Fun-filled Movie Date Night
written by Israel Yabuki
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Oh, hell yes! I can tell that this gonna be real good, at least i hope so. Whoever made the request for this has got good taste.
It was CSC
Coverart sauce: https://www.deviantart.com/sumin6301/art/sunset-shimmer-661471766 (SFW)
Ooo, I can't wait til we get to the good part
I can only imagine what would have happened if she took him to meet Celestia her mother.
Wow! This looks good so far!
An excellent star to another masterpiece
not that i'm complaining, but what's with all the new stories coming around? there are others you have yet to finish
9722476
Apparently July is one big birth month.
9722127
I'm not exactly sure if Sunset is really Celestia's daughter. All I know is that Celestia's her teacher/principal
9722558
In a lot of story it's it's the Celestia from a different world
9722557
well hopefully you dont get too many more children, im waiting for your other stories to be finished
I don't want to sound too negative, but this is a rather typical way to start a story.
A lot of readers will loose interest because of how common this mistake is. Looks are not the most important part of a character, especially in a non-visual media. You can give us the idea of how he looks or what he is wearing organically within the story instead of dumping it all in the first paragraph.
I don't know what you imagined when writing this line, but I picture the guy looking at his stopwatch while making out.
Which is funny, but probably not the outcome you were aimig for.
9722671
the upcoming birthday boy wanted me to specify his clothing
I just wanted to say that for some reason, every time I see your name I see "Israel Yaboy"
P.S. Nice story you got here
9723165
lol, thanks
Can’t wait for my request to be made
A decent star for the oc character, regardless the mention for twilight and the two character which everyone despised, the upside is that the story is building up momentum to both their relationship to the movie date.
Good work Israel