Ms. Moon? I don't think you belong here. I think you have a place in Equestria." There was a barely perceptible pause in the crying, the only indication that the unseen alicorn had heard her. "I- I don't know what your role in Equestria is supposed to be. But, nopony can make that decision but you. If you want to do something, anything, you can." Tentatively, she took a step forward, her hoof pushing aside a downed piece of roof. "You're not a bad pony, you know."
That elicited a sharp, stinging laugh from the alicorn. "What would you know, little pegasus?" There was a hitch before she continued. "What could you possibly know of what I've done? For all you know I could have murdered thousands. Destroyed entire cities, wiped civilizations out of existence!" A pained laugh slipped out of the darkness. "Those stories of me eating foals could be true! You know nothing about me!"
"Are they?" Fluttershy responded immediately. That brought a sudden end to the crying. With another, tentative step, Fluttershy stepped beyond the shaft of sunlight and into the darkness. "Did you do the things the stories say, or has the truth been lost to time in a thousand years?" Each of Fluttershy's cautious steps rang out as hoof clacked against stone.
For a full minute, only the sounds of Fluttershy's steps rang out through the castle. "I do not eat young ponies. I do not consume meat of any kind," the alicorn spat out, clearly insulted by the very idea.
"And the others?" Fluttershy asked. By now, her hoofsteps had stopped, having found the stairs that led to the throne with her hooves. "Did you try to overthrow your sister? Did you try to bring about eternal night? What crimes have you committed, your highness?"
A gasp ran through the fives mares still assembled at the door. They then all distinctly heard metal scrape against stone as Nightmare Moon stood. "Do not call me that. I have no right to that honorific." Metal struck stone as the alicorn descended the stairs. "I did try to overthrow my sister. I tried to kill her. In my rage I leveled cities. Before even then, though, I was a monster." The hoofsteps stopped as Nightmare reached the yellow pegasus. "I led Equestria's armies through more wars than you have summers behind you. Than you ever will." Fluttershy recoiled in surprise as a hand gently stroked her cheek, but quickly leaned into the gesture, not wanting to send the wrong message. "I drove the griffons back into the mountains. I slaughtered thousands of dragons with my own hands before they retreated to the badlands. I leveled the capitals of the minotaurs and the centaurs, both to end a war before it could begin."
The hand on Fluttershy's cheek suddenly retracted back into the black, leaving her alone in the void. She took a few, deep, calming breaths, keeping her heart from racing with fear. "Have you not served your sentence for that?" She asked, sounding a thousand times more confident than she felt. The room fell silent save for the breathing of two ponies, both mired in shadow. "Didn't you spend a thousand years, banished to the moon?" Slowly, unsure of where to reach, Fluttershy groped in the darkness for the alicorn she could sense in front of her. A hand found hers, and Fluttershy squeezed it reassuringly. "If you did, then, well, I think we can forgive you. I know I can."
There was a long silence, broken only by the breathing of the seven gathered ponies. "You are far too kind for your own good, little one," came Nightmare's whispered reply. A hand once again reached out and stroked Fluttershy's cheek. "I thank you for the kindness you have shown me." With a barely audible pop, the forceful presence of the alicorn disappeared, leaving Fluttershy alone in the dark.
Like a flip had been switched, Rainbow Dash suddenly found herself, launching into the air to carry her friend back into the sunlight. Tears streamed down Fluttershy's cheeks and she slowly shook from the force of her sobs. "Flutters! What were you thinking? Are you okay? She didn't hurt you did she?" Dash growled as the thought crossed her mind. Glaring into the dark and pulling the quiet pegasus tight against her chest she growled out, "I'll break her."
"No! No, don't," Fluttershy eeked out. With a half dozen calming breaths, she brought her tears under control. "She's so scared. So lonely." With a gentle push, Fluttershy climbed out of Dash's arms. "She needs a friend." A moment later, an uneasy smile came to her face. "Pinkie, I think she needs a party."
A sudden charge filled the room as Pinkie Pie became unnaturally still, as if all of her natural energy had fled the pink pony for a moment. The air moved as it all rushed back in and Pinkie's mane poofed up, frizzier and fluffier than ever. "She hasn't had a party in a thousand years," she muttered to herself, hoof twitching rapidly against the floor. "No cake. No punch." She gasped. "No FUN!" With a screech Pinkie exploded, her voice carrying on the wind, screaming "EVERYPONY, WAIT RIGHT THERE!"
An hour later, and Pinkie Pie had managed to completely transform the throne room. Rubble had been cleared. Magical lanterns floated everywhere, bringing light to the room. Streamers and banners were up; Somehow, Pinkie had even managed to find a 'Happy Return from your Banishment' sign, which hung from the wall behind the throne. A gramophone sat on a larger piece of rubble, needle raised until it was time for the party to start. A full banquet table had been laid out, covered in dozens of pastries and confectionery treats. In the center sat a triple tiered cake, complete with a wax figurine at the top, carved to look like Nightmare Moon, holding the moon in her arms.
Pinkie, for once, showed a semblance of mortality, and was passed out on one of the dozens of chairs, sprawled across it as she slept. The other five were seated nearby. Twilight shook her head. "Now I know how she managed to throw that party for me two days ago." A soft chuckle ran through the room.
Before anypony could respond, a crack rent the air and five pairs of eyes snapped towards it, staring at the black alicorn who stood in front of her throne. "What is all this?" There was no anger in her voice. Only genuine wonder.
At the sound of her work being questioned, Pinkie sprang up and bounded over to Nightmare. "It's a party, silly!" she declared, booping the alicorn on the tip of her nose. "For you!
"Fluttershy was right, you haven't had a party, or any kind of celebration or fun or ANYTHING in a thousand years! and I couldn't let that stand and it took a lot of effort, and I still think I forgot something, but I was able to get everything together for a party! I even found a special banner just for this kind of occasion," without pausing, Pinkie pointed at the sign hanging above throne. "Still don't know why I have that, but it worked out great so I decided to use it and I was able to speed bake all of these treats and get them ready I'm so proud of myself for that I don't know if I've ever baked that fast before but I did it today so now we have everything we need for a party; we've got food and sweets and music and each other so why-" Pinkie only stopped talking when Nightmare placed a finger on her lips. Though the words did stop, the fire of joy burned just as bright behind her eyes.
Nightmare surveyed the arrangement, taking it in as one regarded an interesting abstract painting. "Why?" she asked after a fashion. "You all fear me. I could hear your hearts begin to race when I entered. Only the yellow one's stayed calm." Tilting her head quizzically, Nightmare stepped away from the party pony and down the steps before her throne. "I thought I said you could leave."
"Well, land's sake, sugarcube. If'n you really want us ta leave we will, but-"
"Do you really want us to go?" Fluttershy finished, placing a hand on Nightmare's arm. She had silently swept up next to the alicorn and was looking up at her with genuine concern and care. As Nightmare looked down at the buttery coated pegasus, her mane condensed and became defined, now visibly ending rather than fading out at the edges.
"No. I don't want that," she eventually answered, voice just loud enough for them to hear. Glancing at the table covered in pastries, she barely held in a snicker. "Though, I must admit, 'tis my sister who prefers the baked goods. I try to take care of my body a little more than her." Twilight barely held in a snicker herself, having firsthand knowledge of Celestia's love affair with all things sweet. For the first time since returning from the moon, a genuine, happy smile, however small, crossed Nightmare's lips. "Very well then. I suppose a single confection wouldn't be harmful..."
Over the next several hours, the seven mares enjoyed the 'little' party Pinkie Pie had thrown. It was a subdued affair, Nightmare not interested in much more than sitting and talking. The spoke of old holiday's and old customs, of ancient history and ancient fashion. Nightmare regaled them with tales of valor and heroism from battles long since forgotten while the six younger mares enticed her with stories of the wonders of modern Equestria. Before long, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy had fallen asleep, leaning against each other. Twilight watched, a scowl on her face, as Applejack and Rainbow Dash bickered over who could clean up the party the fastest before actually competing over it.
Rarity was stood next to the returned alicorn, eyeing her up. It didn't take long for the princess of the night to notice and face the young unicorn. "Yes?" There was no annoyance in her tone, not yet. Only confusion.
"I must say, darling, were you aware your coat has changed color since we arrived? I can't say if the dark blue suits you better or not, though your armor certainly looks better against the inky black coat." Rarity tapped her chin with a finger, lost in thought.
Nightmare looked down at herself, actually looking. Her coat had softened, though she wasn't sure how or when. She was no longer as black as the void between the stars, but now a deep royal blue, like the sky when lit by her moon. Looking at her armor, she chuckled. "You are right, Rarity. Tis not the right backdrop." With a wave of her hand and the briefest glow of her horn the armor she wore turned black with ivory highlights. "Better?"
Rarity tutted. "No. This will not do at all!" She stood and dragged Nightmare into a standing position. "Certainly, that looks better against your coat, but armor? Darling, unless I am very much mistaken, you are not fighting in any war." With a snap of her fingers, Rarity summoned a measuring tape and quickly got busy measuring every inch of Nightmare's body. She hummed to herself, taking notes as she went. Though the princess was startled, she allowed the fashionista to take her measurements, curious as to where this was going. Before long Rarity pulled back, a scowl on her face. "No, this simply won't do at all!"
"What is the matter, Rarity?" A look of concern and embarressment blossomed onto Nightmare's face. "Please tell me there is nothing wrong with-"
"Ohh, pish posh darling!" Rarity interupted. "It is nothing the matter with you. Rather, a problem with me!" Biting her lip, Rarity circled Nightmare, shaking her head slowly. "Nope, I'm sad to say it is simply impossible. I simply cannot take your measurements, much less produce anything for you, here in this castle. I must insist that you accompany me back to my boutique such that I might make something truly befitting a mare such as yourself!"
Twilight levitated the dozens of boxes that Applejack and Dash had filled with various confections by her side. Rainbow shook her head, grumbling "Nightmare, please go with her. If she doesn't get to make something for you, she'll be unbearable to be around for weeks."
Nightmare shook her head. "No, I wouldn't want to-"
"Darling! I simply insist!" Rarity circled around one last time before coming to rest next to three of her friends. "A lady cannot simply wear armor all the time, no matter how flattering it may look on her! No, I simply must provide you with a wider range of garments for this summer!"
Nightmare only half shook her head before freezing, her eyes widening. She snapped her glare onto Rarity, and then the others in turn. "Twas this your plan the entire time?" She asked, trying to bring herself to be angry but unable to. Her heart was too warmed by the pure generosity Rarity had displayed. "To take me from my home with promises of clothing? To try to bribe me to leave?"
Three of the four simply stuttered, trying to explain it away. Applejack rolled her eyes. "Cats outa the bag, girls." Looking to Nightmare, she smirked. "Ah confess, Ah didn't much like the idea of trying to trick you, but the offer is genuine. Ah made the girls agree they wouldn't try to get ya to leave without really meaning what they were offering ya. So, Ah guess, yes and no, to answer your question. Ya, we want you to come back to Ponyville with us, and ya, Rarity jumped on the chance to use the offer a making a dress for ya as her excuse. We ain't gonna force ya, though, if that's what you're fearin'. If'n ya don't want to leave, ya don't have to. I know Rarity will still make ya those outfits, land knows nothin' can stop her once she gets her inspiration. But, we'd mighty like it if you came back to Ponyville with us. Doesn't sit right with any of us, you living here alone, hidin' from the world. We knew ya'd say no if we just asked, so the girls came up with ideas on how to entice ya."
Nightmare blinked. "I-" She blinked again, stunned. "I appreciate your candor, Applejack." Chewing on her lip again, Nightmare thought it over. "On one condition. I will not speak with my sister. Not yet. Should any of you try to bring my sister into this, I will vanish."
"Deal!" the four girls still awake said in unison.
Her horn glowing a soft navy blue, Nightmare lifted the two sleep mares up and brought them close. "Stand close girls," she whispered, not wishing to wake either of her charges. "To Rarity's Boutique we go." In a flash of light, the seven mares disappeared, leaving the throne room empty, save a crumbling throne and an empty pedestal.
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Well, now I want to read all about Nightmare Moon's adventures in Ponyville and her increasingly convoluted attempts at avoiding Celestia.
First I found this for you "Ruble had been cleared." [ Rubble ] Was hesitant to read this at first Anthro, Nightmare moon on a throne overlooking Equestria. I thought oh nuts another dead world ending. took a look and was pleasantly surprised. Different ending, story handled quite well. I really like the take on the nightmare. I don't think I have seen just this one before, well done
Imagine if this what episode 1 was like... :) This is so much better:)
10076976
I have enough stories on my plate right now. But I agree, it would be a fun story.
10076985
Thanks, fixed that.
Also, hadn't considered that it might evoke that image. I need a better description, but couldnt come up with anything. And thanks, this feels like one of the few original ideas I've had for writing. Most of my other fics I can point to sources of inspiration.
10077014
:)
Why'd you change the cover art?
10077077
Felt this worked better. The original was mostly a place holder and I forgot to fix it before I posted. Lol
Shall there be more to this tale? It is rather enticing and refreshing. It hadn't occurred to me that Nightmare Moon could have chosen to remain at the castle alone.
10077525
Maybe. Again, I have a lot of other stories on my plate right now that I want to finish. But I also would like to see where this story goes.
And on the other end of the spectrum, I can see Celestia lamenting how she has had to take care of everything herself, how she lost a student to unbridled ambition because she couldn't spend enough time to guide her properly, how the one after that nearly became a friendless recluse before Celestia finally noticed, how she's growing distant with her nephew who's becoming an aimless fop as a result, how her little ponies try to settle in more and more places that end up being dangerous and she can't help them all, how ponies end up haunted by nightmares but the dream realm is closed to her...
... but mostly, how she can't bring herself to face Nightmare Moon. Not again.
10077539
Very good. I look forward to the possibility of more.
I like this bit more realistic,mature take there on Nightmare Moon and exploring her character throught self reflection ,out of first person view and actually allow her to open up.Glad you decided to push on with Fluttershy idea,felt really natural and hey now you can continue this story sometime if you would like to. I would read it. I genuinly enjoyed it.It was a pleasant surprise among the many oneshots in featured right now which go nowhere or dont explore their own story elements themself.
10076976
Same
This fic....It's so good. I actually felt the emotions coming from the characters, especially Nightmare Moon. I really liked how you wrote the characters. And most importantly, I love this fic. Keep up the good work. I'm going to be keeping an eye on your stories from now on.
This rather depends on WHICH Nightmare Moon this is. Is she the possessed one? The one with a dark power that took on a mind of its own? The one infected with Dark Magic? Or just angsty Luna who threw a tantrum because she be jelly?
I'm guessing the last one, because the other 3 lack the capacity for self-reflection, given that they're basically outside agencies supplanting/suppressing Luna's mind.
Huh, a lovely piece. A story to make you wonder, which is always valuable.
10077824
Woooooo!!!! Angry woona best woona
This turned out very heartwarming. I would say that the could continue if you so wished but at the same time if left here it is a nice and wholesome place to end as well.
a rather sweet take on the Redemption of NMM. Hee Hee Hee, I might actually get along better with this version of Celestia than I thought as I too have a penchant for Pasteries and a sweet tooth the size of SWEETEN (I'll be here all week).
Interesting take on this. Why are they there, then, if this isn't to stop her? Did Celestia set them up to stop the Mare in the Moon, Nightmare Moon… who then didn't show up and Twilight felt very silly for spending the day before the Summer Sun Celebration freaking out, only for Celestia to then send her to fetch the elements after nothing happened?
> Like a flip had been switched
…?
10077553
I can see that too. Celestia, at least in this version, isn't ready to face her sister.
10077661
:D
10077674
Thanks. I have considered writing more, and it would be interesting to see how things would change, but that's not in the cards right now.
10077815
Thanks :)
10077824
I'm not really sure it matters. Regardless of the who and the how, she still returns to nothing. An emptiness so complete it cuts right through everything else she was feeling.
10077848
10077943
10078078
:)
10078511
My thought was that Celestia had expected for the girls to activate the elements and save her sister. When absolutely nothing happened, when Nightmare willingly lowered the moon, Celestia panicked, having no idea what was going on. So she gathered the girls and sent them in to at the very least try to retrieve the elements. The six of the embody the elements, weather they've become the bearers or not, and the elements are still vital to the safety of Equestia.
now I want to see the continuation of this story
10078587
You and everyone else. Maybe
Yes, I too would like a sequel. However, I'm not sure if I want a full blown novel-length story or simply small, individual chapters like this. I actually think the later would tell a much more compelling story. Regardless, well done.
Hm
Definitely worthy of a sequel if you care to write it. I’m honestly surprised this is the first time I’ve come across Nightmare Moon having an existential crisis.
You know, this story leads me to an insteresting headcanon regarding both seeming stasis of Equestria and dream realm being left uncontrolled during Luna's banishment.
Since dream realm is closed to Celestia, how could she keep ponies safe? My guess would be some kind of crude and inelegant solution, something that blanketed their dreams. It would make it harder for whatever predators are lurking there to attack them, but it'd also smother ponies' creativity to an extent, preventing them from drawing inspiration from their dreams.
10078542 Motivation and agency ABSOLUTELY MATTER, because in actual people THESE ARE THE PRIMARY DRIVERS OF BEHAVIOR.
Sheesh.
This was sad and nice at the same time. I look forward should you feel like continuing this AU.
turned out better due to fluttershy.
Let me just say, that cover art is quite horrifying.
At first when i read this I didn't notice the anthro tag so when i heard the usage of human body parts it threw me off lol mb I need to read the tags better. Though I'm not saying the anthro part was bad just that I didn't expect it. Anyways! I really really loved this fic.
I thought it was amazing and that this nightmare moon was a lot better than canon. I felt like she was more emotional and real as well as I could relate to her. She felt like a person ya know?
But also I loved that fluttershy approached her and offered kindness. The main 6 were there to get the elements, but instead, made a friend. I think the ending was very nice and you could absolutely leave it as is, but if you ever wanted to or felt like it the way it ended absolutely leaves room for a sequel. Maybe that was purposeful who knows except for you.
10079747
10078542
Alondro will always be an asshole, but I agree, if we were to follow that line of thought. I don't agree that that line of thought is relevant, however. Nightmare Moon is a very flexible literary device, as is most of the MLP canon. These characters were not developed by the show to a significant depth, nor did they need to be. We owe this entire fandom to that fact.
10079747
10080717
I agree that agency and motive matters from a character standpoint. However, I meant that it didn't matter in the context of the story. It doesn't matter how NIghtmare Moon came to be, only that upon her return to Equestria she had an existential crisis. If I do continue with this world, it would matter, as then it would inform her decisions and character development.
Im not a big fan of Anthro stuff but I did enjoy this one quite a bit. Good job!
10077553
.... Damn you. Damn you and your literary ear worm.
I am a big fan of Nightmare moon. And I loved this story. But could you perhaps change the references to "hands" to "Hooves." It really would read better. And of course, as the others have said, there simply MUST be a sequel to this. You are relieved of all other duties. Begin subsequent chapters immediately.
10082293
No. I wrote it how I wanted to. I wanted some physicality to the story, which I write better with hands involved.
It's an anthro story which, to me, means hands.
OMG, how did this slip my notice for a whole three days? This is wonderful. It's perfectly thematically appropriate to the show, addressing the problem of Nightmare Moon's return by the liberal application of friendship, starting with Kindness. And it's entirely plausible that Nightmare would observe the world around her as she was going from Ponyville to her castle, and see her ruined castle swallowed by the Everfree Forest, and with all of that fall into a state of despair upon realizing that she no longer had any purpose in this new world, a thousand years after the one she knew.
I really like this thing. I would love to see further stories of Luna adrift in this new world, gradually being given purpose and a sense of belonging by her friends until she felt able to approach her sister again. This possibility vibrates with potential; thank you for providing it to us. :)
10082241
Does that mean a sequel is in the making..?
10081358 Well, okay then, but with so many versions of NMM floating around, including 2 completely different canon versions, it would help to know how she came to be in THIS story. If she was invaded by a demon, for instance (the second main comic arc), it wouldn't really be her fault. If this was taken directly from the cold opening of Season 1, where the only statement we had was the story of Luna being jealous and giving in to envy, then it would make more sense she'd experience severe guilt if she'd been able to self-reflect.
Hmm, thinking of the comic for a moment... wouldn't it have been a nice tie-in if the same breed of entity which made NMM had also made Sombra? At least something would have had a connection in the awkward, jolting comic canon.
A good short story.
An interesting alternate take!
The biggest constructive criticism I can give would be to strongly consider dropping the Anthro aspect. Now, I actually don't mind a good Anthro story too much. Sure, it rarely is TECHNICALLY a good thing to me, but if it helps the writer think things through better so they can write it*, I'll take it over no story at all, or a poorly written one because the author was awkward or underplaying the physical motions of the characters because they couldn't "think horse shapes and body-language" enough. Here? There wasn't were a few hugs and such, but most of the action was verbal and objects that we don't see them interacting with in a very physically detailed way. Makes it seem a bit unnecessary. [EDIT] After reading the rest of the comments, specifically one of your replies( 10082318 ), I see you really do rely on human form that much in your head when writing to get the physical expressions of emotions right. 🤷 <-Shrug[/EDIT]
*Or, more rarely, helps the average reader envision things better in their head, but that is more rare I think, unless uses too advanced of equine anatomy terms (cannon for part of the leg, etc), for ones target sub-set of Bronies.
That last one could have been a GOOD thing even by modern standards. Just because there was only one combatant on one side of it doesn't make it an unjust war...
10086574
I appreciate the criticism. I have no issues writing ponies, but I specifically wanted to make this anthro as a way for me to better express the characters. It's subtle, yes, but helped me write what was in my head.
And Nightmare never said what she did was unfounded, or that she didn't have good reason. She just feels incredible guilt over what she did.
sequel ? please ?
This is an awesome and touching story
.
10082318
I noticed you have gotten similar comments already But I feel like I still should say my piece.
Personally the anthro tag was a turn off, something about it has always pissed me off. HOWEVER that was easy enough to ignore and like many others I agree you got emotional aspect as well as it possibly could. While I may have not personally felt anything, there was not a single moment that felt out of character here and that deserves praise.
Yeah I did not add anything to the discussion, but hopefully it makes you happy to know that something you did was worth someone elses time.
It'd also mean that Celestia would be one of, if not the, most ineffectual, inept, and neglectful rulers ever conceived.
I'm not sure if you, Luna, would be pleased or angered about that, since it'd highlight just how much you actually mattered, how much Celestia needed you - and there wouldn't be anything left for you to return to.
Hmm...
Any chance for a sequel, or following chapters? Because this looks like it could be so much fun, and what you got already is nice n sweet.
10139834 I agree. Anthro added nothing for me. You could change 'hands' for 'hooves' and 'arms' for fore-legs' in this story, and it would take away nothing of significance. And there is significance, as this is a good story.