Chapter 5
5
Two ponies stood at the dusty crossroads, contemplating which direction they should be heading. The options were wide open for them, but that didn’t make things easy. On one hoof, they could travel far north and see the Crystal Empire where the next Pony Games would be held. On the other hoof, they could rumble on up the mountain to Canterlot in order to catch a glimpse of the new Princess. There were even more options than that, and such was their predicament. The mare of the pair mulled it over, sitting comfortably astride the wagon pulled by her enormous, male counterpart.
“Shucks, I just don’t know Hon’. I’ve got this feeling that destiny is going to guide us to our next destination… but dangit, I haven’t got the slightest clue what destiny wants! Do you have any ideas?”
The stallion just rolled his eyes and took a swig of water. Anywhere was fine with him, as long as it made her happy. It didn’t take much, so he wasn’t very worried; however, she seemed to be more conflicted about this than any other decision before. He could suddenly feel the weight of what she was trying to decide, and boy was it heavy. Perhaps destiny really did have plans for them.
“… Say, you know where we’re not far from,” the mare said, turning to the stallion. “You think… do you think it’s time to go back?”
“Fer a visit?”
“For good.”
The pair got real quiet. Now there was a suggestion to trump all other suggestions. These two old fogeys had been living on the road for so long, they could hardly remember what settling down was like. They weren’t even sure they knew how anymore. Now that the decision lay in front of them, they doubted it.
“Ah think if’n destiny wanted us to return home, it’d send us a clear sign.” This was a risky decision. If they stopped now, they might be unhappy with it. He didn’t want that, at all. “Ah reckon we should go to the Crystal Empire. Never been thar before.”
“… Yeah… yeah, of course!” the mare said as if she’d just been awoken from a strange dream. “If destiny wanted us to end our journeying… why, she would have sent an engraved invitation!”
“Hello down there!”
Both earth ponies looked up to the sky to see a wing silhouette spiraling down towards them. There was only one pegasus in all of Equestria who could have and would have tracked them down to this sun-baked expanse of the world.
“Well I’ll be! If it isn’t Derpy!”
The pair waited for the pegasus to touch down next to their cart, decked out in her mailmare uniform and saddlebags. She turned to them and smiled, her eyes shifting focus as she did.
“Well, isn’t this a surprise. Did somepony send a letter to us?” the mare asked, hopping down from the cart. “How is it you always managed to find us, despite losing so many other folks’ mail?”
“Just luck I suppose!” Derpy said, shrugging off her shortcomings as a postal worker. It wasn’t all that bad, but once a pony delivers a box of starving coyotes to the wrong address ponies don’t tend to forget it.
Derpy reached into her bag and produced a simple, elegant letter. She gave it to the mare and gave her a short salute before flapping off. There were many, many more deliveries to make and Derpy had no idea where she was.
“Well, what is it?” the stallion asked, curious about their first piece of correspondence in a while. Judging from the envelope and the stationary inside, it looked rather fancy. “It ain’t one of them Gryphonian Princes askin’ fer bits, is it?”
He waited, but his companion didn’t say a word. She just continued to stare at the letter. He craned his neck in to get a look for himself, but she suddenly packed the letter away and jumped back on the cart.
“Giddyup! We’ve got to get where we’re going fast!”
“Really? Where would that be? Just what was that letter?”
“That, Hon’, was our engraved invitation.”
“Rainbow Dash, hold still!”
“You’ll never take me alive!”
“Grab her wings!”
“The tail, the tail!”
“Ouch! Hey! You’re trying to hurt me, aren’t you!”
“Such accusations!”
“Oh, I’m sorry…”
“Don’t apologize to her!”
“Let me go!”
“Just hold still already!”
“Good work ladies, leave the rest to me.” Rarity levitated into position over Rainbow Dash. The three mares holding down Rainbow Dash got ready to leap out of the way while the wild pegasus squirmed underneath them. “On three… one… two… three!”
All at once, the weight on top of Rainbow Dash was released and the dress was thrown over her like a net. There was no escape, and the moment the garment was over her head the three mares returned and began getting her through the rest of the holes. It was a violent, messy affair, but after much struggling the process was complete. Rainbow Dash stood there in the same getup she wore to cadence’s wedding.
“Well, looks like it still fits you,” Rarity said, inspecting the antsy pegasus.
“I told you it would! There was no point in doing this.” Rainbow Dash told her, quoting her previous complaints. “Can I take it off now?”
“Fine, fine.” Rarity scarcely gave Rainbow Dash permission before she bolted out of the dress, leaving it suspended in place for just a few seconds as she stood beside it. The garment crumpled to the floor while Rainbow Dash walked back over to sit with Taboo.
“Mommy, do I get a dress for the wedding?” she asked, much more excited by the whole process than her mother was.
“Rarity insists on it, so yes.”
“Yaaaay!”
“You’re going to look absolutely adorable, darling!” Rarity said, but quickly turned her attention to the other bridesmaids. “That takes care of Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. Lily and Daisy, I have the pieces I’ve prepared for you in the back. They still need a bit of work, but I just want to check the sizes again before I get too much farther. Wait a second and I’ll go-”
“I’ll get them!” Pierce suddenly jumped up from where he was sitting and galloped full tilt to the back. He returned levitating both mannequins in record time, setting them down gently next to Rarity.
“Why thank you, Pierce,” Rarity said, with an added little peck on the cheek, but her face quickly went sour. “Eager to see Lily in her dress I see…”
“Not at all!” Pierce said much too quickly, getting a glare from Lily. “I mean, I do want to see her in the dress!” He wasn’t sure why he was apologizing to her; Lily wasn’t his marefriend.
“Sit down with the other stallions,” Rarity commanded coldly, forcing him to return to the other males in the wedding party. He hung his head and slouched down between Time Turner and Caramel. Ever since Big Macintosh asked him to be one of his groomsmen, he’d been getting flak from Rarity. She wasn’t in the wedding party herself, but she was extremely relevant in getting things ready. No matter where he went, her jealous eyes were watching. Not even his male compatriots could offer him any solace.
“She’ll get over it Pierce,” Caramel assured him. “It isn’t like you’re the one getting married.”
“I know, I know, but things were going so well before this,” Pierce griped.
“Well, this is a sign things are going well too,” Time Turner said. He pulled at his tie for the millionth time today and cleared his throat. “She seems extremely adverse to the thought of you with another mare, so it’s a clear sign that she is fond of you. Don’t let her attitude dishearten you too much.” He continued to mess with his tie.
“I don’t want to hear anything from you, Turner,” Pierce said, glaring at the uptight earth pony. “You get to walk up the aisle with your personal Goddess.”
“Yeah, you’re the lucky one here,” Caramel said, folding his forelegs in front of him. “My marefriend is with Applejack and you get to be across the way from Fluttershy. You didn’t bribe Big Macintosh and Roseluck, did you?”
“… Bribe is not the correct term.”
“So you begged like a dog?” Caramel asked, but Turner didn’t answer. He went of fidgeting with his tie, trying not to steal glances over to where Fluttershy was helping Rarity.
“Would y’all quit yer belly achin’? Applejack said to the other groomsmen. She was playing the part of the Best Mare in the ceremony, so she felt like she was in charge of keeping the guys in line. All Pierce and Caramel ever did was complain about things while Time Turner just clammed up whenever Fluttershy was in the room. Being the Best Mare felt more like being a glorified foalsitter. “They’re your friends Big Mac, say somethin’ to them.”
Big Macintosh wasn’t paying any attention at the moment, which Applejack could clearly see by the way he was giggling shamelessly with his fiancée curled up next to him. He had been tough as nails leading up to the proposal, but ever since then he’d turned into a giant teddy bear. Applebloom kept saying it reminded her of last Hearts and Hooves Day, but Applejack had no idea what that was even supposed to mean.
“Sakes, those two need a healthy dose of reality right about now,” Applejack said to herself. She got up and made sure her brother and soon to be sister-in-law could see her. “If’n case y’all hadn’t noticed, there is a little dissent among the ranks.”
“Applejack, we know about that,” Roseluck assured her while Big Macintosh nibbled on her ear. “That’s why we thought it would be great if we brought everypony down here to get fitted together. It’s a great bonding experience.”
“Eeyup.”
“I think it’s going well!”
Applejack took a look around at the ponies in the room. Lily and Daisy were still actively avoiding Rainbow Dash, who wasn’t making much of an effort to talk to them either. The stallions were still in an encampment by themselves and Fluttershy wasn’t talking to anypony except Rarity. This wasn’t what a rousing success looks like.
“Well, at least we’re actually getting the work done,” Applejack said, accepting defeat. “I should be happy that it’s so peaceful.”
Right on cue, the door to Carousel Boutique burst open so quickly it detached the bell and sent it skittering across the floor. The massive hoof that opened the door stayed suspended in the doorway while a deep red mare swiftly ducked inside under it. She wore a smile from ear to ear and her green eyes darted all over the room. The first pony to make the mistake of establishing eye contact was Applejack.
“Lil Jackie!”
“Oh my… Ma?!” Applejack found herself in the powerful embrace of the small yet surly mare she bore a strong resemblance to.
“Oh, it’s been so long! You went and got so big!” her mother said, releasing her to step back and take a look. “And what a shame too. You were so adorable when you were little. Speaking of ponies who aren’t little!” The mare spun around to where an astonished Big Macintosh was now on his hooves.
“Uh… howdy, Ma…”
“Don’t you ‘howdy’ me mister!” his mother shouted, suddenly very cross. “Y’all don’t have the decency to write to us for so long, but then all of a sudden we get a wedding invitation in the mail? Honestly, what kind of family doesn’t keep each other up with that kind of information? I still wasn’t sure you even liked mares!”
“Ma!”
“Oh, hush up.” The mare looked around, noticing for the first time that she wasn’t just among family. “Whoops, I seem to be causing a bit of a scene. Sorry, sorry, but this is all rather exciting for me. I guess I went and forgot my manners. Allow us to introduce ourselves! We are… we… Hon’? Where’d you disappear to?”
“Right here,” a powerful voice said from the boutique door. A stallion of immense size with a blonde mane and beard that probably hadn’t been touched by a brush in years was calmly examining the door he just broke. He lumbered over to the group and took his spot next to his spouse.
“Well, without further ado we’d like to introduce ourselves. I’m the mother of the groom, Poison Apple, and this is the father of the groom, Big Apple.”
“Hold on… Big Apple?” Caramel asked, a smile forming on his face. He looked up at Big Macintosh, who was already cringing. “Big Macintosh Apple is really Big Apple Jr.?”
“Junior never did like being called Junior,” Poison said with a wistful smile. “Oh, but we knew he was going to grow up to be a big guy like his daddy, so it only made sense to name him that. Macintosh was Big’s cousin or uncle or something like that. Oh, Junior was so adorable when he was just a little colt! Oh, I wish I had the pictures on me!”
“Ah think we kin hold off on pictures,” Big Macintosh said, trying to stave off any further embarrassment for the time being.
“How did you two get the invitation so fast?” Applejack asked. “We sent them out this morning!”
“Never doubt the mail system, Jackie,” Poison told her, completely dodging the question. She had far more important inquisitions to make. “Now, enough about us and our kin, where’s the bride-to-be?”
The group was about to speak up, but the far more commanding voice of Big Apple shut them down.
“Ain’t it obvious?” he said, pointing a big hoof over to where Rainbow Dash was sitting with Taboo. Rainbow Dash moved to protest, but Poison moved far faster than she did. In the brief moment she noticed Taboo, she swooped in and lifted the filly high over her head. She smiled even more intensely before.
“I can’t believe it, I’m a grandma already!” Poison cheered. “And my grandbaby is such an adorable little filly too! Now you just can’t be related to my son, now can you? She looks more like that cousin or uncle of yours, Hon’. What’s his name? Who am I thinkin’ of?”
“Fuji.”
“That’s right, Fuji Apple! Oh yes, I can see the Apple Family resemblance for sure. They’re such strong genes, you know,” Poison said to Rainbow Dash, who could only stutter in response. “There aren’t many pegasi in the Apple family, mind you, but I think it’s good that we’re mixing the blood up some. I know Big has a cousin or uncle who married a pegasus. What was her name again?”
“Liberty.”
“That’s right, Liberty Apple! Oh, you’ll get along just fine with her. You’ll get along with the rest of the family too, but I know she’ll be happy to see another pegasus in the family.” Poison turned back to Taboo, and took a little closer stock of her this time. The filly seemed pretty surprised by all of this, staring at the strange mare with her golden eyes and carefully stretching her little wings. “Oh my… she is just so adorable!” It was unclear if everything was registering with Poison.
“Ma, that isn’t your grandchild,” Applejack said, finally putting an end to her parent’s antics. “That’s Rainbow Dash and Taboo, a friend of ours and her kid.”
“Oh… whoops.” Poison shot a glare at Big Apple for misleading her, but he just turned his eyes up to the ceiling. He wasn’t the one who let his mouth run. “Well, she’s still a darling little filly!”
“Uh, thanks?” Rainbow Dash said, knowing she really didn’t have anything to do with that fact. Poison reluctantly hooved Taboo back to her mother. “You okay there, squirt?”
“She talks a lot,” Taboo said, rubbing her ears. “Is she really my grandma? I thought I already had a grandma.”
“No, she’s not your grandma,” Rainbow Dash explained. She realized that having two sets of grandparents was absolutely plausible, but she held that information back for the time being.
“Okay, would the actual bride like to make herself known?” Poison asked.
“That’d be me,” Roseluck said, stepping up from Big Macintosh’s side. “I’m Roseluck. It’s really nice to meet you, Mrs. Apple.”
“My, my… aren’t you a pretty young thing? You’re faaar too pretty to be marrying my son,” Poison joked, making Roseluck feel a lot more at ease about the older mare. Still, the way Poison was eyeing her reminded Roseluck of the way a judge looks at a flower during a competition. “Such a waste. A mare as pretty as you could have easily lasted a few more years being single. How sure are we that this still isn’t a shotgun wedding?”
“Ma!” Big Macintosh couldn’t believe that both his father and his mother thought he had gotten his bride pregnant before marrying her.
“I’m just teasing, Junior. I’m very happy for both of you, really. Your father is happy too, aren’t you Hon’?”
“Hm? Of course,” he said. He reached up and stroked his beard with his hoof. “She seems like a fine mare. I hope to get to know her better.”
“Thank you, Mr. Apple,” Roseluck said with a little bow. The enormous stallion cast his eyes up again and blushed. “And thank you too Mrs. Apple.”
“Oh, please just call me Poison or Ma,” she said, giving Roseluck a big hug. “Ponies will be calling you Mrs. Apple pretty soon anyway.”
“I guess you’re right.” Roseluck giggled along with Poison, something that didn’t sit well with Big Macintosh for some reason. He got the feeling a very dangerous alliance had just been born. His mother disengaged from Roseluck and gave her son a big hug.
“I’m proud of you, Junior. Make her happy, alright?”
“Eeyup.” Despite all their antics, Big Macintosh knew his parents weren’t liars. Whatever they said, they meant.
“I bet she gets really wild in the sack, right?”
“M-ma!”
“Wow, Applejack’s family is weird,” Rainbow Dash said to herself. She watched the happy family laugh with one another and exchange affection, but every once and a while she caught Poison Apple looking at her. Rainbow Dash couldn’t exactly place the look, but it made her uncomfortable for some reason. She shook it off, convinced she was just imagining things.
Due to the incoming wedding, Roseluck had closed up shop for the time being. That meant Rainbow Dash was on paid vacation from making deliveries, but it also meant she had nothing to do all day. She spent most of her time at home reading and watching after Taboo, but all the free time was starting to lose its charm. Even Taboo was showing signs of getting bored. The worst part was Rainbow Dash knew that it wouldn’t end after the wedding either. Roseluck and Big Macintosh would go off on their honeymoon, which meant two more weeks of no work.
On the bright side, the rehearsal dinner for the wedding was tonight. Even if it was more wedding stuff, any break in the monotony was welcome at this point. She lay on her couch with Taboo, staring at her clock until it was time to go. Taboo couldn’t tell time yet, so it made is especially difficult for her. Still, she was very excited because her mother was letting her stay up past her bedtime for the event. It was a rare event indeed, so she fought the urge to sleep as hard as she could.
“Well, we can be fashionably early, right?” Rainbow Dash got up from the couch, with Taboo tagging along right beside her. “Ready to go!”
“Yes!” Taboo beamed brightly, trotting over to the door. Rainbow Dash opened the door into the night, letting the warm summer wind blow through her coat. Even this far up, the air still held onto its warmth.
“Going out?” Thunderhead asked, standing at his post right outside the door.
“Yeah. It’s the rehearsal dinner for the wedding,” Rainbow Dash explained.
“Kinda late for dinner,” Thunderhead said, looking up at the moon. It was past his breakfast and a normal pony’s dinnertime, especially with way the summer days lingered on.
“That’s just the way it is,” Rainbow Dash told him, not really knowing or caring about all the details. They had said something about Big Macintosh needing time to work between the rehearsal ceremony or something like that. All Rainbow Dash knew is he had something to do still and she didn’t, which made her a bit jealous. “We were just about to head out.”
“We?”
“Yeah, me and Taboo.” Rainbow Dash gestured to where Taboo should have been standing next to her, but there was only vacant space. She looked about frantically until she heard the familiar sound of the toilet flushing upstairs. She smacked her forehead, half of her relieved and the other half not surprised at all. She heard the bathroom door open up and then little hooves scrambling down the stairs.
Taboo ran into the doorway and skidded to a halt. She looked up at her mother with a surprised look, as if she hadn’t thought her little delay would have been spotted. Taboo smiled like nothing was wrong while Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.
“C’mon, let’s get going.”
Taboo hopped on her mother’s back. Rainbow Dash galloped off the edge of the cloud and spread her wings, taking off into the night. Behind her, Thunderhead glided easily along as they approached Sweet Apple Acres. The lights in the barn were on, indicating the possibility of activity. Even if it was dark, Rainbow Dash could see the area was devoid of any other ponies.
Despite probably being far too early, she landed in front of the barn and looked inside. As to be expected, the Apples were still getting things set up. Rainbow Dash wondered if she should go inside or not. She certainly didn’t see any merit in hanging around outside.
“Rainbow Dash?”
Before she got the chance, Roseluck appeared behind her. She was balancing plates on her back and beaming brightly. Over the past few days, she had a tendency to bounce between excited and paranoid, so Rainbow Dash was glad to see she was in her more pleasant mood presently.
“Hey, sorry I’m a bit early,” Rainbow Dash said, chuckling a bit and stepping aside from the door. She pulled it open a little so Roseluck could pass through more easily. “Need any help?”
“No, no, it’s all going perfectly!” Roseluck said, still beaming. “Come on in. We’re going to be starting soon, so everypony else should be arriving right about now. Oh, speaking of which…” Roseluck turned her attention down the road and waved ecstatically. Rainbow Dash turned to, seeing Lily and Daisy coming up the road towards them. She wasn’t as excited about this development as Roseluck was.
“Hey girls!” Roseluck shouted at them waving even more vigorously. The plates on her back shifted and wobbled a little, causing the mare to tense up and hold stock still. After a couple of charged seconds, the plates stayed exactly where they were perched. Roseluck heaved a huge sigh of relief, but then she began to chuckle nervously to herself. She was all smiles again in a second. “Wow, that was almost a complete disaster! Ah-ha-ha!” Her wooden laugher denoted a bout of paranoia coming along, but Roseluck managed to shake it off.
“Yeah… that was close,” Rainbow Dash said, but not about the plates.
“Well, I’ll see you inside!” Roseluck said, having returned to a safe state of mind. She went into the barn, careful not to disturb the plates again. The past few weeks had been very stressful for her, so there was nopony who could blame her for freaking out a little. It was either that or everypony was too afraid to blame her.
“Well, look who it is.”
Rainbow Dash turned around again. Lily and Daisy had made it to the barn, but for some reason they’d taken time out to stop and acknowledge Rainbow Dash. It was no secret that the three of them were only being civil for Roseluck’s sake, but Roseluck wasn’t around at the moment.
“Good to see you again, ladies.” Rainbow Dash wasn’t about to cause a scene either way, not with Taboo around.
“Yeah, look… we need to talk to you… privately,” Daisy said, getting right to the point. She neither looked nor sounded very excited about this upcoming conversation.
Rainbow Dash couldn’t possibly imagine what they wanted, but somehow she didn’t see them stuffing her in a burlap sack and shipping her off to the badlands. If they wanted to talk, she could talk. She turned to Thunderhead, who had been silently watching from the side of the barn.
“Mind watching her for a sec?” she asked, gesturing to Taboo with a tilt of her head.
“Of course not.” Thunderhead said with a salute, which he realized he didn’t have to do. This mare didn’t outrank him, even if it felt like that from time to time. Rainbow Dash let Taboo off her back and set her in front of the barn door.
“Head on in with Thunderhead, alright? I’ll be there in a moment. Behave yourself.”
“Okay,” Taboo said with her little brow furrowed, as if she understood the gravity of the situation. She spun herself around and trotted into the barn, but she stopped once she got inside. She looked over her shoulder at Thunderhead. “Let’s go!”
“Yes ma’am.” Thunderhead threw another salute, and it suddenly hit him that he really was the lowest rung on the ladder. He grunted internally and followed the filly’s order to enter the barn. The three mares were left by themselves for the time being. They meandered towards the side of the barn, so as not to be disturbed.
“What do you want to talk about?” Rainbow Dash asked, trying to be patient with the pair. Lily and Daisy shared a brief glance before either one spoke up.
“Listen, I know we all agreed to play nice for Roseluck’s sake, but we’ve changed our minds.”
“What?”
“We’re saying we don’t want to put up with this anymore,” Daisy said, clarifying their new position. “Roseluck is our good friend, so we can forgive her for her momentary lapse of judgment. You, however, are not our friend. We’d rather you take your freaky kid and fly back to your little cloud.”
“Are you serious?” Rainbow Dash snapped at the pair. “The wedding is in less than a week and you just now decided this?”
“We were against it from the start. It’s just high time we put our hooves down,” Daisy responded, but she didn’t get at the heart of the issue. Nevertheless, Rainbow Dash could tell they weren’t about to stand around and justify themselves.
“And exactly what do you propose we do?” she asked. There was something very specific they wanted, or else they wouldn’t have called her out. If it was a simple arrangement, they wouldn’t have to hold a secret meeting in the dark. No, it was obvious to Rainbow Dash that this wasn’t going to be a clean deal.
“It’s not us who have to do anything,” Lily told her, stepping up to the pegasus. “You’ve got to tell Roseluck you can’t go to the wedding.”
“But I can go to the wedding… and I plan on going to the wedding,” Rainbow Dash told them just as clearly as she could. Even so, she knew what was coming next just as it came, word by word.
“We’re not asking you, we’re telling you. Don’t come to the wedding.” Daisy put it in the simplest terms possible. “Just break it gently to Roseluck, for her sake.”
“I think it would be better if I went for her sake,” Rainbow Dash retorted, taking a step into her aggressors. “She asked me to come, to be a bridesmaid. Roseluck has been a good friend to me, so I want to return the favor. I’m going to the wedding.”
“Have you considered the trouble you’re putting her through?” Daisy asked, but Rainbow Dash didn’t understand. It showed on her face, so Daisy went on to clarify. “This isn’t a little affair with your friends. Lots of ponies from Big Macintosh’s family and Roseluck’s family are going to be there, and we don’t want to see an uproar because somepony has to drag along that little monster.”
“You don’t know that Taboo is going to cause any trouble,” Rainbow Dash replied, refusing to yield. “Big Macintosh’s parents have been nothing but accepting of Taboo thus far, and Roseluck herself accepted Taboo as well.”
“Yeah, but they’re so weird,” Lily said. “Not everypony is going to be as eccentric as they are.”
“And not everypony will be as bigoted as you are!” Rainbow Dash wasn’t going to take another moment of this conversation. It was ridiculous to even conceive of it in the first place. She drew herself up to her full height and flared her wings out, dwarfing the other two mares before her. “If Roseluck doesn’t want me or Taboo at her wedding, then she can tell me herself!”
“Excuse me, Rainbow Dash?”
Without so much as a word of warning, Roseluck appeared from the light pouring out of the barn door. With a grave look on her face, she made a beeline for Rainbow Dash.
“Uh, hey Roseluck. Need something?”
“Rainbow Dash, you need to get your guest out of there.”
“I… what?” Rainbow Dash’s brain came to a screeching halt. She couldn’t believe that Roseluck was asking what she was asking. It just wasn’t possible, but the words came out of her mouth nonetheless. Still, she couldn’t believe it. “I need to… do what?”
“It’s turning into a riot in there,” Roseluck explained, the urgency rising in her voice. “I thought it would be okay, but I guess I was wrong. I should have realized right from the start…”
“You… you can’t be serious.” Panic and betrayal rose in Rainbow Dash’s chest, unbearable in magnitude; however, she didn’t freeze up. If that’s how it was, that’s the way it was going to be. She steeled herself and ran right past Roseluck. She didn’t matter anymore. Rainbow Dash only needed to worry about Taboo. She burst into the barn, ready to rescue her daughter from the clutches of a beast.
“That won’t do! You’ve gotta make an honest mare out of her!”
“What excuse do y’all have? If’n yer a real stallion, you’d take responsibility!”
“It’s no more bein’ a deadbeat for you, sonny! Fatherin’ will set you straight!”
In the middle of the barn, Thunderhead was surrounded by what looked like seven or eight Apple Family matriarchs, Poison Apple included. The poor stallion looked completely flummoxed, unable to answer for the accusations that were flying about his head from the multitude of mares.
“Poison saw him with Taboo,” Roseluck explained, walking up behind Rainbow Dash. “I noticed that she was being a little confrontational, but I thought he could explain himself. Unfortunately, I underestimated the power of old mares.”
“Such a wretched stallion! Livin’ like a bachelor while this poor mare raises his child!”
“You should be right ashamed, you rake!”
“He’s probably got a whole mess of mares back in Canterlot!”
“For shame!”
“Is this really happening?” Rainbow Dash asked, her panic having somewhat receded. In contrast to what she thought was happening, this was humorous in comparison. “He’s supposed to have a backbone.” In the dense mass of shouting mares, Rainbow Dash noticed she didn’t see Taboo. A closer look revealed that the foal was indeed present, but not where Rainbow Dash expected her to be.
“Don’t you wish he was ‘round more, Taboo?”
“Yeah, he should come more!” Taboo shouted at the poor guard, who was secretly cut deep by the little filly’s scolding. “He only comes during bedtime when I’m asleep, but he should come in the day too and play with me!”
“Oh, y’all hear that? He still visits her durin’ the night!”
“Scandalous! How dare you use that mare in such a way!”
“Such a scoundrel!”
“Oookay, break it up ladies!” Rainbow Dash shouted at the rabble. All the mares nearly jumped out of their bonnets when she appeared, but one party was glad to see her.
“Hi mommy!” Taboo waved and smiled at her mother. “I was on my best behavior!”
“… Yes, I can see that,” Rainbow Dash said, certain that all the bad behavior was coming from the older folks. She gave them a stern look and made sure she had their attention. “He has nothing to do with this.”
“But the resemblance is uncanny!” Poison retorted, pointing at the two ponies in question. “You see, right here. They’ve got the same nose! I’ve got an eye for finding family relations.”
“… And tell me again which cousin of your husband’s Taboo looked like?”
“Well… that was an honest mistake any mare could make.” Despite her best efforts, Poison couldn’t recover from this blunder. The other mares, having realized they just wasted their time chastising a faultless stallion, just rolled their eyes and dispersed. Only Thunderhead and Poison remained with Taboo.
“Ugh, sorry about that Roseluck,” Rainbow Dash said. She was apologizing for more than just the misunderstanding, but there was no need to bring that up. “I’m here now, so you can go do guard stuff elsewhere, Thunderhead.”
“With pleasure,” Thunderhead said, getting out of the mother infested barn just as fast as he could manage. His haste was a bit improper, but there is only so much a stallion can put up with.
“I told Mac it was a bad idea to have so many of his aunts at the rehearsal dinner,” Roseluck said, as if she knew something like this would happen. “Excuse me ladies, I’m going to go give him a piece of my mind.” Roseluck trotted off to where the stallions were standing around drinking, leaving Rainbow Dash and Taboo alone with Poison Apple.
“I’m sorry for all the trouble I caused,” the older mare said, offering up an earnest apology. “Junior and Jackie didn’t exactly explain the whole situation with you and Taboo very well, but I think I get it now.”
“As long as you don’t terrorize my night guard anymore, I’m willing to forgive you,” Rainbow Dash said, not about to hold a grudge against Applejack’s mom.
“Well then, I’d better go chastise my son too,” Poison said, taking her leave.
For her part, Rainbow Dash was just glad everything had ended well. No matter what Daisy and Lily said, she wasn’t going to miss this wedding for the world. Taboo wasn’t going to miss it either. The rest of the dinner went well, aside from two mares delaying the event by showing up late.
“I don’t see you on the list.”
“I am the Mare of Honor!” Daisy shouted at the guard, who refused to budge from in front of the barn door. “Besides, you don’t even have a list!”
“I don’t see why that’s a problem,” Thunderhead said, staring straight ahead with a stoic expression. As part of the royal guards, he had to master holding this face no matter how amused he was. “I can’t let you into the rehearsal dinner if your names aren’t on the list.”
“Yeah, really funny!” Lily tried to move past the guard, but he shot his wing out and blocked her. She tried the other side, but was met with the same result. “Alright, that’s enough! Let us in you idiot!”
“We know you’re doing this because you’re in league with that monster and her keeper,” Daisy said, sparing no expense to make her animosity known. “I guess all you freaks have to stay together. Who do you think you are?”
“Sergeant Thunderhead of the Night Patrol.”
“They’d make a bumbling pile of ugly like you a sergeant?” Lily laughed and turned to her friend. “He thinks just because he plays dress up in a suit of armor that he’s better than us.”
“You’re a fine example of why we shouldn’t bother with that little freak,” Daisy said, getting as close to the guard as she dared. “If she’s going to grow up to be a pompous sack of manure like you, she would have been better of left in the forest by herself.”
“Your own mother must be awful proud of you, sticking up for your fellow freaks of nature.” Lily stepped up to the plate as well, joining in on the assault. “Or did your mommy abandon you too? Celestia if I had a foal like that, I’d leave it in some remote corner of the Everfree too.”
“That might be… but your names still aren’t on the list.”
It had never been so hard for Thunderhead to keep his composure, especially with all the crazy, whacked out things these mares were saying to and about him. He wanted to laugh or at least snicker a little, but he had to maintain the façade of a guard. If it weren’t for his occupation, he probably would have clouted these two mares over the head and then spooked them off. He grew up with an older sister, so it wasn’t in his nature to feel any pity for using force against the fairer sex.
It wasn’t his place to pass down punishment on these mares, so when he was satisfied with the chaos he’d caused he just stepped aside and let them in. The mares were anything but grateful, but he didn’t want their gratitude. All he wanted was to see the good guys have a little victory from time to time.
“Last call everypony. For just one bit you can have a little dance with the bride or groom! This is the last ten minutes, so dig deep folks! Their honeymoon is riding on this!”
Based on the long line of male cousins, uncles and friends lined up to dance with Big Macintosh, a pony might assume that fact were true. For some reason the thought of forcing Big Macintosh to dance with them was absolutely hilarious. The fact that the moon was up and the alcohol was mostly down, there was no surprise there. While Roseluck danced with Big Apple, who paid a generous sum to make sure he got the last dance, Big Macintosh worked on whittling down the line of strange smelling stallions.
Rainbow Dash had already paid for and taken her dance with Big Macintosh as well as a dance with Roseluck for Taboo. Now she was taking the time to relax a little, which was greatly needed since she had spent the majority of the day in a dress.
Taboo, on the other hoof, was taking being in a dress in stride. Despite the late hour, she was bright eyed and bushy tailed. The whole affair of the wedding had been a new and exciting experience for her, but unfortunately her mommy wouldn’t tell her when the next wedding was. It seemed unfair that she had to wait a whole year for her birthday party already, so why wasn’t anypony planning the next wedding already? Taboo even offered to get married, but mommy shut her down immediately.
“Well, this has certainly been a nice night,” Fluttershy said, sitting down with Rainbow Dash and Taboo at their table. Even this modest mare had a drink, but only one and only a very small one. Even so, the placebo effect had her smiling and flushed in the face. “I hope my wedding is this nice.”
“Are you getting married?!” Taboo shouted, excited as anypony could be about the prospect. “When? Wheeen?”
“Well… I don’t know when. I should probably find a special somepony first,” Fluttershy responded, deflating Taboo’s dream in one blow. “Oh, but maybe if I catch the bouquet I can speed up the process!”
“Fluttershy, that’s just a superstition,” Rainbow Dash said to her friend, dismissing the old notion that the mare who makes the catch is the next bride.
“Mommy, what’s a super stitch son?”
“It’s something only crazy ponies believe in.” Rainbow Dash wasn’t exactly sure what to say beyond that. “Anyway, I think you’re better off following your first plan, Fluttershy.”
“I can’t give up without trying!” Fluttershy was determined, spurred on by the three sips of champagne she had. The first two sips were for toasting the bride and groom, but the third sip was because Fluttershy had been feeling a little crazy tonight. She was in the perfect mood to put her faith in superstition.
“What aren’t we giving up on?” Rarity asked, appearing from the bar to sit down with her friends. The unicorn was obviously a bit drunk, but only a proper amount of drunk. She was buzzed at the least.
“Fluttershy is going to catch the bouquet,” Rainbow Dash explained.
“And then I’ll get married!” Fluttershy declared without hesitation. She giggled to herself, overcome with inebriated joy.
“Not before I do,” Rarity said, confronting her friend. “I caught the bouquet at Cadence’s wedding, so I’m getting married first!”
“And who’s going to marry you? Pokey Pierce?” Rainbow Dash smirked at her, but the unicorn had drunk enough not to put up with any talk like that.
“Sure, I’ll marry him! Why not? He’s an upstanding stallion. I’ll even give him a raise so he can afford to buy me an enormous ring,” Rarity said, perfectly serious too; however, she suddenly felt like drinking just a little more. She resisted the urge, vying to be a lady. “It’s a shame he hasn’t got the stomach to ask me.”
“I wish I had somepony who wanted to marry me.” Fluttershy began to pout, soberly realizing how far-fetched her dream was. “I’m just too shy, aren’t I? I’ve got to be more outgoing!” Fluttershy had been telling herself her whole life, so it wasn’t clear to anypony why saying it right now would change anything.
“Alright ladies, it looks like the groom is finally finished with your husbands and coltfriends. It’s getting late, so we’re gonna be taking it slow for a little while. Grab a partner and head for the dancefloor, if your hooves aren’t in danger of falling off.”
“Rarity!” Pierce appeared behind the trio of mares as if he’d been waiting for this exact moment to arrive. “Let’s go dance.”
“Hmm, are you sure you want to dance with little ‘ol me?” Rarity played coy, but she wasn’t the only one with liquid courage running through her body. Pierce swept her up and onto the dance floor, taking her uncommitted protesting all the while.
“Oh… Rarity is so lucky,” Fluttershy put her chin on the table and just watched the dance floor fill up with couples.
“E-excuse me!” A voice with an incredibly noticeable crack almost inaudibly called for the table’s attention. The two and a half mares turned to see a very flushed and very nervous Time Turner staring at the ground in front of Fluttershy. He managed to rigidly lift his head to look her in the eye before offering her a stiff hoof. “D-dance?” he asked.
Having been a wallflower from pretty much the day she was born, Fluttershy had never even been asked to slow dance by a stallion before this exact moment. Most mares would be overjoyed to finally be taken off the proverbial wall, but it frightened Fluttershy to no end; however, she recalled that third sip she took and her extremely recent promise to be more outgoing. She took a deep breath to focus herself, letting it out slowly. Fluttershy smiled just as naturally as anypony would.
“That would be lovely,” she said like a mare who had done this a thousand times yet never got tired of it. She took Time Turner’s hoof and dragged his stiff posterior to the dancefloor. This left Rainbow Dash alone with Taboo, but she didn’t mind so much. It wasn’t like anypony was clamoring to ask her to dance anyway.
“Well, isn’t this a sight?”
Rainbow Dash looked up, surprised to see Thunderhead standing next to the table. It wasn’t so shocking that he was around as it was that he had initiated conversation of his own volition. He was usually so uptight when on duty.
“What’s a sight?” Rainbow Dash asked, turning away and looking back at the dancefloor. Time Turner was looking like an absolute wreck, staring at his hooves while Fluttershy lead him with a gentle smile. Pierce and Rarity were nearbly, slowly rocking close together to the dulcet tones ebbing from the speakers.
“Nothing, I guess,” Thunderhead said, but with a small chuckle. Rainbow Dash turned back to look and was shocked to see him smiling. For some reason, he was acting out of character. It was freaking Rainbow Dash out.
“What’re you so happy about? Aren’t you on duty?”
“Only sort of,” he said, tapping his chin with a hoof. “Can’t a guy enjoy his job?”
Rainbow Dash really didn’t have any ground to disagree with what he was doing. As long as he was around and keeping an eye out, she couldn’t say he wasn’t doing his job.
“Anyway, dancefloors are kind of my weakness. Any takers?” he asked.
“Yeah, don’t think so,” Rainbow Dash replied, dismissing him with a wave of her hoof.
“Well, how about you, Taboo?”
“Yes, please!”
“H-huh? What?”
Rainbow Dash wanted to protest, but it was already too late. Her daughter was heading out towards the dance floor with her guard. Again, Rainbow Dash had no ground to protest this. She let out a sigh and slouched back in her chair. Now she really was alone.
For some reason, she was now overly aware of how many ponies were together on the dance floor. Aside from the pairs she had already noted, she could see Big Macintosh and Roseluck in the center, gazing into each other’s eyes. Roseluck was stunning in her wedding dress and even Big Macintosh cut a dashing form in a tuxedo. Twilight was dancing with Spike, who looked just a little resistant to the idea, and Pinkie Pie was dancing with Braeburn who had come all the way from Appleloosa for the wedding. Even Applejack was sharing a dance with her father at the moment, but Rainbow Dash didn’t have anypony. For the first time in perhaps her entire life, Rainbow Dash found herself feeling jealous for her lack of companionship. If her mother was present, there would have been a whole symphony of I-told-you-so’s.
“Oh, where’s Taboo?” Poison asked, approaching Rainbow Dash and distracting her from the dancefloor. The pegasus pointed to the dancefloor where Thunderhead was teaching Taboo how to dance. “Aww, how precious.”
“Yeah, well, I guess.”
“Hmm, is somepony jealous?” Poison Apple, like many mothers, had a knack for picking up on this sort of thing. Rainbow Dash tried to look like she wasn’t listening, but Poison kept right on talking. “I don’t know what you’ve got to complain about. If I had a cute little filly like that, I would be spending every moment spoiling her. I guess I’ll just to wait for Junior to give me a grandchild.”
“You really like foals, don’t you?” Rainbow Dash asked, starting to pick up a pattern with this mare.
“Who doesn’t?” Poison looked seriously concerned about her question, as if she couldn’t imagine a pony so hardened that a foal’s smile couldn’t warm their heart. Rainbow Dash could rattle off two ponies who at least didn’t like Taboo, who she realized were both dancing with their special someponies at the moment. “My, my… you really are jealous.”
“I am not jealous!” Rainbow Dash wasn’t about to admit it, but she was burning up inside. She just went back to watching Taboo and Thunderhead have the time of their lives. It went on for a song or two, but when the third song started Taboo broke off all of a sudden. Rainbow Dash couldn’t tell what was being said, but Taboo was jumping up and down. After a few seconds of talking with the guard she darted back to Rainbow Dash with Thunderhead in tow.
“I’m tired, so you dance with him,” she said, grabbing her mother’s hoof to pull her out of the chair.
“Huh, why do I have to?” Rainbow Dash protested, despite practically jumping out of her seat.
“Just do it!” the filly demanded, tugging her mother towards Thunderhead.
“Yes, go enjoy yourself,” Poison said. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on the little one for you.”
“Go!” Taboo switched from pulling her foreleg to pushing her hind leg with her head. Rainbow Dash stood next to Thunderhead, who just grinned and shrugged at her. “Go, go!”
“Alright, alright bossy-pants.” Rainbow Dash grabbed Thunderhead and steered him to the edge of the dance floor. When they got there, she spun around and faced him. Thus, they silently began to dance. Now that she was here, Rainbow Dash wasn’t sure why she wanted to do this.
“So… you look nice tonight,” Thunderhead said, breaking the ice.
“Thanks, you too,” Rainbow Dash responded out of reflex.
“Yeah, well… I guess I never thought I’d wear this to a wedding,” Thunderhead said, looking back at his armor. “It’s certainly different than I normally look.”
“Right, sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it. You’ve got enough on your plate.”
It got quiet again after that; however, Rainbow Dash realized she really didn’t know a lot about this guard even though he was pretty much constantly around. She didn’t even know what he actually looked like. Still, she was able to pinpoint exactly why she was able to trust him.
“You really like Taboo, don’t you?”
“Ah, I… gueeess you could say she’s grown on me.” He looked up and away at the ceiling.
“Just admit it. You seem to like her a lot more than the day guard.” Rainbow Dash smirked up at him, but Thunderhead suddenly looked a lot more serious
“What? Does he not like her or something?” Thunderhead asked, his eyes alight with anger. “If he’s giving you trouble-”
“He’s not giving me trouble,” Rainbow Dash assured him before he completely flipped his lid. She hadn’t expected such a heated reaction from him. Despite his reluctance to say it outright, there was no doubt in Rainbow Dash’s mind that he was fond of the little filly. “I’m just saying that you take your job a lot more seriously than he does.”
“Yeah, but it’s an important job,” Thunderhead said, looking at the ceiling again. He hadn’t meant to let his emotions get the best of him right then. “Anyway, I’ve never really sat down and talked to the guy. Our schedules aren’t exactly compatible.”
“You’re not missing out on anything,” Rainbow Dash told him. “He’s just kind of typical for a guard. He just stands around looking serious.”
“Ah, that sounds totally different from what I do.”
“Do you not take compliments or what?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Thank you.”
“See, that’s better,” Rainbow Dash said, leaning into him and relaxing on his chest. It took her a few seconds to realize she was doing it, but once she did she stopped immediately. She didn’t do or say anything more, but she looked up at Thunderhead. She was relieved so see he didn’t look like he minded.
“Alright ladies and gentlecolts, it’s about time the bride threw that bouquet. All you unmarried mares get on the floor. Gentlecolts, make sure you pay attention because the groom will be throwing the garter next and you might just end up with one of these fine mares.”
“Thanks for the dance,” Rainbow Dash said, bowing to her partner.
“You’re welcome,” he said, departing from the dance floor after a bow of his own. Rainbow Dash stayed as per the request of the DJ, but she really wasn’t committed to catching the bouquet. After tonight, however, she had to admit her mother and father had a valid point about her finding somepony. Even if she wasn’t ready to go on the market, she resigned herself to at least not turn her nose up at the prospect. Nevertheless, she left the desperate superstition of the bouquet to the other mares.
Fluttershy managed to catch it, but then Pierce caught the garter. Rarity looked like she was going to murder somepony when the DJ made the two catchers dance together. It didn’t help that Taboo kept asking if and when they were getting married. All in all, it was a pretty good night in Rainbow Dash’s book.
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LET US BEGIN THE RAPE TRAIN
everytime i read this i can only think of how much i would love to beat the ever loving hell out of the ponies that are treating RD and taboo like this.
A very sweet chapter, loved what Thunderhead was doing to Lily and Daisy.
Awwww yissss
3691125
You've just captured the essence of this story.
great work not enough thestral stories out there
So... much... cute.. Can't resist... gonna... *HNNNNNNNNNG*
UGH! DAISY AND LILY! WHY YOU SO RACIST!?!?
I really hope something happens to really knock them down a peg sometime soon. They need to burn. The others were mostly redeemable, but these two... I wonder how they'd react to finding out that Thunderhead is really a normal pegasus.
Why the heck hasn't Scootaloo met Taboo yet?
3693244
Silly names are okay as long as they're in Latin. That's the rule.
3693261
Because she died during a vain attempt to save her fellow crew members during a critical mechanical error during the spaceship's reentry. ... Oh, uh, spoilers or whatever.
3693161
How dare you. You know my mother was a normal pegasus.
3691723
Careful. If you die reading this story, you go straight to hell. Fact.
3691144
Seconded.
3693401
Just as planned...
should Taboo meet Flutterbat
3693299
Good thing I've already got a good spot reserved!
Omg, I can't wait to find out what Thunderhead really looks like. I bet he and Rainbow Dash are gonna be in loooove!
I'm such a sucker for fanfics with fillies or foals in them...
Wow....
If one of your goals for this chapter was to successfully establish Daisy and Lily as antagonists then all i can say is this.
Bravo...
By the end of reading this chapter I would've wanted those two (and all those other bigots) sapped of strength, tied, lynched and sent to the FUCKING SUN!
Or sent to Pinkamena
Disproportionate Retribution must await them!
...please?
Anyway, it's all great so far. Hope those two get their comeuppance.
I wonder why nopony has ever thought of placing an article in the paper about how bigoted everypony in Ponyville suddenly became....
3696026
In the media, everything is biased.
3697912
And everypony forgot about the CMC and the Foalfree Press? Come on, there are plenty of alternatives here.
RD could have also sued the Ponyville Chamber of Commerce for their unjustified boycott, and the Weather Bureau for their unjustified firing.
But you went ahead and skipped a whole year without addressing any of these issues. What gives here?
3698966
It also loves to concentrate e important things in life, like what Fleur De Lis' personal life is after rehab...
In other words, drop the issue.
It's a fanfic on the internet, not Stephen King.
Dropping it, then.
But doesn't Twilight live in Ponyville?
3693161
I just have this vision in my mind of them berating Thunder, when he just suddenly says "Imma let you finish, but. . ." and lifts his helmet above his head, dropping the disguise just long enough for them to see him and for him to grin at them before dropping it back down and continuing on his merry way, with their jaws in the dirt and eyes shrunk to pin pricks.
3704853
That would be too perfect.
3693299 To be fair I'm waiting for him to show up out of armor and have 2/3'rds of the panic trio hit on him... then let him namedrop.
I also think that our lovely night guard is a bat pone... I know we've seen him out of armor, but lets face it all it would take is an enchanted necklace with the same charm to hide his bat wings.
It didn’t help that Taboo kept asking if and when they were getting married.
lol
3704551 They might have assumed she lives in Canterlot since she is a princess. It's a fair assumption to make.
Rainbow better make sure her mother and Poison never meet cause if they do it's game over man.game over
ge,,,ge,,,ge,,BUHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA
that is all
Finally a new chapter lol but rember to try to focus on rainbow dash and taboo I'm not saying splurg it but a good middle ground you know balance it and all that rember this fics about them.
Oh that is to good!
Daww! Taboo dancing with Thunderhead
So cute!
At this point, I spilled my bucket of lolz and they went everywhere!!!
God I cant wait for the next chapter
That was so freaking awesome <33, and my god Taboo is a devious little filly setting up her mother like that with thunderhead XD Lol
wait, Roseluck and Big Mac? oh, the inbreeding jokes I could make as a biologist; a large number of fruit-bearing plants, including apples, are part of the Rosaceae family, or to put it another way, roses and apples are related, if a little distantly. wonder how many genera (plural of genus, I believe) removed they are from each other?
Please put a new chapter up this story's preaty cute and its been awhile.
4315030
Well... since you asked nicely.
Ok, everyone knew Rainbow Dash and Thunderhead were going to get together at some point, and now they seem to be getting closer to that inevitable outcome, so at least ONE of Palette's suggestions for a special somepony got through Rainbow's head, even if she didn't realise it.
I want Daisy and Lily to be kidnapped by Pinkamena and turned into cupcakes.
Also, Taboo is so cute and devious for setting her mommy up, and yes, I view Rainbow Dash as her real mother, biological or not.
>>>“Have you considered the trouble you’re putting her through?” Daisy asked, but Rainbow Dash didn’t understand.>>>
"Have you considered I am a PERSONAL FRIEND of all alicorns currently on this planet?" Rainbow Dash scoffed, finally activating her two brain cells, which rubbed together and at last realized there was a power play she could use to shut detractors up FOREVER!!! "Have you forgotten that I, and my 5 close personal friends have SAVED THE WORLD 4 times and counting and that we're bearers of the MOST POWERFUL MAGICAL WEAPONS in existence?" She leaned in veeeeeerrrrry close to Daisy's now rather nervous, sweating face. "And have you considered that I, with all those very close, very powerful and influential friends, and SEVERELY angry at you right now?"
Daisy shook like a Japanese nuclear reactor in a major earthquake... and promptly experienced a major leak.
Dash grinned, "Didn't think so. Well, I have wedding to get ready for!" And she flew off as Daisy recollected how incomprehensibly stupid she and the others had been all this time to piss off 4-time national heroes and their demigod benefactors who ruled the world.
>>>“They’d make a bumbling pile of ugly like you a sergeant?” Lily laughed and turned to her friend. “He thinks just because he plays dress up in a suit of armor that he’s better than us.”>>>
Ok, they have now crossed the realm of dumb into the bottom category of those who are Too Stupid Too Live.
I expect Thunder to inform Luna at some point. Ya know... Luna can enter dreams.
There was a reason her evil side was called "Nightmare" Moon, you know.
As Freddy Kruger would say, "How sweet! Fresh meat!"
th00.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/345/a/1/i__m_in_your_dreams____by_killryde-d5npmdg.png
These two ponies, adressed as Daisy and Lily are easy targets. However, this is a wedding, and shall not be spoiled by bloodshed.
I don't like those two. Can I deposit a heat knife into their hearts? They'll die long before they feel pain.
5223179 Nah. .998-caliber mass-reactive self-propelled bolt shell to the thoracic cavity.
5223179 So, after the wedding then? I think I got a bazooka somewhere.
....I'm sorry, but can we take a moment here? Derpy successfully delivered a pack of starving coyotes. To the wrong place but still.
more importantly, who mailed a pack of starving coyotes and why???
6927409 I think it'd be a reasonable explanation to say Discord.
Aw . . . it would've been sweet if Rainbow and Thunderhead caught the bouquet and "garter", just for the sake of ROMAAAAAAAAANCE!
Same well with the last part. I have two little sisters and they can still hit me like a truck.
6528281
Or a bolter or two in the back of the head?