Dragon-kin, A magnificent, and powerful evolution of the Dragoninans, who everyone wants to become, yet fear terribly
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Looks like a good opening. I'll see where it goes
If you have any suggestions for future chapters feel free to comment to me personally.
10047370
It's ok but put off on turning Spike into a Gary Stu at the very start and rushing everything so fast.
No build up or anything.
Great first chapter. In my opinion though, it needs just a smidge more detail and a run through to smoothen the flow of the paragraphs into each other a bit.
Over all, its great so far and I will continue watch for update and see where this goes.
well this is going to be fun to read can't wait to read more.
👍
10047555
diablo4000 thanks for reminding me of that, I had truly forgotten about it, but this story is not about Spike becoming an OP character, well not all of it at least, this story is set around a very big problem in today's society and unfortunately many people tend to ignore it.
But don't worry I will make sure to avoid making him that OP so quickly.
This is pretty good. Only one gripe. The spaces between lines is a little too much. 1 spaces is good enough. 2 for not being sure.
I am sorry if this comes off as complaining and rude. I didn't mean for it to sound like that.
10048059
Improperly spaced lines were one of the elements that had kept this story stuck in moderation- I'll mention it to the author, and see if we can cut it down while maintaining acceptable formatting. I think the google doc we were working on had some odd setting for paragraphs.
-Editor
10048059
Noted will work to avoid this from now on.
Thanks for the valuable insight.
10048233
Thank you.
10048290
No problem. This story is interesting and I will look forward to more.
I kind of want to read more chapter , because I like this concept. :O But I can suggest improvement. I think your story pace too fast. A lot of things suddenly happen and I yet to know what characters and Universe look like( except Spike I assume Spike looks like the one in thumbnail ) I Highly suggest you to give more detail to the scene. Ie describing character looks, present event, and more, you can take example from Spike Gambit or Dragonfire Enter The Dragon Hero
For the first chapter it was great, the adoption was a little to much for the first chapter, maybe the third or fourth would have been better but regardless a great first chapter.
10048350
I agree it was very confusing reading, the plot is great but the pacing is a little all over the place.
Beware Spike of the dangers that is called 'boob hugs'.
Will he ever meet his real parents and tell them off?
10147668
Wait and see
This is like a epic GN I'm so happy Spike has a home can't wait to see where this goes.
10147833
This chapter remind me of this songhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNPO8kzupyE
How this spike chubby he's poor he shouldn't be able to afford the food to get him chubby.
11072350
You do know what happens when you only eat cheap, fast and junk food, right?