Starlight is out for a walk, and while out for a walk comes across the local human, who had recently gone missing. He's picked up at least one bad habit.
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- Member Since 4th May, 2017
- offline last seen April 18th
Cackling Moron
"Fluff" in the same way what collects under the sofa is fluff.
Cackling Moron
Joined 4th May, 2017 ·
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Cackling Moron · 7.8k words · 304 6 · 5.2k views
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Now, I'm really curious as to how long can they keep Twilight from finding out he's there.
9462170
With apologies to Jack Prelutsky, whose poem, An Elephant is Hard to Hide, I have shamelessly nicked adapted:
A human being is hard to hide,
he's rather tall, and fairly wide,
he occupies a lot of space,
you can't just hide him anyplace.
It's quite an unrewarding chore
to try and cram him in a drawer,
a closet's somewhat better, but
you're apt to find the door won't shut.
A human being beneath your bed
will manifest both foot and head,
and in the tub, there's little doubt
that he will soon be singled out.
A human being won't simply sit,
he tends to move about a bit,
This trait, when coupled with his size
makes him a nightmare to disguise.
A human being, if kept around
Is almost certain to be found,
the Princess may suspect one's near
when pastries start to disappear.
A human being is hard to hide,
I know it's so, because I've tried,
Twilight should detect mine soon...
I brought him home this afternoon.
9462090
Nope
So he waited
I like where this is going.
Can I say it? I'll say it.
DAAAAAwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.......*wheeze*gasp*hack*cough*
He finished the reference! HA!
Starlight: "Twilight, a stray animal followed me home. Can I keep it?"
9462451 What? What was that a reference to?
Usually I’m not a fan of the HiE genre, but I like how Starlight was portrayed. Thanks!
9462654
Its in reference to "The Princess Bride". Good movie, lots of adventure, swashbuckling, villainy. All that good stuff. You can skip the mushy stuff if you like.
Thanks a lot for getting Phil Collins stuck in my head.
9462797
Yes! Someone got it!
9462747
I don't mind so much.
I would very much like more of this.
9462802
Though my heart might tell me so
9463375
tv80s.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/genesis-thats-all.jpg
This actually confused me. I thought it was the beefy boi story at first,
9463472
I know, right? I got a couple things I incorporate into this stuff and I'm like a dog with a fucking bone - I ain't letting go!
The ones with Jack the unusually naked guy are, uh, gestating. Like the Heart of Darkness.
Yes. His self-righteous posturing about being so near help and refusing it made him an annoying character I wish had actually been eaten by the wolves, especially for use in a one-shot story that spends so long just getting the human to follow Starlight. It does not feel complete, more like an in media res introduction to a larger story. Also is he really going to go more nights with an open wound after dumpster diving without even a bandage...?
I'm interested in a continuation should you decide to.
God-damn you for giving me the narrative equivalent of blue balls.
;)
"Story Complete", my ass.
This was a successful elevator pitch, not a story.
9463530
He's actually dying of septicemia the whole time. Which wouldn't be a surprise...
9462090
Some people just enjoy writing the same exact concept six times.
9464539
Or sixteen-odd times, either way.
9462802
I mean seriously, I'd really like it to stop now.
9464284
Luckily for him the continued opportunities to thwart senseless acts of kindness in regards to himself are keeping him healthy enough to live on. Besides, tis' but a scratch. He's had worse.
...although, if the doctor tempts him with a nice lolly, he's doomed!
Great read! Would like to see more!
You made me like Starlight, this is unforgivable.
As recompense I demand moar
I think it's great how a former creepy cult leader is now the most adorable thing.
9463530
This is a fairly common 'trait' of the many random people that get dumped into horsland. And it makes no sense to me whatsoever.
9468277
I always pictured it as a blend of being overwhelmed at having been dumped in such an odd place crossing with the inescapable impression that they've become a burden and all the cheerful locals are helping only on sufferance, but I'd likely be biased.
He is a bit of a prick, to be fair.
9468288
Tbh, if I ended up somewhere weird where nothing was familiar to the point it was overwhelming, and folk there were willing to spend the time and effort to not only set me up with somewhere to live, but teach me what I needed to get by, I'd be over the moon.
Having someone throw all that back in the faces of those offering help, is honestly beyond rude.
That is more-or-less the conclusion I draw from this behaviour, whether the author intends it or not.
Maybe we're all biased by our respective cultures and/or values?
I saw it as he simply cracked, and his brain went FWEEEEP.
Nicely done.
I'll keep an eye on this one.
9468334
Urgh... thing is, I can completely understand his reaction. The absolute level of soul-crushing guilt and anxiety that I'd be feeling in such a situation would just be eating me inside-out. I couldn't accept anything like this just out of hand, I'd need to do things to make up for it, or I'd be falling apart all over the place and feeling utterly, abysmally awful.
9494271
I'd feel the exact same way. Even more so if I'm told that I don't need to repay them for their help and kindness. I'd feel like my soul and physical being were being crushed and torn and would be almost close to feeling depressed if I was unable to repay them. Any form of help to them would give me peace of mind.
Greater men?
It's beautiful.
I can understand his attitude, but not his reaction.
I would be asking 'What can I do in return?' If they said it's not necessary, I explain why it is, that it feels like taking advantage of them, and it's kind of a cultural thing to want to repay them for their help. It may not be logical, but feelings generally aren't.
9523852
I rather agree. I can feel his reticence about getting all this help but him freaking out is a little rich for my blood.
Then again, I like to think the story isn't saying it's cool, it's just saying this guy did this and then this happened.
But then I would say that...
♪ I could leave, but I'll just stay.♪
♪All my stuff's here anyway.♪
Can we get a continuation or a sequel? This is adorable and I LOVE it!
The entire way he's behaving just reeks of some sort of guilt, man. He mentions getting stabbed - I wouldn't be suprised if he died (and ended up in Equestria) during a robbery he was committing, for instance. At the very least, it feels like something just like that.
Or maybe he failed to help someone... survivor's guilt... Things like that play heavy-handed tricks on the mind. And, you know, going to Equestria - a virtual paradise in comparison - would probably only compound the issue unimaginably: he'd probably feel like he was being rewarded for the biggest mistake/failure of his life... Everything about it would feel sick.
In any case, this shit's heavy. Whatever he did, failed to do - the demons he entertains are something years of therapy will not fully fix. One of the things that never truly go away.
9646806
Funnily enough I was tinkering with the continuation of this today.
And personally, I never imagined it being anything especially awful. Just a general malaise and a sense that he's squandered every opportunity passed his way and in so doing disappointed and failed everyone who ever put faith in him or helped him, leaving him wallowing in a rut he feels he deserves. Or something like that. Write what you know.
Only mentions the risk of being stabbed, too. Which isn't such a big deal, really. A couple years ago around here a young man was out in town of a night - as one is wont to be - and was offered some drugs to buy. He refused, and so he was stabbed in the face. That's just the sort of thing that happens sometimes.
Not often, agreeably, but still.
9646855
I know exactly what you mean. On both counts. There was a guy here that got stabbed (and died) because he didn't have $2 a hobo was asking for.
But, you know, that sort of refusal to just accept some help... it doesn't come from something like that, I think. If you're just squandering (often only realizing it years down the line), you just eventually learn to accept that you're a failure and just roll with it.
I'm sorry, but the way you've written this guy... his behavior is shrieking "atoner", with a fair bit of psychosis mixed in (I mean, I can get 'not accepting happiness', but running away from basic utilities?). And what better dramatic clash than having him want to atone for something that wasn't even his fault? The "failed to" bit works really well in these stories - yes, it's a somewhat familiar literary device, but it works.
Fun little fact: I don't think I've seen a good story about a real atoner, around here. Everyone ends up being innocent of whatever they thought they did, and the ponies do their best to make them accept that "it wasn't their fault". I want a real atoner, you know? One that has to come to grips that he will not forgive himself - that day is not coming - but maybe he can still do good, maybe his life doesn't need to be over now... maybe helping others is the least he could do.
I wonder how ponies would react to a situation where the MC actually is guilty... and how they'd try to reconcile that knowledge with their own desire to see him happy? Because, you know, they've only known him since his arrival, and he's been someone they'd want to be happy, they'd believe deserved happiness... You know... someone you like? You know they did wrong, and you know they did something that doesn't just go away... but at the same time, you can't bring yourself to want this person to suffer, because you like this person... they're okay...
this pleads for a sequel!
9677520
Funny you should say that...
9677525
It's just that I really liked your story!
Andy needs to be sent to a psychologist becuase he's sick in the head.
People trying to give you help and you basically rather spit in someones face and become as close as possibly is to a diseased ridden hobo? I can't even begin to get into that mindset.
9687633
He's not a happy bunny, but he's getting better.