- Member Since 7th Jun, 2017
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
Dr Sharaz Jek
Cynically Pretentious Hedonistic Nihilist...and those are my nicer qualities!
Dr Sharaz Jek
Joined 7th Jun, 2017 ·
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Dr Sharaz Jek · 2.6k words · 3.2k views
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This was great. I honestly say out of all your stories this series has had the best pacing and overall flow of any of the ones you have done so far. I can SEE the progression in still from how you started to now with this one and I am happy you did it. I really hope you keep this going. You have done more or less the hard part, you made the herd. NOW is the fun part where you can just write fun little clop scenes with Spike and the girls as you see fit. You have your herd you don't need to add any more but as we already scene there are situations where some might come into play. Hell I would love to see each tell their family about their herds. And just more of this interesting couple you have made.
9441952
Thank you! Not sure whether I'll follow this up or set a certain idea I had for it in another continuity should I write it; I had an idea for a surprise character in this story, but the problem is making it work without seeming too contrived. Hesitant to say more in case I do it as not to spoil the surprise. Let's just say it would involve a certain IDW comics creation in a dream sequence...
Having them meet all their families would be pretty tough on me so I avoided that; I have written Shining Armor and Cadance lots before so they wouldn't be too difficult I think, but I'm not sure I could manage Granny Smith or Twilight's parents too well! Besides, I'd rather leave a bit to the imagination.
good story.
Wait, is this Alicorn Twi or Unicorn Twi?
9443323
Alicorn, not sure what the official stance is but I'm going with the idea Twilight's life span hasn't increased by much if any after her transformation. I'm thinking Celestia and Luna are exceptions for whatever reason to make them more Goddess- like in my continuity; Cadance won't be incredibly long-lived either.
He should add one more: Zecora.
9443558
Zecora's cool, but in this continuity I don't think she'd go for it! Might follow up this story with someone else (of sorts) though!
More fantastic fics to add to my growing collection. Thank you for these wonderful stories and I hope to see more in the future. Brohoof /)(\
9443661
Thank you for reading, favoriting, and commenting! It helps a ton so I know I'm not just writing into the void!
9443475
As an Alicorn, I assume that they will have a really long life span which would be compared to dragons or older. The reason is that she holds greater power than regular unicorns but she is still training/researching that is why she still getting guidance.
9445130
While Meghan McCarthy's word doesn't trump whatever Hasbro deems canon she said when asked Twilight won't outlive all her friends, which is what I choose to go with until the show blatantly contradicts it. (And even then I'd probably just make it more clearly AU as I'm not fond of immortal Twi; I honestly prefer her as a unicorn.)
But hey, a reader is free to imagine Twi is wrong if they prefer the Twilight takes over Celestia's role idea!
Great with the characterization.
However that sex was a little disorienting. With sex like this when they move a lot you need to ensure very accurate descriptions. Also maybe add a few descriptions of their positions. Like if they are chest to back or chest to chest.
I would also like to see some other sex than just intercourse. Maybe a proper spanking with of course groping included. Or maybe have one of the mares use a strap-on. Perhaps also one where Spike takes complete control over his herd and roleplays as a slavemaster. I think it would be best if you included a new form of sex in every chapter to keep mixing it up.
9495706
Good suggestions. Description has always been difficult for me, but hopefully I'm improving with practice. I like your ideas for kinks; I'm a big fan of seeing girls get spanked so that definitely appeals! I'm also the type of reader who prefers strap-ons vastly over futa, so I might work that in sometime.
9495768
Sex scenes can very easily be disorienting. How I usually do it is add a massive amount of descriptions for everything. Then remove most that are superfluous. However a few moments where the character is appreciating their partner can serve as an excuse to help describe their position to make it more clear to the readers:
"As he was fully hilted he looked upon her beautiful form. Her soft and warm back against his tough scales and completely at his mercy. It was a power granted to him and as he groped her breasts he was making full use it."
9495774
That's good advice. I'm often way too literal with my descriptions, I think; I can be creative with ideas but could definitely use help in that area as I tend to just state what's happening without a bunch of flourish.
9495796
Try to have sentences say more than 1 thing. The example I gave was about both describing their position and Spike's realization of the helplessness of his partner.
9495799
I'll keep that in mind, thank you!
9495805
I do hope you will do a proper spanking as right now it really seems like an afterthought. That he puts them in a prime position, uses a paddle and that you also describe their flank getting red and sore in detail.
9495848
Definitely would love to, but admittedly I only like barehanded spanking; the whole paddle thing does nothing for me, but I do go outside my comfort zone when it seems appropriate.
9495863
Well more important than the paddle is the way of spanking. I mean right now the 'spanking' is just a few slaps during fucking. I mean a proper spanking which means in position and dozens of hard slaps in rapid succession.
9495869
Love the idea, not sure if most of my readers are particularly into spanking like I am but I hope so!
9495878
You can also add some groping to it. Like once he has them crying he starts groping their ass cheeks and their slits. Of course adding additional spanks to make sure they don't lose the focus on the pain.
9495879
Might do that with Rarity, but I'm trying to avoid the roughest stuff with Twilight, while AJ would probably playfully dish it back if he tried it!
9495883
I actually think Twilight would fit best. Maybe she feels guilty about something and so he, as her alpha helps eleviate that guilt. Maybe she has been spanked by Celestia as a filly and so being spanked by Spike evokes a sense of nostalgia with her. I mainly think you should try to get a different emotion than you have previously and spanking Rarity will just lead to the same mix of pain and pleasure from before. I think a sense of love and guilt would be a great thing and show his dedication to his herd.
9495891
That's a sexy idea; may use it. Admittedly may not have much room for it since all the mane six plus a bunch of others will be showing up for what I intended to be the finale. Of course nothing ever goes to plan for me so I'll see!
9495910
Try to also put in more feels.
9495925
Will try to!
You’re telling me that he has the ability just to hold it all back at will?!
Dayum, that takes skill.
9613941
To some extent, although if his partners started working him more they'd likely push him over the edge!
9614917
Can’t disagree with you there
tatty her try tête try try
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9845379
Man, I really should go back and fix those typos!
Um, ouch?
9905352
Applejack's a pro!
9905382
No crossing the dicks!
9917662
Heh, well Spike enjoyed it at least!