═ The ══════════
Ambassador's
══════════ Son ═
Chapter Ten
Courting Disaster
An MLP:FiM Fanfiction by Midnight Shadow
"Flying lessons?"
Chip nodded, mouth full of hay fries, "Uh huh."
"When I said the weirdest thing your dad makes you do, flying lessons was something I didn't expect, bro."
"Uh huh. How abou' 'oo?" Chip kept his eyes on the dragon in front of him, perched on a small crate.
"Okay, and this is pretty cool you know, I... can post letters."
Chip raised an eyebrow as Spike beamed. "That's it?"
Spike pouted, "Okay, fine... let me show you."
Somehow, and Chip didn't catch how, the dragon produced a quill and parchment. The dragon then quickly scribbled a few lines and finished it off with a flourish. Then he rolled it up, tossed it in the air and incinerated it with a brief burst of green flame. Chip's jaw dropped.
"You can... post letters with dragon fire?"
"Yup." The dragon beamed again, then belched. A rolled-up scroll materialized in mid-air as the new burst of flames subsided, and fell to the table, still faintly smouldering. "Heh, er, eh-heh, there's only one problem. I can only post them to Celestia."
Chip's mouth fell open again, and then he fell over backwards laughing, "Oh boy are you in trouble! You wrote a letter to the princess? What was in it?"
"I just kinda..." Spike reddened, "said I was havingdinnerwithacoolfriendwho'sadragon." Spike coughed..
Chip perked an ear up, "What?"
"You're the first dragon that hasn't tried to eat me, okay? Or set fire to Ponyville... and Twilight's supposed to write letters about the magic of friendship to Celestia, and so are we..." Spike wrung his paws together nervously.
"You wanna be my friend?" Chip asked as he got up, walking around the small table, poking the dragon with a hoof.
"If you want... I spent ages trying to get Twilight to-"
Chip hugged the dragon in a sudden lunge that took the creature by surprise. "I could do with a friend. I... my dad..."
"I never knew my parents. Twilight hatched me, and I've been with her ever since. Is that what happened to you?"
Chip shook his head, "My parents... died. Sharptooth adopted me. We're on the way t-to the fu-funeral." Chips sniffed, breathing deeply, "I miss them. A lot."
Spike unrolled the scroll, "I'm happy with Twilight, even though her taste in pets is lame. She's got this dumb owl... don't say I said that."
"What's the scroll say?"
"Celestia says she is happy that I've found a new friend, but is hoping you're not a dragon who will burn down Ponyville. Again. You won't, right?"
"What do you mean, again? Uh, I mean, no, no. My dad does think I need fire-breathing lessons though."
It was Spike's turn to raise an eye-ridge, "Fire-breathing? You... can breathe fire?"
Chip shook his head, "My dad's weird like that. He thinks I need lessons on all sorts of... dragon-y things."
"Your dad is weird."
"Tell me about it, all parents are weird."
"Twilight's crazy too..."
Chip blinked as Spike stopped talking. He looked up as a shadow fell over him.
"Hello, son. Don't mind me... us."
Chip grinned nervously up at Sharptooth, before sharing a glance with Spike.
"Hi Twi, uh, nice weather we're having, huh?"
Twilight narrowed her eyes at Spike, "Spiiike..!"
♦♦♦
"Ow!"
"Sorry, darling, please stay still..." Rarity pulled the pin out and placed it back much more carefully. The piece of cloth was positioned with expert grace and the unicorn took more notes.
Chip shuffled his hooves, "But my nooosseee itches!" He lifted a hoof and rubbed his muzzle with it.
"Really, dear, this is not pret-a-porter! I must get your measurements right."
Chip sulked and pouted as Rarity fluttered around him with a tape-measure. Sharptooth lay outside in the sunshine, Chip was quite sure the dragon was smirking. Chip wondered if standing at attention whilst a pony measured chest-size was something to do with being a dragon or just an adult. He wanted to go outside, darn it! His hooves itched, his nose was running and he was booorrreeed! He sniffed. He sniffed again.
"Miss Rarity?"
"Hmm? Yes?" Rarity looked up from her measuring tape and notepad, mumbling as she continued making notes, "Six hands... why are they called hands anyway..?"
"Can I have a g-gem?" Chip asked, eyeing an intriguing looking basket.
"Gem? Hmm? Oh if you must, just stand still... not that one, not that one either. Yes, yes that one. And that... whatever do you want them for?"
Chip put two on the podium and a third in his muzzle, where he idly chewed it. It was a diamond, it tasted almost minty and a bit sweet.
"You eat them?"
Chip nodded. Rarity blinked, spied that he had a small collection at his hooves and sighed loudly, "You're as bad as that scamp Spike. Really. Anyway, almost done and... there! Oh you are a strapping young stallion. You'll make a filly very happy one day."
"I can go?"
"You may go."
The bell above the shop door tinkled loudly before Rarity had even finished the sentence. She shook her head and chuckled as she turned to her desk. The bell tinkled again, and the white unicorn raised her muzzle from the desk where she had seated herself, pushing her glasses up with a hoof as she turned to see who had entered.
"Are you really sure, madame, that we are not putting you out?" Sharptooth snaked his head in through the open door, the shop just a tiny bit too small and full of clothing to comfortably enter.
"Oh no, no, no, it's qui-ite alright," Rarity said, waving a hoof the accentuate her wording, "the chance to design clothes for an aristocrat such as yourself! One simply must make a few sacrifices."
"Nothing major one hopes. Anyway, madame, we shall return tomorrow morning for final fitting and payment."
Rarity eyed the basket of gems she'd collected for her more showy clothing pieces, then the door to her shop. Gingerly, checking at every step to see if there were anypony looking in, she picked up a gem in her mouth and rolled it around experimentally with her tongue. She bit.
"Ow!"
♦♦♦
Chip trotted happily back through Ponyville, generally in the direction of the strange treehouse-home of the local librarian, Twilight Sparkle. It was now the late afternoon, he was extremely happy to be out of the shop, and school appeared to be out. Two new saddlebags lay proudly on his back, both gems, with an extra for luck, were stuffed into one of them. He caught up with Spike as the young dragon was returning from a shop called 'Sofas and Quills' with a bunch of quills in one paw and a crumpled-up pamphlet explaining the need to replace old sofas every few years in the other.
"Do you have any idea how many quills that mare goes through? Or how much ink and parchment? And she makes me double check them every single time."
"Wow. You need a holiday."
"A what?"
"A vacation. You know," Chip turned his head, cocking it at the dragon thoughtfully, "time off. Doesn't she have anypony else to help her?"
"There's always Owloysious..." The dragon clenched his fists slightly as he said it.
"You gotta do what I always do, always worked with my... with my mum and dad." Chip looked pained for a second, "Wait until they're real busy doing something, and then ask 'em."
"Think that'd work on Twi?" Spike looked up at Chip hopefully.
"Does she ever get distracted doing something?"
"Reading. She once spent a whole week locked in the library at Canterlot. It was Spring Break and nopony noticed she was there."
"Alright, this is what you gotta do..."
♦♦♦
Twilight was engrossed in another copy of one of the books about the diamond dogs that the strange draconic ambassador had wanted. Apparently they'd had one single High King at some point, though nopony was really sure if it was all just a legend. Twilight suspected it was, after all he'd had a magical castle that nopony could find, and a set of magical gemstones as crown jewels. Whichever troll possessed the gems was the rightful ruler of all the diamond dogs, they were supposedly magical and gave the owner great insight and wisdom. Twilight snorted, typical atavism.
"Hey Twi, mind if I go with Chip to-" Spike called suddenly from the doorway. He mumbled the last few words.
"Hmm? Wassat?" Twilight lifted her head, eyes unfocused. Spike... her number one assistant was babbling on about something, hadn't she sent him somewhere? Oh yes, he seemed to have quills in his paws...
"I said TwilightcanIgotoCanterlotwithChip-"
"Sure, sure, whatever." Twilight waved a hoof, once more enamoured with the ancient text.
"Great! Thanks Twi!"
The door slammed, loudly, and there was a pattering as if tiny feet were running away very, very fast. Twilight put the book down, blinking, her muzzle screwing up as she frowned. The door had slammed. Before that she'd been asked something by somepony... something about going with some other pony somewhere... Uh oh.
"Spike... SPIKE! SPIKE GET BACK HERE!" Twilight ran out of the library, hooves skittering on the polished wooden floor.
"Quick Chip! Cheese it!"
"Get in! Take off! Take off!" Chip waved frantically at the four pegasi who looked at each other and grinned. They started trotting and flapping their wings as the madly-dashing mare made to catch up.
"Spike you delinquent dragon! Get back here!" Twilight leaped through the door, slamming it open with a loud crash as the four-pegasus chariot accelerated rapidly and ascended into the sky.
"Sorry Twilight!" called the dragon, leaning over the rails of the rapidly-disappearing chariot and waving, "I can't hear a thing! I'll be back tomorrow!"
"Spike! Spike! Drat. I will have words with that recalcitrant reptile! I'm going to send a message to Celestia at on-" Twilight looked down over at the pile of quills, ink, parchment, and complete lack of dragon-fire to send it. "Oh. Oh horsefeathers."
♦♦♦
Spike rocked back and forth in the red plush softness, chewing on his tail, "Twi's gonna be so mad..."
"Relax, what's she gonna do?"
"Replace me with an owl? Stuff me back in my egg and post me back to Canterlot? Make me... well she already makes me clean up the library..."
"Heh, you did ask her permission though." Chip grinned as the chariot sped through the skies.
"That's not gonna work. She's gonna ground me, and then she's gonna ground me again. Can she do that? Can she ground me twice?"
"What, like, for more than one day?" Chip thought for a second, tapping his muzzle with a hoof.
Spike stopped chewing his tail for a moment, "I guess that does make sense."
"Worth it though."
"I'm so dead..."
♦♦♦
The trip was uneventful, the landing smooth, the telling off from Sharptooth embarrassing. Chip was, as the older miscreant, put in charge of keeping an eye on Spike. The green and purple dragon hopped up on Chip's back as if he'd always been there and pointed out into the great wide city of Canterlot. As Spike started babbling about all his favourite old haunts, Sharptooth realized that, angry or not as Twilight may be, Spike probably did deserve a break. He was certain Chip did.
Sharptooth made his slow way through the bustling city. It was, at this point, much as he remembered it. The cobbled paths were now often lined with marble, the penants flew a little higher and the colours shone a bit brighter, but he remembered Canterlot. It hadn't changed, not the core of it. Celestia's domain was almost as eternal as she was. He had fond memories of the old castle of the alicorn sisters in what was now the Everfree Forest, how they had surrounded themselves with nature. Magic had been wilder in those days, or so it now seemed. Then again, he'd been a thousand years younger.
Pegasus guards fell into step with him, bowing politely. He dipped his own head in return, stepping softly through the crowds of curiously staring equines. He knew none of them, it saddened him at times. Ponies lived such brief, bright lives. It was only the most adept of unicorns and the eternal pony sisters that a being such as he had any chance of really getting to know. He sighed, wiping a single tear from his muzzle, surruptitiously turning his head as if to check upon his chest which was following him at a suitable distance, hovering in the air through the power of his magic. He was no great mage, but he was a dragon. A simple levitation spell was hatchling's play.
The pegasus guards stood at attention before the great stone archway into the castle proper. Another two pegasus guards appeared, bowing. These wore different armor, mostly ceremonial in a time of peace such as the current era. They bade him follow, and he did so gallantly. They stopped, eventually, before two ornate doors that reached up into the shadowy ceiling of the great hallway. These were the doors to the Royal Throneroom, where the Celestial Court was in session. A herald opened the doors and stepped through, his hooves clip-clopping noisily. As the doors opened, a hush descended upon the crowd of nobles and petitioners.
"Hear ye, hear ye!" began the herald. He raised a bugle to his lips and blew a loud fanfare. He lowered it and took a deep breath, "May all bid welcome to his Excellency, Lord Sharptooth Longclaw Leatherback!"
Sharptooth made to step forwards, but there was another fanfare.
"Ambassador to Equestria!"
He shuffled from claw to claw, sighing, twitching as the fanfare rang out again.
"Protector of the Diamond Throne!"
"Excuse me-" he whispered, clearing his throat.
"Potentate of the Diamond Expanse!"
Shells and shards but he hated this sort of - he cringed. The fanfare. again.
"Former map-maker to the crown!"
This time the fanfare was cut short with a sound not unlike that made when a bugle is squeezed shut and the exhalation of breath is instead forced out the ears of the bugler. The herald looked up with horror as the dragon took the now long, thin and overall flat piece of metal and purposefully bit down on it and started chewing. There were some horrendous crunching noises followed by swallowing. Oh Celestia, the swallowing.
"My dear sir," said Sharptooth, picking his teeth with the shiny remains of the instrument, "I think that's quite enough of that."
"Y-y-y-yessir!" the herald said, christening the carpet before he fled.
Celestia shook her head as she approached with her regal head held high, "Terrorizing the staff again, I see?"
Sharptooth spread his forepaws wide, innocently, "My dear Celestia, would I do such a thing?"
"Yes," the monarch said simply, a twinkle in her eye, "yes, you would. I was led to believe all dragons were impeccably polite."
"You mean that wasn't a snack? Oh I do appologize."
"Quite alright. What brings you all this way, my dear ambassador?"
"I was talking with our mutual friend and he happened to point me in the way of some most interesting literature. I thought it a wonderful idea to have a private discussion with you about it."
"Oh? Do tell."
"In private." Sharptooth repeated, steely expression not wavering.
"I see." Celestia turned, bowed deeply to her assorted courtiers and spoke rather softly, "My friends, I regret to inform you that this evening's court must be brought short. My dear sister Luna will happily extend to you the uses of her Night Court. Be off with you now, chop chop."
Sharptooth watched as the room emptied, amongst a collection of sighs and mumbled complaints. "I do apologize, Tia. I have not much time and this may be my only chance to beg your assistance before whatever plot may abound is put into motion."
"Plot? You speak of plots?"
Sharptooth smiled, laughing, "I fear it is doomed to fail, but I am quite sure that it will be messy. When dealing with dragons, it usually is."
Celestia glared for a moment, and nodded slowly, "Indeed. Enlighten me. This is about our diamond dog friends, yes?"
Sharptooth followed the princess as she walked the surprisingly long distance back to her throne. "My old pastime of cartographer comes back to haunt me, I fear. In my impetuous youth, I sought to create a perfect map of the nine realms. I failed, as so many had before me, but not before the truth of our realms had presented itself."
"Mmm, you know of the Ways, then?" Celestia paused, looking deep into the dragon's eyes.
Sharptooth bowed his head, "The magics one such as yourself must employ to stabilize those paths is phenomenal. Such awesome enchantments are far beyond the ken of one such as myself."
Celestia laughed softly, easily, "It is easier than you would think, but I thank you. Equestria has ever been in flux, it is only now in an age such as this that the deficiencies in those ancient grounding spells becomes apparent. The endless Southern Ocean suddenly becomes a mere sea, adjacent to the land of the naga and zebra, North is no longer nothing but snow and ice, now it is home to the windigo tribes and the pooka..."
"And I thought, in my hubris, that I would map it." Sharptooth laughed, "I only managed to map but one land, my dear princess, and that is Equestria, except for one small addition."
"And that is?"
"I found another realm. A Path led me there; not so grand as a Way, it was a mere break in the mountains, through a disused cave that travelled deep into the bowels of the Burning Circle. It led to a land unlike any other, with a green sun and a yellow sky, with eternal clouds covering the vastness of the ground."
"Most bizarre. Is there a point to these musings?" Celestia sniffed, indicating the emptied throne-room.
"The denizens of this realm ride upon six-legged lizards, very similar to us dragons. I thought at first we may be cousins, but they were mere mindless beasts."
Celestia sighed, "Out with it!"
"The denizens of this land seldom see their sky, covered as it is with clouds. I think they feared their sun. Even now, in their new home of Equestria, the lost tribes of the diamond dog prefer to live away from your sun, underground."
Celestia hissed, her breath caught short, "You found their homeland?"
"Once. I found it once. A natural Path, very unstable, more than likely to have moved on."
"And so they seek not the foal, but you. Their natural disposition to intrigue and inner strife has made what now appears in hindsight to be nothing but an accident, seem more than it was."
"Quite. In my foolishness, I detailed the location and nature of this Path. There are but two copies of the map. One lies with me, safe. The other is lost to the shifting sands of time."
"The treasure they seek most of all, home. A home which would no longer recognize them, would most likely leave them wanting, yet they seek it all the same. And in my... hasty machinations, I have put a piece in play which does not belong there."
Sharptooth rumbled his dissent, "The board is large, my dear Tia, and you and I are not the only players. Your chess seems to be oft inadequate to describe the games that those such as you and I play."
"Checkers, maybe, with all this leaping about?" Celestia's eyes laughed, a wry smile playing across her features.
"Indeed. My piece has been kinged and is now free to change direction. I would see him safe. Safe from those who would use him to get to me, and safe from... safe from me."
Celestia stopped walking, now wearing a troubled expression on her brow, "You are incapable of harming such an innocent, my friend."
"Intentionally yes, but... through a cruel twist of fate, he has lost his parents. In bowing to your wishes, I did what I thought necessary. I feel it is too much, too soon. I would not see him ache in this way."
"You think your being his adoptive sire brings him pain?"
"He cries in his sleep, Celestia, such heart-wrenching sobs as tears my heart out. One word hurts the most, monster. I would not have my son feeling he is a monster. To this end..."
"You would abandon him, again?" Celestia was angry, her stomping hoof cracked the marble.
"Celestia please! He has an uncle. I wish to make it clear to both you and he that this is for but a short time, and would suit both our purposes. I shall send him to Stalliongrad, to be amongst ponies, earth ponies at that. There are no diamond dogs there, so far north. They do not much like the cold, and the nature of the rock upon which that city is built precludes their subterranean incursions. I ask you place a small ward upon the city; should a diamond dog enter the walls you will be alerted, and my kith and kin will take care of the rest."
"You ask me to allow dragons to..."
"No, you do not allow, you merely... look the other way. We will be discrete, should it come to it. I feel it will not, the boy is a pawn to them. When taken out of reach, they will ignore him."
Celestia sighed, "Very well, but should I discover dragons acting against the best interest of the crown by taking matters with other subjects under my protection into their own claws, then I shall have my best people investigate."
"My dear Tia, I would protect the boy with my life, should it come to that."
Celestia narrowed her eyes, "It may." She turned, "It will be done. Go now, find your son, if he still is such."
Sharptooth nodded, hurt, "I made him my son, the only way that could end is by his own hoof. I... love him. I'm an old, lonely foolish dragon but I love him. I wish to see him safe."
Celestia nodded again, slumping into her royal throne, "I see that, my friend. Go now, I sense the lad has discovered the one shop in all of Canterlot which attracts all manner of children from any species, including dragon. Twilight will not be amused by your additional travelling companion, I feel."
Sharptooth laughed as he ambled out of the throne room, "Neither am I, but youth must be allowed to transgress occasionally."
♦♦♦
141983
Thankfully that won't be a problem for him any more. You know, not having knees and all.
s'cool.
142562
Yeah, it's snowing outside. I hate winter.
142563
winter is fresh winterfresh Minty FUCK!
A fascinating tale and can't wait to see what happens next (so much intrigue!) keep up the superb work!
Dangit, and here I was planning to sleep soon
Setting up for a new arc, I see. New secondary characters. I still hope for the return of others, but without knowing how much of an epic you mean this to become I can't try to fathom the likelihood of their return based on pacing. Speaking of....this seems to be set up to become a deliciously enormous tale. Novels as viewed as light snacks in my home, and I always enjoy strong character- and world-building stories such as this.
This is twelve kinds of marvelous.
I like how you write Spike, and I greatly enjoyed Rarity being unable to eat gems; underscoring the draconality that has become part of Chip.
I find myself miserable at the thought of no more Sharptooth and Chip learning how to be a dragon together; personally, I could take ten chapters of 'Chip's Life With Sharptooth' and never once wish for more; they are so awesome together, and the whole pony becoming a dragon by will alone is, dammit, I wish I had thought of that. Crap.
This is one story where I actually hate the plot, because it is getting in the way of slice-o-life joy in a unique and brilliant setting. Seriously. I just want more Chip and Sharptooth. But then, maybe that's all that can be done with that. Maybe that's all there is to say about such moments.
See how much you've made me care about these characters? I'm whining about them. Where's my divan? I don't even know what to wallow in.
142588
Worry not, I am not abandoning any characters - but you may want to prepare a box of tissues. Chip has a hard time coming up very soon...
I think in some ways I'm putting it off, but it needs to happen - not to move the plot forward but because death is a necessary part of life.
Loved the scene with Rarity, she's such a silly filly
I admit i'm intrigued about your plans for the diamond dogs and their drive to find Sharptooth's map, hyper-chess games spanning centuries are always the most fun
yay! Please continue to write, and I must say that Chip has really strong jaw muscles and teeth. His dentist must be proud.
That was a great chapter, Humour, Drama, political intrigue and schemes Basically Game of Thrones XD.
In all seriousness, I love your work with this story Midnight. And I look forward to reading more, you've never written a story I didn't love so keep at it. Oh and try and update your Twist in the Tail stories, I Love Those .
I saw what you did there, if'n ya ken.
142748
I... took an arrow to the knee?
142597
I personally don't care what you do...as long as it ends up with Chip and Carmine making ou- I mean developing a meaningful relationship.
This is absolutely one of my favorite stories, the pony turns into dragon setup is tremendously fun to read. I wonder what kind of draconic changes there will be in chips life next. Can't wait for the rest. I can imagine that to write these kind of stories a lot of time is needed so... take your time, keep up the awesomeness, can't wait for more
i wannna see chip use dragon magic! or fly!no wait.... magic first..... flying later... oh oh oh i had another idea! have him develop a taaste for meat in the next few chapters culminating with him eating a rabbit alive and moping for a month or so.......
yeah im a creepy weirdo.
Right, and so I Dina reach the end of this unfinished piece of work.
Aside from the very weak hook to draw the reader in, after chapter two this story gets good. So good i gave it 5 stars after finishing what you have written, but it is not without its weak points.
1. You play the conversations between Celestia and Sharpie so immensely bad. Devious Celly, Suave Celly even. She dosnt work here, and Sharpie conversing with her does not work for me either. in chapter one Sharpie is a submissive, beaten dog suckling, neigh! Groveling at her hooves, and in chapter 10, he is even more so on top of serving as the biggest hamhanded piece of exposition as of yet.. Ambassador or not, he is still a dragon, and in these two parts he simply fails at delivering. Take some lessons from Lord Sapphire.
2. World building, the dragon fair part was good, Lord Sapphire, and everything about dragon lore while obviously not cannon is shameless and bears the weight of itself well. The imagery of Equestria as one world with several gates into other worlds however, is not my favorite angle, and the map thing just makes it all worse. So there is some bad within the good.
3. Speed. KKats canterlot arc was fast, you, are on a different level of fast. Where Kkat bullrushed trough things, you use a F1 racecar. Even Mimezinga was not this fast when he wrote Pink Eyes, and pink eyes was faster than I would have liked. It is my understanding from the Slice of life tag that there is so much else going on besides these written pieces, and while somepony might call this strength I do not enjoy this much haste.
It's like eating a grape, when you want dinner.
It's like getting the MLP intro, and then no episode.
4. His classroom is empty. Having diamond dogs and griffins in the class seemed odd to me, but quickly grew on me. It would have worked if the classroom had felt more as an actual class rather than simply another ham-handed exposition dump, Irregardless of being accepted by the Griffin, even smooching with her, and somewhat solving the Bully problem with Butch (which further reduces the events happening in school).
5. Chip himself is. What should I say? He is very adult for his age at times, especially in relation to the aspect of being "a dragon". Sharpie gives without taking, or thinking it seems. Chip soon has training in emotion control with the roaring and feeding emotions into your gut, and even learns to have respect for weapons, and his own power. Somehow Sharpie has pony dragon gear, and irresponsibly hands this over to the young buck, who would probably still have beaten the diamond dog with no weaponry at all.
Chip however is also very childish at times. Randomly deciding nary a few days after his parents are dead to call Sharpie for his father, Sharpie even encourages this, but the foal still cries and aches for his real parents. It's like Chip holds no respect for what the words Father, and Dad means, and its like he woke up one day and randomly thought to himself that this was okay for Sharpie who encouraged this behavior in the first place to take his fathers place. When its obviously not.
I also take issue with Chip pretty much, neglecting every lesson previously learned, like throwing random tantrums and never once thinking "Oh gee, I am super upset and should do what my replacement father thought me to do."
The worst part is from my perspective. That Sharpie's sage-like authority, and draconian presence has so far had no effect. Their relationship has not evolved past. "This intimidating lizard calls himself my dad.", "Weee, flying lessons", and "I am a dragon now? What does that entail?" (the monster chapter was good, but not thorough enough in my humble oppinion).
In the latest chapter Sharpie even admits that he has fallen for the parenting syndrome of loving some random filly thrown at him from Celestia, and this feeling is probably at the time of reading it from Chips perspective reality even for the young "pony-dragon", but because of the speed this fic travels in it is simply lost to me in context.
This said, the premise is AMAZING, I can't believe that I gave this one a pass after reading the initial chapter(The hook is simply very weak), but now I love that you have written it. Thank you for showing up on the FO:E side fic compilation doc. I suppose i can track this doc, and observe your progress, feel free to pass the time in my Side fic doc.
I really makes me wonder how chip can eat minerals/rocks/gems... Meh does this mean he can eat his way out of a blocked in cave then?
Hey, I've been following your story for a bit, midnightshadow. Nice story so far, I've enjoyed it!
Anyway, I don't suppose those "Ways" you mention are a reference to Robert Jordan's the Wheel of Time fantasy series? The two sound quite similar; both are magical methods of travel which are also dangerous, as well as allowing travel between worlds. And, of course, they're both called Ways.
If you haven't heard of the Wheel of Time series I highly suggest it. I'm on book 6 currently, and I haven't lost any interest yet. Look it up if you'd like!
fantastic
143665
Thank you! You have no idea how hard it is to get *useful* "negative feedback". I'm scratching my head at 5 stars even with problems, but I take it as a good idea being let down by the execution - and all of the problems you note are ones I notice myself. It's definitely moving very fast, and yes I tried to avoid infodumps but ended up with some anyway...
Part of the problems seem to be how my characters are presented - Sharptooth is the way he is because, well, I guess I should have explained his backstory more. Celestia is almost as much his princess as she is a princess, even a thousand years of growing won't change something like that - and Chip's unstable mental state is because he's been taken so very far away from his parents and he hasn't properly come to terms with their deaths. I knew it would be hard to pull off and I agree on where it falls down. I think my worst mistake and crime is writing to an audience, even if it's for myself - I don't have 40 hours a week to spend on this fic (or any other) so I want the plot to move along, and in so doing the pacing is fast. Part of the pacing issues was intentional, but also apparently something I didn't quite pull off.
I hope I keep improving, I hope you keep reading and I hope you enjoy it, but I would also like to go back and "fix it" some time. I think I'll write it all out first, though.
144790
Heh, scratching your head. Well its 3 stars for execution, effort and 2 stars for premise. Because I am a stickler for good ideas and concepts. You have a great, awesome concept, but fail somewhat at the execution.
Here's to hoping you will improve further, and prosper from my criticism. ^_^
144932
3 stars for execution?
Excuse me, I'm going to go eat a gun sandwich.
143665
Gonna have to agree with the eating a grape metaphor (BTW, I will shamelessly steal said metaphor in the future).
However, the nitpicker within me wants to point out the flaw in Damhoof's review: Sharptooth has no Pony-specific gear.
The things he has given Chip were Tail weapons. Specifically, tail weapons for a hatchling. Comparing Spike's tail diameter, and the average pony tail diameter when woven (Hypothetical, considering I can't go in to equestrian and measure it), it is feasible that hatchling tail armor +weapons could fit.
Back to the story, methinks you are using Blackbird instead of F1 to go through this story. I wants teh meat of non-necessary incidents and whatnot. As said, expand upon the classroom (if you are going back and rewriting something). As of now, you've introduced 5 school characters, and given substantial, and i use that term lightly considering your narrative speed, dialogue to TWO of them. Expand more on the Beta Twins and Pinion ad well as throwing in more characters if you must!
Speaking of speed, I think Sharptooth's plan for sending Chip to Stalliongrad...is coming WAYYYYYYY too soon. I have yet to get completely used to the fact that this....screw it, i'm calling Chip a draconequus (Which, by the way, is the most novel way I've seen that word twisted, the way you do in your story), draconequus is living at the as send of Equestria! Now you've sent him to Ponyville, and now you are burning rubber through Canterlot, but you plan on soon sending him to Stalliongrad!? Just slow it down a bit Brochacho!
Now for another good point: The humor. I laughed so @&(#ing hard during some parts. "Cheese it, Skip!" literally has me rolling off my bed. There were other gems of moments too.
A slightly confused point: How the hell does a young foal's mouth have the crushing power needed to crush gemstones? Is Sharpie manipulating Skip's body with magic or something to make him draconic?
There are more points I have, but I am too tired to type them up at the moment, so I'll end with one directed at whoever did the art for the end of chapter six: The blood is all wrong on the blade. Considering that he just SLICED the throat, with that yo yo maneuver or whatev you want to call it, the blood should be spattered on the cutting edge of the blade. The way it looks now would only happen if it was a stab, not a slice. Plus, the way it sounds in the story, the blood should be going in a parabolic arc, not a practical straight line.
I got a Feeling this story will be long.
Amazing story. But all I'm gonna say is it better have a happy ending. I read fiction to get away from the harsh realities of life. I want good things. Bad can happen, as long as it works out in the end.
But just keep writing, that's all.
145112
Hi,
Another constructive message - I hope you stick around for the explanation, because screw it but I'm going to spill the beans on just what's happening to and with Chip, but without (I hope) spoiling the story.
That being said, spoilers may be inbound for those who prefer to get their fanon-canon through the story rather than through commentary, so don't read this if that's the case.
1) The tail weapons - I'm calling them "training spikes" because I see dragons as primarily using breath and claw weapons. Spikes and blades, as weapons, are what they're going to be most suited to. I'm not really talking D&D here so much as physical attributes. They are - I did implicitly state - for a hatchling. Maybe I should have made that more obvious. They belonged to Sharptooth when he was being trained. They will fit a foal/colt (I will get back to that ambiguous naming later) perfectly as we've all seen how small Spike is. Chip's bigger than that. I'll get back to his age/behaviour later (again).
2) pacing
Back to the story, methinks you are using Blackbird instead of F1 to go through this story. I wants teh meat of non-necessary incidents and whatnot. As said, expand upon the classroom (if you are going back and rewriting something). As of now, you've introduced 5 school characters, and given substantial, and i use that term lightly considering your narrative speed, dialogue to TWO of them. Expand more on the Beta Twins and Pinion ad well as throwing in more characters if you must!
This is referring to the current focus - I do admit feeling a bit bad about the way it's been done so far because it's been done for a reason which you're not understanding as this is being released piecemeal and you don't know what to expect with regards to length or outcome.
The story at the moment is still "revving up" so to speak. I could have and probably should have elaborated more about life in Tacksworn day one, except for the fact that I don't exactly want Chip to settle down just yet. If/when I go back and rewrite this (and if/when I do, I think it will be after I complete it) then that is one of the things I will be doing... but part of the reason the whirlwind tours through Ponyville and Canterlot are as brief as they are is because I don't want him going there and, believe it or not, the fact he visits those places isn't so important as who. You all know both those places, he won't be staying there - but he will be going back to Tacksworn at some point. The how and why of that shall remain a mystery, but at that time you will be seeing more of the class and of the town itself.
It was done this way, clumsily, because I wanted to introduce you to Chip and Sharptooth - and make you feel that sense of disorientation. As I've said before; he's lost his parents, he got bundled up into a chariot and carted off to the middle of nowhere without a chance to absorb, understand or accept his loss. The dragon he was given to was told "this kid's in trouble, I need you to protect him". They're both being forced to move at breakneck speed and neither of them is doing it very well. The fact I've not written that well enough to let you understand it without me telling you that's what I intended, saddens me.
3) Chip is slightly manic depressive - he forgets, he gets on with life, then he remembers and it all comes crashing down. I've been there, I've had that happen to me when my grandma died and I was told over the phone from thousands of miles away. I spent the evening crying and went to work the next day fine. Then I got home again and started watching an old show she liked (last of the summer wine, if you must know) and it all came flooding back. It seemed like it wasn't real, and for a lot of the time it wasn't. It's hard to write well, I apologize if I've failed.
So yes, I wanted a short amount of real time to go by whilst Chip was pretending he was starting a new life before it would come to a head - and the changes he's going through caught up to him. He's going to have to make a choice soon - and this is when we stop to smell the roses as it were - after he gets to Stalliongrad.
Don't think the story stops there, it doesn't. I feel I've been rather ham-handed with some of the clues, but hopefully you'll find the story twists entertaining and the characters - when they come back or are introduced - engaging. I'm still a fledgling writer, and criticism (even constructive) hurts. I'll need to get over that, and maybe spilling a few of the beans here helps. I know why I'm doing what I'm doing, even if I'm not doing it amazingly well. It's a definite mark against me that anything has to be explained.
4) Sharptooth is a beaten wife? Well shit. I'm not sure if that's how passive I intended him to be, but he's not supposed to be a hoof-licking gimp. Yes he's passive, I'm sorry you don't like that. I wanted a different dragon than "SPIKE WANT!" - maybe I made him too different, or maybe I just "overly deferentially polite to a fault to pick at the verbal sparring opponent" badly. Yes he can be vicious and mean. You might get to see it.
5) the art
The art was by Chatoyance, and I love any and all fan-art - and I like the pictures. The style is hers, the "realization" of the weaponry is hers, and I don't think she was going for "realism". I still love it, more than enough to include it. I feel bad that my descriptions are rough enough that she drew them "wrong" - the tail guard is meant as a defence against teeth and claws on the buttocks, with a spike there to make mischief for any rear-attacking animals (like diamond dogs) who would otherwise leap on his butt and bite his neck. The sides are supposed to be bigger and wider, with slightly upturned bladed edges. The "ripper ring" is literally supposed to be a ring around his tail - a dragon would (in my head-canon) coil it around the neck of their victim. We've already seen ponies have extraordinarily dextrous tails, Chip would be no exception.
6) being a draconequus
This is the crux of the whole story, and might be either fascinating or a let down or just something obvious, depending who you ask.
Dragons, in my head, are magical creatures. As the short lesson-shots have shown, all ponies are magical, but to me dragons are more like unicorns that embody magic like earth ponies. They are magic, rather than can do magic. Chip, by being formally adopted by Sharptooth, is made a dragon, with everything that implies other than literally growing wings. As Sharptooth said, wings and horns do not a dragon make. Certain draconic traits will be passed down to him simply because he is a dragon - that includes eating gems and (on special occasions) breathing fire. Flight and fire-breathing are not things possessed by all dragons, so he will not automatically get those abilities, but the zen of being a dragon needs to be his. Sharptooth's attempts - speedy and oft forgotten as they are - to teach Chip to be a dragon won't magically land in his brain and be reflexive things. He doesn't know them innately, not with his thinking mind, but somewhere deep inside there are magics on the move. It's not being forced upon Chip, and it's not automatically being accepted. It was not intended by Sharptooth, but he did know it would happen. Sharptooth's adoption gambit was simply because, as a dragon (even an adopted one), he is part of the family. You do not mess with family.
So yes and no - he is being manipulated (so he can eat gems) but not deliberately, unless you count that Sharptooth knew and didn't tell Chip.
There are more things I could write, so let me know if you enjoyed this comment. I don't want to spoil the story, but I do have a reason for everything that happens (or fails to happen).
145112
143665
Oooh bugger, forgot a couple of things:
1) Chip's age and behaviour
This is a hard one, and I'm walking a difficult path. I want him to be a child, but not an infant. I want him to be capable, but not self-assured. I need, in effect, him to be somewhere between 10 and 16. When he's clingy and acting like a baby, he's doing it because he's feeling shy or overwhelmed. When he's acting mature and self-confident, he's either doing it for show or because he's just being more grown-up. I'm taking these liberties, and they are liberties, because I feel I can. Twilight Sparkle is, herself, supposed to be the equivalent of 16-24 and yet she lives on her own, runs the library and regularly disappears off to fight hydra and cocka... cockatrices? cockatrixes? cockawatchamacallits.
My character, therefore, is somewhere between 10 and 16 and is similarly childish and grownup at times. He definitely can't live alone, but he's not a bawling infant. I feel it fits the show as well as my purposes, and I'm frankly not surprised it got picked up on and remarked about. He's basically in that "little man" phase that all kids go through wherein they don't know whether they want to be mummy's little man or her baby still, and alternate between both. Yes, kids do go through that. Maybe for some it's reallly quick, but it's noticeable in others way into their late teens.
2) the foal/colt ambiguous naming
Firstly, "filly" is a young female. Filly-fooler is a lesbian mare, colt-cuddler is a gay stallion. Filly is a young girl pony, colt is a young boy pony, mare is and older "woman" pony, stallion is an older "man" pony. A gelding is a castrated male and a nag is, I believe, a gender-independent epithet resembling "codger" for an old pony, but probably specifically the female sort.
No, it does not mean that gay or lesbian ponies are foal-fiddlers, yes it does mean that those using those words are insinuating that they are overly sexually interested in minors, just like real life. Are girlfriends called womenfriends when they're above the age of consent? No, no they're not, so don't be dumb, okay?
Now, to be in-context about Sharptooth calling Chip both a foal and a colt, it's because Sharptooth (being a lonely hermit of a dragon) is at least a thousand years older than Chip. Everything younger than him appears to be a child, but that still doesn't mean he can automatically do the things that an adult of a younger-lived species can do. Grandpa and grandma ponies have had their own kids and have seen the world grow up at a tenth of his age, whilst a 100-year-old dragon is probably still classed as a hatchling, Sharptooth doesn't have the maturity of having seen it all before. Chip, therefore, appears as both "child" and "baby" to Sharptooth, falling in an ambiguous hard-to-define place for the dragon to rationalize and he wavers between the two. Like many parents, he tries to be inclusive, giving Chip his own space (to build models or break them, to sulk, to wash up, to help) which may seem strangely distant to some people who only ever see parents dressing their kids right up until they're 18 and leaving home. I'm sorry also you don't agree with Sharptooth's inexperienced parenting style... but he's trying his best.
145304 It is not exactly parenting, what Sharpie is doing. It is more like, parting with pieces of himself and then watching what the kid does with them. Personally, I'd blame Trollestia, she knew all of this was going to happen! SHE KNEW!
145062 Yea, if I was a teacher grading this fic, it would definately be a C. I would have wanted at least 5-7k words minimum pr chapter for this to become any higher. I thank you for being understanding of this criticism, and you are even so awesome as to say you noticed some of those things before they were brought up to you. Let me expand upon this to make it a bit clearer as to why your execution somewhat fails.
You have a lot of tools (characters, and exposition) here that you put at your own disposal, that end up served ham handedly (you have noticed this yourself). They also bear the feeling as if they are only being used for the one purpose they where intended for and then discarded. From the little writing we get out of each chapter they simply do not get enough screen time to be considered aspects or creatures of the world, rather they revolve around Chip. Outside of Lord Sapphire (whom is an excellent dragon), they do not feel complete, which brings me to the next part. The biggest part you can improve upon.
You are for instance, using a third pony perspective, yet until now you have pretty much (outside of two instances) only told Chips part of the story. The third pony perspective is a great tool for delivering many different parts within the same timeline / chapter, and usually the third pony perspective does not delve very far into the emotional realms.
Yet you have elected not to use this perspective to its strengths, and this leads me to believe it was the wrong tool picked for the job, or you are purposely leaving the other parts out for a "Gotcha" moment, or a big reveal. Personally I hate big reveals where I only get to see one part of the reveal. This leads me to the next segment.
Slice of life. Have you checked what you actually tagged your fic as? While you are very much presenting to me a slice of Chips life, this is put within the context of his parents death, and an overarching plot. Each individual chapter sadly does not bear their own weights as chapters within an overarching plot, and this is not how Slice of life is meant to be played.
Slice of life is like aesop tales, or short novels with morals or endings in the end of each chapter. The key part of it is that the setting is persistent while the characters themselves do not evolve. They are merely set-pieces playing different roles each time.
You would do well to read Pink Eyes, and examine the literary techniques Mimezinga has employed to make Pink Eyes. It is very much the same as what you are attempting to do, but has somewhat failed at.
Thank you for reading ^_^
not done the chapter, but mad props for using 'hands.' XP
142566 Like a diamond. Yum.
144503 YES!!!!! So much YES!!!! Wheel of Time is such an AMAZING series. It has just about Everything! I'm almost done with "The Gathering Storm". Actually, I've almost been done with it for a while. I've been taking a break from the series, but still it's Amazing. Speaking of which, do you know if anypony has made a ponification of WoT? Also, have you been to dragonmount.com? I haven't been there recently, but I think that I'll go check it out soon.
Back to this story, I've said it before and I'll say it again: This is a Great story! I am eagerly awaiting more.
145229 I hope so.
145250 Me too. Fiction provides a great and much welcomed escape from "real" life.
147278
For no reason you reply to my comment lulz
Is this still currently being written, or have I damned myself to reading the unfinished?
I know that it's barely been a couple days since the last few posts, but I'd like some reassurance all the same
I approve of this story. I didn't at first. The first three, four chapters, I couldn't get into it. Things seemed like they were moving too quickly, blah blah blah, gripe gripe gripe...
But I'm glad I kept reading. I want to know what happens! So let me just add this to the... *sigh* ...the two dozen other stories I'm following. Jeez. I need to find something more productive to do with my time.
150659
Well I'm glad that, having stuck with it, you like it enough to carry on. At some point I may go back and rewrite this story, but until then I beg you indulgence whilst I share what is essentially then a (hopefully fun, if flawed) first draft.
148781
Yes, still being written.
151137
Jolly good to know. I've made an account just so I can follow some stories. You got me into this who fanfic-reading business, so I hope it all keeps...if, you know, you don't mind or anything
Well, I was not really sure I wanted to comment on this, but, seeing what others have said, I feel I must.
Point one, I gave the story 5 stars, not because its perfict, but, because its, so far, been fun to read. Thats important, and the story gets that rating from me just for that, inspite of the problems. Course, I would have to admit, I am not judging this story as if it was for publication, or something like that, so take it for my personal enjoyment of the story.
Point two, it does feel rather rushed. I would prefer if you took more time and filled in some of the details that are missing, such as the young gryphoness, that seems like she might be a part of Chip's future. You started to create that connection, but, before it could get to be more than somebird you meet at school you break them apart. Same with the school bully, you start something there, and then its droped, and you are left with a vauge unplesent taste on your tongue that is the memory of such. It feels rather unfinnished and lost. Same with a few of the others mentioned in school, thay are ignored after the first incounter, and just about never touched on again. I figured part of that was that this is sorta a first draft of a big project, rather than a finnished and polished story.
Point three. Ok, I do not see why folks are complining so much about the training spikes, too easy it is to come up with reasons and whyfors he has items as such that are sized to fit for the colt. Explination would help, but, there is an implication that the items are 'family' items, and, as stated, training items. As such, I would not be suprised to find that there are actualy several diferent sizes of such in the chest with the spikes. Lest, it would seem reasonable to me that there might be. As such, there would be a good chance that something would be a size to fit Chip. Heck, could be that he took the time to go through a bigger collection and box up for use the stuff that would fit Chip.
Point four. I am unsure exactly what is going to happen with Chip, the dragon+pony thing, but, it feels very much as if Chip is becoming dragon plus pony, much as Spike is Pony plus dragon. It does not mean he will look diferent perhaps. Much as Sharpie said, 'Why can't yo be a pony shaped dragon?'. I think in a way, your loosing out on the disruption and confusion that such a change would bring into a youngsters mind. The spices he would not conceptualize, as thay where not explained to him, and even the rock cake he would probably not properly conceptualize. I expect he would not realy begin to realize that something about himself has changed untell he bites down on that first gem and swallows the sharp shards, without hurting himself. I would like to see more of his confusion and mental instability when this starts to conceptualize in his head. Even if he mostly puts it off as 'something Sharpie is doing', it would be very confusing. Again, I expect a liot of that is that this is a first draft, and your planing to give it a good go over to polish it later.
point 5. His reactions concerning his perents are not so off as some say. A lot depends on how close one is to ones perents. In this modern world, closeness between children and perents is allmost unheard of, thus making it harder for the readers to relate. Also, ponys are not humans. Lest, not modern humans. Thay do not have people trying to murder children just cause the kids are on the street playing. The pony children seem much more capable of self awearness and selfcontrol withoiut the need of a perent figure to guide them every momant of there lives. Look at the CMC after all, thay are clearly younger children, yet look how much time thay spend far far far away from home. You also have to deal with the disasosiation that such an event can bring apon a child. Much as it worries Sharpie, the fact that Chip climbs into bed with him and spends half the night crying, it is a good thing. Even if he is not dealing with it in his councious mind, he is dealing with the events around him in his dreams. As a side note, considering whats happened to him, Chip is very mature, but, again, I expect that is a pony trait. After all, so are the CMC. If you will, think what Applebloom would do if her family was suddenly dead? Or Sweetie Belle? Greif can cause people to respond in strange ways, and dealing with it can be a long and complex things. Heck, 10 years after the fact, I still at times morn my mothers death. Again, I would expect this is something that wil be polished up when the story is given a go over after the first draft is finnished.
Err, i think I will leave it there for now, getting late and I am kinda loosing my train of thought. So if you see a thought train running around, tell the conducter to make a left round Albaqurque and go for about 1000 miles, so as to get back to me. I have not minded the rushed feeling, again, in part cause it feels like a first draft, and it is quite a plesent story so far, lest, its the bones of a good story, still needing the fur and feathers.
160893
That is one long comment! I'll comment a bit, but I thank you even before that.
1) I'm grateful for 5 stars, I'm not convinced they were earned, but if your enjoyment makes you think it rates that, then by all means.
2) Pacing is difficult - I could talk about why things are being ripped apart (as there is a reason) but since it doesn't feel right I have to hope that that feeling of... a bad taste... is more to do with your wishing they'd be back together than a question of why it happened narratively. Yes, you probably should look upon this as a live first draft - that doesn't mean I don't care (I agonize over every chapter, and even constructive criticism gives me pause for thought), and it doesn't mean I won't be going back over it at some point.
3) This is, in fact, the reason. They were for a hatchling dragon, or at least a very young one. I implied this, but it obviously wasn't explicit enough for some.
4) This is a key part of the story - not in what so much as in why, and what it means internally and externally. No, he's not just going to poof turn into a Spike look-a-like, that would be redundant. I'm trying to make it as much a mental thing as physical, but... he's tied up with his parents deaths, so that's what I'm focusing on. That, and pacing, means I haven't explored much further yet, but I will.
5) I thank you for apparently twigging to that without reading my comment earlier - you nailed it.
147278
awesome it's a great story i recommend it i finished book 13.
162279
Ahh, well I was kinda responding to you, and to the people who where complaining. Theres a bunch of folks who are getting really picky about a few minor things. I have a cople friends that are published authors, and, to be honest, there are times the finnished book is nothing like the first draft. In a way, your letting people look into the mind of the author, as he writes the story, so of course things might change. You have also been writing this pretty quickly, wich is nice, cause I want to see the finnished story, still, you know howq t hat goes.
Sorry got to add a few thoughts. To be fair, right at this momant, its probably 3-4 stars. But, I have read your other storys. Its partly why I am pretty sure this is the first draft. I rated based on my enjoyment of the story, and the potential that it has. I also think this is going to be a fairly long story, mostly before you have done short storys. As such, your alowing us, the readers to see the bones of the story, for us to see the evolution of the first draft, and quite likely the growth to the full story over time. There is enjoyment in that, as well.
I've been with her ever since.
Incorrect actually. Word of God says Spike was raised by Celestia.
"Twilight snorted, typical atavism."
IIRC atavism is genetic traits resurfacing after skipping generations. What you're describing with the diamond dogs seems to be along the lines of old European conceptions of "virtue as a prerequisite for wealth, thus wealth implies virtue", but I don't know the word for it (if there is one).
513647
Whelp, checking wikipedia (ikr), the words "cultural atavism" seems to denote a thing which isn't wholly made up out of cloth. I probably wrote it badly, but I meant it as primitive, tribal types of behaviour and the primitive stories to go with it. Twilight, I am insinuating, regards such "barbaric" behaviour as regressive and uncivil. I'm not sure it's entirely in character to be mean, but she would at least know of the subject and wouldn't see the pursuit of stories over real knowledge as a good thing.
"That was really neat" Says Eldenath as I finish reading this chapter to her. She liked the idea of the realm boundaries, and how faery-like the concept is, how fluid the nature of Equestria is here.
"Wow. You need a holiday."
"A what?"
585954
your lucky you have holidays! in Saudi Arabia, we just have sand!
I haven't read the Wheel of Time series, but Nine Realms? That's straight out of Norse myth. (Ásgardr (world of the Aesir), Vanaheimr (world of the Vanir), Álfheimr (elves), Nidavellir or Svartálfheimr (dwarves and dark-elves), Midgardr (humans), Jötunheimr (ice giants), Muspelheimr (fire giants), Niflheimr (dishonoured dead), and Hel (damned and forgotten)). Midgardr is at the center, much like Equestria seems to be.
I can just feel the heartbreak coming, and man is it gonna hurt.
You know, the way I see it, these past few weeks (It has been weeks, right? Or maybe only a few days?) have been both the best and worse of his life. His parents died, which is in itself a traumatizing and life changing experience, but he has been able to experience things that would seem alien to him before - flying, for example. The relationship Chip and Sharptooth seems bittersweet, they make one another happy, but a horrible tragedy had to occur for it to happen.
Moving on, regarding the comments that have so nicely mentioned your "failing". First of all, I wouldn't say anything you've done thus far even comes close to a fail. At worse, I'd say it's just misconcepted or slightly off the mark. There is a rather large gap between failing, and not doing something up to one's standards. I want to touch on Sharptooth and his passivity. Was he being passive when talking to Celestia? Yes, yes he was. Did I think he was grovelling and a being a "beaten dog"? Not anywhere close. I think he fails to understand what was mentioned in the story. These Princesses have the rather awe instilling ability to, apparently, shape the land. I don't even think Lord Sapphire would want to push his luck and possibly, say, piss off the apparent Demi-God over here. That, and Sharptooth knows Celestia, he's a nice guy--obviously--I doubt he'd want to make her upset anyway. As for the exposition and heavy handedness of it. Well, that's what it is, exposition; what else did he want? At least you wrote it as dialogue and not you're own narrative.
Bleh, criticism is all a well and good thing, but at the same time it can be awfully subjective. Everyone has their thoughts and feelings about a story, I enjoy some parts that others don't find appealing, and vice versa. Then again, I tend to let stories play out, and trust that the author has a reason for doing things that they do. Things may seem off in the beginning, that is most likely because they will be set right in the future.
Okay, I'm rambling again, excuse me while I go hide myself in the next chapter. Thanks