Epilogue: Part 2 - Twilight
Twilight's been gone for a full ten minutes. I've spent the entirety of that time out on the balcony, pacing back and forth along its outer edge.
I should have seen this coming. I should have put it together sooner than five seconds before she tried to kiss me. The signs were there, but I just wasn't watching for them.
I'm going to be frank, despite the fact that this is forcing me to reassess my general impression of Twilight thus far and do some heavy thinking I wasn't anticipating, this does put multiple events over the last week - ones that I had thought were off-kilter - in a more sensical light.
'Nightingale Syndrome' - or 'Effect'. One or the other; the point being, it must be what Twilight has. The context fits so well.
It explains her behaviour back when I was preaching Atheism, and the extreme awkwardness of our short exchange on our sexualities. It explains why, over the past three days or so, she was being so much more active in her caregiving – almost to the point that she was doting on me.
Twilight felt awkward being alone with me after Trixie escaped, likely because she felt self-conscious; Hell, then - during the party and with others around - she decided against spending time with Celestia, in favour of talking with me. She's always tried to be cheerful towards me, and has made innumerable sacrifices regarding sleep to spend more time with me. All of those different aspects alone don't amount to much, but in-context they paint a pretty clear picture that I feel stupid for having not noticed.
To her credit, Twilight hid it pretty well up until the point that she was around the forty hour mark without any proper amount of sleep - although she was aided in no small part by my own self-absorption.
So this has been very, very trying for me. I'm honestly not ready to deal with Twilight‘s attractions... not so soon after closing my ordeal with Trixie, anyway; I'd prefer it if my life weren't a string of dramas packed in one after the other.
Right now, it's not even a matter of "She's a pony, I'm a human". We're both mature, self-aware and intelligent enough to disregard that area of rebuttal - and for Twilight it would appear that our radical physical and aesthetic differences aren't an issue either; I'm just completely unprepared for this sort of development.
“God damn it.” I bring a halt to my pacing and turn sharply, leaning heavily on the steel and glass balustrade. “I told her to get some sleep. If she’d just done that one thing then this could have waited... until... ugh,” I taper off, falling short at putting the situation into words. I’m not even sure what I’m upset at, but I'm projecting it onto her in full. I’m frustrated at Twilight for dropping this on me now, I’m angry with myself for not picking out the signs, and I’m fed up with... everything, despite how – currently – the good aspects of my life far outweigh the bad.
I bring my hands up to my head, running my fingers through my hair helplessly. This situation is reasonably simple... and at the same time, very complicated. The worst part is that the only one who knows exactly how complicated it is, is me.
I mean, I’ll be brutally honest here; the idea of a “relationship” with Twilight isn’t altogether disagreeable. As I said, we’re both smart, we’re both self-aware and able to make our own decisions. Technically - so long as your definition of bestiality involves the animal being definitively unable to make its own, intelligent decisions - it’s not bestiality, so much as it is... xenophilia, I think. It's something along those lines, anyway.
My real issue - aside from the obvious matter of how legitimate Twilight's feelings really are - is more of a personal hang-up. A very large one, which has been entering my thoughts more and more frequently since I came to Equestria (and causing problems proportionally more frequently, too). It’s an irrational association, and even though I can understand that, the magnitude of this mental block has not lessened in the slightest.
I can’t let Twilight end up like Sara. No matter how different they are, no matter how much I think I’ve changed since High School, no matter how stupid this entire issue is, I can’t let it happen again. Actually, in all honesty, I think it’s very unlikely that Twilight will end up like Sara... I mean, that’s a little extreme, but I certainly have a bad track-record when it comes to relationships and I’m worried that starting anything with Twilight would end badly due to my own faults - just like before.
Maybe the association isn’t quite so irrational, so much as it is exaggerated.
With a sigh, I allow my head to droop. I need to talk to Twilight about this. It would be... borderline cruel to just let her run off like that and not try and close the matter; I really need to find her, and let her down gently. It’s the safest way out.
Another sigh escapes my lips as I raise my head, pushing myself away from the balustrade and into a standing position. Twilight could have gone back to her own rooms, to one of her friend’s rooms, to her parents, or – god, I hope not – to Celestia herself; but it seems more likely that she went to see Cadance, the one pony who specializes in relationship troubles.
With that in mind I turn away from the (as always) beautiful Canterlot nightscape, instead presenting myself with an unpleasant view of my ransacked apartment. There are dirtied paper cups and plates strewn across the tables and floors, accompanied by multiple pieces of dropped, half-eaten food and a few stains thrown in for good measure. The only items left completely clean are the piano and the reading corner, for obvious reasons.
I survey the disaster zone as I cross it, once more momentarily entertaining the hope that it won’t fall to me to deal to this mess, before immediately bringing my attention back to the more serious issue; I need to find Twilight - and if she isn’t at Cadance, then I can at least get some advice on how to put an end to this scenario.
I aggressively snatch my cane from beside the door with one hand while producing my keys with the other. With a short set of fluid motions I open my front door, step through and close it, deftly inserting and twisting the key behind me.
***
‘Knock-knock-knock,’
I rap on the door gently, attempting to find a balance between a courteous volume - considering the hour - and a force strong enough to actually be heard inside the spacious apartment.
I stay right where I am for half a minute, passing my cane from hand to hand in a display of both nervousness and impatience. I’m about to knock for a second time when I finally receive a response.
The door latch clicks lightly, followed by the wooden slab itself slowly pulling inwards, stopping when there is just short of enough space for a pony to slip through.
A bleary-eyed Shining Armor appears on the other side. His mane looks to have been hurriedly combed, and his face is adorned with a tired grimace.
“Ugh... Keys?” The stallion raises his right hoof to rub at each eye in turn. “Do you know what time it is?”
“Yeah, sorry about that.” I keep my face somber and my voice serious, betraying the fact that I'm not sorry in the slightest. “But listen, it's important. Something's gone wrong with Twilight.”
“I know,” Shining grumbles, nudging the door open a little wider so that he can fit between it and the frame.. “She came galloping in her twenty minutes ago, crying the same thing and wanting to talk to Cadance.”
“Oh.” The corners of my mouth twitch in a grimace of my own. It looks like I was right. “Is she still here?”
“Yeah, she's in the main room with Cadance. I don't know what they're talking about; she hasn't even said hello to me yet.” Shining frowns. “So, are you gonna tell me what happened?”
“Uhh...” I frown, glancing over Shining’s shoulder, hesitant to look him in the eye. Would Twilight be upset if I told him what she tried to do? She and her brother are close, but... well, she hasn’t told him so-far; maybe she doesn’t want to tell him at all.
“I’m... not sure I can say.” I lick my lips nervously. That alone already implies that something serious happened, which means I already may have said too much.
“Keys,” the stallion deadpans, clearly too tired to let me mince words. “I’m her big brother; if it concerns Twilight, it concerns me. Just say it.”
His words bring an extra level of worry to my uneasiness. What concerns Twilight concerns her brother? So what if he’s angry that I spurned his sister’s ‘advances’? Oh Jesus, and what if he’s angry at me because twilight did this - full stop? That’s an (admittedly small) possibility.
“Uh.” The sound slips out as my words are stalled by this new worry, which prompts Shining’s expression to harden further.
“Keys,” he says again, this time pointedly. There’s no anger in the word, but there is a goodly amount of impatience.
I hesitate for a moment more before speaking, once again rapidly running through all the different reactions - likely or not - that my news may prompt. Surely it won’t be too bad.
“Okay, well... Twilight tried to... kiss me.” My vision flits between Shining Armor and various imperfections on the walls and door.
“So if she kissed you, why is she inside with Cadance?” Shining questions immediately, his completely neutral reaction stunning me. He doesn't sound angry, or happy, or even surprised. He couldn't possibly have been expecting this, could he?
“I... wait, what? I thought you’d be... upset.” I frown, creasing my eyebrows in confusion. That’s not quite right; I didn’t really know how he’d react at all. I’d assumed he’d at least be protective.
“Why?” Shining’s deadpan tone still hasn't changed, which is starting to become very puzzling.
“Well, because...” I look at Shining again, now no longer feeling a need to avert my eyes. He still looks extremely tired, but I can see that his actual expression is easily identifiable as ‘interest’. Regardless of his tone, it looks like Shining does have an investment in what I have to say - although he still doesn’t seem surprised.
“Nevermind.”
“Right.” Shining opens the door a little bit wider, so that he doesn’t have to squeeze so tightly through the gap. “So again, why’s she here if she kissed you?”
“She...” I lick my lips again. If Cadance is occupied, maybe Shining can give me some advice. “She tried to kiss me.”
The statement hangs in the air as Shining breaks his neutral expression with a frown, evidently not understanding. He looks to be a little sluggish when he’s been awoken, which is an odd trait for the captain of the guard. Maybe I caught him in a particularly bad state.
After a few seconds the white stallion emits a quiet “Oh” as he realizes what I was getting at, his frown deepening as he thinks.
“So why not?” Shining questions bluntly, his frown changing from a thoughtful one back to a confused one. “I don’t see the problem. Is it because she’s a pony and you’re a human? Because that’d be... really shallow.” He ends with another yawn.
I raise one eyebrow at his words, not expecting such open endorsement of a relationship.
“No, that’s not a problem.” I shake my head as Shining nudges the door until it’s half-open, allowing him to stand comfortably over the threshold. “It’s just... well, this'll sound dumb, but I have a... bad track record, when it comes to dating.”
“Wait,” Shining says softly, lifting his left hoof to rub at his eyes again. He seems pretty awake now. “...What you're saying is that Twilight likes you, and you don’t want to start a relationship with her because... what, you’re afraid of things not working out? Are you kidding me?”
“Uhh...” I cast my eyes downwards, uncomfortable with how the summary sounds. “No, I'm not.”
“So you feel the same way,” Shining states bluntly, now contrasting his previous sluggishness with a sharp intuitiveness.
I raise both hands helplessly at his observation. It’s not like he’s wrong, but the more I think about this the more it sounds like some crappy high-school drama.
“Well, yeah. She’s a nice mare.”
“Uh-huh.” The stallion nods, a brief flicker of a smile playing across his face. “So then why don’t you want to try and make it work?”
“Well, because... my past relationships have always... ended really badly.” I crease my brow slightly, not wanting to say more. "And I don't want Twilight to go through all that."
“Well she seems to want to make it work. Why can’t you?”
“Because I'll likely hurt her if I do - and badly,” I say pointedly, hoping that he’ll take the hint that this isn’t something I want to talk about.
“You sound like a little foal.” Shining responds, his tone taking on an edge. "Keys, why don't you act your age and tell me what the real problem is? What's so bad about your 'track record'?"
I look at Shining for a moment, that faint afterthought of how stupidly I've been handling this beginning to grow in solidity. He's quite right; I've been approaching this conversation with an incredibly low level of maturity.
“Yeah, you’re right.” I nod slightly, to which the stallion responds with one of his own. “It’s just... even when I try and be mature about it, it’s not an easy subject to approach. More than that, I just don't like talking about it.”
“Because?” Shining prompts me bluntly, tapping one hoof impatiently.
"Because..." I trail-off for a second, my gaze drifting upwards until it's unfocussed and pointed over Shining's shoulder. I don't want to remember the details; only the summary. "Because..."
"Because?" Shining says again, making that the third repetition between us.
His words barely register as I give a small, involuntary shudder. Four years later and I still can't look back on it with even a hint of objectivity. "A few years ago... my most recent girlfriend... we..."
Shining doesn't say anything, remaining completely silent as he waits for me to finish.
"We broke up during a fight. It was something really petty, that I started... and ended." My eyes remain unfocussed as I speak providing me with nothing aside from the blurred image of Shining standing at the door to his suite. "And my girlfriend - Sara - she was a very emotional person... and because of what happened, she..."
I fall quiet for a second time, not daring to focus my eyes again or continue my story. I don't want to see Shining's expression, and I'm sure he must have already figured out what happened.
"What did she do, Keys?" Shining asks quietly, evidently not willing to leave it at a simple implication. He can't not have figured it out, so why must I say it? Why must I spell out just how badly I fucked up, and how it destroyed her entire life? For Christ's sake, I'd been doing a good job repressing it all - up until tonight.
I blink twice, an action that both caves into my eyes’ silent pleas for moisture and forces them to come back into focus. Following this, I give a quick shake of my head.
“Please,” I speak quietly. “Do I really have to say it?”
Shining stares at me for few seconds, using the moment to shift his lower jaw from side to side. Once he’s done that he blinks twice, glances quickly over his shoulder, and then steps out onto the landing.
“No, I guess not.” He nods once, reaching out with one hoof and pulling the door closed with that strange “near-field telekinesis” pony hooves seem to have.
“Thanks.” I return the nod, glancing at the door and shifting uneasily on my feet. “Uhh... are we going somewhere?”
“Yeah. You’re planning to talk to Twilight, right?” The stallion turns back to me and starts walking towards the stairs.
“Uh... yeah,” I reply slowly as I follow him down the stairs. “Although I was going to ask for some advice first.”
“Well, you’ll get it,” Shining responds shortly. “I want to show you something.”
“Huh?” I blink twice, confused. “What? Where are we going?”
Shining turns his head back to me, his expression still neither positive nor negative. “Twilight’s room.”
“What?” I ask a second time, following Shining as he walks quickly to the edge of the spiral staircase and starts to descend “Why?”
“Because, I could explain to you why you’re wrong, or I could show you,” the captain replies simply.
“And what are you going to show me?” I demand again, starting to get annoyed at Shining’s vagueness. Is he trying to be theatrical?
“That a couple of days ago Twilight picked up a bunch of books on dating,” Shining answers simply again, not even glancing back at me as we reach the corridor at the bottom of the stairs. “It’s this way.”
“Wait, what?” I exclaim, increasing my pace to keep up. Was she that serious about this?
“You’ll see, now come on; it’s just a few minutes more.” Shining nods towards the end of the corridor as I make quiet noises of confusion.
"Wait, what books?” I clasp my hands nervously as I follow Shining down the corridor. “And are you sure we can just... barge in? I mean, it's Twilight's room."
The white stallion glances back at me one more time, and I think I catch the beginnings of an eye-roll as he turns his head forwards again. “Of course I can go in; I’m her brother - and I’d also like to just go back to bed."
***
The latch to Twilight's room clicks quietly, the entire door easing open slowly under Shining's magical influence.
I watch, wringing my hands nervously as the wooden slab swings inwards. If you'd told me this was my suite, I might have believed you; the door looks the same as mine and it's also at the top of a spiral staircase - which also has the same number of steps as mine, I think.
And seriously, why is that? Why does every suite in this castle require three floors-worth of stairs to be placed between it and the corridor? The only reason I can imagine as to why we simply can't use the floors that correspond with the actual suite positions is that it's for traditional reasons... well, it could also be a defensive thing, but I highly doubt that in a country like Equestria. Really, it just doesn't seem to make any logical sense... and it gives the impression that the castle walls contain a lot of wasted space that would be better devoted to storage rooms and the like.
I manage to pull my nervous thoughts back to the here-and-now, only to realize that Shining has already gone inside and that I've been standing here for the last twenty seconds.
With a moment's hesitation, I follow Shining over the threshold and into the darkened suite, still wringing my hands.
The very first thing that I notice about the suite is that it isn't actually darkened; it has multiple lights on, but it's as if Twilight turned down a dimmer-switch before she left, leaving the entirety of the space in a warm "quarter-light".
The second thing that hits me is how remarkably similar Twilight's suite looks to my own. On the left is a modern-looking kitchen, and the far wall is also taken up by a large full-wall window - so overall the basic layout and design seems to be the same, but everything else is more tailored for Twilight.
The space to my right - which is a reading corner back in my apartment - is now a studying space, complete with a desk and shelves full of binders. The lounge-space, however, is completely different from mine; with no piano podium, a considerably different furniture layout, and the walls are literally lined – floor to ceiling – with fully-packed bookshelves.
There are three couches and two chairs arranged in an elongated arch facing the window-wall, which has no balcony on its opposing side. In the space between the apex of the arch and the glass is a large, low-sitting circular table that I think is meant for just... anything, given the set of cushions arranged around it. In this case, the table is laden with three separate piles of books – one of which Shining is looking over in the half-light.
With my sightseeing done, I walk over to Shining. “So, these books you were telling me about...”
“They’re right here,” the stallion replies as he taps the largest pile of books; a neat stack of at least twenty tomes that comes up to my mid-stomach. “She’s been getting books out of the archives and buying copies of some guide series ever since the gala.”
“Twilight's read all this in eight days? Do I need to guess what about?” I ask, frowning slightly. That mare is some sort of learning machine.
“Well, at first they were all pretty normal; during your four-day-rest it was all stuff on anatomy and physiology - so that she would be prepared, I guess." Shining shrugs. "Then you woke up, and she started getting books on obscure and ancient cultures, and the next day there were things about psychology - like stress disorders and mental trauma. Every time I came around the stacks were bigger, and Twilight was always reading."
"I remember this book..." I mutter quietly under my breath during the gap in his explanation, touching my hand lightly to the top book on the stack; "A Mare's Guide to Cultural Tolerance".
"This was one of the books she bought the other day."
"Yeah. After a couple of days Twilight started getting books on understanding body language and things like that. I thought it was a little odd, but I didn't say anything." Shining shrugs again, looking down at the stack of books with a deadpan expression.
"But then three days ago - when you tried to give her a day off - she came by the apartment a little while after you'd left, and when I went to make some hot drinks she followed me into the kitchen and started asking questions about what you did, and - after that - how me and Cadance started dating."
I turn my head sharply to look at Shining. "Really? She did that?"
"Yeah." The stallion nods once, a slightly embarrassed blush on his face.
"What'd you say?" I press. Twilight's developed these feelings very quickly, and I'm really surprised that she was getting dating advice on the fifth day of knowing me. A crush is one thing, but this is... well, this is Twilight being Twilight.
"Well, I answered her questions." Shining lifts one hoof to rub the back of his neck. "But when she was done she went back out into the living room before I could say anything else - and I didn't want to talk about it around Cadance, you know? She had enough to deal with."
"Right, right." I gesture with my right hand for him to continue.
"So I stopped by here the next night and Twilight was gone, but Spike told me she'd had him go over to your suite and take some books from her saddle bag."
"The ones she bought from that racist book store." I nod once, remembering that Spike did indeed make a brief appearance to retrieve - among other things - the books Twilight bought while we were in town. "I don't think she's read them yet."
"Yeah, but the point is that she bought them." Shining takes a step back as I drop to my haunches and begin examining the books.
I raise my left hand and stroking my chin thoughtfully. The books are piled in reverse order to when Twilight read them, starting at the base with volumes such as "A Mare's Guide to Omnivores" and "A Mare's Guide to Bipedal Physiology", followed by a couple of guides related to ancient history.
"Jesus, they seriously have a book for everything," I mutter, running my eyes up the small tower of book spines. After that there's "A Mare's Guide to Counselling" and "A Mare's Guide to Post-Traumatic-Stress Disorder" - with all of these books being intersped with more academic works. It's only when I reach the top of the stack that I find titles that take me aback.
The educational tomes stop just short of the summit, leaving a short run of Mare's Guides, all of which pertain to one particular topic. There's a guide to dating, to understanding other cultures, a guide to dating other species and - at the very tip - a guide to cultural sensitivity. Even if I hadn't had Shining explaining this all to me it would have been extremely easy to put together; the whole thing's blatantly obvious just from this pile of books.
I feel that I should be unnerved from this. Twilight's developed - and cultivated these feelings in a spectacularly short span of time; just fifteen days or so if you start from my show in Ponyville, or twelve if you start from my freedom. I also get the strange impression that she wasn't exactly planning to act on those feelings so soon.
And I guess that's not so strange. It barely takes any time at all to develop a crush; I know that myself. The unusual part is how Twilight immediately started looking into furthering a relationship. It seems that her research started to move away from being strictly academic with the books on body language, and after that... thing seem to snowball, beginning with Twilight getting advice from Shining and continuing on to her finding books pertaining specifically to dating.
It's probably because of her bookish nature. Something new - that would be me - appears in a spectacular display of violence and cruelty, and Twilight starts to study it... and... I suppose that from there it didn't take long to decide on her... feelings.
Of course, that's nothing more than a guess; an assumption - and I've been making a lot of wrong assumptions since I got here. The point is, I can see how it might of progressed, and - modesty aside - I can see a little bit of the appeal too; not much, but some.
"Alright, so I get why you wanted me to see this," I say to Shining, running my hand down the spines of the books. "Is there anything else you want to show me before we go back?"
I rise from my haunches, brushing the top book of the pile with my hand a second time. It takes almost ten seconds for me to notice that the stallion hasn't replied.
"Shining?" I turn away from the stack, casting my eyes around the suite. “Hello?”
Silence greets my words, and it takes two full revolutions for me to realize that he’s gone.
"What the hell..." I growl unhappily, walking quickly back towards the entrance. "He just left me here?" I bring my hand down on the doorknob, but even as I do the realization hits me.
The latch clicks as I pull on the door, but it refuses to move. Grunting in frustration, I try to push the door - even though I know that it opens inwards.
"God damn it, Shining!" I exclaim under my breath, releasing the door handle and stepping back. "Why?"
Exasperated, I take a further step back. I suppose Shining's going to send Twilight back here so that we'll talk about it, which is annoying, considering that I was going to see her anyway - and I'm pretty sure he knew that... maybe he just wanted his apartment vacated so that he could sleep. I don't really see what else he could be playing at; showing me all this, then sneaking out and locking the door behind him; what I do know is that it's a real dick-move.
At a total loss as to what to do next, I move to turn away from the door when the faint click of a key entering the lock reaches my ears. The noise stops me in place, sending a sudden nervous chill up my spine.
'Fuck, already?' the thought enters my mind briefly as I jerk my eyes back to the door. Before I can do anything else, the door is unlocked and the tumbler is turning. Shining must have moved fast for her to have come this quickly. All I have time for is one last mental curse before the latch pops free and the door swings open.
There's a brief moment of stillness as me and the lavender mare in the doorway stare at each other.
“Keys.” Twilight blinks in surprise, while I shake my head and look down. Of course this is what would happen.
The silence stretches on a while longer before I sigh quietly, raise my right hand to rub at my eyes, and look back up. “Uh, sorry. Shining let me in... and... then he left me here.”
“Oh.” Twilight shifts awkwardly on her hooves, still standing in the door. “He told me I should get some sleep.”
'Of course,' I grumble internally. I was completely right. I’m not sure why, but I guess Shining must not have trusted me to actually talk to Twilight; So he decided to take the course of action that would add as much awkwardness to the situation as possible.
Brilliant.
“Well,” I speak quietly, tilting my head towards the centre of the suite. “I guess we should… talk about it.”
An uncomfortable silence hangs between us for a few seconds before Twilight nods, letting out a quiet “Yeah”
With obvious reluctance and a downtrodden expression, the mare begins walking away from the door, moving towards the centre of the suite.
"Oh." The mare's sad look fades as she glances at me, before hurriedly enshrouding the book stacks on the table with her magic. "I should cle-"
"I've already seen the books." I cut her off, my words bringing an expression of sheer mortification to her face. "It was why Shining brought me here."
Twilight remains still for a few moments, before sighing dejectedly, dropping the books back onto the table and lowering her head.
"I... I know it's not normal... you must think..." She shakes her head in disbelief, plodding slowly around the couch at the apex of the seating 'arch'. "That I'm some sort of... deranged pervert."
"Not quite," I respond as I move around the opposing side of the couch, sitting down in the right corner. "Twilight, you were there at the Gala, and when I recorded my statement, and at the trial; you know that - for me - 'deranged' is a lot worse than some advice books."
I pause for a few seconds in case Twilight wants to speak, before continuing to talk when she says nothing. "I... I won't pretend that it's perfectly normal... but I get it." After a brief afterthought, I add a sheepish "Kinda."
"Huh?" Twilight's eyes flicker to me.
"Uh, well, not that part, but the whole development in general - you know, how much faster it went because of these books." I backtrack on my words slightly. At least this part is coming out - for the most-part - properly, considering most of this is the stuff I thought of right after Twilight left my suite.
"Where I come from, it's called 'Nightingale Syndrome'... or 'effect', or something." I speak slowly, still considering what to say next. "To keep it short: it's when a caregiver starts developing a deeper attachment to their patient."
"I'm sorry," the mare says quickly, which makes me raise an eyebrow. I suppose she doesn't know how to respond.
"Don't," I reply just as quickly, shaking my head once. "It's not that unusual; the thing is, what do you think the chance is that you have a real attraction to me? What if, when I finally become fully independent, you stopped feeling the way you do?"
I wait a few seconds, hoping that the mare will actually have some input into this conversation before it transforms into me lecturing her on emotions and syndromes. As I expected, she has nothing to add.
"Okay. Twilight," I lower my already-hushed voice a little more. "When you tried to... do that, why do you think I cut you off like I did?" It’s mostly a rhetorical question; nobody knows but me.
Twilight glances back at me before allowing her gaze to dart furtively over the books on the table. "I'm... I’m not sure. I don't know."
"Well, it’s not for the reason you’d expect.” I reply curtly, swallowing once. I need to tell her. Even if we decide to not go any further, she should at least know what the big problem is. 'Keep it simple, leave out the dramatics, don't try to make excuses.'
"It was because..." I start quickly, wanting to head-off any more comments from Twilight before I change my mind. "Well, it was back in High School, when I was 16 - just over four years ago, now."
Twilight turns her eyes towards me, a curious expression on her face. Again, she says nothing.
"And - being sixteen - I was still suffering through all the teenage hormonal imbalances, which was normal, of course." I make a sour face, recalling the confusing mess of teenage emotions with a slight pang of nostalgia, followed by a larger pang of regret. "And I found myself in a relationship with a girl named Sara. She was nice, happy... a little emotional every now and then; seemed really ideal at the time. I'd had a couple of relationships before that, but they were all juvenile little things that didn't last long.
"And things were pretty great for a while. We dated for just under six months with things going well, but then after the half-year mark, things kinda went downhill." My eyes flicker to Twilight, but I pull them away before I can distinguish her expression. "We started squabbling a lot, and a couple of times we got into fights over little insignificant matters - but they were always quick fixes.
"And then, one day during the lunch-break things went completely wrong. I'd gotten a bad grade on a physics paper, and that had put me in an equally bad mood. Sara tried to cheer me up at lunch with a conversation that eventually moved onto her family - which was where I fucked up completely."
"Oh..." Twilight coos quietly, either at my story or my obscenity - maybe both.
Not wanting to draw the story out any longer, I continue talking, fighting past a steadily increasing tightness in my throat. "I said that I found her aunt - her paternal one - irritating, which shocked Sara. She tried to defend her, and... I just kept trying to explain my opinion - like an idiot.
"Sara got badly upset, and eventually we broke out into a really, really heated shouting match, at the end of which we more or less broke up and Sara stormed off... all in front of at least two dozen other students." I'm forcing the words out of my mouth at this point, my voice close to being a flat monotone. I'm feeling really uncomfortable here, and the tightness in my throat hasn't eased in the slightest.
"I'm sorry," Twilight says lamely, looking extremely uncertain.
I look at her for a moment, considering the idea of telling her not to be sorry. I decide against it; a couple more minutes and she'll know not to be sorry.
"Sara took the next two days off, and not once during that time did I try to apologize, even though it was all my fault. I was being immature, and stubborn. Then, on the third day, she showed up to school, seeming extremely happy. She was being nice to everyone - and even smiled at me once. I still didn't try to talk to her."
"Well that was good, ri-"
"She hung herself that night." I cut Twilight off, my words bringing a completely shocked expression to the mare's face and an empty hollowness to my own gut. I just said it; I blurted it out - and callously, at that.
"And we all couldn't believe it," I continue haltingly, hurriedly beating down several strong memories and their associated emotions. "I found out at the funeral reception that her mother had cheated on her father just before things started going downhill in our relationship, and their marriage had started disintegrating.
"Sara had kept it from me - just because I was focusing on my midterms and she didn't want to distract me - and her paternal aunt was the only person helping her through it... then... when I started that argument and we broke up... she just couldn't handle it."
I fall quiet, mentally drifting back to the aftermath. There was the emergency assembly at school, and they had the school counsellor come up on stage and tell us all that the support staff was on-hand to help everyone along. I shouldn't have gone, and the entire time I was sitting there all I could think about was what I had done. The looks from the other students were bad enough; sympathetic, knowing, judging, hateful.
I took a week off after that, and skipped two other midterms. The week after that my sister urged me to go to Sara's house and apologize, which entailed me crying with her now-divorced mother and being shown her room. The body and noose were gone, but it was still horrific to be in the same room.
"It doesn't hurt as" had been carved straight into the wall by the wardrobe, the sentence left unfinished. I knew what it would have said, though. As I found out later, it was a lie... or maybe she hadn't been referring to the hanging.
After an extended pause, I finally force myself to look the lavender unicorn in the eye. I can feel the hot pinprick of tears in my eyes, but I refuse to cry; that was so long ago.
"Twilight, I messed up both of my first two relationships, and then I drove my third girlfriend to suicide. Do you see why I'm a little hesitant to try a fourth time?"
For a few more seconds, the mare stays silent, her mouth still hanging open at my revelation. After a moment, she finally composes herself.
"I... Keys, I don't really know what to say," she begins slowly. "That's... I mean, wow."
"Yeah, wow," I agree quietly, unable to keep a hint of remorse and bitterness from my voice. "So… I'll cut this short; does it change anything?"
Another pause, this time only two seconds.
"I, uh... no. I mean, it was all that while ago.” Twilight's voice is still bewildered, but not like it just was. “Uh, do you think that you've changed?"
Oh, I've changed; after coming to Equestria, how could I not? The question is if it's for the better, and as to that, I have no idea. Rather than heap more uncertainty onto the conversation, I respond with a simple "Yeah, definitely". Rather than subject the conversation to another silence, I push ahead to the final, big question.
"Do you still want this to happen?"
There's a pause, and I wonder if she'll back down. I don't know if it'd be for the better or worse if she declined, but it feels like if she did then things could stay the same.
"Yes," Twilight replies, and I nod once. "Yes, I do."
"Well..." I allow a slight smile onto my lips, mostly just wanting to reassure the unsettled mare. "Then that means that it's happening."
“Wait, really?” Twilight turns to look at me, a bewildered, slight smile on her face. “Just like that?”
“Yeah, just like that.” I nod once, feeling that I should smile, but also a little embarrassed to. “Is that okay?”
“Uh, ye-yeah!” The Lavender unicorn is both pleased and taken aback. Her sudden bubbly happiness is a heavy contrast to the sombre mood I've fallen into, and I feel more than a little awkward that I'm not reciprocating her new-found cheerfulness. "Of course!"
"Good, good." I force my smile a little bit wider. "I, uh, didn't think it'd be quite so simple."
"Me neither." Twilight's casts her eyes around the suite, looking even happier. "Wow, we'll be able to do all those things that couples do; like going on dates, and taking walks, and reading books together, and solving complex mathematical equations, and all the other things in my books!"
"Yeah, we can." I smile slightly, finding her enthusiasm touching; she's so excited about this, even my melancholy can't shut it out entirely.
After a brief pause in the conversation of me and Twilight simply exchanging glances of varying happiness, her large smile fades somewhat.
"Keys, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." I nod once, producing another smile. "And yeah, I'm happy. Just... dealing with those bad memories."
"Oh, I'm sorry.” Twilight’s smile disappears entirely. “Is there anything I can do?”
“No, no, it’s fine – really.” I shake my head, not allowing my smile to falter. “To be honest, I’d rather it if I just went back to my apartment and slept on it.”
“Oh, are you sure?” Twilight frowns. She probably expected me to stay and talk some more.
“Yeah, give me some rest and I’ll be fine.” I push myself up off the couch, suddenly wondering exactly how to make my exit. Do I leave with a display of affection, just to cement that this is actually happening? A peck on the forehead, maybe… or what about a hug?
No, it’s just too early for something like that, and Twilight would probably realize I was just doing it for the sake of doing it – and then what’s the significance? It’d become some trite, empty gesture; a bad way to start a conversation.
“Goodnight, Twilight.” I dip my head slightly, still smiling. “We’ll be able to talk about this more after some sleep.”
“Goodnight.” Slightly awkwardly, Twilight mirrors my nod, a pleased smile returning to her face.
Without further discussion, I step around to the back of the couch, and start walking towards the exit.
And just like that, the mess is over – at least for tonight. There'll be more things to smooth out tomorrow, or the next day, or next week, but for now it's been dealt with.
I wonder if things will work out for us. That pause before she said yes speaks volumes, and I can't help but worry that it's an indicator of more uncertainties to come. I suppose that's just something that we’ll find out, and worrying about it won't help anything. She certainly seems happy now, so I’ll run with that until further notice.
What I really hope is that Twilight's aware of the genetic limitations here; there's no foals in my future no matter what happens, and I really don't want to have to explain that, because that would involve a discussion of intimacy... and intimacy is just... it's just something else entirely; completely off limits until further notice.
"Okay, well... goodnight, Twilight. I'll see you in the morning," I call one last time as I open the suite’s front door, feeling as if my exit is a tad unsatisfactory. I feel like I should stay, and that we should talk more... but it seems better that we both take some time to ourselves and talk tomorrow.
Besides, I'm exhausted, and that seems reason enough as it is.
"Goodnight. Sleep well," the mare responds merrily, waving as I step over the apartment threshold and then close the door behind me.
In the only way since I was kidnapped that I've been able to fully and perfectly express how I feel, I sigh. It's short and light, but also weary, exasperated, and a little confused.
Before beginning the walk back to my apartment, I take a final look back at the door to Twilight’s suite and briefly wonder if she’s still sitting there, or going to bed, or talking to Spike, or even writing a letter to Celestia.
This doesn't feel right; none of it does. There should be more closure. What happened with Trixie's behind me, but now we have to sort out the unicorns who were meddling during the trial. I need to figure out what to do with Twilight, and I have to look into finding a home of my own. I need to know about Celestia's book on humans, and I have to get really, truly better.
'I need, I have, I need, I have.' All these things that I'm forced to do for their own respective reasons, and only once they've been seen-to will I actually be able to look at what I want. I guess I should have known that in real life, there's never any true closure. Nothing ever just falls into place in that one satisfying moment; some things are resolved quickly, others are resolved later, and others still may possibly never be resolved at all - like not knowing what happened back on earth after I was kidnapped.
It's as I descend the stairs back down to the hallway that I come to the conclusion that that's the way it will stay; proper closure is something I'll likely never achieve, and - as sombre and unwanted an admission as that is - that's just the way it is.
So I suppose the next 'I need' is to sort out the unicorns who were meddling during Trixie's trial. After that I'll be agreeing on the royal stipend from Celestia, and at some point after that I'll need to actually start setting up my own, independent life in Equestria; playing recitals, earning money, finding a home of my own. Each of those things are part 'I want', but it'll be a long, long time until I no longer have some pending issue hanging over my head.
It'd be good to take my mind off of all this, and I think I know just how: going back to my apartment and playing some piano should do the trick. I really haven't been doing enough of that lately.
And when Celestia raises the sun in a few hours, I'll find out what comes next.
The End
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Pony on!
WOOT! Update!!!
Whoo, finally!
Well that was a fun ride. I've enjoyed reading this story for awhile now and I'm kinda sad to finally see it end.
Damn dude, sad to see it go. But, it was a great ride. Pleasure reading, Sentient.
gyazo.com/5c30e604831ab1bb0af045ab2f251f83.png
In the feature box for one last time.
You know what? Good enough! You, in my opinion, handled that ending splendidly. This isn't one of those things where everyone kisses and makes up and sings some happy song, nor is it something so dark and grim that everyone's dead or dying. It's the end, but it leaves off as a 'beginning' of sorts. A hope for better things. The road is set out that you can see down it and what you see isn't something perfect or glorious but a new start for a better life.
Thank you very much for a truly wonderful story. It's rare that I get to see a story finished, even rarer that one finishes as well as this. Yes it's obvious that it wasn't a perfect thing, but it's not as bad as you may feel it to be. There were a lot of loose ends that never got tied up; things that never got covered but they were all insignificant in the grand scheme of things. You did a good job giving a true sense of closure, a sense that you can lean back and sigh in relief of a good ending and say "It's over!" in a good way. Although I am sure you won't do any more Keys stories, leaving it like this is fine with me. Thank you very much!
Let me post this heart warming song I found that I think fits.
PhillyPu - Dreaming With Ponies
How dare you leave us with so many unanswered questions?
Oh well, I'll just fill in the blanks for myself, anyway great story man and thanks for sharing it with us.
/me slow claps.
And that's it, folks.
End of an era.
An absolute pleasure reading this.
So long and thanks for all the pony words!
'End of the Keys story arc'? I dunno, this seems very sequel-hookish. As an ending, you're kinda right, it doesn't really offer any closure. That's really the only complaint I have. If this were building up to an Act III, i'd be fine with it, but as it stands, it seems very abrupt. I liked the story, don't get me wrong. It just doesn't really seem finished despite having ended.
3485266 Heh, I think you've got your answer.
3494603 Thanks, Jack. Believe me, I know that the loose ends are wrapped up poorly - which was a dilemma that produced a rather lengthy delay in production before I managed to push ahead - but I'm glad to have produced an ending that was at least satisfactory.
3494704 Oh, Dreaming with Ponies! I might quickly slip that into the Author's note as a little momento. Thanks, Zanthimos.
3494824 I'm not entirely sure if that's sarcastic or an overblown compliment, but thanks for reading!
3494814 3494869 Yeah. As Keys said near the end, real life very rarely has the true, complete closure seen in stories. (And I also said in the Author's Note that if anyone really wanted to, I would love to see them building on those loose ends.) I myself, however, am finished with The Piano Man. So, unfortunately, the story will remain as it is, without closure on all the minor loose ends.
3494997 No sarcasm. It's just that these have been around forever, it's gonna be weird not waiting for updates.
3495002 Let's just pretend that the seven month gap was a training period for the long haul.
3495014 xD Mhm
Great story. Glad you finished it.
I wouldn't mind a part 3. Just sayin'
I think I'm the only one who hates being left in the dark and having to fill in blanks that are most likely going to be wrong if I guess anyway.
That was a good read.
reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Billy-D_Approves.gif
Oh that was excellent, this is definitely one of my favorite stories ever! Thank you for that. :)
3494908
You misunderstand. I didn't say it was unfinished because it didn't tie up every loose end, but because the character development started did not finish. Keys still hasn't integrated into society, he hasn't gotten past his hang-ups. He did not really evolve as a character in Act II. Consider Act 1. The main conflict was between himself and Trixie, and it resolved itself when he finally figured out a way to alert the ponies that he was sentient and being abused. In Act II, it's seems like a (well-written) sequence of events that really only set up the story without resolving it. How did seeing Trixie's trial affect his recovery? What was the purpose of the racism scene? You give us Keys traversing from point A to B, but it lacks the context that a more in-depth ending would have provided. It's true that life rarely has its loose ends all wrapped up, but in the words of Shakespeare, it's "a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." Stories aren't like that. Stories have significance. Stories tell you something when you read them, but with the way this ended, the only thing it told me was that the author was ready to be done with the story.
If it was simply a matter of you were sick of writing this story, that's fine and your readers would understand. When the magic is gone, it's gone. I'm not saying any of this out of malice, I'm saying this because I think that authors benefit from knowing the mindset of those who didn't walk away satisfied. I liked reading your story, I really did, but where it ended, I cannot say was well-written. Once more, this is not personal, but merely my opinion. I've seen enough of your writing to know that I'd enjoy more of it, but I felt compelled to speak up here.
Glad to finally see the end, and good to see you as well dude.
Thought it didnt end how i imagined, it ended well enough. Overall good work, an entertaining read.
3495406
This here. Lackluster attempt to wash your hands of it left a lot of important things laying around.
Act III: Moving to Ponyville with Twilight. They're more accepting there than in the capital.
Shining's reaction... does he really not care or was he just tired? It seemed a little bit of both to me.
Yes, the ending wasn't what we all expected, but as someone else put, it does leave it open for a sequel.
Unless you leave it here, which then leaves the next stage open to interpretation.
a.k.a the worst chapter. I mean, really? A ponyxhuman
3495406 3496018 Well, as a general response: Burn-out has that nasty side effect of nearly wrecking your drive to even give the ending to your story coherency. I'm well aware, and have in no way tried to hide that my ending is less than satisfactory. I myself find the relation of a lack of closure to real life to be... well, just fine - but let's just remember that my perspective is that of the weary author.
And as for Keys' lack of development as a character... well, this story kinda grew to a much larger scale than I'd expected - especially considering its short time-span of less than a fortnight. I'd never really planned for a major character development, once again going with the more "realistic" idea that people are unlikely to change. (I also got rather hypocritical along the way, preaching that my story enjoyed making things realistic, whilst often disregarding that very aspect for pure convenience of writing.) I suppose what I'm saying is this: You're right, the second part of The Piano Man is essentially just a tale of the traverse from point A to point B.
Well, here it is. I've been waiting for this for quite some time, and it did not disappoint. You did everything you said you would with this ending, and in my opinion you did it well. The romantic element was light when it needed to be, and didn't chew the scenery.
I think a lot of readers were worried about this particular aspect in the story, and while you did give us fair warning and even called for an informal vote of sorts on it as I recall, nobody was quite sure what you had in store for Twilight and Keys. Some authors have good intentions when inserting romance into stories where it's presence is of questionable relevance, and from what I've seen it tends to take away from the over-all story. However I had faith in your abilities and supported your idea to go ahead with it, and now that you have, I'm happy to say that in my opinion it worked!
Its true that closure in general here felt a little light at first, but was it really? If it truly was, I'm certain you have any number of reasons why this is, be it for the sake of the story or due to just simple time constraints, writers block and/or other various real life circumstances. Whatever the case may be, its inconsequential as all the real closure one needed for this tale of yours was in the last chapter of the story and the first part of the epilogue. We were given a final possible candid take on Trixie's side of the whole mess, and then she was punished for her crimes in the manner Canterlot saw fit. The question of whether justice was truly served for Keys despite his opinion of it all was presented and left for the reader to decide on their own.
Also, we were given a glimpse of this world's societal structure and how the ponies within it act (and react), and we are forced to consider how well things will go for Key's life now concerning this. You presented both sides of the coin on that point, especially with this romantic element by the way. During the story itself we saw that a portion of the ponies of Equestria were still bigoted towards Keys and towards the other tribes, yet we see throughout the story how many other ponies welcomed his presence and were happy to have him. The talk between Keys and Shining Armor after Twilight tried to kiss him was rather refreshing, as the whole "She's a pony I'm a human" debacle is rather old within this particular community. I'm glad you skipped past that mess and went right to the heart of it all. In my opinion, anything that may seem or feel unresolved, has been subtly addressed at some point in the story if one simply takes time to think about it.
So yeah, thank you TSC for sharing (and finishing) this story with all of us. I hope that season four inspires you to write more of your brand of pony stories, and even if not, you've certainly made your mark here. Take a bow and all of that nonsense, you've earned it.
3496162
Meh, although this ending could have been... more, it's still not nearly the worst burnout I've seen. That would probably have to be the sequel to Lines and Webs; Dusk's Dangerous Game. It just kind of... fizzled out near the end. I still think this was a good ending, even if I'm not too fond of humanXpony pairings.
Is this the end of the story in general or this arc? I would love to have this continue and WOW was I surprised and HAPPY!
to see an update on this story!
Welp, all I can say is that I am absolutely not surprised in the slightest that Shining was tired in the morning. The only time someone in the army is awake, is if they are a morning person (1%), or if they are under contact. I can take upwords of the entire day to actually wake up sometimes
Anyway, I look forward to the next installment.
Yes there is that but there are also zoonosis. Sexually Transmitted Diseases from Animal to Human that in some cases can prove fatal if left untreated.
Personally I enjoyed this ending and felt it was worth the wait.
sequel
3497430
...not the first thing that would come to mind.
And he would refer to it as a normal STD. Twi's not unintelligent by any means. Though she is an animal, so are humans, the distinction is there to emphasize it was brought on by bestiality (probably), which isn't the case either because it would be xenophilia.
But again, it's not the first thing he would think of, I don't think.
Romance Sequel?
I think I'm going to cry, please hold.
So are you through? Or have you still things to write?
I actually really liked this ending. I find it well justified and realistic. It leaves a lot to the imagination, just as it should considering the subject matter. It doesn't overstay its welcome.
Hey Cloud.
Do you think there will be at least a one-shot romantic story between Jacob and Twilight? I just want to know just a little bit.
And now for a completely different opinion: That ending sucked. Several things that were mentioned by readers that plagued previous chapters were never addressed and thus completely unresolved. The most annoying of which were his spineless toadying to Celestia, Celestia's sudden misanthropy and overall Holier than thou attitude, and finally the piece de resistance: the last minute romantic element crowbared in with all the grace of a rampaging rhino. Instead of addressing plot elements that had already been introduced we have a romantic plot tumor that springs up at the end of the second to last chapter which promptly hogs the entirety of the final chapter. Nothing is addressed but this damn tumor and the story pretty much stop everything to revolve around this one element before leaving everything hanging with a sequel hook. Because you know, a half-assed ending makes me want to read the next thing the author writes. Quite frankly the story would be better served by the deletion of this chapter. Keep what elements you want, but get rid of the rest.
Act 3! Act 3! Act 3!
What an adventure. Was it dark and deep like I wanted? At times yes, but overall not really. Did this story arc drag a bit? In some parts yes. Was the ending unsatisfactory? (shrugs) I truly don't know. I feel very on the line of good and bad for how it ended. Truthfully I thought the 'Twilgiht acting weird' sections was Celestria acting/looking like Twilight to obtain answers from Keys. Of course my idea was tossed out when Keys still found Twilight sleeping upon the floor.
A cool thing I thought about your story, both arc 1 and 2, was keeping the Protagonist's name unknown. Since a name was not given and the description wasn't quite fully fleshed out, I felt as if I could place myself into The Piano Man's shoes even though I would only be 5'6". The feeling I got is similar to when I played the Halo franchise for the first time. I am Master Chief. I have a mission against the Covenant and my face is never shown. I also have the designation 117, just another (super) soldier on the front lines; and yet I lost this connection of being Master Chief when this FPS character was given a name, John. Now I feel this same disconnect when you gave Keys the name of Jacob Lewis. I understand that there was no way to having Keys not give his actual name, unless he developed amnesia, but I was hopeful.
In summary, it was a good story, one that held my attention, and gave me emotional reactions to the events occurring within.
Best of luck, stay healthy, and update soon!
-Sky66
3501835 I second that. Good ending. Great story.
Before I say too much, i have a question directly for you sir, cloud. As promised, I do have a review of both parts. However, given its rather long length (for those who actually care what I think there's a shorter version I'll put just below this) my question to you is this: do you (as in for your eyes only) want to see the longer version or would you feel happy with the shorter version? The longer version is more detailed and conveys my full sentiments about both stories, while the shorter one condenses less than 1/8th of everything i want to say into a few measly sentences. Let me know which you prefer. With that here's the short version:
Seven whole months, eh? Well, i cant complain much considering the stuff I've written has taken longer at times (my record is over a year, and what I have written isn't on this site so don't bother looking). I said i would review both parts and so I have. Part one is a gripping story filled with an interesting concept, plenty of good character moments that provide a wide range of emotions and a fun dynamic between Keys and Trixie. The story does what it needs to and defiantly leaves you wanting for more. The same cannot be said for the second part. To paraphrase The Dark Knight, "its the story that we wanted but not what we needed". And with that in mind, I can sum up most of my complaints with two simple questions: one, what is the overall focus (i.e. conflict) of this part and two, what is the character of keys (and I dont mean what he wears or is his occupation, I mean what is he as an individual? what makes him stand out from someone else because at this point I could replace him with a talented talking pet lion or dragon and not much would change.)? But it's not all complaints, I do like that there were actual consequences for his adventures in the previous part and I also like the bit with Cadence coming to terms with her own emotional distress thanks to Keys.
All in all, I find myself in a bind. On the one hand, I really liked the first part, recommend it even, but I'm not the greatest fan of the second one. So I suppose as a whole, the story of "The Piano Man" is a bit meh. It does well in the first half but somehow fumbles it in the second. A fun ride but not really memorable.
3547846 Oh no, I'd love to see the full review! I don't care if it's positive or negative; feedback is awesome! And I already like what you've said so far; it's seeming quite fair so far.
Awwww, the end of Keys story ark? My heartmuscle aches!!!