I like the idea and I am looking forward to the incest and MILF lovin' to come, but I would suggest finding an editer. This whole first chapter read like a very rough draft and needs a good top to bottom revision.
i have to say. The concept here is really intriguing. I do think you should look into an editor, however. The grammar is quite bad during a lot of this chapter, and it hurts a clopfic even more than a regular fic when the reader has to read over the same lines two or three times to figure out what was trying to be said because of run-on sentences or lack of grammar.
One would start having dirty thoughts, but to be frank. I was laughing. Having to know Sunburst's reaction to this event, and his mother to flirt with him. That is funny to me. I do hope to see more.
Comment posted by Rais_Neko deleted Feb 14th, 2019
The last to walk in was someone He know far too well, whom, he would’ve lost his virginity too if he hadn’t met Cadence, whom His father, had given him permission for these meeting’s and in fact brought him to the society that managed to open some opportunity in for Honoring the family legacy. It was His mother, Twilight Velvet.
What? Who gives who permission for what? Did Night light give Shining permission to date Cadance? Did Cadance give permission for Shining to go or did Night Light give his wife permission to go?
media.tumblr.com/52cea8464266170c7a52df45b1a94a21/tumblr_inline_mfi5vhwNQY1rtf8yz.gif
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Lol I guess you like it?
For the spoils it's [/spoilers]
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I fixed it
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Welcome
I like the idea and I am looking forward to the incest and MILF lovin' to come, but I would suggest finding an editer. This whole first chapter read like a very rough draft and needs a good top to bottom revision.
I'm curious to see where this goes.
Statement: I saw milf. GIVE IT TO ME!
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Lol and you shall have it XD in the next chapter you'll be watching a couple of hot milfs XD
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Statement: Fall onto the MILF side!
i have to say. The concept here is really intriguing. I do think you should look into an editor, however. The grammar is quite bad during a lot of this chapter, and it hurts a clopfic even more than a regular fic when the reader has to read over the same lines two or three times to figure out what was trying to be said because of run-on sentences or lack of grammar.
Alas. It is at times like this that I wish the artist source also provided a link to the artist, rather than just a name that eludes my googlefu.
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Heh sorry though if it helps type in e621 and the name im sure you'll find said artist
One would start having dirty thoughts, but to be frank. I was laughing. Having to know Sunburst's reaction to this event, and his mother to flirt with him. That is funny to me. I do hope to see more.
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It's actually Hobbes Maxwell, rather than Hobbs Maxwell. Took me a while to realize that. :P
What? Who gives who permission for what? Did Night light give Shining permission to date Cadance? Did Cadance give permission for Shining to go or did Night Light give his wife permission to go?
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It's more like both of them heh somewhat explained in the other chapters
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It's 'pact' with mistakes
Wow. The spelling is terrible. Pact, packed and so on. Need a grammar checker.