- Member Since 7th Dec, 2018
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
Brian Sheil
Most of my MLP stories feature meetings of G1 and G4.
Brian Sheil
Joined 7th Dec, 2018 ·
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- SlipperyLemur · 3k words · 14 4 · 694 views
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i am so happy u wrote this! it must have been a big departure 4 u, with how different 2 ur normal stories it is, but u went 4 it and published it and now it's here. i love that u drew the cover art, and put so much detail in2 things like Octavia's fishnets. and she's doing a sassy eyebrow raise! i think this is definitely 1 of the best covers u've drawn.
r u going to add it 2 the contest folder, by the way? i can 4 u if u'd like, if ur not sure how to do it.
o m gggggg
when my best bestie ever linked this to me i just went likeafkjsafkja fkmuesdio;fuv;dsghasug cuz it sounded too amazeballs to be true and ngl i was a bit confuzzled she was telling me it was a thing?
but then i read it and bfffffffmrgl. Yuppers, so real, so wow.
fun stuff! i had a think and iirc the contest lets you submit a multiple ficsies, so you could write even more if you wanted to! I would definitely read them if you did--there just aren't, like, other people who write like this, and I kinda wish there were.
You might want either theAnthro(if it's anthro) tag, orHumanif this is humanized. Not all readers want to see breasts when looking for horse porn.10018886
It has the Equestria Girls tag, tho. And they're clearly human in the art.
so
yeah, I agree, probably not everyone wants to read this type of story, but if they go into this not knowing that it's got boobs in it, I think that's their own dang fault?
10018912 My mistake. I could have sworn it was tagged as normal MLP.
I have another couple in mind just in case...
10019013
Twilight Sparkle and Sunset Shimmer. Right?
10018682
I can sure use some advice on how it's done. Thank you for liking my story.
10019263
You mean Twilight aka Sci-Twi?
10019427
Thanks for the correction. And, that’s who I’m talking about. That lovable egghead.
10019457
If Sunset move in with Sci-Twi then it's an everyday paradise.
10019388 sure, happy 2 help!
ok, so, u gotta do 3 things:
1st u should put in the story description that it's 4 the contest, coz i think that's part of the contest rules. u could paste this in2 the bottom of the story description box, including the link to the contest group:
2nd u need 2 join the contest group. follow this link and click the big green 'join' button, on the right, under the big picture at the top.
and then the last thing, once u've done that, is 2 add the story 2 the group. follow this link 2 the contest submissions bit, then click the green 'add story' button on the right, under where it says 'submit contest entries here.' that will make a menu appear, just Vinyl Gets Scratched from the list and click the green 'add story' button underneath it.
if ur not sure, i can do that last bit 4 u if u would like, but u need 2 add that bit above 2 the story's description urself, or it won't b eligible.
10020082
How can I get my text highlighted so it can be registered. in other word, how can I change the text's color for it to work?
10020145 u write what u want it 2 say, then u select over it and press the button that looks like 2 links of a chain (2 the left of the picture, and the right of the - ), in the options along the top of the writing box.
This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!
------ Review ------
Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-Vinyl is a very considerate submissive to be requesting a gag in order for her dom to not be bothered by her voice.
-
But that night, was a bad night for her.-- unnecessary comma.-
to you." Octavia said-- incorrect dialog punctuation.-
your worse nightmare-- worst.-Vinyl goes into this 'my mistress' stuff very quickly, given that they don't seem to have done this before.
-Rushed and leaves out a lot of details, especially during the post-bondage sex scene.
-
Octavia's underwear area.Vinyl's sensitive spot-- seems afraid to use actual words for things, even though it's a clopfic. It's strange to be writing about sex but then get hung up on the words for sexual anatomy.-
her roommate continued their love making. Ten minutes later, they got very tired as they looked at their bedsheets.-- just skipping the best part of the sex with a 'ten minutes later'?-Dialog is kind of on the nose, narration kind of telling rather than showing.
-It is nice that throughout it all, Octavia really does seem to care for Vinyl.
------ Scores ------
To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 40/100
Allure: 35/100
Enticement: 60/100
Immersion: 30/100
Prose Quality: 40/100
Total Score: 205/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.
Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!