A stallion is thrust into the griffon's world of political intrigue and deception. In fact, he's the main target. He doesn't really know why, but what he does know is that he has to get home. His sister is in danger, and he'll do anything to save her. Gilda is lost in her emotions, unsure about her last encounter with Dash, and currently drowning herself in beer. Will her new mission bring her out of her slump, or throw her further in? Will the stallion make it home or will the griffons get him first?
Notes: This story takes place in the universe of Colors, check out my other works if you wish to learn more.
You DO NOT need to read Colors to enjoy this story. There are some references to the events of its universe, mainly why the stallion is there, but nothing that won't be explained further in this story itself.
Character tags will be added when appropriate
(Anyone want to make a picture for this?).
This was a good chapter the only thing I found was in: "He didn’t even bother using his wings to carry her to the back where we placed her sleeping body onto a cot." There isn't supposed to be a we there but other than that this chapter was good
Chapter is also good just a couple of things you can change.
Using his muscular legs, he pushed himself off of the ground and into the air with little effort. you could just put off the ground.
The cot she laid upon was old and rickety, and didn’t at all help with her sense of sight or balance. it suppossed to be didn't help at all.
Her elegant eagle wings enjoyed large and building strides as they pushed her body forward. you could just say building strides.
This was a good chapter and no problems as far as I can see
1255401 appreciative M, grammatically i shall fix it up, but i need deeper. tell me how it reads for you. is there anywhere that you feel is unclear? somewhere you feel lost? post questions, feelings. tell me what you thought of certain passages. reflect upon this work. what emotions drive your eyes to read this?
ok another good chapter and I can't wait to read more
Everything that I read about seems good. Like GIlda getting drinks to forget about rainbowdash thats something I thnk she would totally do. Also I don't know how you did it but you created many different characters and were able to give them names. I dont know about you but I can't create original names for any of my characters. In addition the way you put the messenger griffon out and made him try to tell the guards aout what he heard I kept on screaming no don't do it don't do it. So what I'm trying to say is your story makes me feel every bit of emotion I normally get from reading any other book like laughter, sadness, happiness, curiosness. They way you describe things is just so awesome. (awesome dosn't even to begin to cover it I just cant find a better word to use.)
1264564 aw M, you flatter me. i appreciate the love, truly i do, and its nice to see that you look at my story positively, but i need it crushed. i need things to be wrong. eqd showed me a brief list of only some of the errors and i need to fix everything. still, its nice to know that it can be appreciated as it is.