Silverstream and Gallus get the chance of a lifetime when Rainbow Dash asks them to participate in the Wonderbolt Academy trials after two of her three recruits call out sick. Stuck in a situation of her own making, the Wonderbolt team member tries to impress upon her fellow team members and Commander Spitfire the idea of having both Hippogriffs and Griffons as part of the trials as a positive thing. Despite some ponies feeling otherwise about 'outsiders' interloping in their traditions, Silverstream and Gallus will do all they can to show that the skies for flying are not mutually exclusive to just pegasus ponies or that ponies alone know how to be 'crazy awesome, totally amazing' flyers.
Chapters (22)
Interesting alternate take on the idea. Is there a reason why you decided to add Gallus to the mix as well?
Actually, Spitfire has been canonically established as Captain of the Wonderbolts ever since "Hurricane Fluttershy". And "Rarity Investigates" appears to establish that Soarin is next highest in the chain of command (which would make him co-captain).
Alright. So far this isn't bad, but you need to break up your paragraphs by starting a new line whenever someone else speaks. And you need to implement page breaks when the setting changes.
But he didn’t have a family
Quite an interesting tale here, looking forward to the next chapter!
9715658 Yeah, he's revealed to be an orphan in "Hearth Breakers". Though it's not clear if his parents are dead or they just dumped him with Grandpa Gruff and took off.
Got through first chapter last week; seems sensible enough so far! I'll be getting through the rest soon (I'm generally quite busy so reading quickly is very difficult for me).
A few comments though; I'm not a proofreader or anything so I'm not going to go through the entire chapter looking for problems, but you'll be wanting to take a look at your paragraph separations. For example:
This should be:
Additionally, Applejack is one word, not
.
For a first chapter it seems sensible enough and I look forwards to checking out the rest of it when I get around to it. I'm sure I'll end up having more to comment on regarding the story and stuff once I get more context.
: )
This is a good concept. Silverstream has canon aspirations to be involved with the Wonderbolts, and instead of going the normal route of having her try out the formal way, she gets roped into it pretty much incidentally along with Gallus, who doesn't have the same aspirations.
As others have confirmed, Gallus is an orphan so he has no family to go home to. That's something can be easily fixed with a few clicks of retyping.
The antagonist makes sense. Not everyone is going to accept other flying creatures trying out for what has been an all-pegasus group until this point. Interesting how his refusal to accept Silverstream and Gallus as fellow recruits ties in with his beliefs about the royal guard and the hippogriffs/seaponies are cowards.
What I like about this the most so far is that for a couple of last-minute recruits, Silverstream and Gallus are showing some natural talent for Wonderbolt material. And the fact that Silverstream is royalty raises stakes. Before I forget, love seeing Thunderlane, Sky Stinger, and Vapor Trail here too. Sky and Vapor are my favorite map mission guests, and it warms my heart to see them working for their dream together.
You've got a real good story here, and I hope you have an update ready soon because I'm itching to see more. It'd be interesting to see Silverstream and Gallus advance through tryouts while RD and Spitfire try to keep Silverstream's royal secret under wraps.
Glad to see this is still going! I've been looking forward to seeing what happens here.
I think Firebolt's under a lot of pressure to uphold some kind of family legacy.
As for Silverstream, she's been getting lucky with the trials so far. Sooner or later she's going to run into something that's going to give even her a hard time.
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Yes, Firebolt does have a lot to live up to, I just hope the weight of it doesn't crush her.
Don't worry, she does!
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It's tough but very rewarding to hear/know anypony out there actually likes to read it. It's kind of hard to get feedback from readers overall so I never really know if it's good or bad.
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For what it's worth then - I'm enjoying it. Have heart!
9871931 I know how that can feel, but that just means whatever feedback you do get is all the more special.
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Thank you so much! It's really great to hear such feedback; I never know if anypony here likes what I write or not. Very few ever leave a comment and those who do I'm most appreciative of it. I just posted the next chapter and will post chapter 7 next Sunday so please check back with this story and let me know if you like it.
Yikes, the weight exercise sounds like its the toughest thing so far. Cool that Silverstream managed to do well. I think it makes sense she would since she spent a good deal of her life weighed down by the water around her, so she knows how to compensate somewhat even with her fellow recruits' advice. I feel bad for Gallus, though. He had the worst first run of the recruits, and we ended the chapter not knowing if he did better on the next run.
I think I have an idea of what's going on with Firebolt. Her family has a reputation in the Wonderbolts Academy, and she wants to improve it by doing well. That's what I think is happening.
This is getting more interesting by the update. I wonder what part of the tryouts is going to trip up Silverstream. It's evident that Gallus struggles with extra weight while flying, so I have to wonder what Silverstream's struggle is going to be. And just how far can Wind Raider push others around before that kind of behavior gets him kicked out/disqualified/banned/etc.
Cudous to Silverstream for not being peer pressured so easily. If you're gonna be a Wonderbolt you can't let others get to you.
Hooray for Gallus completing the trial! Knew he could do it. And it's relieving to know that just because you don't do well at a trial, doesn't mean you're automatically disqualified from tryouts. That was a concern of mine. I'm glad that Silverstream didn't go for another run since it could override her previous score. Even though Wind Raider tried to get to her, she decided to keep her score while she was ahead.
Great job!
Geez I remember those *Hazing* times at high school so I can totally relate to Gallus & Silver situation here, glad they had support from their new pony cadet friends during this time.
As for their individual treks though campus is was both cool (Gallus) & heartbreaking (Silverstream) for 2 out of the Young Six here, so glad they came together to continue these trails alongside these recruits, now I can't wait to see how those will go in the next few chapters!
Looking forward to the next chapter, keep up the great work Jay!
That memorial certainly does add a twist to Wind Raider's situation.
...And Gallus' mouth is gonna get him into trooooooouble.
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Thanks so much for the boost! I was very worried that this chapter wasn't going to sound they way I wanted it to. I spent so much time on it that I was starting to doubt it being any good. I'm glad you enjoyed Part A of this chapter; keep an eye open for Part B which I'll post on 1/24. I really worked hard on building up some character depth for Wind Raider; I wanted an antagonist that had layers/depth to him and not come off as a dumb one-dimensional bad guy without any reasons for his actions. That was something I paid a lot of attention to; I didn't want to have a 'Chancellor Neighsay' type in this story. There's lots more coming down the highway with this story so stay tuned and keep reading! The more everypony comments, the more and faster I'll go if I know there is an audience waiting to read it.
Poor Silverstream! I don't think she was expecting to see that memorial. And I imagine that's going to play a big part in why Wind Raider is so hostile towards her.
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Yes, I hope to shed more light onto Wind Raider's backstory in the coming chapter. My editor was adamant about not doing Wind Raider's background as a 'flashback' sequence. It was decided by both of us to have his background told by a 3rd person to Silverstream and her friends. My editor felt it was justifying Wind Raider's racism or giving a pass on his hate if the flashback was done; too much sympathy for the antagonist. Though I very much wanted to do the flashback part; set to the tune of Pink Floyd's 'Goodbye Blue Sky' and show just what Wind Raider had been through before getting to the academy.
Yes, Gallus' mouth does get him trouble with the other recruits and cadets in Chapter 9, big time! Like, I'm talking 'Open mouth & insert both paws to choke on them!' kind of trouble. But that's still a bit down the road but is in the works right now. Just keep reading on and I hope you enjoy this story.
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Yes, the memorial is a big part of it as many cadets and reservists revere the names of those who gave their all in the fight. More of Wind Raider's story is coming and revealed in chapter nine (it's being written right now) as well as of Stormbringer and why there is such hostility towards griffons and hippogriffs from some of the student body at the academy. Just keep an eye open for Part B for next week. Thanks for to comment!
Hooray! The story is back! And an extra long chapter to boot.
So, Gallus and Silverstream are recruits, and they met recruits who passed and are now studying at the Wonderbolts Academy. Cool.
I feel bad for Silverstream. Her people's decision to hide from the Storm King evidently hurt a lot of ponies. I like the direction you went with Wind Raider's backstory. It gives him a sympathetic side, but doesn't excuse him from being a jerk to her and Gallus.
It looks like Gallus's plot here is starting to become clear. Spouting his beak off is going to land him in hot water, but at the same time, he was right to tell those pushy academy students that every patronizing word they said to him was malarkey.
Good to see they're hanging in there for the next round of tryouts. Those two really have the potential to go all the way.
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Thanks for coming back to follow up on the story and I'm glad you liked it. There's two more parts to this chapter coming in the next 2 weeks so keep an eye out for it. I wanted Wind Raider's character to be understood; that there is depth to his disposition. His actions are a reaction to what he had gone through. I wanted every reader to see (and soon to read more) the various sides of what happened during the Storm King's attack on Equestria and the aftermath that resulted.
Yeah, Gallus' mouth does get him in trouble in the next chapter (that's being written right now) and there is more about both Wind Raider and Stormbringer's backstory coming. Additionally, some 'familiar flyers' from the show are making an appearance in the next chapter as well so stay tuned.
Despite what Wind Raider went though last chapter he just couldn't spend one afternoon without his nasty mouth getting him in trouble, he asked for that one alright!
That drill session with Bullhorn was rough, I can see why Rainbow was worried about Gallus & Silver here with that treatment. Glad that at least Soarin was supportive to her.
These chapters are getting more & more amazing, especially with the sudden twists & turns lately, looking forward to the next one Jay!
That big mouth of his finally got Wind Raider into trouble! About time.
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Glad you liked it. I wanted a tough drill pony but didn't want to use Spitfire; at least, not yet! Still have one more part coming for this chapter; more in the works.
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As my editor calls him; 'Jerkface' instead of Wind Raider, has reason to be distrustful of both hippogriffs and griffons; it goes back (in at least my head cannon) back to the attack on Canterlot. It really effected him and his perception of who he felt he could trust/rely on in this world. Watch in the coming chapter or two, there's more to him and Stormbringer and some of the other cadets neither Gallus or Silverstream have met.
Ouch, all of that must've been pretty exhausting. The stuff they did earlier seems easier in comparison- flying through the rings and stuff.
Wind Raider is finally getting some consequences about his disrespect. That is as satisfying as a cup of lemonade on a hot summer day.
I feel sympathy for Rainbow. The trials aren't just tough for Silverstream and Gallus. They're tough for her too because she's their teacher who let them volunteer for this experience. Thank goodness for Soarin showing her some support. If Dash's proposal is going to work, then all three of them need to buckle down and work through this.
Great job!
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Thanks so much, A.C. Hearing anypony say they like what I'm writing is a big boost to my heart. I'm getting plenty of reads on this story but so few comments, either good or bad. It's going to get tougher for Silverstream and her friends as the stress of the trials pushes their new friendships to the limit as who gets into the academy and who doesn't becomes more apparent and the pressure to perform increases. In chapter #9, there's going to be more about both Wind Raider and his friends and what they experienced before getting to the trials. I'd like to tell more, but i don't want to ruin the surprise for everypony to read!
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Of course. Have to up the stakes as the process gets further. Still doesn't sound good for our heroes, all things considered. I am curious what's coming for Jerkface and his crew, though.
Wow, I've never been this early for a chapter before.
This was a nice conclusion to the first day. Gallus and Silverstream finally making a visit to the memorial that they were told about. Actually seeing squadron names hammers in how awful the Storm King's attack on Canterlot was.
Sounds like Gallus and Silverstream are in for an interesting second day, given how there's going to be talk of them respecting the memorial and breaking academy records.
I forget, was it mentioned how many days the trials take? My gut wants to say three, maybe a week at most.
Once again, great work.
Glad to see both Gallus & Silverstream making a proper visit to the memorial grounds and honoring those that fell during the attack at Canterlot by Storm's King forces, there sure where quite a few lost souls in those plaques.
Course Wind Raider will probably be fuming the next day after hearing how both of them were respecting the fallen flyers at the memorial, the second day promises to be even more hectic now...................I can't wait!
Thanks again for another great & early installment Jay!
Good to see Silverstream and Gallus not only visit the memorial but also pay respects. That should show more than words how much they care, and should hopefully silence those who still have it out for them.
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Glad you liked this part. I'm never quite sure if it was going to sound the way I wanted it; rewriting it so much that I thought it got worse instead of better. I'm my own worst critic; the feedback helps a lot. I'm anxious to get the next chapter up but it's not there yet. just keep reading it and I'll keep writing it! Thanks.
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Thanks again for coming back to read more of this story. It's a lot of fun to write and knowing there's somepony out there liking just makes me want to write it more. I'm working hard at getting chapter 9 ready for the first run through with my editor. I hope to have it posted before the end of February; there some parts I just can't wait to hear the reaction to when it's done!
Hey Jay, just saw this posted on twitter! Thought you might get a kick out of it!
https://twitter.com/CalpainEqD/status/1234887731886657542
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Dude! This kills! Thanks so much for finding this; it looks just like what I imagined; right out of my head!! I so wish I could draw this myself! Whoever created this picture I hope they were reading and inspired by this story! I'm adding this to the collection.
Sit and relax for how long?
🕐
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I was assuming it was some weird formatting issue. There's obviously a carriage return each time a new character is speaking. The 'space' should be automatic.
I’m confuse cause I could’ve sworn in the movie that no the hippogriffs did not show up P
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You are correct; none of the other hippogriffs came to help Princess Twilight. But, in the My Little Pony artwork book, part of the storyline was to have Queen Novo and the other hippogriffs come to Canterlot's aid in the final battle. But the writing staff changed it to focus more on Twilight and her friends defeating the Storm King. I much rather prefer the original story idea of the Queen of Seaquestria coming to help out, it just made for a deeper backstory of interaction between the two countries. But, that's just my opinion....
I am kind of confused how the wonder bolts are suddenly a university. I mean there a sports/military team. Their zero indication of an actual school involved.
Shrug sorry for nick picking for no reason.
Well, it just got complicated!
And I foresee Silverstream being one of those who has a tough time leading given her past. She's good at leading without really knowing it.
Wow, quite the chapter to go back to! Where do I even start???
First off regarding the Wing & Lead Pony classes I can't believe Firebolt got Wing while Wind Raider got Lead
, at least Firebolt have made the best of it with that aerial routine they are coming up with alongside Gallus, Cloudy & the very hyper Razzle (think she may had one too many of Pinkie's sweets 
) Glad that Silverstream had some friends with her in the Lead class, although she needs to be more careful about almost revealing her royal status to the others (Raider mostly
)
Course the real kicker just came at the end there, things are gonna be hectic from here on out indeed!
Thanks for another great chapter Jay, it was well worth the wait!
Afraid what you are doing barely reflects the real thing. There would be no trials. Either someone is deemed fit or they aren't. No one would put raw recruits through tests that have the potential to permanently cripple someone. What recruits can look forward too is one to two weeks of living hell where they are run through an exercise regimen, classes, and everything they do is micromanaged to the nth degree while the training instructors, and yes, senior cadets, play mind games with them. The idea is to break the civilian down so that they can start building the new member of the military. I've been through US Air Force basic training and tech school, and from what I've seen of Officer training, the mind games are ratcheted up to cult levels for the new incoming cadets. Often with senior cadets pulling stunts, Hazing, that has the potential to ruin a person's career should anyone end up in the hospital, and yes, it's been known to happen.
But then this is a fantasy world where a civilian can come in off the streets to join the best flying force in all of Equestria.
In the real world, no one gets into the Thunderbirds, Blue Angels, or the UK's Red Arrows until they have completed basic and either graduated from the academy or Officer Training School and have a set amount of completed operational tours and have a set amount of flying time before they would even be considered for one of the coveted slots in the elite team. But like I said, this is fantasy.
As for the new incoming batch of hopefuls... Ya, I can kind of see someone pulling a stunt like that, but then if the training command isn't ready for a new batch because someone tried to stack the deck with an end-around, the training command would just house them and designated them as AFI troops until training slots were available. That's Awaiting Further Instructions. Such a unit needs minimal personnel and the training command can sit on them indefinitely if they want to. Such individuals will get physical training followed by being put to work policing the base for litter, doing grounds maintenance such as mowing lawns and painting rocks white and lots of kitchen patrol.
Wow, what a chapter!
Silverstream is a lead pony while Gallus is a wing. I figured as much would happen since there's two of them. Gallus makes sense for a wing pony since he never seemed to be the leadership type. Since Gallus was figured out, it could only mean Silverstream would become a lead. Who knows, maybe her royalty training would give her a major advantage in strategical thinking and leadership?
Razzle's a bit hyper, isn't she?
Yikes, a whole new challenge for the trials with a second batch to join the first. While it's clearly going to stress out the Wonderbolts, it's neat to see Sky Stinger, Vapor Trail, and Angel Wings get more important assignments.
This was a great chapter for your return. Welcome back!
10303000 There was an established flight school with an actual classroom in "Top Bolt", and in order to get into the reserves Rainbow Dash had to pass a history test. It's probably similar to the U.S. Army and Navy professional sports teams.