Tux n Tails is a pony who has drawn the short straw his entire life. Being a blankflank is nothing if you're still a foal, but as a stallion, he doesn't quite fit in. He escapes his stagnant life in Hoofton to start afresh in Ponyville, with one driving force: the hope of finding both his purpose and his true love. But soon, he finds himself caught up in a vast conspiracy, with the very fate of Equestria weighing heavy on his shoulders.
(This story takes place largely between seasons two and three.)
Chapters (19)
Hmmmm Not too bad there i have to say, the only problems i see are the chapters are a bit short and for me personaly i cant see Twilight just blindly opening up like that to a random pony she just meet. but other then that not bad!
Why is this on Hiatus? GRRRR. This is really good.
1498925 I'll probably pick it up again right after NaNo. I have the next couple of chapters in rough if you'd like a sneak peek.
I'm going to love this story.
"No problem. Hey, next time you need a trim, go ahead and come to the barn and give me a hollar. I'd be happy to do it for you."
Wouldn't she forget? Or did she write it down?
2151869 I guess it's not really an important part of the story. In the next chapter, it explains that he vaguely remembers Applejack taking off his shoes for some reason. As you'll see, it's not a total memory loss for everypony involved.
http://t.qkme.me/364iod.jpg
Is it the doctor?
2183689 Who else?
Moustaches are cool.
2184034 spoilers
Okay, this is going to be a little crazy compared to most of my reviews. I think this is the first time I will be giving a preliminary critique on a story this far along. So get ready to read a lot. To start I'll go over what I think of this story: nearly perfect. Now, on with the review.
Prologue pt.1
Fictional: I'm glad he found a house but he better watch out for those three bears.
Critic: I was curious how long these three had known Tux.
Fictional: I hope I'm not seeing a pattern here.
Prologue pt.2
Fictional: Soon...
Fictional: Well he certainly seems oddly disappointed for an introvert.
Fictional:
Critic: "Where every garment is chic, unique, and magnifique."
Critic: Well he's easily persuaded isn't he.
Fictional: No, anyone but those three.
Fictional: Take them away, take them away, don't let them into the plot!
Fictional: I find it hard to believe that you left this here with only pure intention in mind.
Prologue pt.4
Fictional: Don't you dare go down this road.
Critic: Perhaps a mild freudian slip, hmm.
Fictional: Now I'm reviewing "The Music Stallion," am I?
Fictional: Seriously, don't go down this path, I beg of you!
Fictional: What did I just say!? Pick one and move on, this is approaching dangerous territory!
Prologue pt.5
Fictional: Well someone is certainly touchy about their magical shortcomings.
Fictional: Yay, random salesman who knows far more than he probably should. He reminds me of an exorcist in a show I watched recently, what was it, Mata... something or other, I can't be sure. Then again he also reminds me of another character named Nagamimi. I saw that no one had gotten the muffin yet so I thought I would try my hand at guessing.
Critic: Your concepts are begging to bother me and I sincerely hope you make up for these choices.
Fictional: You already have the makings of a 'group' going on do you need to throw in the over powered aspect as well.
Fictional: This made me laugh for a little while. Just reading the part where the sooner they're gone to the agent's of chaos the better.
Critic: Might I suggest switching it around like so: "I hope to be out of here as soon as I can get away. And the sooner it happens, the better off you'll all be."
Chapter 1:
Critic: Why would you do this there was no need to put pony in there at all!! This might be the one thing that actually annoys me in a story.
Fictional: Hahaha... What? It's Tux's jacket, so it's a... buck you.
Chapter 1.5
Fictional: So let me get this straight, the one character that has the most right to believe in luck and in fact to fear bad luck, doesn't even believe in it. Well okay then.
Chapter 2:
Critic: I'll say something's wrong, he had just been flying to keep his weight off his hooves, when did he land?
Fictional: Wow, I don't know how to respond to that. Heck I don't even know how to read it without bursting out in laughter.
Critic: Why, just why would you put that there. I literally slammed both of my palms on my face the moment I read that.
Critic: So basically what you're telling us is that this chapter is filler and has no actual purpose.
Critic: Now this makes me really happy, it may not seem like much but it surprises me how many authors forget small details like this.
Chapter 3:
Fictional: So this is happening, maybe I can watch a character explode.
Fictional Critic: Ah the wonderful roller coaster of love. Still not a fan of this ride, but I'm more surprised that you were able to successfully capture the emotions of this and put them into a story.
Fictional: Oh look he put down "If you know what I mean," that's pretty clev... Mother of Celestia.
A great read, looking forward to more. Please keep in mind that anything stated was what I thought at the time that I read the quote, so as I learned more opinions changed and things made more sense. I would advise continuing the story as planned and just fixing any grammar errors I caught. Again, incredible story, it definitely has the potential to be among the best, thank you for writing.
2424414 Thank you so much for reviewing. I know it was long, but I thoroughly enjoyed your comments. You're doing a great service. Now, some answers. >:]
Since this is on its face a self-insert using my ponysona, I figured I'd model Mortar, Stone, and Wood after a real real estate brokerage. This is how the owner treats her clients, be they first time or repeat.
Oh, you're seeing a pattern.
He'd rather endure possible discomfort than assert himself and risk confrontation. (Read: doormat)
Just for that, they get an entire chapter.*
Tux is a pure soul and a gentle spirit. His intentions are always pure. Well, except when they're not.
Oh, I'm a-goin'!
Or more likely a proofreading mistake. This was originally a monologue, but I thought that would be too clunky and, well, "Why the crap would Rarity be asking Tux for his life story and have him spill every detail?"
Oh, I'm a-goin'!
Oh, you better believe I'm a-goin'! But in all seriousness, these little problems will be solved one at a time in a March Madness style bracket extravaganza until at the end one mare remains!
Not necessari--
Oh crap. What have I done?
TIA: "How dast thou say 'shortcomings'?! We are the most powerful magic user in all of Equestria!"
ME: Except that you couldn't fix one of
your former lover'sStarswirl's spells, so you passed it off on Twilight like any good point-horned boss would to her underlings.TIA: "¬.¬ Do you like bananas, MBR?"
ME: Uh....
I was aiming for a particular bow-tie wearing, fez-sporting, Sonic-carrying physician who is getting his own side story some time in the nearish future, but not while I'm sidetracked with other things like this and, well my Star Wars piece.
I myself was getting worried that
GaryTux was just a bit too good for his own shoes. It has a lot to do with the plot, but not until way later, when things start really falling apart and turning upside down.That does make more sense. Updated for the 2nd Edition.
This actually reflects a real event, and Levi and Wrangler are real cats. I wubs them very much.
But this whole chapter was more a bridge for the next chapter where, all of a sudden, Tux has pets.
I've fixed it. I'm just so used to equines not having wings, especially since I was probably picturing my IRL horse doing his thing: shuffling around the pasture like he's half asleep.
That's kinda the idea. I was going for really, really, really corny. She's not right in the head, after all.
Because I can.
Oh, it does. Further down the road, we'll see that memories cannot be erased, only repressed.
♫ I've been everywhere, man. I've been everywhere. ♫
But here I'm just guessing. These things are usually just one sided for me, through no fault of my own (frustrating to no end).
Why, thanks.
I'm struggling getting exposure, but I have ways of doing that. (READ ALL THE STORIES! And comment everywhere I go. But sadly, I'm short on time and read at the rate of speech, so it takes me longer to read stuff.)
* A whole chapter for the CMC? I kid, I kid. Actually, I'm getting ideas. NO! GET THEE BEHIND ME, PLOT BUNNIES!
2425358
Celestia: Would you like a banana?
Fictional:... I will give you one warning.
Critic: Please leave them out if you don't actually have a use for them, and for the love of Celestia don't give them their own chapter. I like this story but that might just kill it for me.
Fictional: Looks like rabbit season will be coming early this year, Critic get my crossbow.
2426156 Crossbow with flaming arrows!
And the Mannequin came to life and the doctor saved the day.
Define Doctor Whooves, Doctor, or pony.
This looks good! Adding to read later, which I always get to within a week! Expect me to be back!
3289584 Glad it piques your interest. You won't be disappointed. I'm at the tail end of another chapter, and I'll be updating before the week is out.
It grieves me to admit that this story seems to have lost my interest, the character traits are just a tad lacking in originality and far too dependent on intense interaction between the characters for my taste, not to say that character interaction is a bad thing, but when I get the feeling that the leading character can't stand on his own in a story it just rubs me the wrong way. It was fun while it lasted, and perhaps I might read another piece from you in the future but until then this is goodbye.
3577429 That's too bad. But I honestly don't blame you. The main character's time to shine is several chapters off, and I'm finding it hard to write the intervening bits.
Ok... WAIT! EXCUSE ME! What connection does he have to discord?