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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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9683106
Thank you. I will fix it .
I'm loving this story. It's quite unlike anything I've read before.
Go for the Elements, Twilight. The Amulet has... side-effects.
9697238
Hopefully Twilight won't learn it the hard way... or won't she?
Interesting.
Can I recommend looking at Unwin Peake from ASOIAF? He was also a scheming regent with zero scruples.
The villains are good so far but be careful about making them obvious. A villain is most frightening when they can easily hide their mean streak.
The captain of the guard too. Develop how he might be feeling, if his thoughts are conflicted and what Everlight might do if he finds out they are.
9883909
Thanks, I'll think about your words
Oh, what's this is Blueblood going to be an interesting character in this story checks the character tags mmm.... no probably not...
So yeah judging by the tag this will be the last we see of Blueblood, but hey he at least got to be shown as helpful.
10000009
You'll see more of him in unreleased yet chapters, though he won't be a main character.
This beginning felt a bit too fast, also it really pushes my suspension of belief that Twilight would not call for help to deal with the issue of poisoning. And if they are in as corrupt government for that to be an idea it pushes it also to believe that the King would be so much of a tool to not have people close to him who would be loyal to him.
And then we go straight to torture and ponies enjoying doing it... it is a bit much for the beginning in my mind at the least. Way too convenient incompetency and a bit too much forced darkness in the start of it.
Is just my thoughts at this point, take them as you will.
10158005
I made some mistakes there in the beginning, yes.
Hopefully I learned from them.
Heh, I'm not sure whether I enjoyed that or not. Sure, it's fantastic to see such a different twist to the story. But it's also painful to watch as an innocent pony gets accused of crimes and manipulated like that. Not to mention the fact that she honestly has no idea if she could/should trust ANYPONY in Canterlot right now, including Blueblood. I guess that just means that her getting out of there is all the more important.
Still, I can't help but wonder about the politics that might've led up to poisoning and betrayal like that. Interesting stuff. Very game of thrones-like!