Chrysalis couldn't fully remember what happened before she was knocked out. They had betrayed Grogar and taken him on in a three-versus-one, using the power of the Bewitching Bell for themselves. The last thing she could recall was the warlock ram taking the Bell back, and being frozen in place. She was frustratingly aware that more had transpired between then and her black-out, but she just couldn't retrieve those memories from her befuddled psyche. When she came by she heard a raspy, female voice; clearly not that of Tirek or Cozy Glow.
"Chrysalis? Is everything alright?"
She could hear that the one asking was standing right beside her, but it felt more as if she was being called from a distance.
"Uhm, Queen Chrysalis?" another, softer voice spoke.
She realized it was the voice of a pony and immediately remembered the evil trio hadn't fought by themselves: after their conspiracy had been crushed by Grogar's unparallelled power they were forced to work together with the ponies—the ones they had set out to defeat before turning on him. If these were their voices then Grogar must have been defeated. Did the ponies somehow manage to beat him? No, his magic was much to strong and without the Elements of Harmony they stood no chance. That means it was she and her co-conspirators who defeated Grogar! But where were Tirek and Cozy Glow?
Chrysalis got up on her legs with considerable effort and saw that, indeed, a small pack of ponies stood by her. They looked no less worn down than she. She quickly looked around, expecting to find her allies somewhere in the field. But aside from them, there was nopony to be found in the area.
"Thank Celestia you are okay!" the one with the white coat exclaimed with genuine concern.
"Careful now sugarcube, we'll get you fixed up."
"Where's the centaur? Where's the filly? Tell me," she demanded, completely ignoring the words of relief that would under any other circumstance have been to her surprise.
"They went with Twilight. They're heading for Ponyville." The one speaking to her was Starlight Glimmer.
A sudden rush of resentment overtook Chrysalis. She cast an infernal gaze upon the unicorn, to which she flinched in horror.
"They've left me behind!" she cried out upon realization.
Starlight froze in fear, stammering, "No! Well, er, yes but it isn't want it seems like. You see, when we found them after the battle—"
"They are going to be the next in your series of 'redemptions', aren't they? They have been very well-behaved and now they can join your little club. And I am simply to be forsaken!"
"Not at all, you can come with us," Starlight said, desperately looking for words to best explain the situation to the furious, misunderstanding Changeling queen.
"Oh, is that so? Ha!" she laughed in her face. "Preposterous! Haven't you taken enough from me yet?"
"Chrysalis please think about it! If you just come with us you can return to the Hive!"
"Won’t you just quit already? You haven't just taken them away from me, you've bastardized them. The fact that you are promising the same fate to me is astounding. I shall never yield to your pathetic pleas. I shall have my revenge, I shall crush all of you, but you, Starlight Glimmer, you I shall devour!"
Starlight Glimmer let out a mortal shriek as the Changeling Queen leapt towards her with exposed fangs, but the assailant's movements were sluggish and she was intercepted in mid-air by Applejack's lasso, which had tied itself to one of her hind legs. Chrysalis dropped to the floor and let out an extended, thrilling groan of her own. Looking up, they saw the ponies had dashed to Starlight’s aid. They looked at her varyingly with anger, shock, and disappointment.
"You haven't seen the worst of me yet! Mark my words!"
Consumed by rage she shot up, spread her insect wings and flew off, leaving the ponies to console the sobbing unicorn.
"Lord Tirek and Cozy Glow! You were nothing more than the others who have abandoned me. My hive, my clones, and now you too. After all that we went through, you run off with the ponies and leave me to fend for myself. To think I had finally found faithful allies. To Tartarus with you! I won't need you two any longer. All the preparations are in place. Soon I will get back all that is rightfully mine, and I will destroy those who oppose me!"
Chrysalis had fallen into one of her delirious monologues. She found herself in Grogar's lair, to which she had fled after the battle. She had become very familiar with the place, but with the permanent absence of Grogar, as well of her allies, it had lost both its dread and its warmth. Before her lay a log of wood with a distinct lavender color—the remnants of Mean Twilight Sparkle, the savvy clone of Twilight that she used to take control of the Elements Of Harmony. Back when she worked under Grogar she had experimented and tried to resurrect her, but the spell with which the Tree of Harmony had sealed the antagonistic spirit inside the wooden vessel proved too powerful to undo, it held unyieldingly even after the Tree had perished for several moons. But after her hasty refuge to the former headquarters, she found that the seal had significantly weakened. Even then, her incantations had too little effect. It wasn't until now that Chrysalis finally had the magical prowess to break through it.
With considerable effort she cast a bright emerald beam at the log. Upon contact it glowed and began to twitch and rumble and then, in quite an unnatural fashion, it started to grow. It sprouted branches from its sides, and slowly became thicker; it was assuming the crude shape of a pony. With a blinding flash the process was complete and on the floor now lay Mean Twilight, unconscious yet already frowning.
Chrysalis let her lie there like that for a moment. The alicorn let out a groan, stood up, and opened her eyes. She cast two glances at the area around her and saw Chrysalis. Despite having been awakened from her slumber just a few seconds ago, her gaze was keen and wicked.
"You've brought me back."
"Indeed I have," Chrysalis proclaimed with immediate fury, "I need you for something else. But I haven't forgotten about how you betrayed me before."
Her horn lit up: she was going to cast another spell. Mean Twilight braced herself, ready to reflect the oncoming beam. But no such thing happened; instead, she felt an acute pain in her head, as if her skull was being split by an axe. She groaned in pain and collapsed onto the ground.
"Hnng! What is this? What are you doing to me?"
"This is just a little mind control spell to make sure that doesn't happen again. If you're done writhing we can continue."
Mean Twilight's migraine soon went away. She got back on her hooves without saying a word but looked at Chrysalis with piercing eyes. Just like the spell she used on Shining Armor, it didn't actually control her mind—at least, not yet—but rather induced headache and numbness whenever she defied her. Chrysalis ignored her struggle, holding her head high with an air of majestic authority.
"The reason I have brought you back is because I need your help with a spell. May I take it that you are as good with magic as the real Twilight Sparkle?"
"I'm better at magic than my döppelganger. I possess Twilight's body of magical knowledge, in that respect we are equals. However, unlike her I am not restrained by the ethical concerns prohibit the practices of dark magic that any grand wizard should be a master of."
Chrysalis smirked. "Very well. Let me put that knowledge of yours up to the test. Can you tell me what this is?"
Out of one of the corners of the hideout, an object enveloped in Chrysalis's green aura came floating in. It landed gently on the table. Mean Twilight examined it from up close. It was a small metal shard with the dull color of copper oxide. It was undoubtedly ancient, possibly as old as ponykind itself, but the artifact that it belonged to had only recently been shattered, as indicated by the gleaming, torn edges. And while it was as good as harmless now, she sensed the remnants of an awesome magical potential.
"You don't know?" Chrysalis asked indignantly. "I expected as much; the original Twilight didn't think it to be real either. This is a piece of Grogar's Bell."
"You mean the Bewitching Bell? The legendary item with which he created monsters and conquered Equestria?" She almost stammered in awe in the presence of the hallowed magical relic.
"Recently Grogar had returned. Me and my accomplices stole it from him, but he found out about it. I shall spare you the details. We defeated Grogar but the Bell was shattered, and with it almost all of its power was lost. This small piece is all I could salvage. It still possesses a sliver of magic. I suppose I won't need to compel you to study it and to master the magic for yourself."
"You certainly won't, my Queen." Mean Twilight picked up the piece and as she did she felt its power resonate with her own. She sensed a dreadful energy, shrieking, wailing, crying to be used by her. "I will study its power with pleasure, but explain to me what you will use it for."
"Fair enough, I will tell you," Chrysalis spoke, assured that she had full control over the clone and the powers she bestowed upon her thanks to the mind control spell. "After I had been cast out of my hive, Thorax"—she spat out his name as if it were poison—"the leader of the rebels, took control and under his reign my minions have been turned into a pathetic race. But with this artifact we will restore the Hive's glory. The magic of the Bewitching Bell has a corrupting effect: use it on a 'reformed' Changeling and he will get his old form back."
"May I test out this power at once?" Mean Twilight spoke eagerly.
"Go right ahead, I would love to see what you are capable of."
Chrysalis picked a flower from the swamp just outside of the hideout and put it down beside the shard on the table.
"Try using it on this."
Mean Twilight didn’t waste any time initiating the experiment. Her horn lit up with a murky purple and she picked up the shard again. Closing her eyes, she fell into a deep concentration. A minute passed in full silence without the slightest stir. Chrysalis had begun thinking the effort was in vain when she noticed that the aura on the döppelganger's horn flickered in color: it pulsated between purple and a new pitch black. The alicorn clone began breathing more heavily as the tip of her horn produced yellow sparks. The sparks liquefied and blended with the aura, driving out the last whiffs of purple. Not longer being able to contain the monstrous power, she pointed her horn at the flower. Then suddenly—prematurely—the magic was discharged in a bright yellow-black flash that hurled the caster against the wall. The noise that accompanied it didn't resemble the tolling of a bell, but rather a hammer striking an anvil or the breaking of glass.
Mean Twilight immediately got back up on her hooves. The blow had dazed her only slightly. In fact, the look in her eyes was even more vicious than before. Chrysalis examined the flower that was still lying on the table. It had withered: its petals were dry and dull and the stem, which was tainted brown, had turned flabby. It was a perfect, small-scale representation of Grogar’s prowess.
"Not bad for a first attempt," she said indifferently.
"I have two observations," Mean Twilight said. "Firstly, the magic inside the artifact is entirely unextractable. Whatever spell was cast upon it, it has irrevocably sealed the power within. But though this power cannot be extracted, it can still be imitated, as I just did. Secondly, although it is obvious, the power of the Bewitching Bell is extremely unstable. My thesis is that the Bewitching Bell acted not only as a vessel for the magic, but also as a moderator. Without the Bell, this magic requires the utmost concentration to wield and is unfit for combat and other highly dynamic situations."
Chrysalis listened attentively; she was concerned about the latter remark. "Do you have a solution for that?"
Mean Twilight smirked. "I will need the other Mean Six. The Element of Magic is the strongest when supplemented by the other Elements, and the same holds true for us. With their assistance a blitz attack is viable yet."
"Those lousy wooden copyponies cause more harm than good. I shall put up with them not even a second more than I absolutely need to."
"Very well then, you can resurrect them when we commence our attack. I will study its power by myself. It will slightly affect our chances at success, of course I propose the following approach: using your transformation powers and my likeness to the Princess of Friendship we will infiltrate the Hive and take out its leaders. From thence taking out the drones will be a trivial matter and you will rule once more over your corrupted underlings."
"What are you talking about?!" Chrysalis snapped, struck by a sudden coldness.
"About your form, my Queen. It is a product of the Bewitching Bell."
"How do you know?"
"Isn't it obvious? You have already given me all the clues to infer the fact." She spoke even more well-articulated than usual, as if to stab the breathless Changeling queen with every word. "You are relying on me to harness the power of a single fragment of the Bewitching Bell, an artifact belonging to Grogar, the Father of Monsters, who is known to have created many of Equestria's frightening beasts. To think he created the Changelings is therefore no stretch. Additionally, the fact that Changelings have a 'light' nature deep within them suggests they were corrupted rather than created that way, and Grogar has been said to create new beasts from existing creatures. As to why you didn't call on me before, but instead set out to find the Tree of Harmony: it can only be that you've learned of it recently. It is only logical that Grogar, whom you have met personally, related to you that he is in fact your progenitor."
"Enough, silence!" Chrysalis furiously interrupted Mean Twilight's dissertation. The latter immediately ceased talking; she knew she was treading on the edge of Chrysalis's sanity and was all but asking to be smited by that mind control spell again. She let her respond.
"It doesn't matter what happened thousands of years ago; I have always been like this, just like the Queen before me and the Queen before her. As far as history goes, the Changeling Hive has been a dark force that inspires fear in its enemies. I cannot be the deviation, I am myself, I am natural and all I want is to return my Hive to their original form. Thorax has made them weak and pathetic; how can that be natural? Weakness only persists if there is artificial element to keep it in existence. But under me they will be strong! But they still know what it was like; how we grew to be Equestria's greatest threat, successfully infiltrated Canterlot and defeated the Princesses. When we have turned them back to their old forms, they shall understand the error in their ways! They shall detest that ridiculous mutant appearance that has been imposed upon them by Starlight Glimmer. She shall be hated more passionately by them than by myself!"
Chrysalis could feel her blood boiling. She shouted her echoing words into the room, almost forgetting about the presence of Mean Twilight, who was still listening in total silence. A thin, satisfactory smirk had grown on her features.
"And you," she said as she turned to the clone, "what do you think you're doing, bringing up my past?"
"Forgive me, I meant no offense." She picked up the wilted flower, examined it complacently and then began slowly picking off the shriveled petals, scattering them on the ground. "I have no intention to jeopardize my own goals, which are to be reunited with the other Elements, to develop arcane magic and to spread disharmony. I cannot operate as long as I'm bound to the spell you put me under. Be aware I share your sentiment, for I myself am a superior form of another individual. Only by defeating them can we truly triumph. I don't just help you because I must; I insist on it."
Mean Twilight's words were seductive and intoxicating and their sweetness nourished Chrysalis's lust for revenge, but at the same time aroused nausea and an urge to wince in revulsion.
"Do not think I trust you one bit. You will remain under my control."
"That is an acceptable condition. If you excuse me, I will continue studying the power of the Bewitching Bell." She tossed the featureless stem away and collected the shard of the Bell that had fallen onto the ground.
"Very well, then I shall retrieve the remains of the other Mean Six."
"Farewell, my Queen," Mean Twilight spoke absent-mindedly as Chrysalis spread her wings and fluttered out of the hideout, out of earshot. "Do not fail me."
I feel bad for this poor bug. At least she brought back Midnight Sparkle to have someone to talk with.
I know right?! The Changelings changed way to quickly to their colorful forms for it not to be natural on some level. I always ascribed it to Chrysalis throne (it does absorb the excess love Thorax and the other Changelings vent in To Where and Back Again) but Grogar's Bell works too.
10052362
I like that theory too. The throne has always been present and so could have acted as an active suppression agent. But in my opinion the corruption was a one-time event. The Changelings have always been creatures that are nourished by each other's love. This is still true in their corrupted form, but now they took it by force rather than creating new love, and as a result they were never satisfied. Once Thorax learned to share love he became the ancient good-natured form.
10052068
It doesn't feel good to subject her to another round of threachery and malice while Tirek and Cozy are on a camping trip, but I figured her being the hardest to redeem is in line with her stubbornness in To Where And Back Again and Frenemies.
10052725
I would agree that the corruption was a one time thing. In my theory the throne would mostly be as you say simply suppressing most attempts to change back at this point, there is something about that throne that to me makes me think it would've made a great Trojan Horse though. And if their transformation was a surprise biological shift that weakened and brought their society down it would explain why there appears to be only a city of them left around as opposed to other species inhabiting entire lands.
Also of note: I just wanted to say this is very good for your first story. Great grammar, brilliant plot, characters are pretty decent too for a first story, all around this is a great piece you put together here.
10068877
I'm very happy to hear that. Having an engaging plot is my greatest aim, and the best is yet to come! I understand my characterization and dialogue are subpar, it's hard to make two characters converse if you as the author already know what should and will happen. I tend to get directly to the point. I could use a lesson on how to make "pointless" small talk meaningful.
10069553
You should probably take anything I say with a grain of salt seeing as I haven't published anything on the site. That being said I understand having problems with small talk.
When it comes right down to it, from what I've observed it it's about expanding characterization. And not only the backstory (that's just embellishment), but what do your characters dream about, what are their methods for solving problems, what do they find funny, or detestable, what's their ideal method for working, and so on.
It pretty much all depends on how you view the characters and what you can gleam about their thought process. Who they and what they do on a regular basis will inform how they act and speak.
So far your doing pretty good by my estimate. Tirek is pretty close to the macho yet stoic character I am used to envisioning, and while Cozy varies between being strait up manipulative or blunt, that's a pretty credible take on the character that works well enough for what you're doing.
The most glaring issues I can spot are; Mean Twilight not fighting or testing Chrysalis's dominance even just a little, and the Main Six being so trusting of Cozy and Tirek going off on their own. Mean Twilight may tow the line temporally, but she is arrogant and isn't going to roll over and work for just anyone. And the only times the Main Six dealt with Cozy Glow or Tirek they are shown to have a pathological distrust of them; to the point of banishing them to Tartures or petrifying them to stone.
But those are easy enough problems to fix with a few additional scenes (Mean Twilight exploring the limitations of the obedience spell on her own away from Chrysalis, and a scene showing the change in Tirek that has convinced Twilight to trust him, would do it), and those could be added into the story at any point along the way.
Chrysalis is kinda of stiff but that edge between arrogance and practical is hard to get right for her. As for her the only solution I can think off is research and imitation. Finding her lines and learning the kind of things she does in show and comparing that to how she sounds and acts in your story.
There are probably sites with episode transcripts you could look up if you wanted, and I am pretty sure their are clips of MLP episodes still up if you know where to look. If you want I could look up some episodes and send you a list of those I feel are most relevant although fair warning, I might go a little bit over board with suggesting titles.
10072774
Thanks for the criticism. I suppose I should rewatch some episodes before writing, just to get a right sense of the characters. I'll try to add some characterization to make more sense of the behaviour of certain characters, like Twilight (whose decision to let Tirek and Chrysalis go free is what the story is predicated on), Mean Twilight (who definitely would be testing out the spell put on her) and of course the main characters (I'm fleshing out their motives in the chapter I'm currently writing).
10072820
No problem, I am happy to help. And like I said, this is pretty good so far.
Ah, there's the fallen bug queen. Was wondering when she would come into play.
Great theory about the changelings' dark form being a corruption of their natural, colorful selves. That is a great way to explain why their transformation happened so quickly. They were reverting to their original states.
I know Chrysalis put some mind restriction on Mean Twilight to make sure she doesn't betray her, but I have to wonder if Mean Twilight is up to something while Chrysalis is away getting the other Mean Six fragments. Perhaps she hopes to find some secret of the Bell shard that she can keep hidden from Chrysalis.
Keep it together, Chryssie!
... Kinda hoping that Chryssie's true form is more on the awesome side of things than the other changelings.
I must say that for the first time the story is quite interesting. Of course, the beginning turned out to be crumpled and there is a feeling that there is a prequel, but I like that, unlike other stories with similar topics, the motives and characters and interactions of the characters are well conveyed here. The emphasis on other contentious issues in the canon only adds to the story.
11167895
Thanks for your appreciative words! I had a few ideas of what the story would be getting to, but there was too much which I only came up with as I went, and as a result the first few chapters ended up, well, crumpled as you put it. You're right that there is basically a complete story missing at the beginning. Like I wrote in the blurb I had this idea of Tirek, Cozy and Chrysalis being betrayed by Grogar and having to team up with the ponies; but rather than writing a grand finale boss battle story with the focus on the Mane 6, I really wanted to give the villains a satisfying ending, and so I skipped right to that part. I'm not even sure if I could "fix" Twilight & co. in a way that I would be content with, in the continuity that TFOEG takes place in; ideally I'd go back as far as Magical Mystery Cure to re-write the characters, but that would be a project of such a big scope that I would never get around to finish it. I've always been more of an analysis/speculation type of person so maybe I could just flesh out FiM's world and release those as stylized blog posts. That would be better than nothing at all, and who knows maybe it would give me the inspiration to write another story like this one.