Astral has gone through quite a bit of trauma over his dad dying. Unfortunately, his new stepdad and stepbrother seem determined to make his life even more miserable.
Now Astral has to cope with being the black sheep in a family that seems to dislike him for seemingly no reason at all.
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Kinda hope astral run away maybe than rainbow dash can get a kick in the head
9866106
But then, wouldn't Rainbow just tell Twiggles, then Twiggles would tell her Guard, then they would drag him back to an abusive household without solving any of the problems. I do also believe that both Varsity and that abusive bastard would ensure his mouth was kept sealed shut. One way, or another.
Poor kid, hope all three of them get what's coming
Honestly, I think Rainbow Dash is way out of character in this story. There is absolutely no way a character like Rainbow Dash would ever let someone beat her kid this bad, not even her own husband.
9871193
Fair point.
Das illegal...
9871193
Nah, I'd believe it. She'd probably dig the whole idea of 'tough love' as a positive thing.
9871502
Also a fair point.
9871599
And due to her habit of underthinking things she'd probably never even have the slightest suspicion that more is going on. After all, she has everything she could ever want. A husband who is interested in sports, and a son who Excels in it.
The only problem she could have is her 'wimpy' son and he clearly needs to be 'fixed'.
Well this is true.
I mean, sell all his stuff, even goddamned school books and magic study books, all for some freeloader's son.
Yeah that's fucked up.
Really fucked up.
Like, no sense of trust or personal identity fucked up.
I can bet my scarlet-stained tongue that she was waiting for something like this.
This fic has me feeling conflicted. The narrative is suitably depressing and I feel sympathetic toward Astral and engaged by his plight.
On the other hand, I agree with the guy above who said Dash feels hugely out of character, and not just in regards to how she treats her son. She’s become a doormat to a guy that she’s both more successful than and probably stronger.
But despite that I’m interested in how this progresses. Keep it up.
9874783
Well she does have everything she could ever desire, that tends to blind people quite a bit. Additionally, she actively ignores her own son, in favor of one who shares her own interests, mainly, anyway. Also a normal behavior.
I do believe that their relationship is almost irrecovernbe though. He's gone through so much abuse over the course of Multiple Years. Can't slap a 'I'm sorry' on top of all those scars. Especially the mental ones. And then there's the fact that not everyone will believe that he's innocent. Especially twiggles. Added social ousting and abuse. Can't just wish that away with an apology and it'll be all better. Life doesn't work that way.
9875991
9874783
Both good points. But worry not, good people. Rainbow's redemption is at hand. I don't want to spoil anything, but it's at hand.
Nice, I can see that Rainbow Dash had finally made a mistake.
I just hope twiggles straightens up.
This was surprisingly well done.
9878390
Aww, thank you.
Hehe... Twiggles.
Good to see Dash realized the depth of her mistake, but I’m still not entirely satisfied yet. This being a dialogue-driven chapter, it ends with hope but not resolution. Still, I’m enjoying it, so keep it up.
9881334
Yeah, me too. Hopefully chapter nine makes up for it.
Kay, that jus seems a bit.... Lazy? Really? Using an immediate danger to distract from the main issue? I just hope there's actual suggested resolution by the end of the story.
Also twiggles. Just..... Killjoy.
9881629
It's not there to distract from the issue. In fact, how Astral deals with this will give Rainbow some insight. The main issue is definitely going to be there afterwards. That hasn't changed.
And yes there is going to be an actual resolution by the end of the story.
9881720
I'll hold you to it.
.
.
Also I still want to deck twiggles in the schnoz.0
Edit: Congrats, the rewrite did very, very well at addressing th issues at hand.
9881725
Yeah, I can imagine.
I saw it coming so I’m not disappointed, but I suppose I was hoping for a bit more conflict. You spent seven chapters making us feel bad for Astral and gave us every reason to distrust Rainbow... and you resolve it in about four paragraphs. I think he should have run away. Make them pay a bit for the way they treated him.
9883391
Yeah, I can understand that. And you're probably right. There probably should have been more conflict, drawn it out more. That's something I'll keep in mind for next time.
9883391
Actually, come to think of it, I don't really like the way it's going either. I may do some editing and go the 'run away' route. Take your advice on that note.
9883944
I think that’s a good call.
Yep, it’s better. It’s more suspenseful, more interesting overall, and most importantly, it sets up for a longer fic.
9883944
Is the next chapter ready yet?.
9895355
I'm working on it. I had some things come up, so I couldn't get to it. But it'll be up soon, don't worry.
9897472
Ok, I'll wait until then.
But she literally just said she considers Varsity her real son and considers Field her lover despite the fact that she knows EVERYTHING that they've done to the one she supposedly cares most about.
That's both irony, an oxymoron and a whole lot of bull
I can’t help but feel like you’re falling into the same trap as before. The situation is being resolved too quickly. Granted it wouldn’t be hard to deduce that Astral had left, but still, a bit of tension goes a long way.
I’m also rather annoyed by the family issue. You elucidated clearly in the chapter that Rainbow and Field abused Astral and punishment was applied for that... but banishment? Not imprisonment and having Varsity taken from his dad’s care? The whole thing just feels like a lot of assholes got off Scott-free.
But if my stupidly long comment is any indication, I’m still enjoying your fic.
Rambo? In Equestria? As much as I would love to see that, I don’t think that’s what you meant.
9901668
Scott free? Fuck Schottenheim, they got off with not a single negative ramification! Banned from ponyville! Not imprisoned, not repentent, they just got kicked and banned form some backwater town at the edge of Equestria. That's not even a punishment. That's not justice.
That's bullsh-
This is a much better direction, so kudos to sorting out the issue with the narrative progressing too fast. The only other thing I could complain about (and I do so enjoy complaining) are some minor spelling issues.
I’m glad you’re back in the saddle.
Holy hell.
This is probably the one and only story on this entire site that, to me, has a legitimate method of conclusion.
I can't say outright conclusion cause it ain't ended yet, but, damn.
The problems are brought up, an underlying obvious one is also placed on the table and it ain't overdone or underdeveloped either.
Wow.
I'm quite impressed.
Good bloody job, mate.
Altering you say? Doesn't that also imply that she would need to read it to know what to alter? Which means she's known about Astral's abuse and still deliberately modifies each letter so Cadence and Shining are not alerted. So not only does Field walk free, but the information was also kept from ponies who could help...deliberately and by a Princess of Equestria!
Isn't messing with someone's mail illegal? And because Twilight is a princess, how would that reflect upon her?
You forgot the i in said
Capitalize. Beginning of sentence.
add is between abuser & still.
Capitalize. It's a person's name.
You missed the quotation marks at the beginning of Spike's speech.
-----
I keep reading this chapter and the last one and I kept noticing these mistakes and just decided to give ya a quick hoof out.
9937761
Thanks. I'll fix those right away.
What’s the hold up, Private Pyle?!
Dude where the heck is the next chapter? You said it would a few months till the next one it's been 7 months since then, what is taking so long? Please give us a sign that this story is not dead in the water.
10293944
I'm working on the next three chapters right now. Worry not, my friend.
10300870
Sweet
Hey how are those chapters coming? It a while is everything OK? How have you been doing since covid-19 hit? I hope you're ok.
10706476
I'm fine. Sorry I haven't posted anything lately. I started a new job and it's taken a lot of time and energy, so there's that.
In general, a lot of things have been putting me under a lot more stress than normal and I don't think it's good for my health. So some things have had to take a back seat.
It might be a bit, but I plan on continuing the story. And again, sorry for the long absence.
10708625
No need to apologize, I'm just glad your ok, with how covid has been this past it's been a little crazy. Well I hope things work out for later in the future. Also a small bit of advice if you can you post short updates in your blog section of you page to everyone that follows you know what's been happening and in turn give positive motivation. A few kind goes a long way, well hope you stress less. If need any helpful advice don't hesitate to ask ok? 😄