King Sombra has returned... But he's acting so weird. And the fact is that he has a split personality, and now he is not a Sombra, and Sombrero – pony with a blonde hair, banjo and love for Princess Luna.
A simple, modest unicorn, the novice writer. Originally from Russia, or rather Moscow. With English poorly, but try to write correctly.
King Sombra has returned... But he's acting so weird. And the fact is that he has a split personality, and now he is not a Sombra, and Sombrero – pony with a blonde hair, banjo and love for Princess Luna.
more please I like it
Liking this story so far. Few things i want to mention is the pacing a little quick, and there are some grammatical errors but they are relatively minor ones though.
It's from
Who is he?, Do you mean the city. Where are we?
try "She once again noticed" instead?
"Will you let me"
Brought to you by the Grammar nazi associationmiro.medium.com/max/1000/1*X41eENcVBjLa7nzWJpXf2w.png
I like it, but I agree with Ninja that the pacing is to fast. You need to slow down, let the reader build an image, a scene. This feels like cliff notes. And character tense (He, I, Thay, Them, Me,) towards the end of the chapter is a good example as they are getting on the train.
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I'm still learning, so the sequel (which will soon be) will turn out better. Thanks)
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-No! We cannot open it up!
-We. Don't. Care.