From One Hell To Another
An ashen snow fell on the carriage as it raced through the night. It's sophisticated and elegant look was so uncommon around this part of Manehattan, as the richer folk stayed uptown and away from the industrial zones. However, tonight was different. This time, it would not be returning to where it once rested.
The rickety wheels came to a grinding halt outside a small, dark apartment complex. The only light for miles around was a solitary street lamp that hung above a rusting metal picnic table. This place could literally be called the ghetto. The only hint of life in this dark and dirty rat hole was the grey filly stepping out of the carriage. She shivered as the first flakes of snow landed on her back and she quickly pulled a large instrument case from inside of the cab. They had been forced to sell almost everything, but she would not part ways with her cello.
"Is everything alright, Octavia?" An older mare stepped down from the cab, a hooded cloak hiding multiple scars and wounds on her face and body. The past few weeks have been hell on everyone in Octavia's family.
"Yes mother, just....homesick I guess." She gazed up at the sky, the moon partly visible behind the rolling clouds of the snowstorm. The snow fell silently upon her face as she nipped at bugs floating around her. She didn't like it here, the bugs annoyed her, the air was thick and hard to breath and the ground was so dirty. It was a veritable hell.
"I know but we had to leave, for your own safety. You know how....out of hand your father was getting." She knew her mother was right. For the past few months her dad has been becoming more and more violent. One night especially he raped her and nearly beat her mother to death. He was an asshole and she despised him, cursing his very existence.
"Yeah, i do." She looked down and grabbed her suitcase, dragging in to the desolate doorway of her new living space. Stepping through the doorway, she looked around. The furniture within the walls where decent, but not what she was used to. The couch was torn and was obviously worn out, but it was something none the less.
"Ok, off to bed little filly. You have school first thing tomorrow." Her mother knew that by sending her daughter to bed, she would play her cello for an hour before she passed out. Although, it has been a long last few days. Maybe she would just go straight to bed for the first time in years.
"Ugggh, fine. Goodnight mother." She walked up and pecked her mother's cheek before dragging her cello down the hall to her room, or at least what her mother had called her room. It wasn't that her room was bad, it just wasn't the same. It may have all her posters of her favorite Equestrian musicians and her many awards, but it still didn't feel like home.
She slowly unpacked her bags and sat on her bed withdrawing the bow from its case. She found comfort in the sound of the rosin gliding over the hairs, donated of course, and the cloud of dust that flung from the strings as she dragged the bow across them. She may not have had many friends and was labeled a geek even by high class society, it didn't matter. As long as she had her cello, she could care less.
She glided her bow across the strings playing her favorite piece, The Ursa Minor Orchestra's "Ode to the Moon Mare in E minor", closing her eyes. She didn't need to see the music, she could feel it as it flowed from the motions of her hooves. The sweet smell of her rosin cloud reaching her, the bow flowing over the strings with such grace that the finest hairs on her bow wouldn't even dare to break.
She has always had a talent for music, but not always how the other ponies liked. She may have fit in with the older generation, who's appreciation for classical music was the only way she could relate to them. Among the younger generation, even in the higher class citizens across Equestria, she was an outcast. They only cared about what is that hideous pop music that hurt her ears. To much bass, too much keyboard and too much noise. That kind of music disgusted her. She couldn't stand the constant repetitive beat and the utter lack of sophistication. Not to mention she would always get roped into night clubs. Those stinky, sweaty and all together nasty cesspool they call 'fun'. Disgusting!
She stopped mid-way through the prelude when a tapping at her window drew her attention away from the music. A quick flash look in the windows direction gave her the last images of a unicorn's silhouette darting from the ledge. She bolted to the window pushing the glass panes outward careful not to crack them anymore than they were.
"Hello?" She looked around in the black stillness of the night. She shook her head, " I must be hallucinating." She turned and walked back to her bed packing her instrument up in its leather case and carefully placing it in her closet. She trotted back in forth for a few moments wondering if she really saw what was hanging outside her window.
I must be going crazy, but it seemed so real. Those eyes though, did I imagine them too? She settled into her bed and nuzzled her pillow. She jumped up and ran to her backpack, withdrawing a small plush bear she had since she was a baby. She settled back in and drifted to sleep trying to rid her mind of what she thought she saw staring through the window.
The image of those two blood red eyes staring hungrily at her through the cracked glass,but as they darted away she noticed something hidding behind them.
Loneliness......
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good so far... i would like to see more
1055605 o trust me this is gong to be a good 30 chapter story, so more will come and possible sequels
That was quite interesting. I must say it does grab my attention though. I was overly excited to put things together to figure out that it was Vinyl looking through the window.
I didn't notice enough errors to keep me from enjoying it though. 
Nice details in the story. I got lots of the feelings portrayed, and I could really see some of the environment well done! Like, favored and watched! Hopefully I can see more of this great story! Keep up the splendid creativity! Have a great day!
P.S I was reading this to a friend over Skype, and I couldn't stop giggling at "he raped her"
1055644 Thank you very much! I understand the errors and being an amateur at fiction writing its bound to happen. I am getting an editor and I will update chapters with fixed errors as soon as possible. There is way more to come and i hope i don't disappoint any pony in the future.
BTW.....
nice mustache
I can relate to this a lot already and instantly grabbed my attention. I favorites and looking forward to updates.
Now I may be just be going by the title alone, since it's 1:40 where I am and I am in no shape to be reading, but have you seen the Swedish vampire movie Let The Right One In? It is one of my favorite movies, and that's what really grabbed my attention. I shall read this, tomorrow! *passes out*
Well so far so good lets see how this goes
1055777 I have read the book, but i have seen the american version Let Me In. There will be a good bit of variation to keep it original and some elements from other vampire movies (except for Twilight I wouldn't even touch that movie with a 39 1/2 ft. pole). But the over-all creepy feeling that Let The Right One In gave is where most of the visual imagery is going to come from. Other than that you might see some thing that weren't in the book or any of the movies, but in general i will follow the pattern of the book/movie.
Finally read it. Off to a good start, Count!
Very well done, great start. Now to see where we go from here.
Good start, great description of the events unfolding. I especially like the way you started it off and the way you ended it. But, I just think that it could have been just a little longer, perhaps building some more around the bond between Octavia and her mother? Or just expand a little on the way she played her cello.
I noticed one thing, though.
'"Yeah, i do." She looked down and grabbed her suitcase, dragging in to the desolate doorway of her new living space.'
You missed to capitalize the 'I'. Other than that, I was greatly intrigued by this. Have a fav and a like!
1191658 Thank you and I have been looking over similar ideas, but this is only the start and i will expand on the mother/daughter relationship throughout and how the events that happen test that bond and my editor is back so she is going to revise a lot of it today and tomorrow so hopefully any errors will be fixed
1216774 More coming out this week...just got to find the time