The Guy who wrote "Dibs on My Sister". Prereader for Firesight, writer of erotic fanfiction and lover of Eeveelutions.
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Well, this all seems in order. Ticks all the boxes, justification and nice guy reassurance included. Good work.
Just saw this in my feed. Will eagerly be reading tomorrow
Uuhrrh......
Nice! It really shows how deep Fraternization between former enemies can become. Fraternization between Germans civilians and Western soldiers after WW2 is a good example, or between German and French people after France's defeat in 1940.
Though I wonder, is this a truce, right? Slavery then makes little sense.
Also, I noticed two things
The horizontal bar is out of place
Shouldn't she say "I have"?
9750613
I think I am survived is accurate but I'll ask my editor when I can get a hold of him. This is how I've heard people say it. The horizontal bar is messed up though so I'll fix it.
9750654
Glad I could help. Though I say both stallions are better careful about Rose mood swings. Not that she throws something at them in anger or something
9750613
Sorry for the double reply. It's very early in the morning where I am and I'm not 100% here right now. The slavery amounts to a form of war reparations and for the Zebras a way of humiliating a defeated rival. For Celestia, it's an opportunity to create ties between two races by providing something they need and presumably could grow dependent on — a means of better utilizing their useable farmland.
9750495
Reehhhhrrr...hrrr.
9750363
Thanks buddy!
9750659
It's okay. So Equestria has lost
9750663
Equestria lost the conflict at the border. Zebras ended the war while holding a considerable amount of land in Equestrian territory. The twist is that would the ponies have mustered for total war ala World War 1 they would have triggered a Fallout scenario in the long run as the Zebras used their "nukes" in defense of the Empire. The ponies took one on the chin but in my headcanon, they've prevented Armageddon.
Also, Roseluck realized during her captivity that Zebras really aren't bad people, they're just a little different and different can be... sexy.
9750668
Indeed. As I said, you really showed how deep Fraternization between former enemies can become
I must admit, the initial premise made me both skeptical and queasy. But overall I'm glad I gave this a chance. I quite enjoyed the characterization of the zebra brothers and Roseluck herself. There was a lot here that brought the characters to life. You managed to encapsulate 10 years of Roseluck's experience through a day in her life and some choice dialogue without resorting to dry exposition, which is not an easy feat. The sex scene was nice and varied with Roseluck juggling both subby and dommy stallions in a variety of acts and positions. This is more a personal taste thing but I would've preferred a little more detail in one or two acts than a glimpse of many, but that's just me.
I realize that writing a safe, sane and consensual D/s fic was probably not the goal of this story. (If the goal is to write a sexy breeding fantasy then by all accounts it succeeded there). But seeing as you did play out some pretty serious domination/submission themes and the story's straddling the line of a somewhat consensual D/s relationship, I couldn't help but judge it from that perspective it too (le sigh, here she goes again). That said, the
master-slavedom/sub dynamic here isn't a particularly healthy one overall. One could argue that now that her 10 years ofslaveryindentured servitude is up, Roseluck has a choice of saying 'no' and returning home. That she's chosen to stay implies some consent on her part, but, at least in my opinion, this is somewhat marred by her signing up to a life of servitude as a zebra spouse, one that she'd possibly have less of an out from, especially once she starts producing those offspring they want from her. I mean, one can't exactly safeword out of an intricately society-enforced 'enslavement' (for lack of a better word) of that sort.All in all, excellent zebra breeding fic with excellent characters and a wonderful narrative, a questionable-but-still-enjoyable D/s fic, overall an enjoyable experience. I expected nothing less, considering I did enjoy your previous forays with Roseluck, especially 'Scent of Prey' which has inspired several of my own stories. That reminds me, why haven't I favourited those?
I totally understand it was necessary for the premise, but you'd think Celestia could have negotiated a better deal, maybe cheap contract work rather than slavery. I'm sure she's got hell to pay for what she did to her own ponies.
9750840
This paragraph kinda points out the major flaw with this entire premise and its godawful Wilson ratio. You put far more thought into what constitutes a "healthy" sub/dom relationship than what I did. This story like Earthmother before it fell in-between camps. Where I could have written some popular with less effort I attempted to have it both ways. In retrospect, I wasn't geared up to write anything more sophisticated than a very basic gangbang with stripey stereotypes of Africa, as loathe as I was to even consider writing such a tale. I wanted to write something more likable, something smarter. Clearly I didn't and I hold myself responsible for not considering Roseluck's options more carefully.
Roseluck deserved better than what she got and so did the 13 people who downvoted this. I'm not sure if I feel worse about this or Earthmother which got 14 likes in 24 hours before I removed likes/dislikes...
What a shame.
9750654
I haven't read the story yet, so I do not understand the context behind this being said. I do know, however, that this phrase is commonly heard in obituaries in funerals. As an example, when saying "David is survived by his loving wife and their four children", what is being stated is that David is deceased but his wife and 4 kids are still living. Therefore, to say "I am survived by family outside of Ponyville" does not make sense (unless the speaker is some type of ghost or apparition). It implies that whomever is speaking is dead and that the family is alive. Again, don't know the context but hope this was of some help.
9751805
I see. I guess I was in error after all. I'll change it.
9750662
Yeah... yeah.
More racist claptrap. Contrived, rape apologistic, wanking over PTSD and Stockholm syndrome that vitiates the concept of consent, made for Incels presumably by someone out to profit from the lowest common denominator. Have fun with that.
9751645
Aw, don't be too hard on yourself. I do agree with Manifest (especially on wanting more detail in the scenes~), but I'm still glad you went with this over a shameless zebra-dom gangbang. The premise was far less contrived than I expected, and I don't think Rose's fate is entirely a problem.
A healthy D/s relationship it is not, neither a fair treatment of women by western standards, but there are still prominent cultures out there with similar or worse views on women than are portrayed here. Though we look down on them, they still exist, and aligning the Zebra here with those views is entirely plausible. Rose deserves better, but I'd wager so does every Zebra mare in this universe, so I don't see her fate as... unrealistic, I suppose. It doesn't hurt that she seems to find the idea really hot.
As for the wilson score, I wouldn't be surprised if mentioning you were inspired by the notorious Fall of Equestria did you no favours, it had me worried too.
The one question I have is how Celestia justified and collected the ponies to be sent as slaves. If they were volunteers, truly representing Equestrian spirit by sacrificing themselves to help fellow equines, and forgiving of the culture differences that dictated they must work as slaves as the Zebra they'd be farming with already do, it'd certainly paint a less grim picture.
9752266
I gotta admit I'm not really turned on by Western Standards about much of anything these days. I don't feel bad that I wanted to portray non-Western values so much as the fact I conveyed Roseluck as being abused. I worked rather hard to avoid this conception in people's minds though the fact my readers all come from liberal, western democracies puts me at an early disadvantage and my unfamiliarity with the fetish made me less able to navigate the minefield I sent myself into.
I left this unanswered on purpose so people could come up with an answer that suited them. Kkat did this at points in Fallout Equestria and if nothing else a reader should know much I respect and admire her work.
has my kinks just wish it was pony dom zebra sub
9752980
For curiosity sake, do you mean pony mare domming a zebra stallion or pony stallion domming a zebra mare?
9752986
just the zebra as the sub, I find zebra dom overdone
9752992
Fair enough.
Hawt Zebradom that isn't rapey and that is well-written?! They must be wearing their coats in hell!
So... I might actually give this one a look. Usually I pass on clop aside from leaving my usual abrasive but loveable charm behind in the form of my hilarious comments, but this one seems like something someone actually put thought into.
Also, just mares? Wouldn't it have been better to send an even split, or even exclusively stallions, or am I missing the point? Also, apparently horses are more endowed then zebras. I don't know who went out there to fondle zebras, but I sincerely hope they find fulfillment in life and prefer bowing in lieu of hand shaking
10058473
Like a lot of clop writers, I follow the 5/1 rule involving gender ratios meaning females of the pony species are more expendable and there's an element of RGRE (mares fill the role of men in society) that goes along with it. As someone who doesn't read a lot of clopfiction I understand your confusion.
I never really researched whose dicks are bigger but I assume European horses would be the largest as they are simply larger in general compared to other equines. As to why zebras are bigger here, this is fetish and you kinda have to go along with it for the sake of getting along. Hope you like my story and downvote #25 wasn't yours. Feels bad man.
10058587
I haven't actually read this yet.
10058598
Take your time. If you like this one though I'd give my FoE story a shot. I think Oasis is the best thing I ever wrote.
9750840
Hey, MH. This is an old comment that I've already replied to but I want to assure you that your perfectly legitimate points of contention with this story have not been forgotten. I intend to address each and every one of them in the prequel I'm writing and make everything right by the existing canon of this story and by the characters themselves. I want you to know that what Celestia did was what she felt was the absolute best thing to do for everypony involved and explain her actions in a way that does justice to her character and put Roseluck's sacrifice in its proper context.
Can't they just set Roseluck free and continue things as normal?
Edit: answered later (sorta).
I can already see where this is going...
Roseluck: "Oh no! Anyway..."
A certain grey unicorn mare who knows how such a world would look like: "Believe me, you don't want to know."
I expected a (relatively) innocent kissing contest...
What if she gets Zonies instead?
Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.
11150858
I'm glad you liked it! This one is pretty old and not really representative of my work as a whole but I'm still pretty happy with it. Thanks for the upvote.
Ngl a sequel/epilogue to this would be pretty sweet