• Member Since 7th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Nov 14th, 2013

gingercolt


T

Mark and James are brothers, loyal, but when they are seperated after a terrible accident, Mark awakens in Equestria, not knowing where he is or how he got there. Badly wounded, Mark stumbles around for help before collapsing to the ground. beginning to accept his fate, he gives in, only to be saved by the element of kindness. Adapting to his new life is hard, but he just cant cope with losing his one and only brother.

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 11 )

if you like it so far, i've got plenty more chapters that both lengthen the story and character development. this is my first try so be nice, but i do want criticism. also, im only 14, so if theres some fancy writing technique i didnt use that i should have, keep in mind my age. /) BROHOOF

Things seem a bit rushed. A lot of these scenes could have been done slower and elaborated upon more.

yeah i know i does look rushed, but firstly i want to get the basic story finished then i can elaborate on certain areas to improve the effect
thanks for the improvement though:)

realize* Bravo! Good story good sir!

Well, still seems rushed, and I can't see the story going anywhere relevant. Right now it's just a traditional HiE fic.

What im trying to do is build up to something, im not gonna say what it is yet, just wait.

I'll be writing the conclusion tomorrow :)

Way too rushed and the ponies are a bit too accepting, but otherwise good

Meh. Could've been sadder...still good though.
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:pinkiesad2: Beautiful... just beautiful..
i do agree with perception, it could have been slightly sadder, but then again i was crying at chapter 7
Nice job, would love to see future works from you :moustache:

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