Ever get that feeling that the world doesn't make sense? Perhaps greater powers than you can comprehend are guiding your actions. Or could it be that the 'rules' of the world don't seem to conform to how things should be. If nothing else, maybe its just that your companions are somehow finding ways to derail the path of fate with you caught along for the ride.
This is a story of the character Amber who tries to survive the shenanigans of her DM, as well as the craziness of her own party!
Chapters (6)
Good so far but i think you should explain this bones character a bit more. He seems a bit hollow so far. Also, here is an error i found.
Clothes is spelt wrong.
Based purely off of the prologue alone, this seems to have really good pacing. I hope this wont change. Keep it up! I look forward to seeing more.
Lmao. I still remember you guys talking about this.
Please dont do this. It breaks from the immersion. I get that it is the thoughts of the character, but this is the least pleasing way of portraying thoughts. I suggest you rewrite this part.
The use of parentheses is unnecessary here. Since it is portraying an emotion like sarcasm, it can be emphasized by italics.
Will this story always be updated two chapters at a time?
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Unfortanatly not (unless I somehow do really well, it should be once a month.
>This is a story of the character Amber who tries to survive the shenanigans of her DM, as well as the craziness of her own party!
Which ruleset?
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A bit of a custom actually. We tried using a watered down version of the original Fallout rules, but it didn't work. We then used the Fantasy Flight Star Wars system to custom build a hybrid of the two.
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Gotcha, thanks. I do believe I know of it, not my cup of tea. FoE PnP is crunchy, sadly.
I am a bit uncertain about this story. Normally can you feel P&P stories a mile away with how over the top the plot becomes, and how it is multiple people with very different agendas there tell a story and not just one, but I think that I like this story... I do just not hope that there are more to the explody guy than explosions.
So stable 66 was the perfect kindergarden that you got thrown out of when you were 15... How many wanna bet that the teens that got thrown out were fucking like bunnies and then sending the foals inside the stable so they didn't need to take care of them, or rather was never thought how to take care of them because the AI did it?... Only me? Ohh well, I must have a grimdark mind then.
Sounds like fun was had around the table, and I are looking forward to hear more about why the civvies were working with raiders of all people. And for a water chip... I mean could it be more FoE cliche
Nitpicks:
"He yelled out a number of obscenities in response which I didn't care to repeat. " Is it not a comment to the reader, which would mean it should be in present tense?
"and I allowed myself a moment fantasy as being the ‘most powerful pony in the stable.’" Feels like there is missing something here.
" So your stable has been chosen to perform a special experiment to ensure that the failures of the past don’t repeat themselves." Its lacking one of those " in the end
"After my third try I finally got through the system security" Should it not be the other way around?
" I couldn’t help but noticed that a large number of the bullets initially missed their target as he got back up and nearly made it behind cover before a bullet from Pincer own pistol slowed him down enough for Gil to finally land a killing blow." Delete the d