What is life? Is it nothing more than the endless search for a cutiemark?
Spike realises there's a pretty noticeable gap in Twilight's otherwise encyclopaedic knowledge - and tries to fill her in. Confusion and embarrassment ensues (of course - this is Twilight we're talking about!).
(Teen rating and sex tag for discussion about sex and pony genitalia, no actual sex.)
EDIT: Featured on 19/3/19 to 23/3/19 - a huge thank you to you all! 
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Not bad. After Spike wakes up he needs to send a letter to Celestia or Cadance. They would be better teachers for her then Spike on these matters.
9516463
Absolutely! Well, Cadance, anyway - I get the feeling everypony's favourite troll probably wouldn't be much better.
Wasn't bad. Twilight's denseness is maybe a tad overplayed, though. That and the actual talk itself wasn't particularly entertaining, coming off a little too clinical, and the only particularly absurd thing happening was Twilight's naivete, a joke that wore a bit thin over the story. That said, there were a number of parts that got a chuckle out of me, I'm glad I read it, and I'll probably read back through it at some point.
9516482
Righto, thanks for the critique - I'll remember that when writing in the future. I'm glad you enjoyed it on the whole!
9516515
Haha! That would make an interesting fic - thoroughly awkward for all concerned!
That got a chuckle out of me.
Though in all seriousness, the most logical and most "Twilight" way to resolve this would be to tell her to immediately run to the nearest library without talking to anyone, and find a book on sexual reproduction...
9516538
Aye, very true! I suspect Spike is wishing he'd done just that.
Okay, that was good - turned my crappy day into a great one.
I especially love how colorful and vivid the imagery of nature is. It's altogether pure and Twilight, poor soul, has that foalish innocence that oddly doesn't really seem out of place in the world of Equestria.
Excellent piece by far!
After reading this story, I'm curious as to how the rest of the mane six, the princesses, and Twilight's family would react if they found out how surprisingly dence she is when it comes to reproduction and anything related to it.
9516558
Why thank you! I'm glad reading it improved your day.
9516568
Aye - I might have to write a sequel in which everypony else discovers just how innocent Twilight actually is!
All that's missing is Rainbow Dash having just happened to hear all this and burst out laughing at the end. Of course, that's only during the earlier seasons as she has mostly matured past that in the later ones.
Mildly surprised Spike is intent on a female dragon. Since, you know, Rarity.
9516617
True - but I think he knows, really, that he doesn't stand a chance with her. And even if he does get with her one day, he'd never be able to have children with her (no matter what Shrek would have you believe!).
9516611
Ha, that would've been good! I can just imagine her appearing from behind a tree: "Bwahahaha!"
Oh dear Celestia, if he hadn't added that last part....
Twilight: "But.....I love all my friends..."
Spike: *Fainted and my need a revival*
9516518
Applejack told me about those beautiful kirins... Oh how the fashion world would shatter If I Rarity would have such fashionable foals!
I like!
Her creative genius strikes again!
until they burp fire!
9516568
Shinning Armor would probably be the only one ok with that.
Well, that was different. I've seen plenty of fics where it's Twilight explaining this to Spike, but never the other way around before. The funny thing is that it all still seems weirdly plausible.
Personal opinion, but instead of having Twilight just flat-out not knowing, which seems weird considering she's the pony that wants to know everything, she instead consciously chose not to learn it, perhaps aware of the sensitivity of the subject, and because she had steered herself away from the subject so thoroughly, she ended up leaving herself so very ignorant on the matter.
All said, though, I think Spike handled it okay, especially as impromptu it all was.
9516651
I think he was foreseeing a "That sounds fun, let's try it Spike!" sort of moment.
9516653
That's another interesting idea - an Kirin and Ponies interbreed? I wonder. . .
9516657
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed his suffering! As for her ignorance - I think you might be right. Maybe her parents are a bit prudish and tried to steer her away from such topics.
"So when does the mare lay her eggs?"
"..."
"And how many? Because I've seen couples with one or two foals, but I've never seen more than about three. And how long does she have to sit on them before they hatch into a foal?"
"I think..." Spike closed his eyes and took a deep breath before getting out a piece of parchment and a quill. "Let's get a higher authority involved, shall we? Please?"
(some time later)
"So, my inquisitive student, I understand you have some questions about..." Celestia paused and looked around the library to make sure they were alone. "How foals are made." She cleared her throat, took a brief glance at where Spike was tapping one clawed foot, and continued. "Who do you think we should ask?"
(Naturally, I consider myself an authority on the question of alicorn reproduction since I’ve written stories where all of the Mane 6 give birth at the same time, where Twilight has a little teaspon/tablespoon mixup with her birth control potion, and where Princess Twilight Sparkle lays an egg and teaches *everypony* in Equestria just how infant alicorns come into the world.)
9516708
Haha! That's perfect! Trust Celestia to be just as clueless. . .
Hope there's going to be a sequel where Spike explain to his friends that he explained to Twilight about sex and their reactions.
9516627
Then where do Kirin come from?
9516725
That's a good idea - I might have to write that. . .
Loving the profile art, by the way!
9516727
"Well." Spike swallowed nervously. "It's like this, you see. When a mummy and daddy Kirin love each other very, very much. . ."
As someone who has been in Twilight's position though perhaps younger at the time, and actually had a conversation that almost contained some of the exact lines in this fic, I don't really think it is that weird Twilight doesn't know this sort of stuff. I always wondered how everyone always already knew this stuff. We didn't have a sex ed class that I recall and especially not so young as to when everyone felt they need to tell me, in far more detail than needed, what was involved.
9516627
Not just Shrek but quite a lot of fantasy has it dragons can interbreed with pretty much anything.
9516739
Aye, I know what you mean - I was never taught any of this stuff as a child. It's amazing what one can pick up on life's highway! I'm not a fan of the modern trend for teaching primary-school age children about sex, it's just not right. They should live out their childhoods in innocence, in my opinion!
9516728
On Trixie's Birthday!
Quite amusing. Twi knows about magic...and that's about it.
9516748
Trixie's birthday?
9516762
Yup! I'm thinking the subject wasn't mentioned at all by her parents, and obviously she spent most of her adolescence and early adulthood at Celestia's School for
Witchcraft and WizardryGifted Unicorns, where I doubt they really wished to broach the issue!9516748
If you write that fic please oh please let it start with him going to beg one of the others for alcohol to erase that day from his memory!
Twilight is hopeless.
9516808
Yup - that pretty much sums her up. Adorable? Yes. Totally lovable? Yes. But hopeless? Also yes.
Wait, who gave Spike the talk? Celestia?
9516834
Life's highway, I reckon. A book somewhere, maybe (of dubious taste, perhaps?)?
Who would be the best one?
Maybe Rarity or Cadance? Or someonce completely else?
Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.
Also, have an fitting comic dub:
9516886
Ha! That's jolly apt. As for who would be best to teach her. . . I'm not sure. Probably Cadance, as she'll have the most in-depth knowledge, and has the advantage of knowing Twilight well.
My roast is ruined!
9516946
You got it, kiddo!
Well that is a bold faced lie considering Pony genetics only have a long distance relationship to whimsical notions such as logic.
9517057
Haha! Too true. . .
Spike should have just made a letter and sent it to Celestia post haste asking her for help.
He could have also gotten Twilight’s parents to help out with the explanation.
9517101
Potentially - but then, given how none of them thought to mention any of this to her when she was younger, it's questionable whether they would've been willing to help!
Whelp. I was NOT expecting that ending. Though this was certainly an amusing little distraction. Oh Twilight....how naive you are. What's sad is I could actually see this happening. Either that, or only in some abstract way, without really understanding it as anything OTHER than making foals. No understanding of the pleasure and intimacy that comes from it.
9516886
#1 You comic dub was GREAT!
#2 I think Rarity would be TERRIBLE. That girl is overly dramatic and would probably fill her head with some crazy ideas. I mean I love Rarity, but...for something like this? I'd DEFINITELY pick someone else.
Celestia would be....less than ideal. Often times too cryptic and isn't the best at being direct.
Luna would be.....even worse. She'd be OVERLY direct and enthusiastic! I mean...I would imagine she would do a LOT of TMI that could scar poor Twilight for LIFE!