Big Brother - Equestria

by gmv124

Let The Games Begin

It’s a house like no other. Where fifty-three cameras capture your every move, and ninety-eight microphones capture your every word. This is the Big Brother house and tonight fourteen ponies from across Equestria will be moving in to begin a summer long journey for half a million bit prize. They will be completely cut off from the outside world as they compete for food, luxuries and most importantly, POWER. Every week they will vote to evict one of their own until only one remains to claim the half a million bit prize and be proclaimed as the winner of Big Brother.

A navy blue unicorn stallion with a green and purple mane walked out the front door of the Big Brother house. “Hello, I’m Ice Shadow, your host for this summer long battle. And I am happy to say that this is definitely going to be one interesting summer full of betrayal, lies and competition. Now each of our fourteen house guests is unique to say the least; from a rich business colt to a very shy pegasus but why am I describing them for you when you can just meet them?”

As he said that fourteen ponies, eight mares and six stallions walked out with their bags in tow and Ice Shadow walks up to the house guests. “Greetings, house guests and welcome to Big Brother. Behind me is the Big Brother house where you will be staying for the duration of the summer until you are either evicted, or you walk out with the half million bit prize. Now I must warn you that inside the Big Brother house; unicorn horns will not work and pegasus wings will be weakened enough that the user cannot fly. Obviously though, it isn’t permanent. When you leave the house, their power will be restored. Make sense?” The house guests all nodded, eager to enter the house. Ice spoke again, “Alright then, the first four ponies that will be entering the Big Brother house are: Twilight Sparkle, Soarin, Big Macintosh and Pinkie Pie. Please enter the house now.”

The four of them jumped excitedly and ran into the amazing house to claim a bed and take a look around. The first things they found were the bedrooms. One of which had hot pink walls and fuzzy, fluffy pillows everywhere and there were enough beds for five ponies. The second room was a red room with another five beds and was more of a laid back feel to it, especially with the beanbag chairs adorning the room. The final bedroom once again had five beds but the walls were a sky blue and had clouds painted on them. The room also had a green carpet which made it feel really outdoorsy. After being seen, two beds in that room were quickly claimed by Soarin and Big Macintosh. Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie was the first to claim a bed in the hot pink bedroom, and Twilight claimed one in the red room. After they claimed their beds, they walked into the large living room to sit down on the couches that were laid out beside two chairs around a small table.

Outside, Ice Shadow spoke again. “Alright, the next five ponies to enter will be: Trixie, Filthy Rich, Rarity, Applejack, and Doctor Whooves. You may now enter the house.” Those five quickly ran into the house and took a quick look around before claiming their beds in the various bedrooms, Applejack, Trixie and Doctor Whooves joined Big Macintosh and Soarin, filling the outdoors room. Rarity joined Pinkie Pie, and Filthy Rich joined Twilight before the five of them went to the living room to take a seat with the first four and wait for their final housemates to join them. “And now, the last five ponies to enter the house are: Cheerilee, Braeburn, Shining Armor, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. You can go join your housemates.” The remaining ponies quickly surged into the house and claimed beds in the remaining two bedrooms (Fluttershy and Cheerilee in the pink, fluffy room with Pinkie, and Braeburn, Shining Armor and Rainbow Dash in the red room) before finally meeting with everypony else in the living room.

As they all sat around on the couches and nominee chairs in the living room, they began to talk to one another. Twilight stood up and spoke first, “Well, I guess we should start with some introductions. So, my name is Twilight Sparkle, and I am a librarian from Ponyville, though I originally lived in Canterlot. I am also one of the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, more specifically the Element of Magic. I have a pet baby dragon named Spike, and I am Princess Celestia’s prized and most personal student," she grinned as she finished and sat down while Pinkie Pie stood and spoke next.

"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie! I’m a baker from Ponyville, and I love parties and candy! And I'm so excited to be here! Woo! This is gonna be fun! Oh I'm also the bearer of the Element of Laughter. Just thought you all should know." She laughed and sat down. Rainbow Dash spoke next.

"I'm Rainbow Dash from Ponyville, and I'm probably the best flyer in Equestria and I’m also the creator of THE Sonic Rainboom, but someday you’re going to know me as more than that because I’m gonna be captain of the Wonderbolts someday! Oh, I'm also the bearer of the Element of Loyalty, so you know you can trust me because I am NOT going to turn my back on you, unless you make me."

She smiled almost smugly before the white coated unicorn beside her introduced herself.

"Well, I'm Rarity, an I am an esteemed fashion designer and owner of the Carousel Boutique in Ponyville, although I have always wanted to live in Canterlot. Ponies say I have keen eye for detail and can fix basically any garment you may have or want repaired. And I am the bearer of the Element of Generosity." She was then followed by Applejack.

“Howdy y’all, the name’s Applejack. I’m an apple bucker an’ farmer from Ponyville, more specifically Sweet Apple Acres. I’m also the bearer of the Element of Honesty, so y’all can guarantee that when I’m talkin’ to ya, it’s the truth.” Fluttershy went next and very quietly and nervously spoke.

“Oh, umm, well, I’m Fluttershy, I, uh, live in Ponyville and I take care of woodland creatures. I’m also a bearer of the Element of Kindness. I never try to hurt any pony. Ever. Honest.”

Braeburn spoke next after taking off his hat and standing up.

“Well, howdy! The names Braeburn, Brae for short. I live in Appleloosa and I was there during that dispute between the cowpony settlers of Appleloosa and some buffalo that lived close by, if you ya know what I'm talkin about. I’m also Applejack and Big Mac’s cousin if ya wanted to know. Other than that not much else to say.”, Soarin stood next and smiled at the group.

“Well, I’m Soarin and I’m from Cloudsdale. I’m one of the Equestria famous Wonderbolts, and more specifically the second in command for the team though. I don't spend much time on the ground so this is kind of weird for me but other than that not much else to say, so, yeah. That’s it.” He smiled at the group, but a little longer at Rainbow, and jumped back onto the couch. After him, Big Macintosh stood up. "I'm Big Macintosh, Big Mac for short. I live and work at Sweet Apple Acres in Ponyville, and I don't usually talk a lot. That's all I got to say for myself." Filthy Rich stood next.

"Well I'm Filthy Rich, but please just call me Rich. I'm a ridiculously successful business pony and father of my beautiful little filly, Diamond Tiara. I'm not gonna walk up to you and lie to your face, that's not my style. I'd be more likely to persuade you to see my way. And that's about it." After him it was Shining Armor’s turn.

"My name is Shining Armor and I’m Captain of Princess Celestia’s royal guard. I’m happily married, I live in Canterlot, and I’m also Twilight’s older brother. So yeah. That’s it.” After him was Cheerilee.

“Well everypony, my name is Cheerilee and I work as a teacher in Ponyville, and to be honest, I hate ponies who cause a lot of drama. Other than that, there really isn’t anything else for me to say.” Doctor Whooves introduced himself next. He had an English accent.

“Well I’m Doctor Whooves, but you can all just call me the Doctor. I’m a... wandering traveller and I help out wherever I’m needed and just try to find work wherever I am.” He smiled at the group as he sat down, and the final pony stood up to introduce herself.

“Hello my little ponies. I am the great and all powerful Trixie! A wandering, kind, generous, heroic unicorn who is the most powerful unicorn in all of Equestria! I have defeated countless dangerous creatures using only my magical skill! Including, the dreaded Ursa Ma-”

“Oh shut it Trixie. We all know you’re lying,” Rainbow interrupted. Everypony laughed except for Trixie who huffed as she sat down.

Following introductions, everypony began to talk and explore all the rooms of the house, including the large backyard with a swimming pool and hot tub, the kitchen, the upstairs balcony with the locked door to the Head of Household’s room, the diary room where they will confess how they feel about the game and other players in it, the bathroom, and finally, the memory wall with everypony’s picture on it, and their keys to the house in keyholes beside them.

Outside Ice spoke to the cameras, “Well it seems some ponies are remembering each other and their relationships with each other outside the hose. Yes, from siblings, to cousins, to enemies, there are all sorts of past relationships inside that house. But as for now, let’s give the house guests their first surprise of the summer.”

Ice Shadow’s face appeared on the monitor hanging on the wall of the living room. “Greetings house guests! I need everypony to come to the living room now.” The house guests came back to the living room (Some faster than others) and sat down. “You all seem to be settling in quite nicely.” All the houseguests nodded at that statement. “Well, that is all about to change because the motto of Big Brother is ‘Expect the unexpected’ and your first unexpected surprise is that your first competition is going to happen right now.” The house guests looked at each other in shock and started to murmur. “That’s right everypony, your first Head of Household competition is going to be happening right now, so I need all of you to head out to the backyard now please.” The house guests chatted excitedly as they headed out to the backyard where two pedestals sat.

Ice Shadow’s voice was heard again. “Alright house guests, this is your first Head of Household competition. It’s called ‘Who were we talking about again?’ and here’s how it works. Two at a time, you will head up to those pedestals where I will read out a fact. The first pony to buzz in and correctly identify who the fact pertains to will eliminate their opponent and select the next two ponies to participate. Once everypony has competed, all of the winning ponies will participate in another round, continuing to eliminate each other to determine the first Head of Household of the summer. The last pony standing will be declared the first. H.O.H. Make sense?” The houseguests nodded. “Excellent, now we have randomly determined the starting pair, and it will be Shining Armor versus Pinkie Pie. Please step up.”

The two quickly approached the pedestals and Ice Shadow read out the question. “Alright, now which houseguest is the only one to live in Cloudsdale?" Pinkie Pie quickly attempted to buzz in but was not fast enough to beat out Shining Armor as he correctly answered Soarin. “Correct, sorry Pinkie Pie you have been eliminated. Shining Armor who’s next?”

“Uh, Cheerilee and Rarity.”

Cheerilee and Rarity quickly took their positions. “Which houseguest is the only mare to not live in one location?” Cheerilee buzzed in first and correctly answered Trixie.

“That’s the great and Powerful Trixie to you!”

“Correct Cheerilee, sorry Rarity, but you have been eliminated. Cheerilee, who will compete next?”

“Trixie and Twilight.” The two unicorns glared at each other as they prepared for the question. “Alright ladies, which houseguest is the only one who is a teacher?” Twilight quickly buzzed in, but was too late. Trixie buzzed in first and with a smug smile on her face correctly answered Cheerilee.

“That is correct. Sorry Twilight, you have been eliminated from the competition. Trixie, go join the other winners and name the next competitors.”

“Applejack and Rainbow Dash.”

The two quickly took their positions at the pedestals. “Alright, now one house guest has a rather unusual pet. Which house guest has a toothless alligator living with them?” BZZ! “Rainbow?”

“Pinkie Pie!”

"Correct, sorry Applejack, you have been eliminated. Rainbow, name the next pair and join the winners.”

“Hmm, Fluttershy and Filthy Rich.” Rich confidently approached his pedestal while Fluttershy timidly made her way to hers.

“Alright, which houseguest is the only one to have been in a fight with buffalo?” Rich buzzed in first and smiled as he said Braeburn. “Correct. sorry Fluttershy, you have been eliminated. Rich, name the next pair.” “Braeburn and Big Macintosh."

The two stallions walked up and took their positions. “Alright, which pony is the only one to wear a hat that is NOT a cowpony hat?” They buzzed in almost perfectly in time but Braeburn was the tiniest bit faster. and smiled as he correctly answered Trixie.

“Correct, Braeburn, join the winners. Doctor Whooves and Soarin, come on up.” The two swiftly came up for the final preliminary round and eagerly awaited the question.

“Alright guys, which house guest has a sister AND a cousin in the house this summer?” The Doctor buzzed in first and answered.

“Twilight?”

“I’m sorry Doctor but that is incorrect. Soarin?”

“Big Macintosh?”

“Correct. Now will all of the winners of the preliminary rounds come forward for round two?”

The victorious ponies (Shining Armor, Trixie, Cheerilee, Soarin, Filthy Rich,Rainbow Dash and Braeburn) came forward for round 2. “Alright, its time for round two and from another random draw Trixie and Rainbow Dash you are up first.” The two bounded back to the pedestals for the question.

"Alright, which houseguest is the only one to be a quote, ‘ridiculously successful business pony?'” Trixie quickly rang in first.

“That would be Filthy Rich.”

“Correct Trixie, sorry Rainbow, you have been eliminated. Trixie pick the next pair.”

“Shining Armor and Cheerilee.” As she steps down from her pedestal Shining Armor and Cheerilee stepped up and faced each other.

“Alright, which houseguest is the one who introduced herself as quote, ‘The greatest flyer in Equestria’?” Shining Armor buzzed in first.

“I know this because I’ve seen her fly, and it’s pretty true. Rainbow Dash.”

“Correct, sorry Cheerilee, you have been eliminated. Shining Armor, who should compete next?”

“Umm, Trixie and Soarin.”

“You heard him. Trixie, Soarin, you’re up!” The two ponies approached the pedestals and prepared for the question. “Alright, which houseguest is the only one with a foal?” Trixie buzzed in first. “Filthy Rich.”

“Correct, sorry Soarin. You have been eliminated. Trixie, who will compete next?”

“Braeburn and Filthy Rich.” The two stallions stepped up. “Alright, now which houseguest is the only one to own a baby dragon for a pet?”

Braeburn quickly buzzed in and yelled out, Twilight's name. “Correct. Filthy Rich, you have been eliminated, and since there are only two other competitors left you don’t have to choose. Shining Armor and Trixie, please take your positions.” The two took their positions once more and waited. “Alright, which houseguest quote, ‘Can be trusted for her loyalty?” Shining Armor buzzed in first and answered Applejack. “I’m sorry but that is incorrect. Trixie? You can eliminate Shining Armor right here if you can give me the correct answer.” She thought for a moment and then smiled.

“Rainbow Dash.”

“Correct! Shining Armor you have been eliminated. Braeburn please come join Trixie for the final question.” He steps up and takes Shining Armour’s spot as Ice Shadow asks the final question. “Final question. How many house guests do NOT have a family member in the house?” Trixie buzzed in first and took a wild guess.

“Eight?”

“Trixie.... that is CORRECT! Congratulations! You are the first H.O.H. of the summer!” Trixie hopped off the pedestal and threw her hat into the air. “Yes! I knew it! The great and all Powerful Trixie is all powerful for the week!” Twilight looked down at the ground nervously and all of the house guests returned to the living room

Trixie was then called into the Diary Room to give her thoughts about winning and said, “Ah, The Great and Powerful Trixie wins the first competition of the summer. Pfft. As if it would have gone any other way. Even that know it all, Twilight, is unable to comprehend my abilities. all the power is in my hooves, as it should be, and Twilight may have been called into the house first, so it would only be fitting if she was the first one to leave as well.”

“And there we have it, the first Head of Household of household of the summer is Trixie, and is the only one safe for the week. Who will she nominate for eviction? Find out next time. And later, will the Power of Celestia save one of the nominees? Find out later, but as for now, that is all. From the Big Brother house, I’m Ice Shadow. Good Night.”

Comments

[abandoned2123]

You got an interesting concept, I'll give you that, but your execution was a little lacking in a lot of respects.

First off, Ice Shadow? Who is that? I assume an OC, yet you need to take the time to properly introduce him to your audience. As of now, I know absolutely nothing about him other than the fact that he's the host or something. I know that this story isn't really meant to be that deep character-wise, you really need to at least give the readers some idea of what his personality is like.

Secondly, your character introductions were very, very tedious. "Hi, I'm *blank" and I *blankety blank blank", is not how you introduce a character. It makes for something that the reader has to actively slog through. Try using some more description to bring life to the characters, or at least a creative use of dialogue tags.

Also, here's a fun fact for you: The Doctor has actually (unwillingly) participated in a Big Brother game in the "Doctor Who" canon. You could make a pretty bitchen' reference with him here if you wanted to. Just sayin'

Good luck!

[blawrg]

didn't quite irk me enough to give you a thumbs down, but I didn't particularly enjoy this. Not my type of story, but has a few writing errors that everyone makes.

-few to no new paragraphs for every new speaker
-the others, ginger already expressed.

decent story though

[JapaneseTeeth]

I think you have an interesting concept here, but there are a few things that could probably do with smoothing out:

1. Some of the intro falls into "Show, don't tell" territory. For example, when they first go in to claim the rooms, rather than just saying "Twilight took this room, Pinkie took this room", you could mention how they respond to the rooms. Like Twilight could go into the pink room, complain about the color being too bright and look somewhere else, or have Pinkie be ecstatic that there's a room in her favorite color or something. Another example is during the quiz. Rather than saying "Cheeilee answered Trixie", it would be much more dynamic to have something like "Cheerilee slammed her hoof down on the buzzer. 'Trixie!' she exclaimed." It's a lot more interesting to see how the characters react than to just be told what they're doing.

2. As the comment above points out, the character introductions sound very same-y. I realize that it's sort of par for the course in a show like this, but the characters need to have their own voices. For example, Pinkie would probably start off on script, but go off the rails and start rambling about cake or something.

3. Something to be cautious about in future installments: When you handle the character interaction (which I think is kinda inevitable in a story like this), you need to remember to account for pre-existing relationships in some way. Like you have to somehow explain the fact that most of the contestant already know each other (or if they don't, explain why), and be sure to account for things like RD most likely being a big fan of Soarin'.

4. Also like the first comment said, I think you need to give your OC some proper introduction. He sort of appears out of nowhere.

Anyway, enough with the critique. I think the concept is really interesting and there's a lot of potential to make this utterly hilarious. Hope it goes well.

[Doublesims]

Love to see where this is going and any one else exited for the new Big Brother on WIN

[KaijinZero]

hmmm, its not enough for a fav, but ill check back on this later.

[ItsWubTime]

I enjoy the story but I feel its lacking something,like maybe just a bit of detail. But it is still a good story so its worth a fav