Reset Password
Resend Verification Email
3
9
23
Joined May 2012
626
3,529
<
626
3,529
0
44872
162459
Groups
-
35w, 1dHuman in Equestria
-
35w, 1dThe Writer's Group
626
3,529
3,529 ( 50,624 )
More
Less
Comments ( 626 )
Post Comment
Refresh
This is probably the most realistic waking up in Equestria that I've ever read, well done. I'll track this and see where it goes.
Edit: 2 dislikes? What the... I presume they are because this is a human in Equestria fic and most people just downvote them immediately :/ I can't see anything wrong with it.
Hm, not bad thus far. Some of the sentences seemed a bit awkwardly structured, like at the beginning where the main character was describing the grass, otherwise it seems to have promise. Seeing how you have written romance stories before, the best advice I can give you is to not rush the relationship, let it flow slowly like a creek. Good luck with the story, I shall be tracking it.
pters
>>1090876 Thanks, I try to be realistic. Give the reader a nice picture in their head.
>>1090878 I've noticed I can do that sometimes. I try to mix up my use of descriptive words, i.e., not using one more than once in a close parameter, and attempt to describe the story like it is a thought if the character is thinking or wondering. Didn't plan on rushing the relationship, not on my life.
>>1090880 Bighoof is real! I've seen him with my own eyes!
>>1091015 Number Two's coming pretty soon.
>>1091326 Fairly new, yes. Love that goddamn reaction pic, so I made it my profile pic. Druggie Rainbow Dash is best Rainbow Dash.
>>1091755 Same here. 
I can't avoid the wonderful shipping of the undeniably best pony! 
Thanks everyone, for reading so far, commenting, liking, disliking, et cetera. I appreciate it all (even the dislikes, they let me know I'm not flawless). Working on Two now, hopefully it will explain the main focus of the story a little better. 
To writing, tally ho!
Another terrific beginning to another terrific story! 
Oh and,
Image: http://files.sharenator.com/moar10-s750x600-263864.jpg
But good stuff man, good stuff. Can't wait to read more.
>>1093870 That would be traumatized. If you've ever written with a quill, you'd know you would much rather talk than write with a quill. Maybe it's writing with a quill that traumatized him?
Well, some mixed opinions for now, but, let's see if I can take this somewhere. Again, thanks for all the opinions and such, I appreciate them.
Neeeed MOAR!!1
Image: http://denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw3436-tumblr_lkhn1wa80e1qhejp9o1_400_display.pngAnother great chapter.
Image: http://s-ak.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/web02/2010/3/12/9/enhanced-buzz-16276-1268404103-28.jpg
>>1105838 Don't kill me, little babby man!
Pronounce 'babby' like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Edit: I've noticed the longer this sits, the better the like/dislike ratio gets. I won't question, instead I'm going to start on the next chapter. *slowly backs out of the room*
*listens to
* This day was going to be perfect...*story gets good* BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM
>>1113383 I try. Not sure if I went too far with it, Pinkie's level of fourth-wall-breakage is hard to match.
>>1113738 Will probably slow down noticeably now, being that school starts tomorrow for me. Weekends, I'll get a lot of writing done, weekdays, I'll try to get some done, so hopefully I can keep up fairly well with my current pace.
>>1114837 The narrator is secretly a hipster. Talking is way too mainstream for him. 
>>1115808 Ooh, dubstep. The narrator likes that sub-genre of electro. Damn it, Pinkie Pie, telling my readers what my narrator likes to listen to before I do...
>>1126775 Before I actually reply, I would like to thank you for actually saying something negative. I'm sick of all these goody-two-shoe readers!
No, I'm joking. I do appreciate the comment, though, it lets me know I'm not pleasing everyone, which lets me know I'm still a human writer.
Now, on to actually answering you. I'm disappointed to hear that; my intention with writing this was to attempt something new in the HiE genre. In the way that it plays out in my convoluted mind, an inability to speak in an alien world would hinder one even further than they already were. Therefore an inability to state one had good intentions, associate with around the only thing the creatures share in common with them (being that ponies happen to speak the same language as a good percentage of humans), and so on, without quite a bit of hassle. Even so, conveying emotion is still difficult when writing; the way we emphasize words and syllables can change everything about the mood of a statement.
On the topic of growing a pair and deciding to talk...I can't really say much because I plan on introducing what traumatized the narrator badly enough later in the story, mixed with a lot of internal conflict. I suppose I can explain in a more philosophical way, hopefully you don't mind that I enjoy being thorough in my replies to people.
Instances do occur in the physical world where people are so badly traumatized by an event that their body copes in an odd way. Most lose their sanity or resort to suicide, but some lose the ability to do things like, for example, communicate. They shut down, cutting themselves off from society. There is a general rule that if someone does or does not do something for a prolonged period of time, it becomes inherent nature to or to not do said thing. So, if someone didn't talk for a while because something happened that scared or affected them badly enough, say, for a month, it would slowly become second nature to just not talk, much as in the way if someone goes for a jog every day for a month, it becomes much easier for them to continue that routine for another month, another year, the rest of their life.
On the final thing I note in your comment, I do not understand. If by 'very boring monologue unfolding', you mean it will be one where he writes down everything in explanation of what happened or his situation; to me, this is not much different from a normal monologue, spoken. Only difference I can foresee is that there would be quite a lot more internal thought, memory, like author's notes while writing a story. If in the narrator's shoes, I wouldn't want to blatantly describe a traumatic event on paper, even if my only way of communicating was through writing. Though I wouldn't be writing down something like, oh, say, describing how I splattered a man's brains on a wall or something, because that would be too descriptive for the reader, I would still remember it, quite vividly.
Maybe my super-long explanation provided some...comfort in the way of how I plan on making this story interesting. At the same time, maybe it will just be overall uninteresting to you; I understand, I have my own tastes as well. I write at a slower pace, plot-wise, and for some, I draw it out a little too far. But hey, I'm writing this story because I need to get the idea out of my system and for my own pleasure.
Even still, I have an inherent desire to please as many readers as I can. To me, the dislike bar seems much larger than it truly is. To me, three dislikes means that many, many more people did not like it, but did not decide to thumb down or up. Let me know if you have any suggestions, comments on this comment, if I've helped in any way, and so on. Again, I thank you for stating your opinion.
Sorry Chapter Five is taking so long. I get odd intervals to work on it, and it's the longest chapter to date. Should be done by late tonight.
Edit: Man, that took forever. And the day still isn't over (in the story, at least). Sorry for the odd chapter sizes, I just kind of aim for 3k words and go from there. Let me know what you guys think.
Image: http://i1257.photobucket.com/albums/ii516/Klutzybear/tumblr_m827wqeqLN1ru5991o4_1280.jpg
For now, this is all I can say. When he was shaking Applejack's hand, I immediately thought of this:
Image: http://img812.imageshack.us/img812/3003/shakyshaky.gifThis is Awesome.
Another Great Chapter, Here, take this
Image: http://denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1611-brohoof.gif
>>1144845 Gif of best ponies is best gif.
I appreciate the positive feedback, though I'm also surprised, given the...lack of excitement, really. Kind of just explaining things, easing into the story right now, but it seems I'm doing that fairly well.
Questions, comments, concerns, I want to hear them.
>>1149604 That's good to hear. Maybe it's my minor case of OCD fighting against me, as it does when I write anything too far over or under ~3,000 words.
I will say, it does make me want to keep writing, just to finish the in-story day. So in a way, I suppose it's a good thing.
>>1149946 I know I can't! :D Gotta take it slow, though. Curses, why must I make a story properly?!
>>1150251 When I read that, I assumed you had read the most recent chapter, which happens to be Seven, which I am still working on. ._. In Seven, I incorporate the use of hands a little more, which is why I assumed that. And so, you are a wizard, being that you have read my chapter before it could be read.
>>1150350 Traumatic event. Happens once in a while to people who experience something that is so badly traumatizing that they lose the ability to do something. As I have stated before, it's usually their sanity, but the minds of some redirect that into actual functions, such as speech.
I won't say more, because at the same time I'm taking the 'shipping slow, I'm taking his backstory fairly slow as well. In my humble opinion, it makes the story play out better.
That was just bugging me and i had to ask.
Image: http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/true-story-neil-patrick-harris.pngI like the story but the lack of dialogue is killing me! I can feel the ponies frustration with the one sided conversation the have. Plus I sense ulterior motives brewing
If you get me heh heh...
Image: http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120810235627/mlp/images/thumb/f/fe/Rainbow_dash_blush_S2E08.png/640px-Rainbow_dash_blush_S2E08.png... *notices romance tag*
*notices rainbows obsession with him*
....
Image: http://fim.413chan.net/fim/src/129923751541-MLP_I_see_what_you_d.jpgI'm actually surprised it took me this long to notice......
>>1154672 Tee-hee.
The lack of dialogue is hard on me as well. I keep thinking to myself, 'this would be so much easier if he could talk', but then I remember that the reason why he's mute will be part of the plot later on. Take that out, and it's a fairly generic HiE.
>>1154731 icucwutididthar
>>1154897 Thanks, I appreciate it. Quite frankly, that's usually my goal when writing; if I'm able to make it so the characters and setting seem believable, imaginable in the reader's head, I have succeeded.
>>1155335 Not sure if good comment for the variation of 'me gusta', or bad comment due to use of Hitler in a meme...
Well, thanks, guys. Not only does your feedback help me out when it comes to improving or fixing errors, but it also boosts my self-confidence!
Don't be afraid to leave negative feedback, questions, comments, or concerns, I'll address them as soon as I can. And thanks for reading.
>>1155571 You know, I've tried, and I find it hard. Things like tragedy, suspense, and huge plot twists are not my thing; my thing is romance, plain and simple. I don't write much else very well, possibly action at the most, but I have yet to find a way to incorporate firearms and military tactics into a pony-related fic without being stereotypical.
And so, I continue on to new stories, of a similar breed, but with no relation to my other. I apologize, truly, but I feel I would not be able to manage a well-written, exciting/interesting story for a sequel. As I state at some point in this story, and I do take this to heart: 'do the job right, or not at all'. Since I can not do it right, the rest can be implied.
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_RageFace.png
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_rainbowkiss_flip.png
Image: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8cl8fhWs71rb2uaio1_500.gif
Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m734jpkFMx1r8v12e.gif
Image: http://denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw3331-1330550367387.gif
Image: http://mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw6227-Medal.jpg
Well I feel a "fixing up the house montage" is coming Rainbow seems to like the place hmmm...
Image: http://digizona.net/subir/images/MnQDv.jpgThen they start fixing it up happy shenanigans happen. Then well I dunno.. This?
Image: http://static.diary.ru/userdir/5/3/7/8/537897/73465161.pngand then maybe?
Image: http://cdnimg.visualizeus.com/thumbs/0b/16/funny,memes,my,little,pony-0b162a072bb4b7a4064aa2b671da0406_h.jpg
Now for opinion of chapter.. Mark seems like he's gonna be a very rich man seeing as hes got a ability (well appendages) the ponies lack. hopefully jealousy doesn't happen and I too also wonder what the princesses are going to think about Mark guess we'll have to wait and see eh?
Anonymous comments currently disabled. Please register to make comments
Cancel
Send